Going Long (19 page)

I slid from the back of the
truck to throw my plate in a nearby trash can, purposely walking the long way
around to avoid Jason’s attention. I paused afterward for a while, to watch
through the windows of the truck as Dylan introduced Buck to Jenny. He smiled
at her warmly, bringing her into a friendly hug quickly.

“She’s Dylan’s cousin,” I
reminded myself. “And the Nichols are like family. It’s nothing. The hug means
nothing.”

I leaned against the truck for a
while longer, just wanting a few minutes alone to settle my thoughts, when I
was startled.

“So, I suppose you and I should
meet,” I heard an unfamiliar voice say from behind me. I jumped a little and
turned around to see Jenny’s perfect smile. Damn, she had a nice smile. It was
warm and honest, the kind that could charm any man into giving her anything she
wanted, and frankly, I was pretty sure I would give her anything, too. She just
stretched out her hand, and I shook it, her grip firm but feminine, just like
Dylan’s.

“Hi…uh…hi, I’m Nolan,” I said,
suddenly wishing I’d stayed home. She just giggled a little at my awkwardness,
and I hung my head a bit in shame.

“Yes, I know who you are. Dylan
told me about you. You’ve known Reed for a long time, right?” she said, pulling
a band from her wrist and twisting her hair into a bun on top of her head.

“Yeah, since high school,” I
said, my insides screaming that I was his girlfriend, that we were in love,
that we were going to be together forever. But I kept that all in my head,
because I wasn’t so sure about any of it anymore.

“Well, it’s really nice to meet
you. I’m in the box, with Dylan, so maybe I’ll see you after the game. We’re
going to stick around for Reed,” she said with a wink as she walked away.

What the hell did any of that
mean? Why was she here? Why was she sticking around for Reed? Was he expecting
her?

Sarah’s pep talk to me had
suddenly lost all of its power, and I felt flat and discarded. I slumped back
over to my friends and remained silent until we got to our stadium seats.

I looked for Dylan and Jenny throughout
the game, checking all of the skyboxes, but it was too hard to spot them from
our crowded seats near the field. I forgot where I was for a moment with ASU’s
fight song starting to play, but remembered quickly enough when the crowd
around me began to
boo
. I stopped my clapping, and put my hands in my
pockets, making a funny face at Sarah who had started to scream and cheer,
until she realized we were in enemy territory, too.

When the Wildcats took the
field, Reed was leading the charge. I had missed a few games since we hadn’t
been talking, and watching him run out next to Trig, his body pumped with
energy, and his face serious, reminded me of how proud I was of this man. He’d
always been a natural. I knew it the first time I saw him lead a team out on a
field more than seven years ago, and his presence had only grown stronger. I
found myself staring at him, willing him to notice me. But I knew that I was a
dot in a sea of faces out here. And whereas a few months ago he knew right
where to find me, right where I’d be sitting, today he didn’t have a clue.

Reed marched out to the middle
of the field with the other captains, and the Wildcats won the coin toss. Reed
wouldn’t be taking the field right away, instead opting to take the opening
drive in the second half. I watched him join his team and lean over to talk
with his coach before he set his helmet down and walked over to the tables to
grab some water. He was all business on that field, his head focused on one
goal only—winning. And that was how Reed was when he was dedicated to
something. That’s how he was with
us.
How could I have ever doubted this
man? I didn’t trust him not to leave me, I didn’t trust him enough to tell him
about the pregnancy, and then I was the one to betray his faith in me. And now
all I had done was lose him completely. If he had fallen into Jenny’s arms,
well…there was nobody to blame but myself.

I was lost in my thoughts, my
eyes not completely focusing, and instead making a blur out of the colors of
Reed’s jersey, when I noticed the rapid movement of his arm. He was waving…at
me. He’d found me, picked me out of the crowd of 50,000 fans. And he was
waving, for everyone to see. Shell-shocked and stunned, I stood motionless,
until Sarah leaned into me a bit, in an attempt to get me to react. I just
raised a hand and held it up, biting my lip a bit and smiling, hoping. I
couldn’t make out his features from this far, but I was pretty sure he was
smiling too before he turned back to the game. He’d taken a pause just to find
me, something he’d never done on this field.

