Forbidden (18 page)

Lee claimed her mouth with the single-minded focus of a man determined to banish his doubts. She opened for him, giving herself with every delicious stroke of her tongue. She wrapped her legs around him, welcoming him, and it would have been too easy for Lee to lose his head.

“Let me get a condom,” he murmured, kissing her neck. Her taste, her touch sent him reeling. Reining in his desire was proving more difficult than he’d expected, and he hadn’t even gotten started.

Indie watched him fumbling with the condom, sinking her teeth into her lush bottom lip. “I can help you with that if you’re having trouble.”

A harsh and unexpected laugh escaped his lips. He’d lost count of the number of times he’d used protection over the years, but something about her made him feel like an inexperienced teenager. “I’ve got it.”

Determined to make the experience as good for her as it would undoubtedly be for him, he circled her breasts with his tongue. He barely contained his smile of satisfaction when he felt the rumble in her chest.

“Lee…” She sank her hands into his hair. “Hmmm, I love the way you make me feel… the way you touch me…”

He focused his attention lower, kissing a line down her flat stomach and over her hips. “God, I can’t wait to taste you.”

Kissing her intimately had been one of his fantasies since the night he’d held her in his truck. He’d gone home that night thinking about all the things he would do to her, for her, if she ever let him hold her all night long. He wondered whether another man had ever pleasured her that way. He wanted to believe he was the first. Closing his eyes against the rush that nearly flat-lined him as she shuddered in response to his kiss, he tried to remind himself he was doing it
for
her.

“Oh God…” she cried, fisting the sheets as she tossed her head from side to side. “I can’t, please…”

Lee knew she was feeling on the brink, afraid to fall. He had to prove to her she could trust him, that he would never take her there without providing the safety net. “It’s okay, sweetheart. Just let go.”

She cried out with her release as she reached for him. “Make love to me.”

Love.
She was labeling their union with a word that should have scared the hell out of him, but he couldn’t think of a more apt description for what he was feeling. He’d liked a lot of women in his life, lusted after too many, but he’d never surrendered his heart, not even with Katie. Before he could consider the ramifications of falling for Indie, he was in her, guided by her gentle touch. Her eyes were wide with wonder as he reveled in the experience of being sheathed in her heat.

“Don’t move,” he whispered, running his hands over her face. “Just give me a minute.” His body screamed at him to get on with it already, but his heart told him to take the time to appreciate his windfall. Moments like that didn’t come along twice in a lifetime. Indie’s eyes showed awe and a touch of fear, making Lee realize he needed to reassure her. “Are you okay, baby?”

She nodded and tried to smile, but her lips quivered instead. “I always imagined it would be like this when I found the right person.”

Lee lowered his head to hide his emotion. He wanted to give her everything she deserved and more, but he had a track record of disappointing the people who loved him. He didn’t want to add her to the list.

“Don’t over-think this,” she whispered, as though she could read his mind. “Just enjoy this moment. If this is all we ever have, I want it to be one of the best memories of my life.”

He chuckled, trying to hide how her words affected him. “No pressure or anything, right?”

She guided his face with her hand, coaxing him to look at her. “No pressure.”

Lee knew she was giving him an out, but he didn’t know if he wanted to exercise that option, especially since he was experiencing physical pleasure that reminded him of the difference between sex and intimacy. Closing his eyes, he allowed his body to move in a subconscious rhythm. His body knew how to please her. Not just because he was an expert at the mating dance, but because he’d never felt that kind of connection.

Kissing his shoulder, Indie murmured her approval as her nails grazed his back. “Yes… that’s it. Don’t hold back. I won’t break.”

No, but you might break me.
The thought was unsettling, but before he could focus on it, she tightened her grip and took him to places he’d never been. Indie was proving that sex could be so much more than just physical. When two people trusted each other and let their guards down, it could be kismet.

“Relax,” he moaned between clenched teeth. She was taking over, deciding how and when to finish him off. He wanted to be the one guiding her pleasure, not the other way around.

“I can’t help it,” she whimpered. “I’m so close.”

