False Regret: Pikorua - Book 1 (17 page)

“I
better go,” I said. “My mother is on the war path.” I hugged him so hard he
winced. “Sorry.”

“I
am fine—no worries. Call me later if you can. I love you.”

“I
will, and I love you too,” I said, leaving his house. I texted my mother to
tell her I was on the way home and would explain everything when I got there.

My
mother was pacing the floor like a crazy person when I arrived. She wasted no
time tearing into me. “What in the hell do you think you are doing, Ellia?
Ditching school to be with that boy? I warned you about your behavior and what
the consequences would be,” she yelled.

“Mom
will you please calm down and listen. Cade didn’t come to school today, and I
kept texting him and trying to call his phone. I couldn’t reach him, so I
tracked down his cousin. Seriously, mom, Cade never misses school, and I was
really worried. Jimmy told me he’d gotten into a motorcycle accident last night.
He was in the hospital. I got scared and just wanted to make sure he was okay.”

“Well,
is he all right?” my mom asked, concern for something other than her daughter’s
virtue breaking through the anger.

“He
is cut, and bruised, and has a broken leg; but he is otherwise okay. His bike
is totaled. Some guy pulled out in front of him, and Cade swerved to miss him. He
is so lucky.” My eyes blurred with tears at the thought of how easily I could
have lost him. “I ended up taking him home because his aunt and uncle didn’t
want to be bothered with him. I was at his house for just a short while before
I came home, and his cousin was home. We weren’t doing anything, so I’m not
sure why you are so mad. He is hurt and nobody in that house cares about him. I
met his aunt, and she didn’t even care about his welfare, she just wanted to
know how he planned to pay his medical bills. She is so horrible. I wanted to
punch her in the face. They treat him like crap, and it makes me so damn mad!”

“Well,
it would have been nice if you could have let the school, and me, know the
circumstances. Ellia. You can’t just do whatever you want. Like it or not, you
are not an adult, and you don’t get to make decisions on your own. Do you understand
that? I was worried sick, and I’m angry.”

“I’m
sorry. Maybe I was inconsiderate, but I really don’t understand what I ever did
to make you distrust me so much. I go to school every day, and my grades are
probably even better since I’ve been studying with Cade. Why are you so worried
all the time?”

She
sighed and stared at me, as if searching for the words in my face. “I am not
blind. You really think you’re in love, but this is high school. I don’t want
you to end up pregnant with no future. As much as I like Cade, you are both
only seventeen, and it would be a damn shame to see two intelligent young
people make a mistake by getting carried away in heated moment.” She paused to
sit heavily down on the sofa as if the weight of the world rested on her back.
“I was the same way with your dad. The sun rose and set on that man for me. I’d
have done anything for him. He got me to sleep with him when I was younger than
you are now, and though I love you dearly, Ellia, it was a mistake. We got
married when I was sixteen and you were born later that year. We were only
happy that first year. He pursued his dream of becoming a detective at all
costs, and I was left alone a lot. He would go undercover for weeks with no
contact with us. He did things in the name of his job that I was supposed to
accept, whether I liked it or not.  I found out after Sam was born that he’d
been cheating on me with various women the entire time. I stood by his side
through a lot of bullshit … the infidelity … all of it, because that’s how my
parents raised me. ‘Stand by your man,’ they said. What a joke.  Your dad grew
dissatisfied and disgruntled with his job, and that’s when things got really
bad. You must remember how he verbally assaulted all of us when he had
difficult days. Eventually, I had to leave and start my life all over again. He
was destroying all of us, piece by piece. If I had waited to have sex and not
gotten pregnant, we may never have gotten married.  I wouldn’t have had to live
years’ worth of misery. Obviously, I am grateful for you and Sam, but Ellia, I
am telling you, it’s not the path you want to take.”

“Mom,
I am not naïve. Cade and I would never find ourselves so caught up in a moment
that we would be that irresponsible.  We aren’t the top two students in our
class because we are idiots. Don’t trivialize our love and don’t compare us to
you and dad. You need to trust me.”