“I told you,” Sarah said, giving
me one more elbow to the rib. I just kept the dumb look on my face for the rest
of the night.

The one drag about college games
was how long they took to play out. By the time the clock was ticking down, it
was 11 p.m. As predicted, the Wildcats scored 63 points against ASU. It was a
rebuilding year for us, yes, but Reed was also at his best this season. And he
had an amazing team to back him up. He and Trig were pulled in the third
quarter to save their energy for the bowl bid the Wildcats would definitely
get. I found myself watching Reed’s every move as he stood and walked the
sidelines, hoping he’d turn to me just once more. He never did, but I also knew
he liked to stay focused on that field. And the players usually caught hell
from coach for taking their focus away from the field, even when they weren’t
in the game.

Sarah, Becky, Sean and I waited
for the crowds to move out before we left the stadium, knowing we’d be standing
outside the athletic department for a while waiting on Reed anyhow. Sienna
joined us after changing. It felt like old times, the group of us waiting for
Reed, so we could go out and celebrate. But I was quickly reminded that it was
the present, not the past, when the others joined our group in the lobby.

Jason had his arms draped all
over Dylan, possessing her, and eyeing the college guys who were checking her
out. He wasn’t jealous, but instead seemed to get off on the attention she was
getting, just wanting to attach himself to her so everyone would know he was
the man who was good enough. She was his prize, his trophy.

Jenny stood next to them,
wrestling her hands a little, almost as if she was nervous. I watched her ask
Dylan a question, and then Jason piped in giving her a response. She seemed
uncomfortable, and I wanted to help her.

“God, why did I want to help
this girl, who just hours ago put me in a jealous rage? What was wrong with
me?” I wondered.

I was about to walk over to
strike up a conversation with her, when Buck’s booming laugh broke the quiet.
He was hobbling on his crutches from the main locker room with Reed, who held
the door open for him, rolling his eyes at his stubborn father. “I don’t need
you to get every door for me, you know,” he said, loud enough so we all heard.
He wanted us to know he wasn’t helpless, but no one would ever think that. Not
of Buck Johnson, anyhow.

“Yeah, I know…just let me do the
little things though, okay Pops? Humor me,” Reed said, his bag weighing over
his shoulder. His hair was still wet, and his body damp from his shower. He was
dressed nicely, like he was getting ready to go out for the night, wearing dark
jeans and a fitted black shirt rolled at the sleeves to show off his engraved
watch and strong, golden forearms.

He tilted his head my way for
just a brief second or two, making eye contact with me once or twice. He was
talking to Dylan now, almost as if he was getting directions. His face was
smirking when he turned back at me again, like he wanted to share a secret with
me. I was stuck on him, not able to move away, but the burning stare from Jason
couldn’t be ignored. His grin was less playful, more cunning and amused.
Suddenly uncomfortable, I turned my attention back to my friends, and to Rosie
who had pulled up with the truck so Buck wouldn’t have to walk very far.

“So, what’s the deal? Are we
driving back home? You staying at my house?” Sarah asked, nudging me to
attention.

“Oh, uh, I guess so,” I said,
half of me still yearning to hear Reed’s conversation. We were starting to get
up to walk away, my whole heart slamming into my stomach, overwhelmed with
dejection, when I felt a hand on my back, and heard his voice.

“Hey, wait up,” Reed said. I
spun around to face him, stumbling into his chest a little so he had to right
me back on my feet. “Whoa, there’s no race,” he joked.

I just smiled, eagerly, wanting
his next words to be, “I forgive you,” and “I love you,” and “forever.”
Instead, he looked down, chewing the inside of his cheek a little, and pinching
his brow as if he wasn’t sure about what he wanted to say. “Hey, so…I was
hoping maybe we could talk sometime…not tonight, I can’t,” he said, shrugging
over his shoulder where Dylan, Jenny and Jason were waiting, my heart sinking
all over again. “I’ve got a few things to run over with Dylan. And…God, I’d
really love to put them off…but I can’t. I tried. There’s a lot in play over
the next few weeks…but, I was thinking, maybe Friday? I know you have finals
coming up. So, I wanted to talk before I lost you to your books,
super nerd
?”