That was when he realized she was reaching for her own release and inadvertently taking him along on her ride. “I know what you need.” He kissed her deeply as he tilted her hips and hit the spot he knew would set her off.

She kissed him frantically, sinking her nails into his back, as her orgasm tapered off. “I’ve never… I mean…” She expelled a breath. “I didn’t know it could be like that.”

Lee loved exceeding her expectations, even though they’d only scratched the surface of the pleasure they could show one another. “It can be whatever you want it be.” His body was thrumming, eager for his own release, but her emotional needs seemed more pressing.
I can be whatever you need me to be.

“I want it to be real.” She ran a fingertip over his bottom lip and gave him a wobbly smile. “As real for you as it is for me.”

Not knowing how to respond, Lee kissed her. He loved how responsive she was, how her body cradled his. His release came swiftly, taking him by surprise. When he would have taken a moment to catch his breath, she guided his mouth back to hers.

“That was amazing,” she whispered, her hot breath fanning his ear. “Thank you.”

Lee chuckled. “I should be the one thanking you.”

“For what?” she asked when he rolled off of her.

“For the time of my life.”

***

Indie thought about Lee’s words as she watched him walk into the en suite bathroom and close the door.

“Hey, Lee? Man, you here?”

Indie recognized Donato’s voice. Sitting up, she pulled the sheet higher, trying to decide whether to respond or call Lee.

Lee opened the bathroom door, frowning. “Was that…” His face paled when Donato called out to him again. “Shit.”

“Is there a problem?” she asked. Lee seemed embarrassed at the prospect of being caught with her.

“There’s going to be if he finds you here,” Lee said, reaching into his closet for a bathrobe.

“Why would he care—”

A tap on the door preceded Donato. “Hey—” He looked from Indie to Lee. “You son of a bitch! I thought I could trust you.”

“You can trust me,” Lee said. “This isn’t what it looks like. I mean, it is, but I never meant for this to happen, kid. You gotta believe me.”

If Indie had questioned whether Lee would have any regrets, she didn’t anymore.

When Lee reached for Donato’s arm, Donato shook him off. “Don’t touch me, asshole. I really thought you were different. I thought you cared about me.”

“I do.” Lee raked a hand through his hair. “Look, I know you like Indie, but it never would have gone anywhere.”

“Really?” Donato shot a glare in Indie’s direction. “Then why did she have lunch with me today?”

Lee glared at Indie. “You went out with him?”

Feeling as if she was under attack, Indie pulled the blankets higher. “It wasn’t a date. It was just lunch with a friend.” She looked at Donato. “At least that’s what it was to me. I’m sorry if you thought otherwise.”

“I gotta get the hell out of here,” Donato said, backing out of the room. “At least out there I know the score. People don’t pretend to be my friend and stab me in the back.”

Lee followed Donato into the living room. “I didn’t betray you. I mean, I didn’t mean to. This thing with Indie just happened. It shouldn’t have, but it did.”

It shouldn’t have happened.
Those words pierced Indie’s heart as she got up and dressed. The front door slammed, and she heard Lee mutter a string of curses as he walked down the hall.

She looked up when he walked back into the room. “I’ll be out of here as soon as I can.”

“I’m sorry about that,” he said, pacing. “I forgot that I said he could hang out here tonight.”

“I’m sorry he feels you betrayed him.” Indie wanted to tell him Donato wasn’t the only one who felt betrayed, but she knew it wouldn’t do any good. Lee had already made up his mind about her.

“He had a thing for you, obviously. I never mentioned it because, well, I didn’t think you’d be into him. Besides, it’s not a good idea for a recovering addict to get involved with anyone so early in their recovery.”

Indie heard what he said, but she was too focused on putting her clothes on without trembling to respond.

“Was I wrong about that?” Lee planted his hands on his hips as he faced her. “Were you into him? Is that why you went out with him?”

“I already explained that,” she said, pulling on the high-heeled boots she’d discarded when she slipped into his T-shirt. “I don’t think it bears repeating.”

“I need to go after him.” Lee reached for his jeans on the floor. “I know you and I need to talk about this, but Donato’s in a rough place. He needs me now.”

