GLBTQ (14 page)

An education is incredibly important, and although it might seem like a good solution at the time, dropping out of school will seriously limit your future opportunities. Don't let a group of ignorant people rob you of your future. Whether you change schools, homeschool, get your GED, attend school online, or opt for early college admission, getting an education is your ticket to the life you want and deserve.

If being GLBTQ is normal and queer people aren't all that different from straight people, why should it matter if you have GLBTQ friends?

If you're out and have close straight friends, that's great. And if your immediate or extended family members have been supportive, that's great, too. At the same time, it can help to know people who really understand what it's like to be queer. For some GLBTQ people, it isn't until they are able to spend time with other queer people that they truly feel part of a peer group.

For many teens, their most influential role models are family members. But in most cases, GLBTQ teens can't be
just
like their mom or dad, a grandparent, or an aunt or uncle because odds are these people are straight. A lot of queer teens haven't grown up with role models or friends they can truly identify with. Having queer friends can help these GLBTQ teens feel more comfortable with their sexual orientation or gender identity.

Been There:

“During high school, I got involved with a GLBTQ counseling/social group. I loved it. It really helped me feel more comfortable with myself. All the other kids who went there were from different schools. It was nice because it was like forming our own little community. Every week after the ‘session,' which we just called ‘group,' we'd go out to eat. We had so much fun.”
—Valencia, 19

“It's like being in your own private club. It's like having an inside joke that not everyone understands. But when you do find someone who understands, there is an immediate connection that goes beyond words and finds itself in common experiences.”
—Walt, 20

One of the best things about being GLBTQ is the sense of community you can feel with other queer people. In fact, one of the ways some GLBTQ identify one another is by using the word “family.” As in, “You know Tyree, the guy in our chem class? He's family.” Some people even have bumper stickers that read “Family” or “Family car.”

Just like any family, though, we don't always get along. So you can't assume that all GLBTQ people will like or even tolerate each other. Although we're part of a larger group, we're individuals with our own personalities and histories. Being GLBTQ is a major characteristic to have in common, but it might also be the
only
thing you have in common.

At first you might feel intimidated by the GLBTQ community. You might worry about not being “queer enough” or not following the “GLBTQ rules.” You'll soon discover, however, that the GLBTQ community is as diverse as people can be. Whether you're a drama queen, a jock, a butch, a femme, a gender bender, a girlie girl, a manly man, a transman, a club kid, a prep, an urban hipster, a country boy, an androgyne, a hip-hop head, a surfer dude, a hippie chick, none of the above, or even several of the above, there's room for you just as you are.

Throughout history, queer people have come up with some pretty creative secret ways to identify each other. In the past, one gay man might have approached another man and asked, “Are you a friend of Dorothy?” If the man answered, “yes,” that meant he was also gay. This phrase, which was a reference to Dorothy in
The Wizard of Oz,
is just one example of the many ways GLBTQ people have devised to discreetly identify one another. If you ever come across a T-shirt or sticker that reads “Friend of Dorothy,” now you're in the know.

Regardless of whether you believe in gaydar (see sidebar), here are some tips that can help you find other GLBTQ teens.

Queer community centers and organizations.
GLBTQ groups sponsor programs that offer everything from social activities (like movie nights) to counseling services or homework help. These groups should be listed in your local telephone directory, or you can search the Internet using keywords like “gay community center” along with your city and state. Centerlink (
www.lgbtcenters.org
) serves as an online directory for GLBTQ centers. The National Youth Advocacy Coalition, through a partnership with The Trevor Project, also provides info on state and local organizations working with GLBTQ teens (
www.thetrevorproject.org/youth/local-resources
).

Been There:

“Even though I love my straight friends, it was a huge relief to meet other gay teens. It's nice to have people who totally understand what you're talking about, what it's like to come out, and all of that.”
—Elizabeth, 17

GLBTQ bookstores.
Go to a reading or just show up and casually flip through some periodicals. You could bump into other young people. If there's no GLBTQ bookstore in your area, there could be a queer section in your local bookstore.

Coffeehouses or other places where teens and students like to hang out.
This strategy for meeting other queer teens may work especially well if your town has a gay neighborhood. Visiting a “gayborhood” can be a great way to work yourself into your community's GLBTQ scene without having to put yourself out there too much.

Underage clubs.
Not all nightclubs are for those who are over 21. Many towns have underage clubs where teens can watch live music, play games, or just hang out. Going to these places can help increase your chances of meeting GLBTQ people your own age.

If you meet someone in a non-GLBTQ-centered place, it can be difficult to identify whether someone is queer. Even if your gaydar is beeping like crazy, try not to make any assumptions. Subtlety is usually the best tactic when trying to figure out if someone is GLBTQ. Regardless of how out you are, others might not take kindly to you waltzing up to them and asking, “You're queer, right?”

Here are some subtle strategies for figuring out if the person who caught your eye was actually winking or just trying to get rid of a loose eyelash.

• Start a conversation and reference something you saw on
  Glee, The Ellen DeGeneres Show,
  or if you're feeling bold, maybe even
  RuPaul's Drag Race
  or another show with queer people or characters in starring roles. Maybe he'll get the hint and drop his own.
  
• If you don't mind outing yourself, casually mention something about an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. For example, if you're in a coffee shop, say, “Hi, I noticed you sitting here by yourself. My ex was supposed to meet me here, but something must have come up because I don't see him/her. Mind if I share your table?”
  
• If you're at a bookstore, bring over a copy of a queer-themed book. Tell the person you're thinking about buying it and ask if she has heard anything about it. It doesn't win the subtle award, but it will probably help get the information you're looking for.
  
• If you're the straightforward type, go ahead and ask. But there's no need to shout, “Hey, are you queer?” At least start a conversation first and then slip it in. Think of how you might feel if someone walked up to you demanding to know your sexual orientation or gender identity. Keep in mind that if the person is straight, depending on his attitude, he might be offended by your question. Be prepared for a variety of responses.
  

The Internet is a great place to meet and talk with others. Whether you're an experienced surfer or you've barely gotten your feet wet, finding others online is easy.

Many websites sponsor scheduled chats, guest speakers and webinars, bulletin boards, and blogs. Some also allow you to have your own email account. You can chat online with other GLBTQ teens, post questions or conversation topics, talk to counselors, and so on.

It might take some trial and error to find what you're looking for online. You might end up visiting several sites before you settle on one, or a few, that you want to explore further.

Been There:

“I've come out to people online, in large groups and in chat rooms, which is so much easier than in person or one-on-one.”
—Fatema, 19

The Internet has grown exponentially in terms of its content and variety of websites. Unfortunately, the risks and number of people out there using the Web to victimize people—including GLBTQ teens—have also grown. Here are some things to think about when you're visiting a site:

Who sponsors the site?
Could the site have an ulterior motive that could influence the content? One common motive is to sell you something. If you use a search engine to locate sites of interest to queer teens, it's common to find many that are actually selling subscriptions to dating and other social networking services. Some sites masquerade as youth help sites, but they are actually sponsored by religious groups or other organizations whose missions are to “convert” GLBTQ people.

Who's giving that advice?
Keep in mind that at some sites, and especially bulletin boards, you don't know who is answering you or how valid the information is. It's a good idea to save serious questions for sites where counselors or experts provide information.

What kind of information do they want from you?
Some sites require you to register before using them. Be wary of sites that require you to give information beyond a user name and a password.
And never give out your address or your phone number.