False Regret: Pikorua - Book 1 (6 page)

“Speak
for yourself,” said Ashley, elbowing her. “I may be fat and ugly, but I am
quite light on my toes.”

“Stop
Ashley.” I scolded her. “Don’t do that. You are beautiful just the way you
are.”

“Thanks
El, but I know the truth. The mirror doesn’t lie. It is okay, though, I believe
what you always tell me, ‘someday somebody will love me for me, and I won’t
have to prove my worth to anyone’” The words were sarcastic and punctuated with
an eye roll, but she laughed despite the pain I knew was behind it.  My eyes
landed on Cade. He was staring at me, and I blushed which he noted with a
smile, making me redden deeper.

Not
wanting to look like a ridiculous groupie with a crush, I called him out on the
look. “What?” I asked, too self-conscious to meet his gaze. I picked at my
spaghetti with a fork instead.

“Nothing,”
he replied. A glance in his direction caught him still smiling at me.  I
wondered what he was thinking.  He broke the contact, though, and looked at
Ash. “You should listen to your friend.  Don’t ever change to fit anyone else’s
standard of what they think you should be.”

“Thanks,
Cade.” Ashley swooned. “Do people give you a hard time about your tattoos and
stuff? What are they, anyway?”

Cade
smiled at her with nearly perfect white teeth and rolled up his right sleeve to
the top of his shoulder. “This one is a Celtic knot depiction, and it’s for my
mom. She was Irish.” Then he pulled up the other sleeve to show a tattoo that resembled
a snake curled around itself, but it had no head or tail. “This one is a Maori
tattoo. It’s the design of Pikorua. It represents life and the different paths
that we take, only to end up in the same place where our journey began.”

“What
the hell is Maori?” asked Will, looking skeptical as usual.

Cade
rolled his sleeve down. “The Maori are a tribe indigenous to New Zealand. That
means they originated there.” Cade smirked at Will.

“I
know what the indigenous means,” Will replied, but I wondered if that were
true.

“Oh
my,” said Maria, “those are beautiful? Did your mom die or something?” I wanted
to kick my friend, she had no tact.

“Yes,
she died last year.” The sadness in his eyes made me want to reach out and
stroke his face.

“What
happened to her?” asked Ashley. “I mean … if you don’t mind telling us.”

Cade’s
demeanor changed abruptly. He shifted in his seat and rubbed his hands on his
thighs.  He appeared uncomfortable—almost nervous.  “It’s a long story.”

“I
know,” said Will, and I elbowed him in the ribs, but he continued anyway. “Jimmy
told me his mom committed suicide to get the hell away from his dad.  Sucks man
… sorry.” I wanted to scratch the smugness off of Will’s face.  Based on Cade’s
murderous glare, he felt the same way.

“Yeah,
well that’s one theory, I guess, but far from the truth; and it does suck. Do
you have anything else you’d like to say about it?” Cade challenged.  Will’s expression
went from arrogant to skittish as he stared down at his tray and pushed his
food around with a plastic fork. He was unsure about tangling with the Detroit
boy.

“No
man … I got nothing to say,” said Will in a hushed whisper. Cade stood up,
dumped his tray and exited the commons.

“You
are such an asshole, Will,” said Ashley. “Why did you blurt it out like that--geez?”

“I’d
have to agree, that is a perfect description,” I said, standing up and taking my
tray to the garbage bin. I left the cafeteria and went outside, the direction
I’d seen Cade walk. He was sitting on the curb out front, watching traffic pass.

“Hey,”
I said as I sat down next to him. He made me nervous, but I wanted to comfort
him.  “I am sorry about Will. He can be very insensitive. I am also sorry about
your mom.”

“Thanks,”
he said, still observing the cars zoom by us.

“With
the exception of Will, what do you think of our school so far?” I tried to make
small talk to take his mind elsewhere.

He
laughed and looked at me, making me feel like my insides were burning. “I don’t
exactly fit in here, Ellia. I expected as much, but I guess I hoped it might be
different. I appreciate you and your girlfriends being nice and sharing your
lunch table with me, but I don’t want to cause trouble for you and your
boyfriend. Tomorrow I can sit somewhere else.”

