Gentlewoman: Etiquette for a Lady, From a Gentleman (19 page)

What are the basics every gentlewoman should have?

First let me say this: Anyone can be fashionable, but to have style, you must hone in on the building blocks of what makes you great and unique. Now, the basics are:

1. A Durable Bra.
   
2. Spanx.
   
3. Strapless Bra.
   
4. The Little Black Dress. It’s timeless, classic and can take you through many generations.
   
5. Black + Nude Pumps. It’s just a no-brainer.
   
6. Good Pair of Heels (open or closed toe).
   
7. Red Lipstick.
   
8. Small Set of Pearl Earrings. They’re just classic.
   
9. Good Set of Golden Hoop Earrings. No matter your skin tone, religion or background, it’s something that can play to the masses.
   
10. Classic Cut Dark Denim Jeans. No matter your size. Most women I dress are conscious about their butts. Whether they want it to look smaller or bigger, the one consistency is they want it to look good. One of the keys to a good-looking butt is finding a jean that has impeccable pocket placement. Always try to find back pockets that rest right at the middle of your butt and continue downward. This makes the waist look smaller and longer and the butt look higher and firmer. The front pockets should hit your hip, not your waist. If you’re a hippy woman and the jean pocket is too high, it makes you look disproportionate. Cuts can change the dynamic of a body. It’s important to have a strong construction of denim that’s comfortable, but also makes you look good.
    

When dressing a woman, the first thing I try to hone in on is your physical strength(s) and what’s naturally part of your aesthetics. It could be your lips, eyes or skin tone. It could be your long legs and torso. Maybe it’s the fact that you’re shorter and you can get away with wearing the six-inch heels that tall women won’t wear in fear of appearing too exaggerated. Maybe you have a bed of hair that’s curly or naturally kinky and beautiful and strong – you can incorporate that into your accessories. Pick out a certain color that works for you and your hair or accessories that work best for your hair. It can be a flower or even a jewel. It’s a statement that confidently says: One of my features is the fact that I have really great, cool hair…just in case you didn’t know! Find the balance of your strengths and then play up to them.

Don’t be afraid to take the influence of somebody and say, I can identify with how she did it – now this is how I’m going to make it work for me.

What are some ways any woman can look her best in her clothes?

Two dichotomies are happening where women are being told to be a smaller size, but on the other side of the spectrum, women are being told it’s better to have curves with a big butt and big boobs. Just be you, but be healthy. If you desire curves, but you’re thinner, find what clothing works for you as a woman to accentuate your curves. Maybe go for a peplum top or jeans with a pattern or print that make your bottom portion look curvier and fuller. Some call it manipulating the eye, but I call it honing in on the features that you want to stand out.

You must create a foundation before building a home. Undergarments are great for smoothing out and creating a seamless line.

A strong basic heel / pump elongates you, makes you stand taller, creates a better posture and supplements the energy when you walk into a room that says: I’m here!

But true, grounded style comes from within. It’s a spiritual thing. Style is a catalyst. It’s an exclamation point of what’s already in you.

Let’s end the myth! Who do women dress for?

There’s an unfortunate competitive streak that occurs within the realm of Hollywood and some of the Lady clients I might work with. They’re adamant about not having any clothing that another woman has worn. A lot of magazines and TV shows use the phrase “Who Wore it Best?” It’s like a ploy to pit women against women and create division where there need not be any. But women, you must realize you’re the most powerful force to grace this earth and you’re our lifeline for the universe. There’s no such thing as a dress to tell you whether or not you’re validated. If you don’t want to look the same, it’s all in the way that you present your style.

Here’s an insider trick to being a stylist: A way to make a dress someone else has work for you is to do your research on customization. The truth of the matter is there are thousands of garments made for women in the masses. If you come across a retail dress, here’s what you can do to make it your own:

• Accessorize. It can pump up, tone down or entirely change an outfit.
  
• Get a great tailor or seamstress. They’ll make the fit of your garment unique to you.
  

Or you can seek out new designers entirely. Google is a great search tool. So is the Internet. You can also find some of the up-and-coming, hungry and eager designers at the fashion schools (The Art Institute or Parsons). Look for a designer that caters to your features. If you a have small waist, a curvy bottom or you’re flatter up top and have a difficult time finding the proper fit, this is ideal. Not only do you get the opportunity to have something that’s unique, but you’re also helping usher in someone’s talents who may not be discovered yet. Or you can keep your designer your little secret when people always see you in something cool and interesting. You may pay a fee for customization, but there’s a slim to none chance anyone will be wearing your stuff!

Examples of what to wear where:

@ The Formal Cocktail Hour:

• Ultra-formal aka White Tie:
  Long evening gowns
  
• Formal aka Black Tie:
  Cocktail, long dresses or dressy evening separates.
  
• Semi-formal aka After Five:
  Cocktail dress, little black dress, long skirt or dressy suit
  
• Business Formal:
  Tailored suit or professional dress; professional, not sensual
  
• Cocktail Hour:
  Trimmed and elegant; little black dress
  
• Causal:
  Sundress, relaxed blouse, polo or skirt
  NOTE: These are go-to ideas. Feel free to incorporate your personal style. Always ask if unsure!
  