Super nerd. Ha. He had no idea
how far from that I’d been. I would be happy, at this point, to escape my psych
class with a D. But now wasn’t the time to lie out my pathetic fall from
academic greatness to Reed. We didn’t have the time for that. So instead, I
just smiled and gestured to his waiting party. “Sure, Friday’s fine. You should
go. Your…people are waiting,” I said, unsure of what to call them,
Jenny.
He
just turned to give them the one-minute sign with his hand, causing Jenny to
smile and wave. I winced at her happiness, still jealous.

“Okay,” he said, kicking his
hands forward into mine a little, my eyes zeroing in on his small touch. “I’ll
be there, at your dorm, at 7. Wear something nice.” He smiled as he turned to
jog back to the others.

He was coming to see me in
person? I had expected a phone call. But he…was taking me out?
My heart
was flipping inside, full of possibility. But as I watched him walk away with
Dylan, Jason, and Jenny, I caught myself a little, not wanting to fall too far.
And when Jason turned to give me a small wink and a shrug, his head tilting to
Jenny, I questioned everything all over again.

Reed

When I left to join Dylan and
Jason at the Hyatt restaurant for our business meeting, every single fiber of
my body was fighting against me. But I knew I had to take this meeting. Dylan
had arranged for an informal meeting with someone on the Chargers coaching
staff. To make it all seem accidental and informal, we had to set it up to be
like a real evening out…like a date. And when Dylan suggested that Jason and
Jenny join us to just make it work, I didn’t fight her on it much.
Dammit, I
regretted that now.

Seeing Nolan’s face in the
stands brought me home. I knew I’d owe Sarah hugely for sneaking me a text
about where they were sitting before the game started. But damn if I wasn’t
relieved to have her on my side this time. People say shit about your life
flashing before you in moments of fear and tragedy, but I had my life play
before me the moment I locked eyes on Nolan. I remembered every moment I’d done
the exact same thing, sought out her face in the crowd, just to know where she
was. I’d been doing it since we were kids, really. Before I was hers, and she
was mine. I didn’t know what the pull was then, but I understood it now. And
I’ll be damned if I was going to let it go without a serious fight.

I noticed the hurt on her face
when she saw me leave with Jenny. I’d have to explain what really happened,
where we went, and what she was doing there. I knew I would. But I had a lot of
work to do before then. I had to make my girl
whole
again. And if there
was anything that had broken on my watch, well, I was going to try my damnedest
to fix it.

That’s what I was doing at my
mother’s on Thursday, and why I had to put off my first step with rebuilding my
life with Nolan until Friday. I had offered to take my mom out for dinner,
hoping a public venue might soften her up a little, but she was excited to see
me, and always hated to share our time together. She had a special dinner
prepared, and we ate at her house with Sam. I liked Sam. I did. He was nice to
my mom, and incredibly tolerant of her need to be in a spotlight. But he wasn’t
a fighter, like my dad. He was the kind to roll over and let her get her way.
And I didn’t need any extra players working against me tonight, so I waited to
talk to my mother in private after dinner was done.

Sam had retired to his office to
“Take care of some phone calls,” he said, but I had grown to know that was when
my stepfather snuck in his cigars and brandy. When he left, I joined mom out on
her patio for coffee. I didn’t really like coffee, but I’d drink it. I’d drink
anything to make time for this conversation tonight. I was nervous, like a
child asking their parent for something really huge, something that meant
something to them, and required trust and faith. I think what scared me most
was that my mom wouldn’t have either in me, not about this. But I also knew
that if I didn’t try, I’d regret it for the rest of my life.

“Hey, Mom? I need to ask a favor
of you,” I started as we slid into the comfortable recliners that overlooked
the sprawling pool and water features near her patio.

“Of course, Reed sweetheart.
Anything, you know that, right?” she said, and I hoped like hell she meant
it…because the alternative would be ugly.

I sat up and turned sideways to
face her, my elbows resting on my knees, so I could stare into the steam coming
from my cup, almost hoping it would reveal some crystal-ball message that would
guide me through this. Taking a deep breath, I looked up at my mom, the woman
who raised me, and had always told me she would do anything it took to make me
happy. “I need you to help Nolan,” I said, my stomach falling out of me, and my
head getting light from the nerves that were now filling my body.

