I took another step but stopped instantly when Seth turned to look at me. His eyes roamed my body from head to toe
, and I felt my face get warm. Swallowing hard, I took a step farther into the room towards him.
“Um, Merry Christmas, Seth,” I said, holding the gifts up slightly as proof to my statement.
He looked down at the presents in my hand then back up at me. That feeling of nervousness increased as I stood there. He didn
’t return the sentiment, and I was beginning to feel like a fool for coming to him. My desperate need for companionship had me seeking out the very person that made me feel so alone in the first place. My chest started to ache as I felt the sadness start to engulf me. Today, I just wanted to feel something other than this, just for today, but instead it was worse.
“One…one is from my parents and the other is from me,” I said, choking on the tears I
fought to keep back.
I sat them down on his piano then turned to leave. I felt Seth
’s warm hand wrap around my wrist, stopping me from fleeing. I thought about pulling free, but I didn’t want to deal with his anger on top of everything else today, so I stayed and waited. He didn’t hold it tightly; instead, he gently rubbed his thumb back and forth across my skin but still said nothing.
***
There was something different with her, a different sadness that she’d carried with her since the day after Thanksgiving. I saw it that day and in the weeks that followed. For once, I didn’t know what to do. As much as I wanted to force a change in her behavior, I didn’t think I could. The more I pushed, the more she withdrew, so instead I restrained myself and gave her space.
Now she
’d come to me. She still had the look in her eyes, like she wanted to run, but she came. I gave her arm a little tug, forcing her to step closer to me. Calida held her breath when I placed my hands around her waist.
“Are you going to leave before I open my gifts?”
Calida shrugged a little as she looked down at me. “I didn’t want to bother you.”
“So why come in here at all if you
‘didn’t want to bother me’?” I countered.
Calida frowned and pulled away. She covered her face and took a shaky breath. She started to speak but closed her mouth and just shook her head. I stood
, causing her to take another step back.
“I…um…it
’s Christmas so I, well…” Calida quit talking and angrily swiped at the inevitable tears that started.
“For a woman that had so much to say last time we spoke, you seemed to be very tongue tied today.”
She gave me an annoyed look as she let out a loud sigh. “I…nevermind. I don’t want to fight with you today. I wanted…it doesn’t matter what I want, whether it be today or any other day. I’m sorry for coming in here. Hope you enjoy your gifts.”
Calida turned to leave
, but I grabbed her arm to stop her.
“So you wanted something…
other than to drop off those?” I asked, looking in the direction of the gifts.
Calida tried to pull free, but I gave her arm a gentle tug which brought her body closer to mine. I had missed her, missed her softness,
missed how her body fit so perfectly against mine. I was so angry at her the last time we spoke. She was so defiant and not acting like herself between envying her friend’s relationship and that man, but she was confused. She needed time to think, and I needed time to not hurt her. She got that time and sought me out when she was ready. I guess patience really was a virtue at times. I needed to touch her, to feel more of her, so I slid my hand under her shirt, letting my fingers caress the soft skin on her back.
“I just wanted to give you your presents,” she replied softly, keeping her eyes on my chest.
I held her close to me for a while, fighting the urge I had to push her onto the floor and enjoy the pleasures I’d been denying myself.
She’s yours to have at any time!
She was mine. I could have her, even if she fought me, I could have her. But I didn’t want to force her, not yet anyway.
Taking a deep breath, I took a step back. “Well, they have been delivered. If there
’s nothing else you needed, I’m going to go out for a while.”
Calida looked up at me with shock, then sadness flashing across her face. I
took one last look at her then forced myself to walk past her.
“You
’ve been going out a lot lately,” she said quietly.
“Been keeping tabs on me?” I asked
, leaning up against the doorframe.
“Why not,” Calida replied, turning to face me. “It
’s what you do to me.”
I felt a smile spread across my face as I pushed off
the door. Calida looked worried but stood her ground as I approached her. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I pulled Calida so that she was again pressed against my body. I leaned down so that my lips brushed against her cheek.
“Have you been following me?” I asked softly.
Calida shook her head quickly. She made a small attempt to pull free, but I could tell she didn’t really want that freedom. I felt the change in her breathing. The friction from the rise and fall of her chest against mine made her nipples pucker.
“Tracking my cell phone?”
asked resisting the urge to lean down and suckle the tight bud.
This time she turned to look at me. “Is that what you do to me?”
Our faces were inches apart, and I could see the nervousness she felt. Her tongue darted out to moisten her lips, and I felt myself gravitating towards them, wanting, needing to taste them.
“Get dressed. W
e’re going out,” I said, moving away from her.
“
We’re
going out?” she questioned.
“Yes. That is why you are in here after all. You don
’t want to be alone on this most festive of holidays. So since I’m going out, that means you’re going out.”
“So you knew what I wanted, but you were gonna what? Make me beg for some company? Your company?” she asked angrily.
“Yes,” I replied, picking up my gifts and leaving the room.
***
I was frustrated after Seth left. He just couldn’t stop with the games; he always had to have the upper hand no matter what. And I was annoyed with myself for falling into the trap. I let my loneliness get the better of me, and he used it like he does all my other weaknesses. No matter what he claimed he felt for me, I doubted we’d ever be able to interact without him manipulating me somehow.