“No,
you don’t have to do that. You can keep sitting with us. I will make Will leave
the table if he continues to be an ass. Our school is pretty much formulaic for
a small town. We all have boxes we’re supposed to fit in, and you scare people
because we have no predetermined container in which to shove you. Nobody here
looks like you, and the ones that come remotely close, usually drop out or move
away before they make it to senior year. You are intelligent, yet you look … I
mean, your nice looking …. But ….” I twisted my hands together, getting flustered,
not finding the right words. I didn’t want to insult him. He chuckled but kept
quiet and let me squirm. “You just look … dangerous, I guess. You’re a curious
anomaly, Cade. No one has figured out where to put you. If nothing else, high
school is a place of social categories.” I laughed and so did he.

“I
didn’t exactly fit in where I came from either. Most guys who plan to dedicate
their life to music aren’t so freaking anal about school. I love music, but I
love knowledge, too. I am a total nerd trapped in a dangerous body, I guess.” 
He chuckled as I thought more about his body, causing me to blush again. “I
don’t care, though.  People can think what they want. There is a big world out
there beyond high school. I can wait this out.” He stood up, so I did too. “You
should go back in and sit with Will. I get the impression you’ll be in trouble
for being out here with me.”

“He’ll
get over it,” I said, as we walked back towards entrance.

“So
are you two serious?” he asked, just before opening the door for me.

 I
hesitated, not finding any words to say. Will and I had been together all
throughout high school but serious was a whole other question. I answered as
truthfully as I could. “Well, he is,” I said, and a smile spread across Cade’s
face. I wasn’t sure what his expression meant, but I smiled right back, knowing
I’d managed to relay I might be interested.

Mentally,
I chided myself for being completely insensitive to Will. Cheating and lying was
not my style
.
Will had put a lot of time into me, and it was mean to
hurt him like that. I shook the thoughts off as I entered the overcrowded
commons.  I collided with Will, who was on his way out to fetch me. He had been
watching us through the glass. Cade walked away, leaving me to deal with my
jealous boyfriend.

“What
are you doing, Ellia? Do you have a thing for this guy or what?” He practically
spit the words at me.  A few people stopped to eavesdrop as his volume drew
attention.

“Stop
it, Will. I am just trying to be his friend since he doesn’t know anyone but
Jimmy. And you said Jimmy treats him like crap too. You grew up here, and you’ve
never had to move to a new school. It is hard. Cade has it even harder because
he is a senior and had to leave all his friends back in Detroit. So what if he
has tattoos and piercings? Everyone needs to stop judging him, most of all,
you.”

“What
does that mean?” he asked. “Why me most of all?  I am not the only one who
thinks he’s a loser, so why do you act like it’s all me? His own cousin says
he’s trash.”

“You
were not always very popular. I remember you getting teased and picked on in
grade school and junior high. It wasn’t until you got into wrestling that you
stopped being a quote-unquote geek in the eyes of the people who tormented you.
Luckily, you were good at the sport, or they’d still be picking on you. Do you
remember how that teasing made you feel?  Do you recall how hurtful that was? Well,
you should try to remember, because you are turning into one those bullies. I
don’t like it--I don’t like it at all. Cade Cantrell has been nothing but nice
the two days he has been here. He is welcome to sit at our table, and if you can’t
be a decent human being, then you can go find a new place to park your ass.” I
pushed past him. The bell was about to ring, and I made it to class just in
time. Cade was already in his seat. We exchanged another smile. I had an
overwhelming premonition this odd boy would be the ruin of me.

***

My
ears perked up as I heard shuffling outside the shed. At first, I wasn’t sure
if it was one of them approaching or an animal sniffing out my scent. The smell
of my regurgitated eggs and coffee was pungent. It was a person, though, I
could tell by the sound of the gait. I decided, without much forethought, to
grab the shovel, determined to whack whoever came through the door, whether it
was Cade or Gordon. In my mind, they both deserved a little pain of their own.
I needed just enough time to make it to the woods where I hoped I could out run
them. I was more confident about my chances surviving the cold, now that Cade
had supplied me with warm clothing.