My mom’s lips formed a straight
line, not a smile…but not a frown. Her eyebrows were low, considering perhaps?
She set her cup down on a table and sat up to face me, but kept her gaze down.
Afraid? “Reed…what kind of trouble is Nolan in?” my mom asked, her body visibly
shuddering.

“She’s had some bad things
happen this semester…sort of a really shitty run of luck,” I started, my mom
smacking my knee at my curse word. “Sorry, I just meant it for emphasis,” I
kept going, taking in another deep breath before getting to the meat of my
request. “Anyhow, she’s been distracted—like,
really
distracted,
Mom. And her scholarships are in jeopardy. And you and I both know how much
those mean to her, how important they are to her…”

I waited, watching my mom’s face
react to what I had said. She wasn’t following where I was going, I could tell.
I was going to have to come flat out and ask.

“Mom, I was wondering if there
was any way you would consider reviewing her scholarship packet for your
foundation award?” I pulled the packet from the bag I’d kept with me most of
the night. I’d spent three nights working on it, pulling everything Nolan had
saved on my computer over the last two years when she filed for scholarship
after scholarship, and emailing Sarah to sneak me the pieces I was missing. My
mom took the packet from my hands, her lips curled into a bit of a smile,
stifling a laugh. Finally, she broke out in a giggle, and held her hand over
her lips a little to feign hiding it.

“Whaaaat’s funny?” I asked, my
brow heavy with confusion now.

My mom laughed a little harder
now, sliding the packet to the side of her and covering her face with her hands
while she bent forward and then sat up, blotting the laughter tears from the
corners of her eyes. “Oh, Reed honey…wow, you really had me going for a minute
there,” my mom said, fanning herself now, trying to recover from her strange
giggling fit.

“I’m sorry?” I asked, not
understanding.

“Well…when you started this
conversation, I was so certain you were going to tell me she was pregnant.
Honey, I almost stopped breathing at the thought of that. I mean, can you
imagine? You having a baby…
with that girl?”
She was laughing again at
her words. Her eyes were closed with laughter, in fact. A blessing, because
never in my life had I been more ashamed, and angry, with the woman who raised
me. I hated her words, and they were making me hate her. Of all things she
could say, of all possible reactions, this one was not something I had prepared
for, and it had me reeling.

I got to my feet suddenly and
pulled out my keys to start walking for the door. I had to leave before I said
something awful. But I was naive thinking my mother would make this easy.

“Reed, sweetie? Oh, come on
honey…you can’t blame me for laughing. I mean it’s really quite a ridiculous
thought. I was just so surprised.” My mother was walking after me now, the
tip
tap
of her heels on the patio stones grating on every last one of my
nerves. I just turned and stared into her eyes, stone-faced, wanting her to see
how I felt about the words she spoke.

“Reed…you know I can’t give any
special treatment for our scholarships, honey. My hands are tied,” my mother
said, just holding her hands up in a tying gesture, as if I didn’t get it.

Pursing my lips, I just nodded
and turned back to leave.

“Reed, sweetheart? Stay, finish
your coffee with me,” my mom was sounding more desperate now. I stopped at the
doorway, my feet urging me to leave, but my heart telling my brain that now was
the time to fight. I’d made a renewed vow that I would—against anyone and
anything—
no matter what
when it came to Nolan. And deep down, I
knew that I’d have to have this moment with my mother.

“I’m not staying for coffee…” I
started, her face falling flat. “And Mom? I’m not coming back to see you.
Frankly, I can’t stand the sight of your face right now.”

My mother physically stumbled
backward at my words, her hand flying to her heart like she’d been wounded. But
I also knew she was playing me, making this about her. But this was about
Nolan, and how absolutely cruel and hateful Millie Johnson-Snyder could be.

“Don’t do that,” I demanded, my
voice growing louder and more confident. “Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m
talking about, or where any of this is coming from. You know exactly where this
is coming from, Mom. You have never been kind to Nolan. You judge her,
disrespect her, and discount her as your equal, as someone worthy of even being
a woman in your fucked-up society world. And I’m sick of it. And I’m ashamed of
you. I’ve tried to defend you because—goddammit Mom? What son wants to
admit that his mother is so heartless, cold and prejudiced? But you are!”

