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“Lee and Drake are identical twins.”

“Ah, now it makes sense.” After taking a moment to ponder the new information, Jocelyn asked, “You said both Cassidy and Lee were high when this happened?”

“Yes, but it wasn’t Cassidy’s fault,” Indie said. “She’d been clean for almost a year. If Katie and Lee had kept their distance, Cassidy never would have relapsed.”

“You don’t know that,” Jocelyn said, touching Indie’s hand. “No one knows when an addict might relapse. That’s why programs encourage people in recovery to take it one day at a time.”

“No, Cassidy had too much to lose.”

“Sometimes that’s when people are most likely to relapse. The pressure, coupled with the fear of losing what they’ve come to value, often triggers a set-back.”

“You know a lot about this.”

“I’ve counseled many women who turned to drugs to help them cope. I’ve taken a lot of addiction courses over the years. It allows me to better serve my clients.”

Indie didn’t know what to make of that information. She had hoped Jocelyn could provide some insight about her anger toward Lee, but she was more confused than ever. “I don’t know. I just don’t understand how someone could befriend their attacker.”

“That’s because you’re looking at this through the scope of your personal experience,” Jocelyn said. “Maybe your friend sees it differently.”

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe she sees Lee as someone who hurt her and betrayed her, but rape may not be the word she would choose to describe what happened. If I were you, I’d talk to Cassidy about it. She might help you understand.”

“I don’t think I have the right to ask her to rehash all of this just so I can tolerate working with Lee. This is my problem, not Cassidy’s.”

“True, but if she’s your friend, she would want to help you. Don’t you think?”

“I guess you’re right,” Indie said, though broaching the subject with Cassidy was just about the last thing she wanted to consider. “Thanks for the talk. I’ll think about what you said.”

“Please do, honey. For your own sake.”

Lee wasn’t looking forward to breaking the news to J.T. that he’d decided to accept Drake’s offer, but there was no sense in putting it off, so he asked J.T. to meet him for lunch at Jimmy’s. J.T. stood as soon as Lee walked through the door, and he waved Lee over to a booth in a rear corner, away from the lunch crowd. Lee was grateful for the privacy. J.T. would no doubt push him about his decision, and Lee wasn’t sure he could explain why he’d decided to go with Drake’s offer. When it came down to it, he couldn’t live with the thought of letting his brother down again.

“I was glad you called, man,” J.T. said after he shook Lee’s hand. “I have to admit, I was kind of surprised. I thought you’d need a little more time to think things over.”

“I did too,” Lee said. When he’d gone to bed last night, the only thing he could think about was how his brother had saved his sorry behind time after time when they were growing up. After everything he’d done to hurt and disappoint Drake, he owed it to him to live out his vision of the two of them working side by side. “But it became pretty clear to me what I needed to do.”

J.T. frowned and waved off the waitress who’d approached to take their order. “Why do I get the feeling I’m not gonna like this?”

“Probably because you’re not.” Lee decided to just lay his cards on the table. “It means a lot that you would even think of me. I know how much this place means to you. But…”

“But what?”

“I just can’t disappoint Drake again. I’m sorry, J.T.” Lee sighed when he saw J.T.’s expression. J.T. wasn’t going to let him off the hook. “Drake and I have had our ups and downs, but we’re finally getting to a good place, and I don’t wanna screw that up. Can you blame me?”

“Can I blame you for putting your brother’s happiness above your own?” J.T. asked, narrowing his eyes. “Hell, yeah. Look, I lost a brother in combat. If he’d been thinking about what would have made his family happy, he wouldn’t have walked into that war zone. Hell, he wouldn’t have enlisted.”

“He did what he felt called to do.” Lee understood that sense of obligation. While he could never claim to be a hero, he was a parent, and that meant putting someone else’s needs first.

“Yeah, he did.” J.T. pushed aside the tablet he’d been working on when Lee walked in. “I still miss him every day, but I would have preferred he died living out his purpose than spent his life just going through the motions because his family wanted him to stay safe.”

“Your brother sounds like he was a hell of a guy.”

“He was.”

“Yeah, well I’m not that guy,” Lee said. “I’m not a hero. I’m not a selfless warrior. I’m the guy who’s hurt everyone who’s ever tried to help him.”

