Gena/Finn (20 page)

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Authors: Kat Helgeson

BOOK: Gena/Finn

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Finn:
...is she always like this? or is this for my benefit?

Genevieve:
ha, like which part

joanne is not known for doing anything for other people's benefit, unless it benefits them to hear techno for
6 hours straight

Finn:
she doesn't shut up!

my god, I mean, I've seen some terrible roommates, but....

Genevieve:
you're lucky natalie's not here

you want to talk about not shutting up

Finn:
who the hell is Natalie?

Genevieve:
her best friend forever!!!!!!!!!

Finn:
oh boy I must have missed the PSA!

Genevieve:
did you miss the glowing note she left on her whiteboard

YOU CRAZY SLUT I LOVE YOUUUUU

now i know why everyone hated alanah

Finn:
a lot of people love crazy sluts

Genevieve:
i must hope so

Finn:
hush

Genevieve:
want to borrow my headphones?

Finn:
no, cause you need those

Genevieve:
i wonder if she knows we're messaging each other

Finn:
I wonder if she knows we're talking ABOUT HER

Genevieve:
you know she didn't even CARE when we didn't have internet?

Finn:
...that's kind of abnormal

Genevieve:
some kind of sorcery

Finn:
I bet she plays intramural sports, doesn't she

Genevieve:
crew

Finn:
the boat thing?

Genevieve:
yup

Finn:
people still DO that?

Genevieve:
she tried to get me to join and be cockswain or whatever

cockswains have to be little

that's my only value here so far

hey gena, you're short

Finn:
hahahahaha

COCKSWAIN

Genevieve:
you're twelve

Finn:
oh jesus she's staring at me

Genevieve:
NO SUDDEN MOVEMENTS

Finn:
what's for dinner around here?

Genevieve:
you can check the diner menu online

Finn:
okay

hey, boeuf bourguignon

Genevieve:
sounds about right

Finn:
I have no idea what that is

want to go check it out?

Genevieve:
i can't

Finn:
why?

Genevieve:
i have four psych chapters to read

and i'm not even done with this write up

Finn:
you've been studying for three hours kid, you can take a break

Genevieve:
it doesn't work that way

they don't care how long it takes me

Sent at 5:50 PM on Thursday

Finn:
are you crying?

Genevieve:
i don't know

Finn:
oh kid...

you're taking a break. let's go take a walk or something. look at the city

Genevieve:
everyone else here is FINE, they go out every night and they come back all loud and they're acing everything, how the fuck did i even get in here someone must have thought i was still famous or some shit.

fuck, i'm sorry, i'm being an awful host

let me find you the train schedule and you can go to the art school and look at their galleries

Finn:
no, hey, that's not what I meant

I'm staying with you

Genevieve:
consider what you're saying

you just said you're staying with JOANNE

Finn:
fuck Joanne

Genevieve:
are you prepared to make that sacrifice

Finn:
yes

Genevieve:
i'm sorry. i'll take you somewhere tomorrow i promise

maybe i should skip all my classes

Finn:
I had no idea it was this bad

Genevieve:
yeah i'm gonna skip everything tomorrow.

Okay.

Finn:
that's what you want?

Genevieve:
i don't know

i can't go

i'm not ready

Finn:
don't do it because of me. I think you could use the break, personally, but you don't have to entertain me

we'll just stay here and relax and Joanne won't be here and you can talk it all out

Genevieve:
okay, but i have to do my psych280 paper too

but i can do that while we talk. Yeah.

Finn:
Evie, god, don't cry...

Genevieve:
i'm sorry i'll stop

god, i wish she'd leave.

oh look, here's natalie

Finn:
cuddle me. maybe we can scare Ìem off

Genevieve:
coming

from: Finn Bartlett
to: Charlie Thomas
date: Saturday, September 13 2:03 AM
subject: I'm sorry

Hi.

I really fucked up.

I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say. I don't even know where to start.

I'm sorry I came to Providence when things were bad between us instead of staying to try and fix it.

I'm sorry I let myself get attached to someone else. You were right, it's not simple, we're not just friends and I feel horrible and I never ever fucking wanted to do that to you. I promise nothing happened between us, I don't even know if it's like that, but it's big and intense and all these feelings, I'm in love with this fucking girl, holy shit, Charlie, I love you so much and I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry for not making you the center of my life every damn day.

I'm sorry for moving to California without knowing whether I was taking you seriously or not, because you deserve better and I should know after three years and I do take you seriously. I don't know what I'm hiding from. I don't know what I'm waiting for.

Please, please, please tell me you got this.

Please tell me you don't hate me.

Please tell me I haven't ruined everything.