I debated on not getting dressed and just staying alone in my room today, but I knew that would hurt me more than it would hurt him. After I got dressed, I found Seth downstairs waiting for me. He led me over to my car, and I looked at him
, confused. He’d never driven my car before, and I wasn’t sure what to make of this change. I stared out the window as he drove, wishing the sun would peek out at least for a little while. I would cast intermittent glances over at Seth who kept his eyes firmly on the road ahead.
“Where
’ve you been going Seth? When you’ve left at night?” I asked after we’d been driving for about ten minutes.
“Do you really want to know?” h
e asked in response, cutting his eyes over at me.
There was something in his tone that made me not want to really know the answer to my question
, so I went back to staring out the window.
“Here, put this on,” Seth said, handing me a blindfold he had retrieved from the middle console.
I looked at it skeptically but took it from his hands. I tied it around my eyes, cutting off my sight and increasing my nervousness. I jumped when I felt his hand brush across my cheek. I lost track of time, and Seth didn’t bother to attempt any small talk as we drove. Finally, I felt the car stop, and he cut the engine. I heard Seth open his door, and a few seconds later, I felt the cold air hit me when he opened mine.
His warm body surrounded me
, and then I felt his lips on mine. The kiss started softly as he waited for me to recover from the surprise and respond. Slowly, I placed my hands on his hips and tilted my head up a bit, letting him deepen the kiss. Seth let out a little groan in response, and his arms held me tighter, but not in anger or aggression.
“Merry Christmas
, Cara Mia,” Seth said softly after he broke from the kiss.
My blindfold was removed, and once my eyes readjusted to the light, I saw my surroundings for the first time. I walked farther up the drive and saw that there was a large, red bow on the front door of an expansive Tudor-style house. I turned back to see Seth leaning up against the car then looked around to see where I was. Again I saw no neighbors, the driveway was long and I recalled hearing the electric sound of a gate opening.
“Where are we?”
“Tuxedo Park.”
My eyes widened in shock. I knew this place; Patrick had done work here before. Tuxedo Park was probably the most exclusive neighborhood in the Buckhead
area.
“Would you like to go in?” he asked, holding the keys out for me.
“In?”
“Yes. This is your present,” Seth replied, walking past me towards the front door.
I stood in the driveway, letting it all sink in. He’d bought me a house. Even sleeping in another room didn’t help me feel better about being at his place. He knew that, but I didn’t think he really cared. That was his house and that’s where he wanted to be, so that’s where I had to be, or so I’d thought. I may not have had direct neighbors like at my old house, but I wasn’t as isolated as I was in Milton.
“Are you coming?” Seth asked when he realized I hadn’t moved.
Seth had a genuinely warm smile on his face and as I walked towards him, I felt myself smile a true smile for the first time since this all started. Material things were never that important to me. I couldn’t have cared less about the zip code I lived in; I just didn’t want to stay at his place. I had to embrace the small victories whenever they came.
The change in location did lift Calida’s spirits some. She appeared a little less tense when she would come home from work. She spent weeks pouring over color samples and even actively sought out my opinion on the furniture selection and placement. When she was decorating the house, it was the most stress free time we would spend together. This kind of environment wasn’t my first choice. I didn’t do block parties and welcoming committees, but this is what she needed. Her mood had improved on some level, but there was still something different about her. Something was missing, she still wasn’t whole. She still wasn’t the woman I wanted her to be.
“Time for bed,” I said, walking into her office.
Calida would make attempts to work late, hoping I would be asleep before she came to bed or go to bed earlier trying to be asleep before I go there.
“I just need to…”
she started with her excuses, but I closed the lid on her laptop, sending a clear message it was not up for debate.
She reached over and turned off the desk lamp. When she stood, I immediately pulled her into my arms
, kissing her forcefully. Calida whimpered a bit before parting her lips to allow me the access I demanded. I slid my hands down to cup her ass, squeezing it tightly.
“There need to be better rules on how you
’re spending your time,” I said quietly with my lips brushing across the soft skin just below her ear. “You have office hours; therefore, work should stop when you come home. You don’t think I know you’re using it as an excuse to avoid being with me? Well, that stops now.”
Calida turned her head slightly to look at me. “That…I
’m not trying to avoid you,” she replied quietly. “I just want to make sure I’m pulling my weight at the office. And I want to make sure you get a good return on your investment.”
I felt a smile spread across my face as I listened to the excuses she attempted to give. “So you are worried about my finances? You think I made a bad business decision?” I asked
, stepping back. I enjoyed watching as she tried to dig herself out of the holes she created.
“No,” she said, shaking her head. Her gaze dropped to focus on the hem of her
shirt which she was now played with. “I…I just want something to go right for me. I, um, I’m sorry if my working gave you the impression it was something different.”
Calida looked up at me
, and I saw the look on her face. She hoped I believed her lie and that I wouldn’t push. I knew that statement about something going right for her had nothing to do with work.
“Glad we came to an understanding,” I replied
, holding my hand out. Calida placed her hand into mine, allowing me to pull her close. “Now you can make it up to me,” I whispered into her ear.
She stretched up on her toes to press her lips against mine. I could
feel the hesitation in her kiss; it was always there now. I could still get a response out of her body, but it wasn’t the same as it was before. It was like she wasn’t there, and it angered me. Some nights I could keep a lid on that anger, but other nights she wasn’t so lucky.