Fearless (4 page)

Jay groaned. “Ah man, are you sayin’ it’s not Lexi?”

Mike shook his head. “Seriously, Dad, I’d, like, nail her down before some other dude beats ya to it.”

“Nail her down? What the hell does that mean?”

“Ya know, ask her to marry you.” Jay said. “Unless you’re thinkin’ ya might just like to shack up with her to see if it works. Either way, we’re cool with it.”

Josh shook his head, wondering how this conversation had spun out of control so quickly. “What makes you think I want to marry Lexi?”

Jay and Mike rolled their eyes and laughed. “Seriously, Dad? Anyone can see you’re in love with her. Who could blame you, she’s hotter than hell.”

Josh glared at his boys. Could his kids see something he’d been missing? Was he in love with Lexi? Jay and Mike had spent a fair bit of time hanging out with them, at his house, at the cabin, even at his parents’ house. She would often come to Nashville to visit girlfriends. She’d even driven up for a date a time or two. There had never been anything romantic between them during her visits; not that he hadn’t lost sleep thinking about the possibility.    

“Lexi and I are just friends,” he said carefully. He knew how much they liked Lexi; there was no sense giving them false hope. “That’s all its ever gonna be, guys.”

Jay grinned. “Are you saying you two have never...” He made a few quick thrusts with his fist.

Both Jay and Mike started laughing and bumped fists.

Josh thought he had been around the block too many times to be embarrassed. He and the guys at the station used to fill the hours between calls talking about women and sex. Yet the thought of talking to his own kids about his sex life had him squirming in his seat.

“Come on, Dad.” Mike laughed. “It’s not like we think you’re celibate. We just wanna know if you and Lexi have ever...”

Jay leaned forward and whispered, “Is she as hot as she looks? Man, the guys were placing bets on whether she...”

Josh held his hands up to silence his sons. “Stop right there. I don’t want to hear this. I can’t even stand to think that Lexi has been the object of teenage boys’ wet dreams.”

Mike wiggled his eyebrows. “Haven’t you had a fantasy or two about her, Dad?”

Jay laughed as the waitress brought their usual order to the table.

Josh had never been so happy to see a burger and fries in his life. Not because he was hungry, he feared he wouldn’t be able to eat a bite, but he desperately needed something to keep their mouths shut. His phone sounded to indicate a new text message. Lexi? He couldn’t decide whether to open it now or wait until he was alone. 

“Let me guess, Lexi?” Jay asked, dousing his fries with ketchup.

“Maybe.” He slipped the phone into the pocket of his bomber jacket without looking at it.

“Listen, we got way off track earlier. I didn’t bring this up because I was thinking of proposing to someone specific. I’ve just been thinking it might be nice to get re-married someday, and I wanted to know what you guys thought about it.”

“If she looks anything like Lexi, we’re all for it. As long as we can invite our friends over when she does laps in the pool,” Jay said, laughing.

Josh glared at him. “I’m serious about this.”

Mike elbowed his brother in the ribs. “We’re cool with it, Dad. It’s been a long time since you and Mom got divorced. It’s not like we’re holding out hope you guys will get back together.”

Josh studied his sons. Had they ever hoped for reconciliation between him and their mother?

Of course they had, they were children of divorce. “I’m sorry your mom and I couldn’t make it work, guys. I know how hard that must have been for you.”

Jay shrugged. “It’s okay, Dad. Lots of our friends have parents who’re divorced. It’s not the end of the world.”

It wasn’t the first time Josh had been awed by his sons’ maturity. They were growing up. Before long, they would be going to college and they wouldn’t have their weekends together anymore.

His heart twisted at the thought of losing his kids’ to the next phase of their lives. Which reminded him of the other news he’d hoped to share. “What if I did re-marry and we had a baby? How would you guys feel about that?”

Jay and Mike glanced at each other. “I didn’t think Lexi wanted to have kids,” Mike said, finally.

Josh clenched his teeth, trying to control his mounting frustration. “This is not about Lexi. It’s about me and what I want.”

Jay shrugged. “Whatever you want. It’s cool with us if you wanna have more kids.”