“So you’re going to punish yourself for the rest of your life for mistakes you made when you were an addict. Is that the kind of example you want to set for the kid you’re sponsoring or the other people in the program… that you can never allow yourself to move on? That you have to pay for your mistakes for the rest of your life?”

“Of course not.” Lee hung his head and wished he could slink out the back door to the dumpster where he used to buy drugs. He needed to remind himself of the broken man he’d been. Everyone told him to forgive himself, but they didn’t know what they were asking.

“I may not have walked in your shoes, but I’ve known dozens of guys who have,” J.T. said. “I see people coming in here all the time to feed their addiction. It doesn’t matter if their poison of choice is booze, drugs, sex, or something else. The effects are the same.”

“What’s your point?”

“It can help people just to know that someone else has been where they are and that they managed to pull themselves out of that hole and create a better life.”

Lee smirked. “So you think I should take over this bar because the derelicts who come in need a poster boy?”

J.T. said, “Some of these people have no one. They come in here to talk. They wanna tell you their story. They wanna hear yours. Face it, man, you’ve got one hell of a story to tell.”

“Like I said, I’m nobody’s hero, nobody’s savior.”

“Really?” J.T. asked. “I’m willing to bet that kid who came ‘round here lookin’ for you would disagree. And you could be a friend to the people around here who need one.” J.T. pointed to the bar. “See that guy with the white hair sitting at the bar?”

Lee glanced over his shoulder. “Yeah, what about him?”

“His wife left him when he came home from Vietnam. It was just him and his son for the longest time, ‘til the boy got killed by a drunk driver.”

Lee closed his eyes. He didn’t want to hear the rest of the story because he could guess where it was going.

“He’s been coming in here every day since his boy died. He’s lonely as hell and wants to drink himself to death. Doesn’t feel like he has any reason to go on living.”

“I can understand that.” That’s how Lee had felt when his parents died.

“I know you can,” J.T. said, leveling him with a look. “That’s why you’re the man for this job. You’ve been where they are. Alcoholics, drug addicts, they’re just people masking pain. You know that as well as I do.”

“I’m not a shrink.”

“No, you’re a recovering addict with a sketchy past. Believe me, around here that holds a lot more weight.” J.T. pointed to a blonde behind the bar. “You see that little lady? She’s one hell of a singer.”

“So why’s she bartending?”

“You know how hard it is to catch a break in this town. A person’s gotta eat.” J.T. hooked his thumb over his shoulder. “You have any idea how many platinum-selling country artists have found a fan base right there on that stage?”

Lee glanced at the pictures lining the walls. “I have some idea.”

“Dreams are born here, Lee. Don’t you wanna be a part of that?”

He did, but not as much as he wanted his family to be proud of him. “You’ll find someone else.”

“I don’t want someone else,” J.T. said. “You need this place as much as it needs you.”

“You’re crazy, man.”

“You try this job with your brother on for size, but I’ve got a feeling you’ll be back.”

“Don’t wait on me.” Lee was determined to make his job with his brother work. He owed that to Drake.

“I won’t.” J.T. smiled. “But I’m not ready to give up on you just yet. When you change your mind, the offer stands.”

***

Indie probably would have made a beeline for the door if Cassidy hadn’t walked into the café when she did. Indie had asked her friend to meet her so they could talk about Lee, but she was having second and third thoughts about taking Jocelyn’s advice.

“I’m so glad you called,” Cassidy said, leaning in to kiss Indie’s cheek before sitting down. “I really needed a little girl time. I adore my babies, but there’s only so many kiddie shows
a girl can take without losing her mind.”

“How are they?” Indie asked, smiling. She adored children, and she’d worked as a live-in nanny before she started working for Drake. Moms relished their time at the office so they could engage in grown-up conversations, but Indie looked forward to playing trains and Barbies.

“Great,” Cassidy said. “Couldn’t be better. Now that Miles will finally take a bottle from his nana, I can leave him for an hour or two.”

“That’s good.”

Cassidy looked up at the board menu. “I’m thinking a good old-fashioned hot chocolate. You want one?”

“No, thanks, I’ll stick with my café mocha,” Indie said, nodding toward her mug.