The
chain rattled, and the shed door opened. The light blinded me after having been
in the darkness for hours.  I squinted my eyes and swung the shovel with every
bit of my power. The metal scoop connected with someone’s head, and his body
landed in my puddle of rancid vomit. It would have been funny under different
circumstances. I wasted no time and took off, jumping over the downed form.
Whoever I hit, grabbed for my ankle, but I slipped away. I ran into the woods
like my hair was on fire, not stopping to peer back. Cade yelled my name, his
footsteps quickly making up ground behind me. I was a little rabbit trying to
outrun a hungry coyote, and I needed to hide. No way could I out pace him. He
was faster, despite my sleek design against the bulk of muscle he carried. The
leaves were off the trees, though, so not even climbing upward would give me
cover. I came to a hill and nearly lost my footing while running down it. Water
babbled from a nearby creek, and I sprinted toward the sound while branches
tore at my face. I had no more reached the water’s edge, when he caught me,
sending us both tumbling into the frigid stream. I fought him hard, punching,
and kicking, and screaming. He bled profusely from the wound I’d inflicted with
the garden utensil, but I didn’t care. I wanted to get away from him and had no
problem causing him more damage to achieve that goal.

“Stop,
Ellia, Jesus Christ, just stop it!” he yelled.

“Fuck
you, DONNY,” I screamed, using his fake name. “You are every bit as sick as
that fucker, and I am not going back. You’ll have to kill me.”

“That
can be arranged,” Gordon hollered, a precursor to the shot that reverberated in
my eardrum. I stopped struggling at once and looked to the edge of the brook.
Gordon stood there with his stupid smile. “Where would you like the next bullet,
Ellia?”

“Just
relax, Gordon. I’ve this under control,” said Cade, taking my arm with an iron
grip and leading me onto dry land.

“Yeah,
it really looks like it,” Gordon replied, sizing up the wound to Cade’s head.
“You might need stitches there, boy.” He seemed to find the idea amusing and
laughed. “I told you she was a live one and to watch your back. You didn’t
believe me, though, did ya?”

“Let’s
just get to the cabin,” said Cade, keeping a firm, bruising hold on me. I could
sense the waves of anger rolling off of him as his fingers dug into my flesh.

The
three of us walked, and it surprised me how far I had run. Cade periodically
stopped to wipe blood from his eyes as the wound drained down his face. I was
glad it was him I’d hit. Not only did it feel good to inflict pain on him, for
once, but Gordon wouldn’t have hesitated to kill me for such an act. The
reality of how stupid I’d been to think I could get away, hit me like a gut
punch, and my spirits deflated, making the long walk unbearable. My adrenaline left,
and the fight in me was somewhere on the forest floor. Cade must have sensed
the change, and he let go of me, allowing me to tread on my own. I was soaked,
as was Cade, and we were both freezing. When we got back to the cabin, Gordon
pushed me into the shed. I slipped in my vomit, now tinged red with Cade’s blood.

“You
try anything else, and it will be the last thing you do, bitch.” He slammed the
doors, and the lock clicked into place.

I
stripped off all of my clothes, except the undergarments, to keep my blanket
from getting wet from river water and puke. My shivering was so intense, I was
sure the walls of the shed rattled.  I kept the clothes near, so I could
re-dress if I heard either of them coming back, and I didn’t have to wait long.
It was less than an hour before someone was jiggling the lock again. I scurried
into my jeans, which was no easy task. Saturated denim was not cooperative.  I
didn’t have time to get in my shirt, so my arms went to my chest, covering my
sensible bra. To my relief, it was Cade, not Gordon. He had on dry clothes and
a bandage on his head.

“Put
your shoes on let’s go,” he said, picking up my dripping sweatshirt and water
logged socks. He tossed them at me, and I forced them onto my frozen body. I
was shivering so fiercely, it was difficult to get my limbs functioning. Cade
picked up the blanket and wrapped it around me.