Faun and Games (23 page)

"Yes.
 
The chests and nuts drop from the horse trees, and we collect the

chests and the nut droppings too."

"And the cook makes stew from them," Imbri said.
 
"How nice."

Then, as they ate, Forrest got down to business.
 
"We need to find a

service we can render Org)/, in return for information about the

location of the dear horn.
 
Do either Of you have any ideas'?"

"Not at the moment," Cathryn said.
 
"But perhaps if we knew more about

Orgy and this castle, we would get an idea."

"That is too simple to be interesting," the ogre said.

"Even the most stupid thing becomes interesting, when there is a need,"

Forrest said.

He had uttered a magic word.
 
"Stupid," Orgy said.
 
"I am as stupid as

any ogre.
 
Very well, I will tell you about me and this castle.
 
Two

years ago I was "just another ogre, happily bashing rocks, tying trees

in knots, and teaching young dragons the meaning of fear.
 
I mean, it's

what ogres do.
 
Then I happened across an odd looking horn that someone

had left lying around.
 
Dimly curious, I picked it up and iffed it, but

it had no particular sme I b't 't, but it didn't taste sn particularly

edible.
 
In short, it didn't seem to be very useful.
 
The scorn this

horn," I said, or words to that effect; after all, there might be

someone listening.
 
Then I put it to my mouth and blew."

He paused.
 
"Are you sure you want to hear more?
 
This is so stupid that

even I am being bored."

"I don't want to be a spoilsport," Forrest said, "but I find it

fascinating.
 
Please do go on."

"Oh," Orgy said.
 
"Well, it gets duller.
 
When I blew the horn, it made

a noise like none other I had heard.
 
It was, if you can imagine this,

the sound of utter longing.
 
When I heard that, I wanted something so

badly that I could think of nothing else.
 
I didn't even know what it

was, just that I had to have it.
 
So I blew the horn again, and this

time I heard an echo from afar, and my longing focused on that distant

response.
 
So I trudged toward it, and when I began to lose my way, I

blew it again, and got another echo.
 
Gradually I realized that I was

the only one who heard either the horn or the echo; other creatures I

passed paid no attention, apart from getting hastily out of my way. They

did not realize that I was on a mission; they thought I had come to

maraud as usual.

"I continued in this manner for some time, until at last I hove into

view of this castle.
 
The echo came from it.
 
It seemed to be

unoccupied, so I entered.
 
Naturally I bashed down a wall or two, and

found it very bashable, so I continued.
 
It was a real thrill, once

again destroying something solid.
 
Eventually, pleasantly exercised, I

dropped to the floor and snored valiantly for a 1ew hours.
 
When I woke,

there was a table loaded with victuals.
 
So I got up and gobbled them

down, then resuect- ny bashing of the walls.

"So it continued for several days, before I realized that the walls did

not stay bashed.
 
They- estoi-ed themselves overnight, oi- even sooner.

This pleased me iensely, I'oi- it meant that I could bash them down

again.
 
And indeed, so it has been ever since.
 
Bash, eat, sleep, bash,

in a perpetual routine.
 
I love it; it is an ogre's heaven.
 
Since I had

no more use for the liorn, I threw it out a window.
 
After a t-time-

several months-I realized that this was the purpose of the horn: to lead

me to my heart's delight.
 
A perpetually bashable castle.
 
So this is

surely the dear horn you seek, and I know exactly where I threw

it-memory being inversely proportional to intelligence-and will be glad

to tell you, if you can find any equivalent service to trade for the

information.
 
But I doubt that you can, as I am completely happy as I

am."

"It does seem as if this castle was designed with an ogre in mind,"

Cathryn- earked.
 
"Perpetual bashing."

"With I-easting in between," Imbri agreed.
 
"There doesn't seem to be

anything missing."

"Yet I, too, thought I had everything I wanted," the centaur said. "Now

I realize that I simply had not thought of my missing desire."

Orgy looked at her.
 
"You have a missing desire?"

"Yes.
 
That's why I seek the dear horn."

"To find your True Love?"

"Yes.
 
A companion to be with, to love and cherish and breed with-" She

paused.
 