How can a Lady maintain both class and sex appeal with fashion?

By not using her body as an ornament, but showing that it’s an instrument to be proud of. When I’m shopping for a woman, I tend to look at the cuts and strong quality fabric that’s going to keep its shape. I try to keep a balance. If the breasts are exposed, I try to make it so the legs are a little more toned down and covered up. The same concept applies if there’s a sexy split on the side. I try to keep equilibrium between what I’m showing and what I’m not showing. The best way to be sexy is to accentuate and not exaggerate your features.

Remember, if you’re going to show leg, you can be a bit more modest on top. Or if you’re going to show more of your bust because that’s a great feature you have, then try to be more modest toward the bottom. Know where you should draw the line. If you want to maintain class, you don’t want a bunch of breasts, butt, stomach and arms hanging out. It leaves nothing to the imagination. And you know what men love? Men love the illusion of a woman’s body. That’s why it’s so sexy when a woman wears just a T-shirt. A man has to envision her body underneath it. I’ve seen women wear men’s shirts in photo shoots, and you don’t see a whole lot of skin–just legs and a neckline. It’s because you’ve tantalized the senses, and you’ve made someone think.

You can be provocative, but you can also evoke a thought behind what it is that you’re wearing. That is the key to being sexy. You don’t have to show it, but make us think about it.

What would you suggest a woman never wears?

Ill-fitted garments. If you’re going to buy something, buy something that fits. And always buy something that makes you feel incredible. There are no rules to fashion, but the common denominator of the rule to style is that you have to find something that makes you feel empowered. It has to be something that makes you feel great, and it has to make you feel confident when you wear it. If it doesn’t, it will exude. It’s the fit, and it’s the confidence. If you find a garment that evokes that within you, then you’re on the right track to finding your personal style. If you have clothes in your closet that don’t make you look incredible and make you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world – or the room, get rid of them. They’re doing you a disservice.

Style on a Budget:

The key to finding great garments on a budget is to shop at off-price stores where you can find designer clothes at prices lower than in department or specialty stores. You might be surprised that I love going to Loehmann’s, Ross and Marshalls. There are also nontraditional retailers like Target that offer pieces influenced by up-and-coming designers who people are familiar with. I also love going to places like H&M and Zara that are mid-to-low end and discovering clothing that’s emulated by current designers. And don’t be afraid to thrift! Go to an affluent neighborhood in your neighborhood and visit Goodwill for some awesome options!

It’s the age of the Internet. You can save money by shopping around online, too. Just make sure you have a good return policy, and look for the credibility and the credentials of the stores. A Yelp search will help you find trusted reviews. Lastly, you can look for smartphone apps that that will alert you when sales are happening. It’s the age of the consumer, and you have the power to get what you want at the price that you want.

These are great ideas for shopping if you don’t have an ample budget.

Toye Adedipe is one of the most sought after celebrity wardrobe and fashion stylists in the business. He’s worked with major television networks, films, magazines, national recording artists and media conglomerates. He’s a respected designer and artist.
toyeadedipe.blogspot.com

As you’ve learned, having style is about being fearless. The first time I wore a V-neck & blazer, I saw folks laughing. The second time I wore a V-neck & blazer, I saw folks wearing a V-neck & blazer. They’ll laugh until everybody’s doing it. Be bold enough to do it first.

STYLE REPRESENTS YOUR DESIRE TO BE YOURSELF

Style isn’t limited to clothing. Style is the way you talk. It’s the way you move and the way you stand. Style is the way you handle people and handle your business. Style is how you write and how you think. You sit with your own style and dance to your own orchestra. Style provides vibrancy amidst the mundane. And when it’s coupled with confidence, you win the World Series, the Super Bowl and the World Cup. Maybe not the Super Bowl and World cup, but the stylish gentlewoman finds herself in front of more bowls and cups than average–her dinner date average is above average.

What gains our attention doesn’t always gain our respect. Don’t confuse a cute compliment or “all eyes on you” as importance or reverence. A man will stare at a sock if it’s pretty enough. Some women dress to appeal to men. Some women dress to appeal to other women. And most women dress for themselves. Do your thing, but just know that the message your clothes send might matter more than the clothes themselves. No need to make laps around lounges to be noticed – sexy is a whisper. Your appeal is in energy, not just looks. You don’t have to be extra – you’re already enough. The extra ones usually have extra low confidence. The minute you try is the second you fail. No woman alive can do you better than yourself.

Low self-esteem ruins high fashion.

Confidence makes average attractive, and a lack of it makes beauty boring. Wear what you want, but be mindful of your environment.

“You can have anything you want in life if you dress for it.” –Edith Head

Lady in Red.

There’s power in red. Be it red lips, a redhead, a red dress or red pumps, there’s a sense of power and allure that follows the color wherever it goes. Don’t be afraid to add a splash! Just be mindful in gang-related areas. You know how it is.