Fiendish: A Twisted Fairytale (94 page)

“I should have stayed;
I was supposed to stay…I knew the rules. I was supposed to stay.”

I looked up at Macy,
and she was crying as well. “I’m glad you didn’t,” she replied moving to put her arm around my shoulders.

*

After that day, we started working on repairing the damage that was done to our friendship. It was slow going, but eventually we got back to a place that was good. I doubted it would ever be like it was before. I would never be like I was, but having her back in my life did help fill a void.

“Things are good as they are,
” I said, looking back at Dr. Carr.

“No, you
’re still hiding.”

“I am not. I see people
regularly. Macy and I have play dates. My parents live close and dote on their grandson. Malcolm comes over to visit, often, maybe too often now that he’s taking a different position and moved here since he doesn’t travel as much. I’m very content with my life.”

“Content?
Is that all you really want to be?"

“Content is good. It
’s safe,” I replied, dropping back down into the chair.

“Safe is good, but life is about taking risks sometimes too,” she challenged.

“The last time I took a risk it ended badly and I lost, a lot.”

“But you didn
’t lose everything, and you gained something as well.” 

I knew she meant Shawn. I was certain his attack on me that day would have resulted in a miscarriage, but somehow the baby survived. I wasn
’t far into my second trimester, but he’d survived. I went through a terrible bout of postpartum depression. The guilt over having killed Seth hit me hard and without warning after I had Shawn.

I worried about what to tell him about his father, how to explain things to him when he got older and asked. I worried about how he would look at me when he learned the truth and what kind of a relationship we would have. I hadn
’t been seeing Dr. Carr for long when I had Shawn, but she came to the house twice a week to help me get through those times.

“He came to see me the other day,” Dr. Carr stated, pulling me back to our session.

“Who?”

“Malcolm. H
e’s a very handsome man. Seems like he has a good head on his shoulders and a good heart.”

“Whoa what?
You can’t do that. Isn’t that a breach or something talking to him about me?” I asked, getting angry. Her job was to fix me not talk about me behind my back.

“There was no breach. I didn
’t discuss with him anything we talk about. You know I wouldn’t do that. He just wanted advice.”

“What kind of advice?” I asked
, still feeling like this was a breach or a major conflict of interest.

“Well, since he paid me for my time, I can
’t tell you that.”

 
“So then why bring it up?”

“Because you have people around you that love and support you.
You need to forgive yourself and stop carrying around the guilt you still haven’t let go of.  We’ve discussed it, there’s only two ways that relationship could have ended and had it gone the other way, more than one life would have been lost. You’ve told me over and over one of your reasons for staying and every action you took was to save those you loved. Why don’t you see the final act in the same light?” She stopped to look at her watch. “Our time is up. Think on that, and we can pick up there next week.”

As I walked out to my car, I pulled my phone out so I could call Macy and let her know I was on the way to pick up Shawn. His picture lit up the screen, and I just stared at his smiling face. He looked just like his father, and there were times when those eyes would scare me. I hated that I would have negative feelings, even briefly, towards my son. It wasn
’t his fault, and I made sure he knew he was loved. I didn’t want him living in the shadow of his father’s actions. My phone rang just as I was about to dial Macy.

“Hey Mal, what
’s up.”

“Hey yourself.
I wanted to let you know I had Shawn. Can you come to 84 Maddox Drive?”

“Um
…yeah sure. Why do you have him?”

“Because I do, see ya when you get here.”

When I got to the location, Malcolm was sitting on the porch steps while Shawn played in the fenced-in front yard. Malcolm had the biggest smile on his face when he walked up to me, but he caught me by surprise when he kissed me. My first instinct was to push him away; I’d made sure to keep physical contact to a minimum. Being touched for long still made me uncomfortable, but I felt myself melting into his embrace. When he pulled away, it took me a minute to regain my senses.

“I
’ll take silent shock over being slapped because that’s the reaction I thought I would get.”

Without a word,
I walked over to pick up Shawn. I just wanted to take him home and ignore the warm and fuzzy feelings Malcolm had caused. I had turned off that part of me, the longing for a physical connection with someone. Though the thought of it no longer made me physically ill, I had resigned myself to a life alone. It was safer that way. My self-confidence had improved since my time with Dr. Carr, but my trust in people, especially men, was a bigger hurdle to get over.

“Where are you going?”

“Home.”

“What? Why?”

“Because, Malcolm, I’ve already told you…don’t do this.”

“Well too bad. I am doing this. I
’m done waiting, Calida!”

“I never asked you to
wait. In fact, I’ve told you there was no hope here.”

“Well I say that
’s bullshit. It’s been two years, Calida. That bastard is dead and gone, yet you are still letting him control your life. That ends today!”

I stared at Malcolm like he had grown two heads. He was always quiet and patient
, so to see him lose his temper scared me. My hands started shaking, and I just wanted to get home. Turning, I opened the car door and started to buckle Shawn into his car seat.

“No!” he screamed, his little arms reaching out towards Malcolm. “Da-da, Da-da…” he kept crying
, trying to get to Malcolm. I was getting flustered as I struggled with the straps of his seat.

“Shh…baby boy,” I crooned, trying to quiet him.
“Not, Da-da. There is no Da-da,” I corrected, letting my frustration slip through.

