Forbidden (9 page)

“You shouldn’t.” He leaned in a little closer. “Trust is earned, and I haven’t earned your trust yet, but I’d like to, if you’d let me?”

She used to crave human contact, a lingering hug or a passionate kiss, but she’d locked away that part of herself. She could only associate sex with violence. Jocelyn had told her it was a common response that most women eventually overcame, but Indie suspected she never would.

“I don’t know…” She hadn’t expected to hear hesitation or longing in her voice. She’d believed that shutting Lee down would be as easy as it had been with every other man who asked her out since she left Florida. Something about Lee called to her, and she didn’t want to slam the door in his face.

“You can tell me to back off,” he said, slowly wrapping his arms around her from behind. “And I will, no questions asked.”

That reassurance sealed the deal for Indie. She leaned into his chest, holding his forearms in her icy grip. She was still trying to control the contact, convincing herself that she could wrench his arms away whenever she chose to, but she didn’t want to. The steady beat of his heart, his hot breath fanning her neck, aroused feelings she thought had been killed and buried.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered, scraping his whiskers against her neck.

She shuddered. Those words reminded her of a night she wanted to pretend had never happened.

Lee must have felt her body go rigid. “I’m sorry, did I say something wrong?”

Indie cursed herself for overacting. She should be able to accept a simple compliment without acting like he’d tried to assault her. “I’m sorry.” She loosened her grip on Lee’s arms. “It’s just that some things…. trigger painful memories.” She wasn’t ready to tell Lee that her brother-in-law had raped her. The only man she’d told was her father, and he’d believed she was concocting a story to cause trouble between her older sister and her husband.

“Do you want to talk about what happened to you?” he asked. “You don’t have to, but it might help.”

She didn’t know if it would, but she was tired of keeping it a secret. She wasn’t the one who should feel ashamed. “I was raped when I was sixteen.” She waited for him to comment, but he remained silent. She stared out the window at a street light. “It was someone close to me. A man I’d known a long time. I thought I could trust him.”

“That’s why you hated me so much,” he whispered, drawing back.

Indie surprised herself by linking her hands with his. She didn’t want distance between them. She wanted to feel the heat from his skin, the strong and steady beat of his pulse. She really was
taking a tentative step outside of her cocoon.

“When Cassidy told you what happened between us, you assumed I did to her what that bastard did to you.” Lee pulled away and sank into the driver’s seat. He glared out the window, propping an elbow on the driver’s doorframe as he fisted a hand against his mouth. “Who could blame you for thinking that?”

Indie didn’t know what to say. He was right. She’d despised him because she assumed he took advantage of a vulnerable woman, but the kindness he’d shown her led her to believe she may have been wrong about him. “I’m sorry…”

“No, I’m sorry.” He tilted his head to look at her. “This isn’t about me or my past. This is about what happened to you. I’m sorry someone you trusted hurt you, Indie.”

Her breath caught in her throat when his gaze fell to her mouth. “I appreciate that, but I’m over it. I hardly ever think about it anymore.” That wasn’t true, but she wasn’t ready to let him know how damaged she really was.

“You said this happened when you were sixteen. How old are you now?”

“Twenty-three.”

“Jesus, I had no idea you were so young.”

She knew Drake and Lee were in their mid- to late-thirties. Being on her own so young, without a family to support her, had made her grow up quickly. “It’s just a number. Most days I feel like I’ve lived twice as long.”

“You’ve been on your own a long time?”

“Ever since I was sixteen.” She was sure he would draw some correlation between the rape and her leaving home, but he probably didn’t want to overstep by asking. “I lied about my age and got a job as a live-in nanny when I moved to Nashville.”

“Why’d you decide on Nashville?”

“I have a cousin here.” She burrowed deeper inside his jacket. “She was the only one who believed me about what happened because he’d come on to her too. She managed to fight him off though.”

“Who is he? Who did this to you?”

“My sister’s husband.” She hadn’t expected she would tell Lee the whole story, at least not that night, but his unassuming way put her at ease.

“Your family didn’t believe you when you told them what he’d done?”

