Authors: Cheryl Douglas
Cassidy rubbed Indie’s forearm. “I love that you care so much about me, but I’ve moved beyond what happened with Lee. He and I have talked about it. He explained what he was thinking and feeling at the time, and given my history with substance abuse, I get it.”
“I don’t understand how you can let him off the hook like that,” Indie said, withdrawing her arm. She was still uncomfortable with prolonged physical contact. “It doesn’t make sense to me. I know it’s not my place to judge, but—”
“But you can’t help the way you feel. I understand that.” After scrutinizing Indie for a prolonged moment, Cassidy said, “Maybe if you got to know Lee better, you’d understand that he’s nothing like the man who hurt you. Lee loves his family, especially his daughter. If you could see the way he is with her and my kids…” Cassidy smiled. “It’s not easy to hate a man who loves children as much as Lee loves mine.”
“So that’s why you decided to forgive him?” Indie asked. “Because he’s your kids’ uncle?”
“No, I forgave him so I could move on with my life without all of that hate in my heart.” She traced the logo on her mug. “I wanted Drake to forgive me for the mistakes I’d made. I wanted to rebuild a relationship with my mother, to forgive her for the mistakes she’d made when I was a kid. I couldn’t do that until I admitted we were all sick.”
Indie’s brother-in-law wasn’t an alcoholic, but he had been drunk when he assaulted her. She didn’t think that earned him a free pass. “I just don’t understand how you can be friends with him, how Drake can love and trust him again.”
“Lee used sex as much as drugs to mask his pain. He’s a gorgeous man. Women have always been drawn to him.”
Indie could understand how a woman who didn’t know what kind of man Lee was might find him attractive. “What’s your point?”
“He slept with me because he could. He saw it as an opportunity to get back at his brother for cutting him off.”
“But he used you.”
“He did. But in his state, he didn’t see it that way. I was no different than any of the other strung-out women who gave him their bodies.”
Indie tried to hide her distaste. Just when she didn’t think her opinion of Lee could get any lower, it did. “But you didn’t use those drugs willingly.”
“No, I didn’t, but Lee didn’t know that. All he knew was that Katie planned to get high with me and then score a piece of jewelry when I was out of it.”
“And you believe that story?”
“Katie corroborated it, so yes, I believe it.”
“You believe he thought you knew it was him and not Drake?” Indie asked quietly.
“At first I didn’t, but when I had time to think about it, I realized what he said made sense. Lee’s not violent, and he would never force himself on a woman who wasn’t willing.” Cassidy sighed. “I know this is difficult for you, but if you’re putting Lee in the same camp as the man who hurt you, I don’t think that’s where he belongs.”
“I don’t know,” Indie said, biting her lip. Giving Lee the benefit of the doubt was a scary proposition. She knew what could happen when she let her guard down.
“I have an idea,” Cassidy said, her eyes shining with excitement. “Drake and I are having a little party at the house this weekend to celebrate Lee joining the company. Katie and Chris will be there, my mother, the kids, a few close friends. You should come. It’ll give you a chance to see a different side of Lee, maybe get to know him a little better.”
“I don’t think so,” Indie said. She didn’t do parties.
“Please?” Cassidy folded her hands under her chin. “It would mean so much to me and Drake. I know how much he wants this thing with Lee to work, and I don’t see how it can if his right-hand woman and brother can’t stand each other. Do this for him? For me? Please, say you’ll come?”
With a heavy heart, Indie said, “When you put it that way, I don’t have a choice, do I?”
“Cass, I know you’re trying to help,” Lee said, stealing a puffed pastry from the tray his sister-in-law was preparing. “But I’m telling you, this is a bad idea. That woman hates me, and nothing you or Drake say or do will change that.”
“And I’m telling you”—Cassidy slapped Lee’s hand when he reached for another pastry—“Indie is an amazing girl. She’s sweet and fiercely protective. She doesn’t let a lot of people in, but once you get to know her, you’ll see how amazing she is.”
Lee questioned whether the little dark-haired enigma would ever let him get
that
close. “Just don’t be too disappointed if this evening doesn’t work out the way you hope.” The last thing he wanted was for Cassidy to be frustrated by Indie’s deeply ingrained dislike of him.