He needs me now.
Indie swallowed the burn in her throat. She needed him. Why couldn’t he see that? “No problem. I can take a taxi home.”

“Home.” His hands froze on his belt buckle. “Shit. I don’t want you to go back there. Why don’t you just crash here tonight? We can talk in the morning.”

“There’s nothing left to say.” She raised her chin and looked him in the eye, praying he couldn’t see her tears. “You’ve made it pretty clear how you feel. What happened here tonight was a mistake. Let’s just forget about it and move on
.
”
As if that was possible.

“I know what I said to Donato may have seemed harsh, but he was—”

She held up her hand. “It’s okay. You don’t owe me an explanation. I told you before we had sex that I had no expectations. I don’t.”
Liar.
She’d expected it to mean as much to him as it did to her.

“We didn’t have sex,” he said through clenched teeth. “It was more than that, and you know it.”

“Whatever.” She was tired of arguing and pinning her hopes on people who disappointed her. “I have to go.”

He reached for her wrist. “Damn it, don’t leave like this. Stay here while I go after Donato. At least then I’ll know you’re safe.”

“Thanks,” she said, pulling her wrist free, “but I was taking care of myself just fine before you came along. Don’t worry about me. Donato needs you. Go find him.”

Lee wandered into his apartment at dawn, bleary-eyed and feeling like a failure and a traitor. He’d convinced Donato to trust him, then he let him down. He’d also hurt Indie, and he didn’t know if he could forgive himself for that. He thought about calling her a dozen times as he wandered the streets looking for Donato. But he didn’t know what to say.
I’m sorry I hurt you. I hate that I let you down, but it’s sort of what I do. I tried to warn you, and now it’s too late.

They clearly couldn’t go on working together though. Since she needed that job more than he did, Lee texted his brother asking him to pass by his apartment on his way to the office. In the meantime, he took a quick shower, made a pot of coffee, and walked around the small apartment clutching his cell phone and praying for it to ring.

After what seemed like an eternity, Drake walked in, scowling. “What’s so important that we couldn’t have discussed it at work?”

“I can’t make it to work today.”

Drake sized him up. “You look like hell. Not feeling well?”

“You want a coffee?” Lee asked, trying to postpone the inevitable. He dreaded telling his brother that he’d messed up again, but he had no choice. Drake would find out eventually, and Lee had learned the hard way it was better coming from him.

“No, I want to know what the hell’s going on with you.”

“Sit down,” Lee said, taking the chair while gesturing to the sofa.

“Why do I get the feeling I’m not going to like this?”

“Probably because you’re not.” Lee dropped his head into his hands, covering his eyes. He wished it was as easy to shut out the world and pretend he wasn’t a part of it. He didn’t know how many more times his twin would accept his apology without deeming him hopeless. “This is about Indie.”

“What about her?” Drake’s tone took on an edge that let Lee know he was tired of the dance and wanted Lee to get to the point.

“I messed up,” he said, sighing. His eyes drifted to a framed photo of Hannah on the end table, and he remembered all the times he’d vowed to be a better man for her sake. “I know you warned me not to get involved with her, but…”

“You did anyway.” Drake shook his head and chuckled. “Why am I not surprised? I don’t know what it is about you, but women have always been drawn to you like bees to honey.”

At the moment, Lee couldn’t find the humor in the situation, especially when he thought about how he had hurt Indie.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have deemed you off-limits,” Drake said. “That must have been what intrigued Indie.”

“I don’t know what it was about me she found appealing.” Lee was disgusted with himself that he hadn’t had the discipline to keep his distance. “Whatever it was, I’m pretty damn sure she doesn’t feel that way anymore.”

“You want to tell me what happened, or am I supposed to guess?”

Lee leaned his head against the back of the sofa and closed his eyes. “Donato has a thing for Indie.”

“I’m not surprised. She’s a beautiful girl. You know how many guys have passed through my studio and tried to get a date with her? Dozens.”

Lee lifted his head, opening one eye. The last thing he needed was to be reminded of how incredible Indie was. His life made sense with her in it, and the prospect of never seeing her again made him feel lost and confused. “You’re not helping.”