Forbidden (Addicted to You Book 2) (19 page)

“Funny.”

Her response was flat. Dry. Cold. This wasn’t Avery. She wasn’t the same. What had this guy done to her. I felt my fists tighten again. My glare focused on him. A couple black eyes would make those horrendous zits less noticeable. The only thing stopping me was Colby’s hand on my wrist. Silently reminding me of the goal. A motion that Avery noticed.

“Come home with us.” I didn’t want to beg. I couldn’t. I had to tread carefully.

“For what Spencer?” she directed her eyes back to mine. They were empty.

“Because you belong there.”

“Until one,” she looked at Colby again, “or both of you leave me.”

Colby’s hand tensed around my wrist. The words stung. It was the first time the two of us stood in the same spot. Watching the person we loved give up on us. We were united, but it seemed pointless.

I felt hot. Sweaty. My hands were clammy. All I wanted was to see her eyes light up with love. I needed to know the feelings were there. But her face was blank. Her eyes empty. She seemed void of almost everything. Why?

“I won’t leave.” Colby said. “Never again.”

I wasn’t going to promise. She had been through this before. Me and my word didn’t mean shit. I loved her. I needed her to come home with me. But telling her that wasn’t gonna change what happened.

It was gone. Her innocence. The part of her I’d loved so much. It wasn’t there. She had changed. And it was my fault. I fucking hated myself. By trying to keep her from seeing the cruelty in the world— I’d fucking shown it to her myself.

Instinct told me to run. She wasn’t mine. She’d replaced me. I needed to get the hell out of that building before I lost control. I needed to get some air. Mostly— I needed away from him before I made sure he’d never touch her again.

“Why should I believe either of you?”

She’d lumped me in. Even though I’d made no declarations— she’d lumped me in. The trust was gone. The feeling was gone. Avery was gone.

“Come home Avery.”

Colby was about to beg. Which wasn’t going to go well. Avery was lost. At least for now. I could see it. It wasn’t something she was hiding. It also wasn’t something we could change. Maybe she’d come around. But it wasn’t going to happen in that moment.

“I don’t think…”

She was starting to speak. She was going to refuse. Her face showed it. I didn’t want that to happen. I knew what it’d do to Colby so I interrupted her.

“Can we all have dinner tomorrow?”

It was the best I could do on the spur of the moment. I needed a way to stop what was about to happen. As much as Colby had pissed me off since we’d met, I couldn’t let her feel that devastation. I didn’t want to see her realize what I’d seen when I looked into Avery’s eyes.

I also needed to know that I’d see her again. As much as my body wanted to run— I couldn’t. I loved her. I needed her. I couldn’t give up.

“No pressure. No strings.” I added, hoping that would be enough to make her say yes.

“Luke too?”

The knife dug deeper into my gut and twisted. I wasn’t going to survive this. She wanted him there. She requested we include him. Was that because he was her safety net? Or was he more? I couldn’t ask. I also couldn’t risk she’d say no.

“Of course,” I answered her as calmly as I could. “If you want him there, bring him.”

I didn’t mean it. I didn’t want that bumbling fucking moron at dinner. I certainly wasn’t paying for him. I couldn’t afford to feed his chunky face. But if it meant that Avery would be there, I’d do it. Well, I’d eat with him, but he could buy his own damn meal.

“Okay.”

It was all we were going to get. She wasn’t going to talk. It was my turn to end the visit. I gave her the number at the motel and reminded her she had mine. I grabbed Colby and almost drug her out of Luke’s house. She was devastated. But I had to get us both elsewhere to deal with the impact of that blow. We couldn’t break down there. We had to bring Avery back to us. That meant letting her pull away.

“What now?”

Colby’s voice brought me out of my thoughts as I drove the car back towards the room. I didn’t have an answer. She was hurt. I was hurt. Avery was…I didn’t even know what Avery was. But it wasn’t good.

“We hope.”

“What are we hoping for?”

I could hear the pain in her voice. It almost mimicked mine. One thing was for sure— Colby and I had bonded on this trip. We would never be best friends. But we had come to an understanding. Of each other and our place in Avery’s life. An agreement we’d never seemed to be able to find before.

“We hope she comes back to us.” It was no more simple or complicated than that.

Chapter 18

“Not now” I tried to shut the door.

“I don’t fucking think so!” Her voice carried when she was mad. Her foot slid into the door and prevented it from closing. “I think it’s time we talk.”

“I have nothing to say.”

“I didn’t ask, did I?”

I wasn’t gonna win the battle. She wasn’t going anywhere. Not until I talked. I wanted her gone. Meant I was gonna have to talk to her. Or I was gonna be fighting her all damn day.

“Fine,” I turned and walked away. There was no invite to come inside. She was a grown woman. She could make her own decisions.

I went straight to the kitchen, grabbing a drink and heading back to the sofa. She’d already made her way there, forcing me to choose the recliner.

“What do you want Colby?”

“You are a fucking asshole.” I waited as she decided on the next words. It wasn’t like I didn’t know that she felt that way already.“I don’t know what game you are playing— but quit playing it with her. She deserves so much better.”

“You came all the way over here to tell me something I already fucking know?” I wasn’t in the mood for her nonsense. I needed to get on with my day— which prior to her visit had included drinking and sulking. “You think I’m an asshole. Avery deserves better. Yep, all things that I’d already known.”