Josh was skilled at reading people. He knew his boys were less than thrilled with the idea of having half-siblings. “Why does the idea bother you?”

“It doesn’t, Dad,” Mike said. “But are you sure you wanna do this for the right reason?”

“What do you mean?”

Jay set his burger down and looked his father in the eye. “You’re feeling guilty about the divorce. You don’t think you were a good dad because you weren’t with us every day. That’s bullshit.”

He thought about reprimanding his son for his bad language, but he knew it was insignificant compared to the message he was sending. “Thanks,” he whispered, looking at his un-touched food.

“Do you want to get married and have a kid because you want a do-over?” Mike asked.

“I don’t know,” he said honestly, looking at his kids. “I’m not gonna lie to you. I wish I could make up for all the mistakes I made with you and your mom.”

“That’s the wrong reason to get married, Dad. You should be getting married because you’re in love. And if you want to have a kid, great, but don’t do it because you think you have to prove you’re a good dad. You’ve already proven that to us.”

Josh swallowed the lump in his throat. He couldn’t remember a time when he’d shed a tear in front of his kids, but he felt perilously close right now. “Thanks, guys, that means a lot to me.”

“And if you’re thinking we don’t need you anymore, just ‘cause we’ll be goin’ to college in a couple of years, you’re wrong about that, too.”

Josh chuckled. It seemed he was wrong about a lot of things lately. It was a good thing he had his sixteen-year-old sons to set him straight.

“We’re always gonna need you, Dad.”

He smiled. He knew his boys were right. He still needed his dad’s advice and he was a grown man with nearly grown kids of his own. Maybe they were right; maybe he was a better father than he thought.

“Now that we’ve got that out of the way, can we talk about our sixteenth birthday party in a couple of weeks?” Mike asked.

They were softening him up to move in for the kill. He smiled. It was exactly what he would have done at their age. “What did you have in mind?”

“Could we have the party at your house? You’ve got all that privacy and the pool, so we could have more people.”

Josh’s appetite suddenly returned with a vengeance and he bit into a lukewarm burger. He waited until he’d swallowed to ask, “How many kids are we talking about here?”

“Forty, fifty maybe,” Mike said.

“That’s a lot of kids,” Josh said. He knew most of his sons’ friends and their parents. They were good kids, but they were still sixteen years old, and the thought of being responsible for that many teenagers made him uneasy.

“You could invite a few friends, too. You know, to help chaperone,” Jay said.

Josh laughed. They had thought of everything.

“Maybe we could even invite Lexi,” Mike said, smiling.

“Only if she promises to bring that black string bikini she wore last summer,” Jay said, laughing.

Josh held his hand up, unable to speak around a mouth full of food. After last night, the last thing he wanted to think about was Lexi wearing that damned string bikini.

His phone rang. Speak of the devil. He shot his boys a warning look before he connected the call.

“Hey, Lex. What’s up?”

“Hi, Josh.” She sniffled. “I’m sorry to bother you. I know you’re with your boys this weekend, but...” 

Shit. She’d been crying. He turned away from the table. “Are you okay?” he asked, quietly.

“Not really.” She sniffled again. “I’ve made a mess of everything, haven’t I?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re one of my best friends. I don’t want to lose you, Josh.”

He hated having this conversation in front of his kids, but he didn’t want to draw attention to himself by leaving the restaurant so they could speak privately. “You’re not going to lose me. Why would you think that?”

“I screwed up last night.” She hiccupped softly. “I acted like you were the enemy. I’m sorry. I know you would never hurt me.”

He wanted to ask if someone had hurt her, but he knew this wasn’t a conversation he could have in the midst of a restaurant filled with people. “Listen, why don’t you come up to the cabin? Jay and Mike are having a few friends over, so they’ll be too busy for their old man. You and I could sit out on the deck with a bottle of wine and watch the sunset. How does that sound?”

“I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“You wouldn’t be intruding. Trust me, if you don’t come up, I’ll waste my evening watching the tube or surfing the Internet anyways. Come on, it sounds like you could use the company, and I know I could.”

“Where would I sleep? It sounds like you already have a full house.”