“No.” She closed her eyes, replaying the ugly scene in her mind. “We had a houseful of people at my parents’ for Thanksgiving dinner. It was loud. There was music, voices, laughter.”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” he said, resting a hand on her forearm.

Indie wanted to retreat again, but then
he
would win. His vile act would stay locked in her memory and keep hurting her. She feared she may throw up all over Lee’s leather interior. “He followed me up to my bedroom and locked the door. He had a knife against my neck most of the time. He told me if I screamed, he’d slit my throat.”

“Son of a bitch,” Lee whispered, covering her hand with his.

“He was.” Indie trembled. “He was mean. Evil. But no one saw that side of him. I didn’t either until that night.”

Lee slid across the bench seat and put his arm behind her head as an invitation if she wanted to lean in to him for comfort. She did.

Indie leaned her face against Lee’s chest, fisting his shirt. “I was going through a rebellious phase. I’d dated a lot of losers. My parents probably thought I was having sex with them too, but I wasn’t. I was a virgin until that night.”

Lee held her tight. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

“I tried to tell them what happened. I wanted to go to the police, but they told me they’d disown me if I spread those vicious lies. It was a small town. My dad was on the town council, and my mom was a nurse at the local hospital. They’d grown up there. Everyone knew them. He was a fire fighter, a local hero. I was just the crazy goth girl who wore too much makeup and had too many piercings.”

“I can’t believe your family didn’t believe you.”

It still hurt if Indie let herself think about it too long. “I haven’t spoken to them since. They don’t know where I am, and that’s the way I want it.”

“With the Internet, it’s not all that hard to find people.”

“I guess they don’t want to find me.” Ignoring the pain in her chest, she said, “It’s better this way. Nothing to remind me of the past.”

“But you can’t forget what happened to you. It’ll always be with you. A part of you.”

“I don’t want it to be that way.” She looked at him for the first time since she’d told him the truth. “I just want to be free.”

“Are you? Free?”

“No.” She hid her face in his chest again. The next admission was perhaps the most embarrassing of all. “I’m celibate. I have been since the… rape.”

She felt his breath quicken before he said, “So that was your one and only sexual experience?”

“Yes.”

Tipping her head up with his index finger, he said, “You’re an incredible girl. You’re gonna find the right guy someday. Someone who will love you and appreciate you and understand all that you’ve been through.”

Indie felt a stab of disappointment. He was dismissing her by telling her that her Mr. Right was out there waiting for her. “You think so?”

“I know so.” He dropped a kiss on her forehead before he slid back to the driver’s seat. “Let’s get you home. I don’t know about you, but I’m wiped out.”

Am I tired?
Indie wondered as she fastened her seatbelt.
Yes, tired of being treated like I’m invisible.

***

Lee walked into his brother’s office the next morning, eager to get down to work. He needed something to take his mind off his conversation with Indie. He’d spent most of the night tossing and turning, thinking about what he would do to Indie’s brother-in-law if he ever got his hands on him.

“You look like hell,” Drake said, looking up from his computer. “What happened?”

“I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

“Hmm.” Drake frowned. “Indie said the same thing when she came in. You guys didn’t—I mean, you weren’t together, were you?”

“Don’t be an asshole,” Lee snarled. “She’s barely legal. Besides, I promised you I’d stay away from your employees, and I intend to honor that promise.”

“I never said you and Indie can’t be friends,” Drake said. “I get the feeling she can use all the friends she can get.”

“What the hell do I look like? A freakin’ social director? If she wants friends, let her go make some the way everyone else does—in bars or clubs or cafes or... I don’t know… at church!”

“What the hell’s got you so wound up today?” Drake asked.

Knowing he would never look at Indie the same way again. Something had happened between them last night. She made him feel things he’d vowed he would never let himself feel. “I just want to get some work done. Can we do that?”

A knock on the door interrupted them. Indie poked her head inside, but her smile faltered when she saw Lee’s face. “I’m sorry to interrupt. Lee, I was wondering if I could have a quick word with you?”

The last thing he wanted was to rehash what had happened last night. If his experience with the opposite sex had taught him one thing, it was how much women liked to analyze thoughts and feelings.