“You
are already sleeping with him aren’t you?” asked my mother bluntly. “This is
going to end, right here and right now.”

“Mom,
please …” Desperation found my voice. “I won’t let you keep us apart.” I had my
hand on my hip, taking a stubborn stance.

“So
what is that supposed to mean?” She was off the couch and in my face. I wanted
to smack her.

I
exhaled and stepped away from her before I lost my temper. “Look, I am on the
pill so you can stop this incessant worry. I went to the doctor long before we
ever decided to take our relationship that far. I wanted to be prepared for
that wild, uncontrolled moment you kept warning me about, but guess what? It
didn’t happen like that. I told you I was responsible, so you need to cut us a
little slack. We are not going to do anything to jeopardize our futures. Obviously,
we are a lot more mature than you and dad were.” I sat down in the recliner,
while my mother began pacing.

“Oh,
Ellia,” she said, clearly upset.  “There are no words for how completely disappointed
in you I am.”

“Come
on Mom, you buy condoms for Sam. Did you think I didn’t know that?  How is that
okay when he jumps from girl to girl, and he is only fifteen. For God’s sake, I
am in a committed relationship, and I’m almost eighteen years old.”

She
smirked at me. “You’ve known this boy like ten minutes. You can’t begin to grasp
the concept of a committed relationship.” She ignored what I said about Sam as
usual, making me live by her double standard.

“A
few months or not, I love Cade, and he loves me. Can we please just drop this?
I am capable of taking care of myself. I’ve been doing it most of my life,
anyway. It’s not like you are ever around to be a parent.” I regretted the
words instantly.

Her
face was flush and screwed up in anger. “That was low even for you, Ellia.
Everything I do is for you and Sam. I am sorry I couldn’t be Susie Homemaker
because I had to work to support you. Your dead-beat father never helped much,
yet you and your brother both act like he walks on water. I am done with you.
If I’ve been such a shitty mother to you, don’t ask me for anything. Figure out
how to pay for your own gas, and your own insurance, and your own college.
Since you are such a grown mature woman, you don’t need me. Figure it out for
yourself!” she yelled and stomped from the room. I heard he uncork a bottle of
wine as I ran to my own bedroom and slammed the door, falling face down on the
bed in tears. We had never fought like that in all my life. Even though I hurt
her feelings, she hurt mine too.

I
picked up my phone and called Cade, but he didn’t answer, so I figured he was
resting. I laid there and pondered our fight for a long time. After the sun
went down, taking all my anger with it, I realized I owed her an apology. I
went to her room where she lay propped up in her bed, reading a book. I knocked
on the door that stood ajar. The light purple bedroom smelled like the vanilla
candle burning on the dresser. “Can I come in, Mom?” I asked.

“I
don’t have anything to say to you right now, Ellia,” she replied, not even
looking up from her book. Ignoring her, I walked in and sat down on the bed
next to her.

“I’m
sorry for what I said. It was mean. You work hard, and I appreciate everything.
The last thing I want to be is an ungrateful brat, and I don’t want you out of
my life. All I want, Mom, is for you to accept me and trust me. I understand
how much you regret your relationship with dad, but I am not you.  Please let
me make choices for myself. And for the record, Dad does not walk on water for
me, not even close. I remember all that stuff from when we were young. He’s an
asshole, and Cade is nothing like him. I hate what he did to you. Can we please
not fight? Even though I never say it, I do love you.”

My
mother sat up in bed and closed her book. She put her reading glasses on the
nightstand and looked me in the eye. “You are not going to manipulate me by
throwing empty, meaningless words at me. And, for the record, I am not out of
your life because I am your mother. This is my home, and I shall define the
rules. You will live by them, or I will punish you. So, I am giving you a
choice. I suggest you use your supreme maturity and choose wisely. You will
stop seeing Cade, or I am taking your phone, your car, and everything else that
I pay for, away from you. You are not allowed out of this house, other than to go
to school.  Do you understand?” she asked. “If that doesn’t work, then you will
go live with your dad. Once you graduate, you can either go to college as
planned, or get the hell out of my life.”

