Falling Away (11 page)

             
I winced.
Shared
with Robert. If I didn’t fix this mess fast, that word may stay past tense forever.

             
Sophie must have seen me shiver ‘cause she immediately prepared a kettle on the stove. I pulled up one of the two barstools and laid my chin atop my crossed arms over the tan- and cream-shaded granite. Little flecks of gold scattered throughout the granite twinkled when the light hit just right.

             
“So I’ve heard Robert’s version through
Jhett
, and you don’t come off too well in it.” Don’t think I didn’t notice the tang of bitterness in her voice.

             
“Where is
Jhett
anyway?”

             
“Yale. He left a few hours ago. Robert didn’t ask him to
come
, but
Jhett
said he could tell how upset he was, so he just went.” She pulled out her phone and began texting at lightning speed. How she did that with long nails was beyond me. “I’m gonna let them know you’re here so they won’t worry about you.”

             
I snorted. “Sophie, Robert just kicked me out. I doubt he cares right now.”

             
“Yes, he does. I don’t care how bad you screwed up or how mad he gets. He’s a good guy, so he’ll always care.” She put the phone aside and leaned over her side of the island, fingers thumping the granite. “So…you kissed someone else?”

             
“No. Yes. No. Sort of.”

             
Sophie arched one of her eyebrows, as confused as I was. “So which is it?”

             
“He kissed me. I wasn’t really kissing him back but I wasn’t stopping him either. I was just really confused ‘cause it was Evan.”

             
“Evan! Coma boy? You kissed him?” she screamed. “Are you nuts? What were you thinking? And why would he know where you live? Have you kept in contact with him? Jenna!”

             
Wow. There was a fire in her eyes I’d never seen before, and quite frankly, didn’t
wanna
be the cause of ever again.

             
“I didn’t keep in touch. He appeared in one of my dreams and I flipped out, okay? I found out he was in the hospital and I went to see him. He sorta remembered me at the time, and I filled him in on everything
but
our relationship. He must have remembered the rest later, and I don’t know how he found me. I didn’t think to ask.”

             
“Sounds like you weren’t thinking period!”

             
“Oh, give me a break!” I defended. God! I already knew this! “It was damage control. I was afraid the dream hopping would start up again and I wanted to make sure he knew we couldn’t do those things again. But then I realized he didn’t remember that part anyways. So I wished him well and left. Four weeks later he shows up, tells me he remembers everything and kisses me right there with Robert just inside the building. And I froze, okay? He kissed me and I froze!”

             
There was a chill to the bright blue eyes boring into mine. “Did you like it?”

             
“It confused me, is all.”

             
“But did you like it?”

             
“I didn’t
not
like it, okay? But do I want it to be over with Robert? No.” I welcomed the bubbling noise on the stove, as it distracted Sophie’s glare from me to the steam building within the kettle. My shoulders felt really weighed down. “Just tell me. How bad have I screwed up?”

             
“Well, from what
Jhett
told me while packing last night, you screwed up big time. Robert thinks you’ve been screwing this guy behind his back–”

             
“But I haven’t!”

             
“I said that. God help me, you have fucked up on a diabolical scale, but I still defended your sorry ass.” Her bitter words cut me deep, and I felt the anger that lied within her. “I mean, seriously. What. The. Fuck. Jenna? How could you do that to him? Robert has been nothing but good to you!”

             
I groaned and threw my head atop my arms, burying myself in the cool darkness. “Would you please stop?” I begged, my voice muffled. “There’s nothing you can say that I haven’t already scolded myself for.”

             
The tea kettle whistled, then slowly faded to silence.

             
“Fine. Go to sleep then. Maybe by the time you wake up I won’t be so pissed anymore.”

             
Sleep sounded wonderful. But my insides were all queasy and popping like fire crackers, so it was doubtful my conscience would allow it to pass.

I whined as I rolled side to side in bed, fighting my way out of the sleepy haze. The blackout curtains dimmed the room to a shade of midnight blue, but a whitish glow seeped around their edges. I was left wondering the time since the only clock in the room hung on the opposite wall, far from the light’s reach. I wasn’t sure how long I had slept, but after tossing and turning and crying for hours, a calmer Sophie felt pity and gave me some Nyquil to finally knock me out. It still felt heavy in my system.

             
It took me five minutes, but I finally rolled out of bed. As I shuffled down the hallway, practically dragging my shoulder across the wall, I heard muffled voices. The closer I got to the kitchen, my destination for something caffeinated, the clearer the voices became.

             
Jhett
was back!

             
Suddenly haze-free, my legs burst into motion and I bolted into the kitchen. Their conversation stopped dead mid-sentence, their attention drawn to me now. And those weren’t happy faces.

             
Clearly, this was gonna be bad. I sighed and pulled the barstool next to
Jhett
, knowing my legs would never support me long enough to stand beside Sophie.