“Can this wait until a little later?” he asked, hoping she would let him off the hook. “Drake and I were just about to get started and—”

“That’s okay,” Drake said, waving them off. “You guys take all the time you need. I’ve got to finish up with this anyway. In fact”—he looked at Indie with pleading eyes—“would you be a doll and grab me a chocolate croissant from the café? I skipped breakfast this morning.”

“Sure, no problem.” She cast a furtive glance in Lee’s direction before smiling at Drake. “You want a coffee too?”

Drake laughed. “I may have been in a hurry to leave the house this morning, but I’m useless before I get some caffeine in my system.”

“Okay, we’ll be back in a bit,” Indie said.

Realizing he had no choice but to follow her, Lee felt a little like a lamb being led to slaughter. He didn’t want to acknowledge his feelings for her any more than she would want him to, but he didn’t know how to work with her every day and pretend she was just another co-worker.

“I heard you didn’t sleep so well last night,” he blurted out as he stabbed the elevator button for the ground floor.

“Where did you hear that?” she asked, rocking back in her high-heeled boots.

She looked gorgeous, Lee thought, trying not to notice. She was wearing black skinny jeans, high leather boots, and a black tunic sweater with a colorful scarf. Her earrings were big, bold, and bright, dusting her cheeks when she moved her head.

“Uh, Drake mentioned it.”

“You two were talking about me?” she asked, looking amused.

“No.” Lee could tell she was having fun at his expense. Given his foul mood, that should piss him off, but he couldn’t help but return her smile. “He mentioned that I looked like shit, and I told him it was because I hadn’t slept well last night. He said you hadn’t either. He… uh… asked me if we had been together.”

“What did you tell him?” she asked, hitting the stop button.

“Why did you do that?” He reached across her to get the elevator moving again, but she stepped in his path.

“I asked you a question.” She placed her body between him and the panel. “What did you tell him about what happened last night?”

“If you’re worried I told him what you told me, I didn’t. I wouldn’t betray your confidence.”

“I appreciate that.” She lowered her head and tucked a silky lock of hair behind her ear. “I asked Cassidy not to tell him either. I know I shouldn’t ask her to keep secrets from her husband, but—”

“Drake’s just your boss, Indie. He doesn’t need to know every last detail about your life. Everyone has the right to privacy.”

“Your brother’s more than just my boss. He’s a friend, a good friend. I’d like to tell him my story, but I don’t want to change the way he thinks of me.” She shrugged. “I don’t need or want his pity.”

Lee admired her. She was totally alone in the world, except for the cousin she’d mentioned, yet she didn’t want anyone to make things easier for her.

“That’s why I wanted to talk to you,” she said, standing back against the wall and folding her arms. “I wanted to make sure things weren’t going to be weird between us now.”

Lee felt her erecting those damn walls again, trying to freeze him out. He should be happy she was trying to put distance between them—since that’s what he’d convinced himself he wanted—but he hated that shuttered look in her eyes. “They won’t be.”

“Good,” she said, punching the button to continue their descent. “Glad to hear it.”

Lee stood behind her as she waited in line at the café. “We might as well grab a coffee and a seat.” Lee gestured to one of two empty tables. “Like Drake said, there’s no hurry to get back.”

She lifted her sleeve to check her watch before pulling her sleeve back down quickly. “I really should get back. I have a ton of work to do, and I’m meeting my cousin for lunch in a couple of hours.”

“You’ll work better after a shot of caffeine. Ten minutes, fifteen tops,” he said, smiling.

“Fine, fifteen minutes.” She reached into her pocket for cash.

“I got this,” he said. “Why don’t you grab that table before someone else does?”

“Okay, thanks. Better make mine a double espresso,” she said with a wry smile. “It’s going to be a long day.”

“You want anything to eat?”

She looked at the freshly baked muffins and pastries before wrinkling her nose. “It’s okay. I’m not big on breakfast.”

Lee frowned. “Didn’t your mama ever tell you breakfast was the most important meal of the day?”

“My mama told me lots of things were good for me. Doesn’t mean I listened.”