Forbidden (Addicted to You Book 2) (3 page)

“If she loves ya man,” he continued. “She’s havin the same problems you are.”

“What if I’ve pushed her to the point where that love is gone? What if she hates me now?”

“Ya know bro,” Kev looked at me. “With any other girl, I’d think maybe. But that girl— for whatever reason she has— she loves you.”

“So she’ll come to me?” I asked him, not sure I believed it. More than anything I wondered what the hell had happened to my life that made me ask my narcissistic brother for relationship advice.

“That’s the plan,” he shrugged. “At the very least she’ll come back to Illinois which’ll make it a helluva lot easier to get to her.”

“True,” I had to admit he made sense. I couldn’t do a damn thing about it with her in South Carolina. Why’d she have to go on this trip when things were like this? “But I’m not a very patient person.”

“You got another idea?”

I thought for a few minutes. Reality was that going to her would never work. I didn’t know where she was staying, how long she was going to be there or how in the hell I’d find her. It’d be a gigantic waste of money and time. But I hated thinking I had to just sit and wait. Now that I knew I wanted her back, I didn’t want to give up a minute with her.

“No,” I confessed. I had nothing.

“Then let’s head back,” he started the car. “You can sulk and I can…”

“I don’t even need to know,” I shut his words off. Some things were best not talked about.

Kevin pulled onto the road back towards his dingy apartment without even looking, causing him to cut off two cabs and almost hit a pedestrian. I closed my eyes hoping that we’d even make it home. It was a bad idea to have him drive me. I knew that when I did it. He’d never been a good driver. Even when he was sober. It was one of the few things from that far back that I could remember.

“So what was it about little miss Avery that made ya love her?” he asked randomly, causing me to open my eyes. I didn’t want to talk. Nothing in me wanted to have a conversation. I was stuck in the thoughts that were streaming through my head. Avery on the beach. Her smile. Guys watching her. One taking her out. Someone mending her broken heart. Avery giving up. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. But Kevin never showed an interest in life, and frankly remembering the good about her might be helpful.

“Well,” I sat up and looked at him, feeling happy for that moment. “It started the day I first saw her. Trevor had drug me to a BBQ party at some chick’s house he’d met at the fucking grocery store. I did not want to be there. But you know Trev,” I laughed.

“I know you and your inability to say hell no,” he retorted, making me smile. “So what happened then?”

“I looked over at her,” I began, hoping telling him the story would make me forget about the time I’d have to spend alone, the fear that someone else would take her away from me, or the fact he was about to kill me on the road. “And somehow I just had to get to know her. So I asked to borrow a lighter.”

“A lighter? Seriously, bro? Lame!” he held his fingers in an L up against his forehead.

“Hands on the wheel!” I insisted. “This is my story. I’ll tell it. You drive.”

“Do continue,” He faked a British accent and I shook my head, truly laughing for the first time that day. “What happened next?”

Chapter 2

We went for a walk. Seems kind of simple now, but at the time it was huge. I mean when was the last time I’d had interest in anyone? I really didn’t think it was interest at the time. More like intrigue. I was intrigued by Avery.

Sweat dripped from my hand as we walked along the sidewalk, causing me to clench my hands into fists so she didn’t notice. Neither of us spoke for a long time after leaving the party. I wanted to say something, but I wasn’t sure what. I just walked silently, contemplating how to break the silence. I had never been tongue tied before. I didn’t know how to handle it.

She didn’t seem like the type you’d compliment or say cheesy things to. She seemed too…real. I don’t know. Like she required something honest. I couldn’t be honest. That’d mean I told her that my hands were sweaty and I didn’t know what to say to her and I was nervous for the first time in my life. No way could I do that. So I stayed quiet, making things even more awkward.

The silence between us enhanced the sound of passing cars on a nearby street. I could even hear a train in the distance rattling along the tracks. None of it pounded against my ears as loudly as my own heartbeat. Trying to catch a glimpse at her without her noticing was difficult. She was very in tune with what was going on around her— turning her head at movement and sound. So I would watch her from the corner of my eye, hoping she didn’t catch me. Nothing seemed weirder than the quiet guy staring at you— I didn’t want that to be her impression— so I hid it from her.

Silently, I asked myself a lot of questions. What had drawn my attention to this girl? Why had I walked over and talked to her? What happened to avoiding women? Was there a reason I’d asked her to go on a walk? Why in the hell was I thinking of how to ask her out? What was wrong with me?

Mostly I asked myself, why was I so fucking nervous?

I didn’t find any of the answers lurking in my brain. Instead I tried to avoid thinking on them too long. Especially the nerves. I’d been around girls before. Shit, I’d been with plenty of ‘em. Not that it was something to brag about. Most weren’t worth the time I’d spent with ‘em. But something about that moment— that girl— made me nervous.

It didn’t make any sense. I hadn’t been interested in girls since…for a while. When I woke up that day I didn’t even have any interest in the damn party, let alone any women there. I couldn’t understand when and where that changed. Sometime around when I saw her— sitting across the lawn next to some blonde— and my breath caught in my throat. Something about her…I just had to walk over. Which led to this walk— a walk that was making me forget that I didn’t want any part of this, any part of her.

“So why the walk?” It wasn’t totally unexpected that she was the one that broke the silence. She didn’t seem to be one of those complicated girls that would wait so that it happened the way it was supposed to. I was grateful. It stopped my thought process and prevented me from continuing to think about things I didn’t really want to consider. “ Better question— why me?”