“Don’t even try to come waltzing into my door again telling her you made a mistake and you love her!”

“I do love her.”

“Bullshit!” she screamed. “If you loved her you’d never do that shit to her. Let alone over and over again.”

“Think whatever you want.”

“You destroy her. Then you pick up the pieces and glue em back together. Just so you can break em again.”

“Colby— never mind— just say what you need and go home.” I was tired. I was angry at myself. I was upset. She wasn’t helping. “Does Avery even know you’re here?”

“It doesn’t matter!” she snapped. “What matters is what I’m saying.”

“I heard you. Leave her alone. Fine. Now can this be over?”

“You don’t even give a fuck. You are pathetic. The world’s biggest fucking prick.”

“And you are a bitch. Anything else?” putting the glass to my lips, I decided the taste of whiskey almost made the feelings tolerable.

“Stay gone Spencer.” She yelled as she stood and walked towards the door. “If you really love her— stay the fuck away from her.”

She slammed my fucking door. I hated when people did that. Women were notorious for slamming doors and banging things when they were angry. What was the point? It was just unnecessary noise. Something women did to get attention. Slam a fucking door. It never even worked.

I stood up and went to pour another drink. Colby had a lot of fucking nerve just showing up at my apartment. Especially to tell me how unhappy Avery was and instruct me not to go back.

I didn’t want to go back. I wanted to let her heal and move on. It just never worked that way. It wasn’t like I’d just decided that today I didn’t love her. Hell no. I loved her more than anyone would ever understand.

The night she’d come to me had really fucked with me. I’d spent two days trying to figure out what to do. She loved me. Enough that she’d give up her best friend. I didn’t like that bitch very much— but I knew Avery would regret that. I knew then I should let her go. I knew that night she’d be better off without me.

I tried to convince myself otherwise. I told myself she needed me. She loved me. Colby was cruel. I said all the things I thought were true. It almost worked. I almost believed that she was better off.

Then I went there. At first, all was good. We were about to watch a movie— talking about the possibility of us living together— when the bitch had interrupted. I won’t lie, I was a little pissed. She’d walked out to us heavy duty making out on the couch. Wouldn’t that be the right time to go back to your fucking room? But she didn’t. She joined us.

My anger went away. When I saw how happy Avery was— I quit being mad. Instead, I felt guilty. All she wanted was for us to get along. Yet she’d walk away from her friend for not accepting me. Even knowing I didn’t really accept her either.

Avery would choose me. Each and every time. Even if she knew that the choice she made would ultimately hurt her and make her unhappy. But one day she’d see the real me. She’d know how dark and ugly I was underneath the surface. And she’d hate me. She’d want away from me. Yet nobody would be there to help her. To hold her up. She’d have given them all up for me.

How could I let her do that? I mean I had seen with my own eyes how much it had meant to her for Colby and I to get along. How much that bitch had meant to her. I couldn’t be the reason they were torn apart. But Colby had seen it. The dark underneath. She didn’t like me. She never would. And it would tear Avery apart.

It was going to be bad. The thoughts and feelings compounded inside my head. I knew what I had to do. She needed freedom. She needed her friends. She needed me gone. Before I destroyed her life the way I’d done my own. Before I left her hating me and having no one else to turn to.

I didn’t like picking a fight with her. She was so surprised. So upset. Tears were filling her eyes and I couldn’t look at her. There was no way I could see the torment on her face that I knew was there. Colby had left. I didn’t need her psycho ass on me. I’d picked the right moment to say something. Anything.

She begged. Pleaded. I felt my insides twist up. I was in agony listening. God I hated when she did that. Part of me felt bad and wanted to give her what she wanted. The other part wanted to slap her and tell her to grow the fuck up. Stop begging for love. It didn’t work. It wasn’t going to work. Trust me, I’d spent my entire life trying.

I’d never touch her. But I hated seeing her like that. Hated seeing the tears. Hated hearing the pleas. Especially when I couldn’t show the way they hurt me. When I couldn’t make it better. I had to stay cold and distant. It was the only way it’d work.

I’d walked out. Listening to her cry. I’d left. Breaking her heart. Shattering her trust in me. I’d still done it. And I’d do it again. It was the right thing. The best thing. The only thing.

That night had been the hardest. The drugs. Wanting them. But I’d fought it. I’d drank myself damn near stupid— but I didn’t cave to the drugs. That was important. At least to me.

Ironic that the bitch showed up when I’d done it all for her. So that Avery wouldn’t trade her for me. So that I wasn’t the reason they fell apart. Wonder if she’d think I was such an asshole if she knew that?

Probably.

She was a bitch, after all. But I’d never tell so it didn’t matter. I just had to suffer through it. Hearing her words echo in my brain. Knowing she was unhappy and I was the reason. I’d just have to deal. Because sometimes there just isn’t anything else to do. Sometimes loving someone just isn’t enough.

Chapter 19

I expected dinner to be awkward. I knew I’d have a tough time sitting through it. Not touching her. Not telling her I loved her. Watching her sit with another man. But I also knew that I had no choice. I loved her too much to give up on her.

“How can you do it?” I had just finished getting dressed when Colby asked. My curious glance in her direction must have shown her that I didn’t know what she meant. “Agree to this— let him be there?”

“I love her.” The answer seemed simple to me.

“But she’s— I mean—”

“I know.” I grabbed the keys, ready to get this over with. “But I still love her.”

“I would think that would make it harder.”