“There could be if you
’d stop being difficult,” Malcolm said, gently taking Shawn from me and snuggling him close. “Hey, buddy, stop fighting with your momma.”

“Ma-ma wing,” Shawn said happily.
“Ma-ma wing.”

 
“I don’t have any wings baby, but we do have to go,” I said, trying to take Shawn back only to have Malcolm turn away from me. “And I’m not being difficult, I’m being realistic.”

“You know I won
’t hurt you, ever, so that fear you use as an excuse will no longer work. And he’s not saying wing, he’s saying ring.”

“Well
, I don’t have that either,” I replied wearily. “And it’s not an excuse, Mal.”

“Do you like this place?”

“What?” I asked, confused by the sudden change of subject.

“This house, do you like it?”

“Yes it’s cute, very homey looking. Craftsman style homes are my favorite. Why? Why are you here anyway?”

“I know they are
, so I wanted to get your opinion.”

“On what?”

“The house. Just come inside, and tell me what you think.”

“Malcolm…it was a very draining session with Dr. Carr, I would like to just go home and spend some quiet time with Shawn.”

“Will you at least come inside first? If you would like me to lie and say I’m sorry I kissed you, I will, but just know it will be a lie.” He held out his hand for me, and I took it reluctantly.

“Dr. Carr said you went to see her.”

“I did.”

“Why?”

Malcolm opened the door to the house. It was very cozy inside even with being empty. The wainscoting in the formal living room was one of my favorite features. Directly across from that room was the formal dining room with the same wainscoting giving both spaces a cohesive feeling. It was easy to picture living in a home like this, the picket fence outside, the whole Ansley Park neighborhood gave off a very family-friendly vibe; even with being located in the middle of the city—very different from where I lived now.

The house he
’d bought was beautiful, but it was big, too big I felt sometimes. Shawn and I used very little of the space, although it came in handy when my parents lived with us until they found a house, but it never felt like home. It was then, and still today, just the place I live.

“I wanted to talk to her,”
Mal replied, sitting Shawn down. “I was very confused on how to go about doing something.”

“What were you confused on that you needed to go see
my
shrink?” I asked, running my hands along the beautiful wood-carved mantle. 

I could easily
picture stockings hanging from it at Christmas time, and a tree would look perfect in front of the big picture window. Malcolm had been talking about buying a place, but I always thought it would be more a bachelor style condo, not a family home.

I felt Malcolm
’s arms wrap around me, and I couldn’t help but tense up from the contact. He’d hugged me before, but after the kiss we shared earlier, I knew he was trying to push for something I couldn’t give him.

“Let go, Malcolm,” I said softly.

“I don’t want to. Not now, not ever,” he replied.

Keeping me in place with one arm, I felt him moving behind me. I closed my eyes, trying to keep my panic from taking over. Seconds later
, I felt something make contact with my skin. I opened my eyes to see him sliding a ring on my finger. He turned me to face him.

“
It’s not what you think,” he stated softly. “You have been hurt in unimaginable ways, and I know you think you are damaged goods. You’ve told me that plenty of times, but I’m here to say you’re wrong. When I look at you I don’t see broken…or damaged. I see a woman who is beautiful and strong. A woman that has suffered, but survived. And most importantly, I see a woman that needs to be cared for and loved unconditionally. You deserve that and so much more. This ring a sign, a symbol, of my promise to you; my promise to never let you be hurt again. I’m not asking you to marry me, I’m just asking for a chance. A chance to show you how much you mean to me; a chance to me the man you deserve.”

I tried to pull away, but he wouldn
’t let me. His warm fingers caressed my face, and I slowly lifted my gaze to meet his beautiful hazel eyes.

“Calida, Ginger, my Ginger. I want to love you and cherish you
. You just have to let me.”

He stood and waited on me to say something. I heard noise behind me
, and I turned to see my parents, his parents, and Macy and Mitch all there. I wasn’t ready for this, and had we been alone, I would have told him. But seeing the smiling faces of my family, of everyone that had been there to support me, I knew I couldn’t do that. Dr. Carr said I needed to forgive myself, move on, and let go. That was something I found easier said than done, but I knew I needed to try. For them and myself, I needed to try.

I turned back to look at him, closed my eyes and took a breath. “Okay,” I whispered.

Thank you for purchasing my book. I hope you have enjoyed it. Please keep a look out for future titles by me at my blog
http://twistedcornersofmymind.blogspot.com
or at my
Facebook
page.

Coming Soon:

Not Broken

Calida and Malcolm’s story

Calida Alexander survived an abusive relationship and came out seemingly a much stronger person, but old habits die hard. Even after years of therapy, Calida hasn’t revealed all she suffered to her therapist or those closest to her. She still can’t forgive herself for the role she played in the relationship and she truly believes she doesn’t deserve her happy ending.

Malcolm Frankel has secretly loved Calida for a long time. He is ready to be her knight in shining armor, and show her that she doesn’t need to fear love or being loved. The closer he tries to get, the more she pushes him away, making him doubt his ability to heal a woman so broken.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Meka James is a stay at home mom to 4 wonderful kiddies. She has been happily married to her husband for 11 years and counting. She is an animal lover owning 3 dogs, a turtle, a bearded dragon, and her husband and kids have 2 snakes. She volunteers with the Atlanta Weimaraner Rescue and is an avid simmer.