The words startled me. Not the first question. I mean obviously it seemed odd that I’d pushed her into a walk and then just never even spoke. The second question though— it surprised me. Why her? What was that supposed to mean? This was why men found women confusing. Because they fucking were.

I didn’t want to answer the first question and didn’t know how to answer the second. I was at a loss. Finally, I shrugged and went with a casual and obvious answer. One that wouldn’t scare away a girl I didn’t know.

“It’s a nice day,” I smiled in her direction, hoping she didn’t see the sweat on my forehead and think I was a little creepy. “Why not?”

“Why did you ask me?” I watched her face scrunch up in concentration. She was thinking hard about her question— probably forming her own conclusions before I had a chance to answer. We were standing on the sidewalk, looking uncomfortable to be there, and all I could do was thinking how cute she looked with that face. Then I thought of how stupid I was to notice that more than anything else.

“What ya mean?” her facial expression didn’t change and I wasn’t sure she heard me. “Why not ask you?”

“Why not ask Colby?” she looked up at me. “Or one of the others.”

For a moment I was silent. I stood there trying to make sense of what the hell we were talking about. I felt like I’d jumped into the middle of a conversation I didn’t belong in. She seemed to know exactly what the topic was, but I was lost.

“Who’s Colby?” I watched the surprise fill her eyes as if I should have automatically known who the hell she was talking about. Briefly I wondered if she was slightly unbalanced.

“The model that was sitting beside me,” she raised her eyebrows as she said the words, almost daring me to not remember.

Finally it made sense. Her friend. The blond. She clearly thought of her very highly, almost elevated her. I wasn’t sure why that bothered me, but it did. I mean, yea the girl was pretty. But she wasn’t spectacular. At least not in my eyes.

“She’s a model?” It wouldn’t have been a shock to me. She had the look and attitude of a model. Or at the very least, a bitchy female that knew she could be.

“No,” she laughed. “But she should be. She’s almost perfect.”

Her voice trailed off just a little bit. Almost like she was envious or something. I couldn’t see why. Her friend wasn’t the one that made me nervous. Her friend was a dime a dozen.

“I guess,” I shrugged, hoping to show her that her friend wasn’t as great as she thought. She looked like every other pretty blond girl I’d ever met. They were everywhere. I’d have bet money she acted like them too. They all did.

“I just don’t get it,” she bit her lip again. “Why’d ya ask me?”

“Why wouldn’t I ask you?” my question seemed far more reasonable than hers, but she didn’t seem to have an answer. She thought about it a minute longer than most people would. I watched her eyes, appearing to be scanning her brain for exactly what to say, and I wondered why the idea of me asking her seemed so far fetched..

I was also just happy to be able to look at her without being weird or obvious when I did.

Her eyes were green. Light green. Not quite the shade of an emerald. They had the same sparkle when the light hit them though. She hid them. Her hair fell across her face and covered them up. Made me want to reach out and brush it away, but I didn’t. Something told me to go easy with her. I had the feeling I could easily scare her away. Or confuse her. I didn’t want either.

When she bit her bottom lip like she was doing, I wondered if she was nervous or insecure. I hoped for nervous but had the feeling it was the latter. She didn’t seem very confident. But she walked like she was sure of herself. It confused me. Everything about her and the way it made me feel confused me. I wasn’t sure if I loved it or hated it.

She wasn’t used to attention. I got that much very quickly. She seemed to put too much thought into it. Made no damn sense to me. She was beautiful. Real. That’s what I liked the most. She was real.

Her hair was natural. Brown. The shade of brown that didn’t come from a box. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen a girl that didn’t dye their damn hair. Nobody opted for natural anymore. Hell, most didn’t even opt for natural colors. She did. Her hair was beautiful. It was long and even a little messy and she didn’t seem to mind at all.

She didn’t cake her face up with junk. She wore some make-up, but not a lot. Her nails weren’t painted or three inches long. Actually they were short. It looked kind of like she bit them. Another nervous habit. She seemed to have a few of them.

She had a tan, but not the fake kind. It was very light. Almost natural. I’d have bet money she had tan lines and the more I looked at her the more I hoped I someday found out. Which made me feel like I was betraying my own goals and plans.

“Most guys don’t,” her answer was short and quiet and made me sad.

“Most guys are stupid,” I meant it, but I hadn’t meant to say it.

“It’s okay,” she shrugged, turning her face towards the road and seeming to stare off into the distance. “I’m not upset about it. It just is what it is.” Finally she turned back in my direction and smiled up at me. “I was just curious why you asked me instead of her. I’m not upset.” I nodded, somehow thinking it’d make her feel more comfortable even though I was still kind of unsure of what I was agreeing with. “I don’t really want a man anyway. Relationships aren’t my thing.”

“How’d we go from a lighter and a walk to a relationship? Did I miss something?” I was trying to be funny. That’s what I did when I felt awkward. I joked. Laughed. Made others do the same. But as usual, Spencer fucked up.

Her face turned about ten different shades of red and she looked down at her feet. Immediately I wished I could take the words back..

“I—I didn’t…” she swallowed, still refusing to look up at me again. “That’s not what I meant.”

“I was kidding Avery,” I wanted to smack myself. I wait all that time to talk and when I do I end up sticking my foot in my mouth. “I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“It’s okay,” she twisted her mouth as if she were trying to keep from saying something that she really wanted to say. “So,” her eyes focused back on me. “Did you still need that lighter?”

Damn. The lighter. I’d mentioned it, but until she asked me I’d forgotten about my need for it. I don’t know how long we’d been gone altogether, but once we’d left that party I’d totally forgotten about needing to smoke. I’d been so caught up in Avery that I didn’t even remember why we were there.