“Seriously,
Mom?” I yelled getting off the bed. “Why would you do this to me? Haven’t I
always been a good kid? Why are you punishing me?” Tears of hysteria ran down
my face and collected like rain water on my T-shirt.

“You
were a good kid, until you chose to be a slut. Get out of my sight and go back
to your room to think about your decision.” My mother refilled her wine glass,
the bottle nearly empty, and retrieved her book. She continued reading as if
nothing had happened while I stood with my mouth hanging agape and my heart
beating frenetically.

“Now
I guess it’s my turn to be completely disappointed in you,” I said quietly,
leaving my mother’s room. I tried Cade again with no result. The tears wouldn’t
stop, and I was messy glob of snot by the time he returned my call.

“Hello?”
My stuffy nose made my voice sound thick.

“What’s
wrong, babe?” he asked. “I’m sorry I didn’t answer when you called earlier,
those pills knocked me out. What’s the matter? Are you crying?”

I
relayed to him the entire fight and harsh words we’d exchanged. “I can’t believe
she called me a slut. What are we going to do now?”

“Shit,
I am so sorry,” he sighed. “Do you want me to try to talk to her? Maybe I can
explain this relationship isn’t just some stupid high school fling?”

“It
wouldn’t do any good. She is being completely irrational. I don’t think she’s
ever been this angry at me.  I thought being honest would be the best thing,
but I should’ve lied to her. God, I want to scream. We had such an awesome
weekend, and we had to come home to this fucking nightmare. How are you feeling?
I should have asked that first, but I am drowning in drama over here.”

“I’m
fine, but I’m not taking any more of those pills; they wipe me out, and I hate
being so zonked, especially when you need me.”

“Take
them if you’re in pain, Cade. I’m being overly emotional at the moment, but I
hope things will be better in the morning,” I said, blowing my nose.  “I don’t
care what she does, though, I won’t stop seeing you. As soon as I turn
eighteen, she can kiss my ass; to hell with her.”

“Ellia,
she’s trying to protect you. Try not to be so angry. We’ll figure this thing
out tomorrow. I promise it’s gonna work out, somehow.” He came across so calm
and unruffled, he made me feel much less anxious, too.

“Are
you going to stay home the rest of the week?” I asked, changing the subject.

“No,
I don’t want to miss; I hate getting behind in my classes.” We talked for
another hour before saying good night. I fell asleep with hope on my mind.

The
next morning, I woke to my alarm. I showered and got ready for school before
heading down stairs to grab a cup of coffee and a quick breakfast. I shot Cade a
text to say good morning. When I entered the kitchen, I was shocked by the
scene, causing me to drop my phone. It skittered across the ceramic tile, and I
chased it like a cat with a yarn ball, fumbling it twice before getting a grip.
After snatching it up, I stood to face Cade and my mother, sitting at the table
over steaming mugs of coffee, looking amused at my clumsiness.

“What
is going on here?” I asked both of them. My mother’s features shifted from
entertained to stern, but she didn’t seem as angry at me.

“Your
boyfriend and I have been negotiating. He showed up at the door about an hour
ago. I apologize for calling you a slut last night, Ellia. I didn’t mean that,
I was just angry and a little far into my wine bottle. Cade explained how much
that hurt your feelings so I am sorry. My stance is still firm on this issue,
though.”

 Cade
nodded and took a casual sip of his coffee like they were discussing the
weather instead of our private sex life. He regarded me with a look of
contrition. “I agreed that you and I would respect your mom’s wishes, and she agreed
to let us see each other, outside of school, as long as we are here at your
house when she’s home.”

“Oh
… You agreed did you? Do I get a say in this at all? My mom is hardly ever here.
You don’t even understand what you just agreed to, Cade.” The anger rose in me.

“It
is a take it or leave it deal,” said my mother. She stood up and rinsed out her
coffee mug. “I need to head to work now. Do you want me to drop you off at home,
Cade?”