I love you.
-me

from: Charlie Thomas
to: Finn Bartlett
date: Friday, September 12 11:12 PM
subject: RE: I'm sorry

Are you still with her?

from: Finn Bartlett
to: Charlie Thomas
date:
None. Saved to Drafts.
subject: RE: I'm sorry

Yeah. She's sleeping. I can't.

I keep thinking of this time on
Up Below
when Jake was

from: Finn Bartlett
to: Charlie Thomas
date: Saturday, September 13 2:26 AM
subject: RE: I'm sorry

Yeah. She's sleeping. I can't.

I keep thinking of junior year, when you decided to move to California and we didn't know if we were going to make it. I was so scared you'd meet someone else and fall in love and forget all about me. And you never did. You called every night, and you visited, and you were there for me all through senior year when classes were insane and I didn't have anybody. You were the best friend I could have asked for.

You've always been the best everything I could ask for.

I hate myself for coming out here. I feel so sick. All I can say in my defense is that I love you too. I've never forgotten that. I may be scared of the future, I may be pathetic and distant and unable to give you what you need, but I have never not loved you.

from: Charlie Thomas
to: Finn Bartlett
date: Friday, September 12 11:32 PM
subject: RE: I'm sorry

I don't hate you.

from: Finn Bartlett
to: Charlie Thomas
date: Saturday, September 13 2:33 AM
subject: RE: I'm sorry

Yeah??

from: Charlie Thomas
to: Finn Bartlett
date: Friday, September 12 11:35 PM
subject: RE: I'm sorry

I love you.

from: Finn Bartlett
to: Charlie Thomas
date: Saturday, September 13 2:36 AM
subject: RE: I'm sorry

Oh my god, baby, I love you too.

from: Charlie Thomas
to: Finn Bartlett
date: Friday, September 12 11:39 PM
subject: RE: I'm sorry

You just took off. I had to find out from a fucking text message. Did you even tell them at your work?

from: Finn Bartlett
to: Charlie Thomas
date: Saturday, September 13 2:45 AM
subject: RE: I'm sorry

I've been burning sick days. It's really fucking terrifying, actually. I'm calling them every morning faking sick and hoping they don't

tell me I need to get my ass back into the office or I'm fired.

...This is really irresponsible. I don't know what's wrong with me. Things have been so nuts lately. Shit, I hope they're not mad. I hope you're not mad. I can't even look at myself. I can't even believe I'm this person. I have EVERYTHING anybody could want and I'm being SO SELFISH. How do you not hate me?

I'm ruining everything.

Tell me how to make this right.

from: Charlie Thomas
to: Finn Bartlett
date: Friday, September 12 11:51 PM
subject: RE: I'm sorry

You know how.

I'm not proud of myself for this, and the last thing I want is to keep you from making friends, but you said yourself that this wasn't just friendship. Ever since you went to Chicago, she's all you talk about. You're blowing off work. You're walking out on me. I don't know what happened there, and I don't know what's happening between you now, but whatever it is, it isn't “nothing.”

I'm really not accusing you of anything but what you already admitted. You're too attached. There's no room for me when you're that tied to someone else. So I'm sorry, and I never wanted to put you in this situation, but you have to make a choice.

Come home. Come home to work and to me and don't go back. Let me be your best friend, the way we were back in Iowa. If you can do that, we'll be all right.

from: Finn Bartlett
to: Charlie Thomas
date: Saturday, September 13 2:56 AM
subject: RE: I'm sorry

Are you saying I can't talk to her anymore?

She's lonely. She's my friend and she's alone and having a hell of a time adjusting to college. I can't just cut her loose.

God, she's sleeping and she has no idea. This is really going to wreck her, I'm her only friend and she'll think I don't want her...

from: Charlie Thomas
to: Finn Bartlett
date: Saturday, September 13 12:03 AM
subject: RE: I'm sorry

I can't tell you who you can and can't talk to, Finn. I'm not that guy. But I need you to keep your distance emotionally. You decide if you can do that and still be friends.

And, I mean, you can choose her over me if that's really where you are. I didn't ask you to make a choice without knowing I might not be it. I just need you to be honest with me about where I stand. I love you, and I don't want to keep doing that if I'm always going to come second.

God, I can't believe this is happening.

I hope you come home. I really miss you, Finn, I miss us.

from: Finn Bartlett
to: Charlie Thomas
date:
None. Saved to Drafts.
subject: RE: I'm sorry

I can't. I love her. She needs me. Don't make me choose. I don't want to

from: Finn Bartlett
to: Charlie Thomas
date:
None. Saved to Drafts.
subject: RE: I'm sorry

You're being really unreasonable. There's nothing wrong with me having a

from: Finn Bartlett
to: Charlie Thomas
date: Saturday, September 13 3:27 AM
subject: RE: I'm sorry

I miss us too.

I'll be on a plane in the morning.