She had stayed at the cottage dozens of time and she always stayed in the guest bedroom. He wished tonight would be different, but he knew as long as his kids were under the same roof, he couldn’t indulge his fantasies. “You’d stay in the guestroom. The boys and their friends can bunk out in the boathouse. It’s not fancy, but I’ve got enough beds out there, so what do you say? Are you game?”

She hesitated. “Okay, that sounds like fun. Thanks, Josh.”

“Great, we’ll see you in a few hours.”

“Okay. Can I bring anything?”

He grinned. He may have suggested some of the sexy lingerie she’d worn last night, had he been alone. “No, just bring yourself. Drive safely; see you soon.”

He looked across the table and saw twin shit-eating grins staring back at him. “What the hell are you two smiling about?”

Jay laughed. “You’re gonna give her the spare bedroom? Seriously, Dad, we’re not six years old anymore. If you wanna sleep with your girlfriend, we’re cool with that.”

He thought about taking them up on the offer, but decided against it. He didn’t want to send mixed signals. “Lexi is not my girlfriend. She’s my friend, and we are not going to be sharing a bed tonight or any other night.” Not that he wouldn’t like to, but he wasn’t about to take advantage of her vulnerable state of mind.

“Thought the guys might like to live vicariously through you,” Jay said, laughing.

“Okay, enough. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. Let me pay the bill so we can get the hell outta here.”

Chapter Four

Lexi glanced at the caller I.D. on her console. Marisa. She knew her friend was calling for an update on last night’s events. She thought about ignoring her, but Marisa was nothing if not persistent. She would have to answer her questions sooner or later, best to get it over with.

She took a deep breath and connected the call, enabling her hands-free device since she was driving. “Hey, Marisa, what’s up?”

“That’s what I was going to ask you. What happened with Josh last night?”

Lexi checked her rear view mirror before making a lane change. “It didn’t go exactly as planned.”

“What the hell happened? The way he rushed you out of there, I didn’t even think you’d make it to the hotel.” Marisa laughed. “I was so jealous.”

“We decided we didn’t want to complicate our friendship with sex.”

Marisa sighed. “Why can’t you be friends who have sex once in a while? What’s the big deal? You’re not in a relationship and neither is he.”

“He’s not, but he’d like to be.”

“I know, he told me that when we were dating. He really wants to get married and have more kids. Would it be so terrible to end up with him? The guy’s amazing, Lexi.”

She didn’t need her friend to list Josh’s attributes. He was the reason she hadn’t been able to indulge in any meaningless flings for the better part of the last year. Whenever she went out on a date with another man, she found herself comparing him to Josh. By the time they went back to her place for a nightcap, she preferred slipping between the sheets with her fantasies instead of having to deal with morning-after regret. “I know he’s great, but we’re moving in two different directions, Marisa. He’s happy with his life and career. He wants to settle down. I want to focus on building my business, and I don’t need a relationship to compete with that.”

“Don’t you ever get lonely?” she asked, quietly.

Lonely? Hell, there were days when she couldn’t stand her own company for one more minute. Those were the days she’d go for a long run in the park or call a friend to meet her at a local café. Those days were becoming increasingly more frequent, which is part of the reason she’d decided to move back to Nashville, so she could be closer to her family and friends. “Of course I get lonely, don’t you?”

Marisa sighed. “You have no idea what I’d give to have Luc feel the way Josh does about settling down.”

Lexi and Luc had known each other a long time. She knew he felt the same way she did about commitment. It wasn’t going to happen, not today, not tomorrow, not ever. Marisa needed to move on with her life and find a man who shared her vision for the future. “You know that’s not gonna happen, honey.”

Marisa cleared her throat. “I know, but a girl can hope, can’t she?”

“Not if that hope is preventing you from moving on with your life, Marisa.” She hated to hurt her friend, but what kind of friend would she be if she wasn’t honest with her? “Luc is never going to change. It’s time for you to accept that. Find a man who’s worthy of you.”

“Is that why you’re not willing to engage in a casual fling with Josh? You’re afraid he would want more?”

“I think he’s more concerned about that than I am. There’s no way I’m going to change my mind, but I’m afraid I might send him mixed signals if we sleep together.”