Forbidden (Addicted to You Book 2) (27 page)

I didn’t want that weak little whiny bitch back. The one that fell apart on the beach. The one that hid at home and cried. She’d done nothing but fuck up her own life. She wasn’t worth much. She was the reason he kept leaving.

I liked life now. I wasn’t going to change it. Not for Spencer. Not for anyone. But I’d be willing to go home. See what he had to say. Possibly even try again someday. As long as I could be me.

Maybe I’d forgive Colby. When she deserved it. But that bitch had already moved in on the man I loved. She had no discretion. No boundaries. No morals. Fuck her.

I was tired of living in her shadow. It was her turn. I’d go back and I’d live my life. And she could grovel. She could beg. She could try and win my approval. I was tired of winning hers. It never came. She didn’t want me happy. That’s why she’d stormed out. I was happy, so she pretended to be upset. So that Spencer would chase her.

Fucking bitch.

She knew he was hurt. Jealous. Feeling awkward. He’d never sit there with the two of us. Luke made him hurt. So she’d pulled him with her. Hurt me the way she was hurt.

Well she’d better prepare. I was the new me. And I was happy with it. If she wanted me in her life— she’d have to straighten that shit out. She couldn’t have it all.

I felt a twinge of guilt at the things I felt. Was I being paranoid? Sometimes it felt like the drugs made me crazy. But without them I wasn’t functioning very well.

My bag was packed when I heard Luke yell that he was ready and had tickets waiting for us. I was going back to see if things might finally work with Spencer. If he loved me enough to love me like this.

I grabbed my phone and shot out a quick text to him. Fuck Colby— he could pass the word to her.

We are coming to Chicago. Will be there by tomorrow. Dinner maybe?

I hit send and shut the phone off. I didn’t need distractions. When I got downstairs, Luke had it ready. A smile from me was all the thanks he needed. He knew what I’d want before I left. Sitting down I grabbed the needle and handed it to him. I didn’t like doing it myself. Too dangerous.

We both took our hit and then he put the stuff away telling me he’d get his hands on some when we arrived. Couldn’t have them catch us with it. He was definitely smart about it. I wasn’t sure how long he’d been doing it— but unless you knew him, you’d never know. I only hoped no one could tell about me. I didn’t want them to think I was a druggie. I wasn’t. It was temporary. Numbing the pain. I would stop.

I smiled as I shut the door to his huge house behind me— knowing I’d never be back.

I was going home. I was going back to Spencer…. If he still wanted me.

Coming Soon

I didn’t ask for love.

I never wanted love again.

But Spencer was so perfect. So caring— honest—loyal.

Avery was different. So full of life— innocence—hope.

I’d found everything I’d never known I needed. I was afraid I’d lose it.

She was everything I wasn’t. It scared the hell out of me. I didn’t want to lose her.

He kept leaving me. No matter how close we got— he always left me.

I tried to leave, but I couldn’t stay away. I loved her too much. I needed her too much!

I always took him back, but he never told me why. Why he’d hurt me.

I wanted to protect her. I needed her— but I wanted what was best for her.

He kept his secrets locked inside. Why did he keep coming back if he was just going to leave again?

She couldn’t know the truth about me. The truth about my life. It would change her.

The pain got worse each time he disappeared until it was just too much to handle.

She was gone. She was leaving me. That’s when I realized I had to do it.

I had to make it stop. I had to numb the pain. So I did.

To let her see the demons, I had to face them myself. So I did.

Spencer had been my obsession. All I cared about. All I knew.

Avery was my addiction. I couldn’t live without her.

But he was gone. I had to move on.

But I could see it in her eyes. I had lost her. she was gone.

Turns out when you numb the bad— you numb the good as well.

Every day I fought the urges that lingered underneath the surface.

He wanted me back again. He asked me to come home.

She didn’t believe me. She didn’t trust me anymore.

I couldn’t show Spencer who I’d become.

I had to show Avery who I’d been.

I needed to let him go. I needed to accept it and move on.

I wanted her back. I couldn’t live in a world without her.

I couldn’t walk away completely.

I couldn’t let her go.

Was the love real?

Was the love enough?

He was hiding something from me.

She wasn’t telling me the truth.

Could he accept my present?

Would she accept my past?

I was obsessed with forgetting who I’d been.

I was obsessed with bringing Avery back to me.

Obsessed— Addicted to You Book 3

Coming October 2015

About NJ Flatman

If you don’t know by now, I am known to most of the world as Jenni.

I am a slightly crazy, seriously overdramatic, extremely emotional, hopelessly romantic, just a touch perverted, creative genius.

But it is my belief that all of the best storytellers are.

I was raised in the mountains of North Carolina, but the western side of Michigan has been my home for more than a decade. I currently live walking distance to our version of the beach with my sixteen year old daughter, all of our combined personalities and whatever stray people I tend to take in.

From the time I was old enough to hold a pen to paper, I have dreamed of writing novels. I achieved this dream first as a ghostwriter and then decided to jump in and try it for myself.

And here I am.

One of my favorite quotes is from none other than Stephen King.

"Love isn’t soft, like those poets say. Love has teeth which bite and the wounds never close."

If you are a handsome prince swoops in and saves me kind of girl then my stories are probably not for you. They are romance, and they show real and true love, but they show all sides of it-including the dark and not so soft and happy parts.

When I'm not pouring my heart and soul into romance and perversion I spend the majority of my time carting my kid back and forth to theater and music obligations, hanging with the crazy people I call friends, out enjoying various stuff in town, killing things on xbox and trying to find a minute to actually sleep.

My house is never clean, calm or quiet, but I've discovered I work best in chaos.

I've always been a firm believer that life is for living, not existing and I’m on a mission to live mine to the fullest or die trying. For me, this means loud music, from the gut laughing, unconditionally loving and trying my damndest not to have to cook

Stay in touch with me:

Blog: http://agoodgirldirtymind.com Facebook: Http://facebook.com/njflatman

Twitter: @njflatman Email: [email protected]