“You’ve always said you would do
anything…anything, Mom! Anything to make me happy—well, Nolan makes me
happy! Fuck. Mom? She’s my entire damned world! And if there is ever a day in
the future, where I’m lucky enough to have a child with her—to make something
so amazing…
with that girl—w
ell…you can bet your ass that my son or
daughter won’t ever set foot in a household full of so much hatefulness as this
one!”

“So you know what? Just forget
everything I asked for tonight. I don’t need anything from you. I’ll find a way
to help the woman I love on my own. I’m sorry that I ever thought I could count
on you,” I spat out everything in a matter of seconds, my body shaking, and my
eyes seeing actual red as I turned and stormed from my mother’s house.

I had done the impossible. I had
left my mother speechless. And it hurt my heart, but I also knew it was the
right thing to do, and that I was right about everything. And I’d find a way to
help Nolan without her. I peeled out of the driveway as I sped onto the main
road, heading back to Tucson. I replayed my conversation over in my head the
entire way back to my dorm, and every single time, I was satisfied, happy I’d
finally said what needed to be said.

I’d had disagreements with my
mother before, but never over anything truly important. This one was going to
last, and I could just tell. I thought about talking it over with Pops, but I
knew he agreed with me. There was no need to bring him into it. This was my
disappointment to bear, and I was finally ready.

To clear my head, I spent the
rest of Thursday night preparing. I’d brainstormed just about every single
overly romantic gesture known to man, and I was half tempted to pull them all
out for this one date. But I also knew I had to take things slow. I was pretty
satisfied with what I finally settled on, and when I called Sarah to run it by
her, she agreed. If you would have asked me in high school if Sarah and I would
be as close as we’d become, I would have laughed, a gut-busting kind of laugh
in disbelief. But now was a different story. We were close, and Sarah was no
longer just Nolan’s friend—she was mine, too.

Before I would be able to focus
on the evening, I knew there was some shit I just had to get out of the way. I
knew when Noles would be at her writing workshop. It was the only damn thing
she still went to religiously, so I counted on her being gone for at least two
hours. It gave me enough time to show up early and pay a little visit to Gavin.

I could hear his pussy-ass music
playing on the other side of the door when I got to his room. I smirked a
little to myself, thinking about how surprised he was about to be before I
knocked softly on his door. I heard the music turn down and saw the shadows of
his footsteps under the doorway before he opened. When he made eye contact with
me, his face fell instantly. It may have been disappointment that I was not
Nolan, but I also think there was a little fear in the mix, too. And I fucking
LOVED that!

“Reed, uh…what’s up, man?” he
said, leaning into his door a little, trying to look relaxed. I could tell from
the rapid movement in his eyes that he was anything but.

“Not much, Gav. Hey, you gotta
sec? I think you and I need to talk,” I said, just pushing my way into his
room. His walls were an interesting mixture of posters, with deep quotes,
poetry and music. I saw his guitar propped up in the corner, and my stomach
turned just thinking about how he probably tried to use his talent to woo my
girl. This prick needed to pay.

“Yeah, uh… come in, I guess,” he
said, shutting his door and shrugging at me. I was leaning on his desk now, my
legs crossed, and my hands in my pockets. He pulled out one of his chairs and
turned it around to sit backward. I chuckled a little at him when he did this.

“So, Gavin…remember that night I
saw you coming out of Nolan’s room?” I said, just diving right in. I’d played
this scene over in my head enough times. I was ready.

Gavin just nodded a little,
looking down and laughing to himself. “Yeah, I know that night,” he looked up,
smiling. “Look, what the fuck do you want, Reed? Let’s not beat around the
bush.”

“Sounds good to me,” I said. “I
think you owe me an apology. And, frankly, I think you owe Nolan one, too…but
you can just give me hers, because there’s no fucking way I’m letting you
anywhere near her.” I had pulled my hands from my pockets at this point and
crossed my arms at my chest to flex my forearms, just for effect.

Gavin just tapped on the back of
the chair a bit, looking at his hands and nodding. Finally, he took a deep
breath. “Reed, you don’t own her. You don’t get to make decisions for her or
control her life. And if she wants to spend time with me, well…I’m sorry, but
that’s not my fault, and you don’t get a say in it,” he said.
Cocky
motherfucker.