“Don’t worry about me,” Cassidy said, smiling at him. “This night is about you, to celebrate your new job. You’re excited about it, right?”
“Sure, why would you ask that?” Lee refilled his glass from the stainless steel water cooler in the corner of the kitchen.
“When Chris congratulated you earlier, I got the feeling you were still kind of on the fence about it. I hope you didn’t feel pressured into making a decision before you felt ready.” She smiled. “We both know how tenacious my husband can be when he sets his mind on something.”
“I’m honored that Drake trusts me enough to welcome me into the fold,” Lee said. “It’s taken a hell of a long time for us to find our way back to a healthy relationship. I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize that.”
Cassidy frowned and propped her hip against the granite countertop. “But this is your life, not Drake’s. You should make decisions that make
you
happy.”
“I know, I am,” he said self-consciously. He tipped the water glass back. He didn’t know what it was about his sister-in-law, but he always felt as if she was reading him, seeing things he tried to hide.
“How do you feel about Katie and Chris getting married?” she asked, obviously deciding to pick away at another sore spot.
“I’m fine with it. I’m happy for them.” He was already on edge about Indie showing up. He didn’t need an interrogation too.
“It takes a big man to wish his ex-wife and best friend well and mean it.” Cassidy leaned over the counter. “But I believe you do mean it. That says a lot about how far you’ve come.”
“I’ll always love Katie. She gave me the best thing that’s ever happened to me, but it’s no secret I never loved her the way she deserved to be loved. Chris can give her that.”
“Do you think you can love anyone that way?” Cassidy asked. “I mean, have you ever loved anyone with that kind of intensity?”
“No.” Just when he thought she couldn’t introduce a topic he would want to talk about less, she did.
“Why?”
“Come on, you know why. I don’t have to tell you.”
“Because of what happened to your parents,” she said. “You’re afraid to love anyone else, in case they leave you too.”
“I love Hannah.” That was stating the obvious. Everyone knew that his world began and ended with his daughter.
“But she can’t wake up one morning and decide she doesn’t want you to be her daddy anymore, can she?”
Lee knew where she was going. Lovers drifted in and out of his life, and he encouraged them to leave before they could get too attached. He liked sex, but he didn’t enjoy emotional strings. “Not if I don’t give her reason to.”
“But you could fall in love with someone incredible, give your whole heart to her, and she could leave you. That’s what you’re really afraid of, isn’t it?”
Lee turned to look out the window. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Yes, you do.” She came up beside him and rested a hand on his back. “Your brother felt the same way when we met, you know. He didn’t want to let me in. He certainly didn’t want to love me, but the heart wants what it wants.”
“I guess.” He watched the kids playing on the lawn. It wouldn’t be much longer before Chris and Katie gave Hannah a little brother or sister to play with. He knew how much she would love that, so he couldn’t allow himself to be resentful.
“That’s why you married my sister, isn’t it?” Cassidy asked. “Because she was safe? Your heart wasn’t at risk because you knew if she walked out on you, you’d survive.”
Lee swallowed. He didn’t regret a moment he’d spent with Katie, and he didn’t want to make it sound as if he’d just been going through the motions with her. Their years together were the happiest he’d ever known, and he owed her a debt he could never repay.
“It’s okay to admit it,” Cassidy whispered. “You were both scared. You’d been through hell, and you needed someone just to help you get through the day. You guys were an amazing support system for each other and exactly what the other needed at that time in your lives.”
“Yeah, I guess we were.” No one but Katie would have understood how hard it had been just to wake up without reaching for the phone to call his dealer.
“But you’re both stronger and healthier now, Lee. It’s okay to want more out of life.”
Lee’s life had been about survival for so long, he hadn’t wasted much time dreaming about a better future. “That’s what this job is all about, right?”
“A job can’t hold you and listen to your problems or offer advice. A job can’t make you believe that everything’s going to be okay no matter how bad things get.” She tugged on Lee’s sleeve to encourage him to face her. “Only a partner can do that. Your soul mate out there, you know, the woman you were meant to spend your life with. I really believe that.”