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” Turning back to face Indie, Cassidy said, “How about a gingersnap? Surely you can’t resist one of those.”

Indie’s only indulgence was caffeine. She kept a whole food organic diet and rarely ate sweets or processed foods. “I’m good, but you go ahead.”

“You’re no fun.” Cassidy pouted. “I hate being bad all by myself.”

Indie laughed and watched her friend walk up to the counter. In spite of delivering two healthy, beautiful babies, Cassidy had a figure most women would envy. Drake was a lucky man, and not just because his wife was gorgeous. She was the sweetest, most genuine, and forgiving person Indie had ever met.

“So how’s work going?” Cassidy asked when she came back and bit into her cookie. “Is my husband pushing you too hard?”

“No, everything’s fine. Except… well…” In spite of rehearsing what she wanted to say, Indie found it difficult to find the right words.

“What is it, honey?” Cassidy asked, covering Indie’s hand with hers. “You know you can tell me anything.”

“I guess you know Drake offered Lee a job.” With a self-conscious laugh, she said, “Of course you do. It’s not like your husband would make a decision like that without talking to you first, right?”

“Is that a problem for you?” Cassidy frowned.

“It’s none of my business, I’m just an employee, but—”

“You’re a lot more than that,” Cassidy said sternly. “Ever since you came to work for us, you’ve been like family. I hope you know that.”

Indie suspected Cassidy and Drake had seen her as a lost soul, someone without family or friends, who spent all of her time with other people’s children. To an outsider, Indie’s life may have seemed like a sad existence, but it suited her just fine. She lived on the periphery of the families she worked with, sharing their homes but never opening her heart. Except to the children. She couldn’t help but love them. They were so innocent, so perfect, with so much love to give.

“I do.” Indie focused on a man who’d just walked through the door. Not that she was attracted to him. She hadn’t been attracted to a boy since before her brother-in-law got drunk and took what he wanted without asking.

“He’s cute,” Cassidy said after she’d glanced over her shoulder. “He’s totally checking you out. Quick, go get behind him in line. For sure he’ll talk to you.”

“I’m not interested,” Indie said, shaking her head. “Back to what I was saying about—”

“You haven’t been interested in anyone since I’ve known you.” Cassidy appeared hesitant. “Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?”

Given the questions Indie had lined up, she knew she would have to oblige. “Sure, ask away.”

“Are you… I mean… do you prefer
women
?” she whispered. She rushed to finish her thought. “Not that it matters to me. I’d just like to know, you know, so I don’t keep running my mouth about you finding the right guy.”

“I’m not gay,” Indie said, smiling to let Cassidy know she wasn’t offended. “But I’m not interested in finding the right guy. I like my life exactly as it is.”

“Don’t you ever get lonely?”

“Not really.” That was a lie. She missed the pitter-patter of little feet running up and down the hall after bedtime, the low drone of voices coming from the bedroom down the hall. Just the sounds of life.

“I don’t mean to pry,” Cassidy said. “I just worry about you.”

“I appreciate that, but you don’t have to. I’m fine. In fact, I’m good.”

“If you say so.” Cassidy took a sip of the whipped cream on the hot chocolate the barista had just brought over. “Okay, you were saying something about Drake hiring Lee. Go on.”

“How do you feel about it?” Indie hoped Cassidy would pave the way by telling her she wasn’t completely comfortable with the idea.

“I’m the one who suggested he hire Lee. He’s been doing a good job freelancing for Drake. Why not make the position permanent, right?”

Permanent.
That meant Indie would have to find a way to tolerate Lee or find another job. “Right, makes sense, I guess.”

“But you obviously have a problem with it. You don’t like Lee?” Cassidy asked.

“How can I?” Indie whispered. “After what he did to you…”

“Oh, honey, sometimes I wish I’d never told you about that.” Cassidy looked pained. “When you came to us, you seemed so closed off. The only way I could hope to get you to open up was to tell you about me: my drug addiction, my breakup with Drake, what happened with Lee, living on the streets…” She sighed. “I didn’t tell you to make Lee into a villain. After what happened to you, I can certainly understand why you see him that way.”

Indie hadn’t intended to tell Cassidy about her rape, but when Cassidy shared her experience, Indie felt compelled to do the same. “I hate that he hurt you.”