             
“How is he?” I asked fearfully.

             
Jhett
, tired and stressed from the weekend, rubbed his left cheekbone repeatedly. “Um…” His eyes averted past me, looking down the hall. “I brought your computer back with me. I convinced him to leave the rest of your belongings alone until he’s had the chance to really cool off and think about it. But, you’ll probably need the computer for class before he figures all this out.”

             
“Oh, my God.” Was he really breaking up with me? He couldn’t do that! I groaned as my insides began pulling themselves into a tight pretzel, and a prickly sensation filled my chest cavity. “What should I do? Should I call him? Is it bad that I haven’t called him yet? I wanted to give him time to cool off.”

             
“Don’t call him,”
Jhett
replied, heavy emphasis on the ‘no’ part of that command. “I’m not going to sugarcoat this, Jenna. He is really, really pissed off right now. And I don’t see him forgiving this before school starts, so you need to figure out where you’re going to stay in the meantime.”

             
Thunk
. The hypothetical sound of my heart completely dropping from my body, ‘cause at that moment, I truly couldn’t breathe. It was like my heart just quit, cut the nagging tethers that forced it to stay and support me, then just leapt to its death. ‘Cause I really had screwed up this badly.

             
Thunk
.

             
Catching my breath, I jiggled my head several times before I repeated, “Where I’m going? I don’t have anywhere to go out there. What classmates I know all have roommates. I mean, I’m gonna have to go get a job before anything. I probably don’t have enough money saved up to cover room and board for the entire semester. I should just go.”

             
Funny I said that.
I should just go
, ‘cause that was the complete opposite of what my body could do in this moment. Horrible feelings of anxiety had spread throughout my body to the point that even my mind seemed numbed. The words were coming out, but I wasn’t really paying too much attention to them. ‘Cause all that mattered, was that Robert didn’t want me anymore.
Jhett
had to convince him to hold on to my things just so he wouldn’t officially dump me today. But when’s that gonna be? Tomorrow, the next day? Next week? Maybe it would’ve been better today, just so these horrible feelings didn’t continue to drown me, to suffocate me, until the bitter end.

             
“Jenna,” Sophie said soothingly, touching my hand to draw my attention her way. It was comforting, and reminiscent of the Sophie I always knew, before I royally fucked up and pissed her off. “You can stay here with us until you figure this out.”

             
“No,” I replied, so quickly I wasn’t sure how my brain even managed the answer. I looked up into those gorgeous blue orbs, feeling the disappointment from that one syllable. “No. But thank you, Sophie. You guys need your own space, and I need mine. Mr. Rockwell always said I could come back to work for him anytime. I’m sure he could take me on full-time if I asked.”

             
“In Rutland? Jenna, you can’t go back there! The last thing you need is to be closer to Evan. Hasn’t he caused enough trouble already?”

             
I puffed a silent burst of air, slightly annoyed she’d even think this was about Evan. “He goes to Penn State. He won’t even know I’m there.”

             
“Like he didn’t know you were at Yale?” she mocked.

             
“God, Sophie.” I rubbed the top of my eye cavities roughly. “I’m trying to do the right thing here, okay? You know I’m not gonna mooch off you. I made my mess, I’ll figure out a way to move forward.”

             
“What about school? It’ll take you forever to complete it if you’re off working all week.”

             
“I’ll call Monday and see if it’s not too late to enroll for spring session. Maybe I’ll take a night class or two until I can save up some money to transfer to a university.”

             
“Why don’t you go stay with my parents for awhile? You know they love you like a daughter and will totally help you figure out your next move.”

             
“No,” I said numbly, staring off into nothingness. “Look, I figured out a way to get accepted into Pennington, and I figured out a way to get scholarships to help pay my tuition. I’ll figure out how to move forward. Just give me a little time, okay?”

             
I could sense she wanted to argue, but I caught the slight movement of
Jhett’s
head next to me, and Sophie relented. But she still wasn’t done with me. “Fine. Go to Rutland, live in some shithole, work a crappy paying job and go to night school, even though you have friends that could help you through this situation financially, but whom you’re completely shoving off.”

             
She stormed off, and I felt it necessary to call out, “Sophie.”

             
She put her hand up but kept walking. “It’s fine. You can do what you want, but there’s no way you’re stopping me from filling up a bag with some of my clothes and bathroom essentials. That’s the last thing your ass needs to be wasting your money on right now.”

             
I chuckled, but tears were beginning to well up behind my eyes. “I love her.”

             
I sensed
Jhett’s
smile as he gently stroked my back. “She was still holding out hope that Robert will be over this in two days, so you going off to build yourself a new life will be a complete waste of time.”

             
I twisted toward him. “So tell me. Honestly. On a scale of one to ten. How bad is it?”

             
“Nine. Maybe an eight by the time I left.”

             
“He’s not gonna get over this anytime soon, is he?”