"Oh, that's it for you!"

Orgy was taken aback.
 
"I don't think I would be a good companion for

you."

She laughed.
 
"Surely not.
 
I favor intelligence and wings.
 
I mean that

maybe you could use a companion of your own kind.
 
An ogress."

"I'm not sure.
 
She might be uglier than I am.
 
Then the castle might

like her better than me."

"Maybe a merely moderately ugly ogress?" Imbri inquired.

"Who would want a merely moderately ugly ogress?"

Forrest saw that this wasn't getting anywhere.
 
But it did suggest a

line of investigation.
 
"What about one who is distinctly inferior to

you in strength, ugliness, and stupidity, but who really appreciates

your ogrish qualities?"

Orgy pondered, and the teas began 'Limping.
 
"There is something

appealing there."

It fell into place.
 
They had sought to applaud the ogi-e, letting him

win an ugly contest.
 
That had worked, in a manner.
 
An ogress could

surely do it much better.
 
"Someone to admire your achievement in

continuously bashing down the walls.
 
Where's the fun of a job well

done, if nobody notices?"

The fleas jumped higher, as if their feet were getting burned.
 
"Yes, I

hadn't thought of that."

"Naturally not," Forrest said triumphantly.
 
"You are too stupid. But we

who can't compare to you in that respect were able to think of it, and

this must be what we can do for you.
 
We can find you such an ogress."

Orgy nodded, and the few remaining fleas hung on.
 
"For that I would

tell you where the dear horn is.
 
Find me that ogress."

ell, if you tell us where the dear horn is, we can use it to find her.

Orgy shook his head, and the fleas were hurled into the nearest unbroken

wall.
 
"I am too stupid to understand why you wouldn't simply use the

dear horn for your own quest, once you had it.
 
So I'll wait for you to

bring the ogress."

The three of them exchanged a somewhat stretched glance.
 
Naturally it

would not be expedient to question the stupidity of their host. "We'll

search for her without the dear horn," Forrest agreed.

"Do you have any notion who would know where such an ogress might be?"

Cathryn asked with something less than full stupidity. "Ogle Ogre might

know.
 
He sees everything."

"How can we find Ogle?"

Orgy put his last remaining fleas to flight.
 
"He especially likes to

look at esthetic females.
 
Maybe if you stood on a mountain and looked

esthetic, he would spy you and come to ogle you."

This time Cathryn and Imbri shared a female type glance, excluding

Forrest.
 
Then they shrugged.
 
"Maybe so," one of them agreed.

Thus, in due course, they departed the ogre's castle on a new mission:

to discover a suitable ogress.
 
They headed for the nearest barren peak.

"I hope we are able to compliment Ogle Ogre before he crunches us,"

Cathryn muttered.

"If he comes to ogle you, he shouldn't crunch you," Forrest pointed out.

"And that's another thing," Imbri said.
 
"Do you suppose all females

exist just to be ogled?"

"Why no, of course not," Forrest said, taken aback.
 
"A number of them

exist to be chased and celebrated."

For some obscure impenetrable reason she turned a dark glare on him. "He

is a faun," Cathryn reminded her, for some similarly unfathomable

motive.

Since they had nothing important on their minds, Forrest shared a

concern of his: "If I am the size I am because of the solidified mass of

my soul, and Imbri is the size she is because of the mass of her half

soul, how is it that creatures like Cathryn and Orgy have so much more

mass?
 
Are their souls so much larger?"

"Now that's an intelligent question," Cathryn said.
 
"Just when we

thought you had used up your supply of intelligence.
 
No, souls don't

vary in size like that.
 
In fact, we of Ptero really don't have souls.

They come only when we assume reality.
 
We have inferior substitute

filler material that assumes the semblance but not the essence of souls.

Thus we are limited to our life spans, and have no existence beyond

them.
 
It is one reason each of us hopes to come into genuine existence.

So we amass as much material as we require to fill out our standard

forms, and that's it."

"You mean I could assume larger size, by adding some of that filler

substance?" Imbri asked.

"You could.
 
But why would you want to?
 
You are pure soul now; what

higher aspiration can there be?"