Forbidden (Addicted to You Book 2) (10 page)

“Thanks for the pep talk Kev,” I laughed as I walked through the bedroom door.

“Tell her!” he yelled “Face your own demons Spence! Let someone love ya for a change.”

And with those words I shut the front door, got into my car, and headed towards Colby’s. We were going to go find Avery. I was going to bring her home. Even if it meant diving deep into my own personal hell.

Chapter 8

There were things other people just didn’t understand. That included Avery. In a way I hoped she would never understand.

When a person grows up with the family problems that Kevin and I had, things that other people take for granted become insignificant. We didn’t have warm and fuzzy family holidays. We didn’t put a lot of emphasis on our birthdays. It’s just the way it was. For as long as we could remember, holidays and special occasions had never been positive or important and so we just kept to the status quo.

Dee tried for a couple of years to make us feel differently about them, but getting two boys that felt discarded by the people supposed to love them to embrace the idea of family was pretty much impossible. Even as adults neither of us had made a big deal out of anything. We just carried on with normal life. There wasn’t much to celebrate so we didn’t.

This year was different. When my birthday rolled around, I found that I wanted to celebrate. I had a reason to celebrate. I had something in my life that was important. Something worth living for. Something worth celebrating. Her name was Avery and for my birthday all I wanted was to give her a day neither of us would ever forget.

I’d been making the plans for two weeks before the big day arrived. I didn’t even tell her what we were doing. She knew it was my birthday and she knew that I’d never really celebrated. Yet everyday she’d ask me the same question. What did I want for my birthday? Every day I’d give the same answer. To spend it with her. She’d giggle and say be serious and I’d know that nothing I’d ever said was more serious than that.

She was all that mattered. Without her, it’d be another day on the calendar that reminded me I’d survived another year. Before Avery, that’s all life was. Surviving. Day to day. Year to year. She is the one that changed that. It was Avery that brought out my smile. She was the reason I was living instead of existing. Making her happy had brought me back to life.

I’d said that to Kevin once and he’d laughed at me. He’d reminded me of various things in life that I’d enjoyed. Things that had made me laugh. Fun that I’d had. He reminded me that not all of my life had been doom and gloom. He was right. Those things and moments had existed. There were memories I had that were important to me.

That wasn’t what I meant. When I said I’d existed and she brought me to life, I wasn’t saying that there’d never been anything I enjoyed before her. Of course I had. I was human. What I was saying was that somewhere I’d lost myself. The person that I really was. He was hidden deep inside of me and had all but died. The Spencer that lived and enjoyed those moments was only a fraction of the person I truly was.

Avery had brought the rest out. She’d made life enjoyable even when there wasn’t anything fun or exciting going on. She’d made simple moments like breakfast or walking to the deli become fun. When I laughed it was from deep inside. When I smiled it was genuine. I was glad to be alive. For the first time in my life, I truly felt happy just to wake up and know I was in the world. That’s what I meant. That’s why she was my reason to celebrate.

We started off early, going out to breakfast. She was surprised when I’d chosen for us to take the bus and train instead of driving. I just laughed and told her it was part of the plan.

After we were finished eating we’d make a leisurely trip downtown. I’d scheduled for us to rent one of the quadcycles that were available on the lakefront. I’d even arranged to pick up a basket of goodies for a picnic from a friend that lived nearby.

Taking a bike tour of the town was one of the things that Avery and I had not done yet. It wasn’t too hot, but was still warm enough to fully enjoy it. So I had it all planned out in advance and everything went smoothly.

We had the bike for the day, so we’d taken our time riding around various parts of the city, exploring and taking photos. She snapped pictures of buildings and places that we saw every day as if she’d never looked at them before. I took photos of her. She was what I wanted to always remember. Her brown hair blowing in the wind that made its way through the buildings. Her eyes lit up with excitement. She was what mattered.

I made sure that we took a long ride down the Lakeshore trail, watching the water and discussing the boats we could see. I thought back to memories from birthday parties I’d attended and the children being asked what their birthday wish was. I’d never thought there was a point in making wishes. They didn’t really come true. But as I sat on the bike, watching Avery take a photo of Navy Pier like it was something she’d never see again, I wished like hell I had a chance to make one. I knew that if I could wish for anything right then it’d be that this never go away.

Eventually we made our way towards Lincoln Park Zoo. Both of us were tired, but neither wanted the day to stop so we kept going. I made a quick pit stop by my work buddy’s apartment. He had my basket and I needed to grab it for our picnic. I watched her eyes light up again as I made my way to the bike carrying it.

By the time we arrived outside of the zoo, it had been hours since we’d eaten and we decided to sit for a while and enjoy our lunch first. If I was asked to remember what we’d eaten, I’d be hard pressed to name anything right. It was good. I enjoyed it. But I didn’t pay a bit of attention to it.

My eyes were focused on Avery. Her hair. The way she sipped on her water. The flush on her cheeks from riding miles on a bike. The way her eyes were lit up and her smile wouldn’t fade. I watched her lips as she talked about the things we’d seen and how she’d never done anything like this. I just wanted to kiss her. I wanted to pull her into my arms and thank her for being the best thing to ever happen to me. Instead, I listened. And I sat in awe. How I’d deserved someone like her was beyond me.

What had I ever done in my life to be worthy of the love of someone like her? I’d disappointed everyone I’d ever known. Yet all I had to do was ride a bike and go on a picnic with Avery and she acted as though I’d bought her the world. I didn’t get it, but I was grateful for it. And I was terrified of it. Mostly of me fucking it up. She would see the real me. The one everyone had always seen. She wouldn’t like it. She would leave.