Lee smiled, hoping she couldn’t tell she was breaking his heart by planting seeds of hope. “If you say so.”
She kissed his cheek. “I know so. Just keep the faith, okay?”
“Sure. What else have I got without that?”
***
Indie felt like an intruder crashing Lee’s party. Everyone else was there because they loved and respected him. She was there trying to pretend she could tolerate him. She smiled politely when his best friend sang his praises. She nodded when the kid he was sponsoring told her about how Lee had busted into a crack house to drag him out by the collar.
But the only one who really touched her was Hannah. She told Indie that her daddy had stayed up half the night to put her doll house together last weekend, and that genuinely made Indie smile. She knew how much that would have meant to her as a little girl. Hannah saw her daddy as a hero, no matter what.
Dragging her thoughts away from the picture Hannah painted, Indie watched Drake and Cassidy present Lee with a gift. The rare guitar made him smile in disbelief and thank them profusely. Indie didn’t know a lot about instruments, but she could tell that one was special.
Feeling like more of an interloper, Indie wandered outside. It was chilly; she should have brought a light jacket. The seasons were changing, and she had to remember to dress for it. Indie was drawn to the serenity of a waterfall surrounded by chairs. The laughter coming from the house reminded her that she didn’t belong. There was nowhere she felt like she belonged.
Sitting on a lounger, she listened to the soft lull of water as she ran a fingertip over the raised scars marring her wrist. She always wore long sleeves, even during the summer months, because she didn’t want people to question her about them. She didn’t want to face the sorrow in their eyes when they realized she’d once tried to take her own life.
“I saw you wander down here,” came a deep voice behind her. “I thought you could use a little company.”
Lee.
He was the last person she’d expect to follow her, the last person she wanted to see, but when he slipped his jacket around her, she found herself burrowing deeper and inhaling the cologne lingering on the expensive fabric.
“I came down here because I wanted to be alone,” she said, hoping he would take the hint. Yet when he sat across from her with the guitar propped on his knee, she didn’t ask him to leave.
Lee strummed the guitar softly. “The year after my parents died, I used to escape to a little waterfall not far from their house. It seemed like the only place I could make music.”
Indie watched his hands move, refusing to believe the beautiful melody was stirring her soul.
“Drake used to find me there sometimes.” He looked up at the water cascading down the man-made stone. “My brother once told me that’s why he built this thing, hoping I’d find peace here too.”
Indie swallowed. She didn’t want to hear his sad story. She didn’t want to believe he could be a good man who’d just made a mistake because she’d spent half of her life seeing men like Lee as evil.
“My brother tried so hard to save me, but he couldn’t.” Lee continued to strum the guitar, playing a song Indie had never heard. “No one could. After my parents died, it was like there was this void nothing and no one could fill… until Hannah was born.”
Indie knew what it felt like to live with a chasm where her heart used to be, but she had no idea how to love someone, even a child, enough to fill it. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I see a lot of myself in you.” A soft smiled curved his lips. “The anger, frustration, loneliness, and sadness. I used to feel the way you do.”
“You have no idea how I feel,” she said, wrapping the jacket around her when she should have tossed it back in his face. “You don’t even know me.”
“Sometimes you can look into someone’s eyes, someone you’ve never met before, and feel like you know them. Maybe because you’ve walked the same path, shared the same heartache.”
Indie stared into the waterfall, backlit by strategically placed lights. It was supposed to be peaceful, but it was stirring feelings she would rather bury than acknowledge. “If you’re implying that you and I are alike, you’re wrong, dead wrong.”
“You’re alone. I know what that feels like. I’ve been alone too.”
“No, you haven’t,” she said, mortified when she choked back a sob. “You’ve always had Drake, your grandparents, Katie, Hannah. Hell, even Cassidy is in your corner, though I can’t understand why.”
“Ah, I get it now,” he said, laying his hand over his guitar. “She told you about what happened, what I did to her.”
Indie hadn’t intended to let that slip.
“I was sick,” he said. “That doesn’t excuse what I did, but I was.”