“What’s next Spencer?” she asked, pulling me out of my thoughts and back to her.

She was so excited. So totally amazed at the entire experience. I’d never known another woman like her. So genuine. So real. So happy.

“The zoo of course,” I smiled.

“I was hoping you’d say that!” she squealed. I’d already learned how much Avery loved the zoo. Almost as much as any child.

We cleaned up the mess from the food and locked up the bike before heading in to explore the animals and displays. She took so long looking at and talking about each thing we visited that we spent nearly four hours just walking, hand in hand, through the small place.

I’d been to Lincoln Park Zoo a million times in my life and I’d never seen it the way I saw it that day.

By the time we were done at the zoo, it was time to return the bike. I saw the disappointment on her face when she realized that it was over. What she didn’t know was that there was far more in store for the evening.

A quick trolley trip from the rental place landed us back at Michigan Avenue just as the sun was beginning to go down. Avery loved the city lights and I was planning for her to have an upfront view.

Taking her hand I led her down the busy shopping district streets, darting in and out of stores and stopping occasionally to snap photos of the two of us in front of various landmarks. Avery wanted to document everything, almost as if she wasn’t going to believe it existed until she saw it in a photograph. I wasn’t sure I’d believe it even then.

We made a quick stop at Ghirardelli for some ice cream and then I led her to our final adventure. A horse drawn carriage ride around the city. For her I knew it would be like the perfect scene from one of her sweet and romantic movies, and that was exactly why I did it.

She didn’t notice the smell of the horses or the sounds of traffic all around us. She didn’t care that the seating was uncomfortable or that the carriage moved so slowly. It didn’t even seem to matter that we were looking at the same things we’d been looking at all day.

Instead she spend the entire time clinging to my hand, her head on my shoulder, whispering often how much she loved me and how perfect this was.

“It’s like it’s my birthday and not yours,” she exclaimed as we stepped out of the carriage and I paid the man for taking us around.

“No,” I replied, taking her hand and leading her towards the closest train. “Seeing you this happy is the best birthday I could ever have.”

“Careful,” she teased. “You are starting to sound all sappy and romantic.”

“Just happy Avery,” I answered, for the first time not teasing with sarcasm and laughs. “That’s all. I’m just happy.”

“Me too,” she smiled.

The ride to her place was uneventful for the most part. Originally I’d planned to take her out to dinner, but I’d changed my mind. Stopping to grab Chinese and a movie on the way to her apartment, I told her that I’d thought maybe we could just snuggle alone and enjoy the rest of the night. She was more excited than I was about that idea.

I don’t think I actually heard five words of the movie. She was so excited from the day that she couldn’t stop talking about it. But I didn’t mind. I love seeing her happy. I loved the way she looked at me. Hell, I just loved her.

That was the thought that prompted me to lean over and kiss her unexpectedly. I wasn’t trying to shut her up, I just couldn’t stop myself. I needed to kiss her. So I did. Which led to pulling her close to me. The way I wanted her in that moment was ridiculous. I could have easily taken her right there on the couch. But I was afraid to move too fast or come on too strongly. I still wasn’t sure she wanted to take it to that level. She’d never really said anything about it.

“I— uh — was thinking,” the words were scrambling. I could hear them in my mind, but when I opened my mouth I froze. That had never happened in my life. “Maybe— I mean— if you wanted,” I felt stupid. I felt like I’d never done this before. I knew how to be smoother than that, but for some reason I just couldn’t seem to say it.

“If I wanted to what?” she pulled back from me and looked at me, her eyes full of questions.

“I could— stay,” it was the best I could do. I couldn’t figure out the right wording. Did she expect me to say make love to her? Would sex be too cheap and tacky? Was saying I want you Avery too forward? I didn’t know.

“Stay?” her eyes grew wide. “Like…overnight?”

“I don’t have to,” I replied quickly, afraid I’d upset her. “I was just saying I could. If, you know, you wanted me to.”

Her eyes stayed wide and her mouth dropped open. For a good five minutes she just sat there, looking shocked, and I wondered if I’d made a mistake. Perhaps Avery wasn’t in the same place that I was.

“Of course I want you too!” she finally squealed, breaking what seemed to be a never ending silence. “Why would I not want you to Spencer?”

“I don’t know,” I shrugged in response. “Maybe it didn’t appeal to you.”

“Oh,” she grinned. “It appeals to me very much.”

And that was how it started. I’d fumbled and invited myself to stay and she’d been surprised and happily agreed. And like nearly everything else between us, we’d never really said what we were saying. We’d talked around it, both of us understanding what was lying beneath the surface. Only this time it’d been my fault.

I wish I could look back and remember how I regained my composure and gave her the best damned night of her life. But I can’t. Because I didn’t. The mess I’d made in the living room was nothing compared to the one I made once we went to bed.

“Do you want to take off our clothes?” I’d asked her, sounding like a pre-pubescent boy during his first adventures with a girl.

“Isn’t that how this usually works?” her laugh had filled the room and I was happy the bitch wasn’t home to hear it. She’d probably assume it was me she was laughing at.

“It can go either way,” I’d answered, not sure why we were having this conversation.

“Do you not want me to take my clothes off?” Her eyes had suddenly dropped and I saw that look of insecurity fill them. What the fuck had I done?