Falling Away (13 page)
“You’re right.” His thumb slammed the cover of
The Shadow Rising
before he rose. I jerked back, determined to keep a minimum safe distance from those evil, seductive lips that I once allowed to kiss every part of my body. “I should get a coffee. It’ll keep me alert so I can finish this novel today.”
My mouth fell open at the realization that he wasn’t going anywhere, and that he actually had the right to stay and read as long as he wanted. He winked as he passed, and the familiar scent of his cologne warmed my insides. Butterflies threatened to tickle, but I squashed them fast. I was
not
gonna let him slowly win me over. Not if there was a chance in hell I could get Robert back.
I snuck my cell phone out and decided enough was enough. I’d tried calling a few times and he never answered, but maybe I could get a text message out of him. I quickly typed, then stared at my words for two minutes, debating if I should really hit send.
Please forgive me. I don’t want it to end this way. I need you.
My thumb lightly tapped the phone repeatedly. Finally, I sucked it up and sent it. Probably shouldn’t have, ‘cause I spent the rest of my shift checking my phone to see if it mysteriously turned its ringer off or died on me. Pathetic, I know, and believe me when I say I berated myself for it every time I checked.
My eyes glanced toward Evan each time I returned my phone to my pocket. He caught my phone check several times, and I was quite certain he knew what I was doing. Did he find it pathetic too? Or was he just lying in wait to see if Robert would ever give me the time of day again, officially making me a vulnerable free agent. But Evan’s blank face continually left me questioning his true thoughts.
Sometime around midnight, I heard a bird chirp. I gasped as my body involuntarily thrust upward from the bed and stumbled the few steps in the dark to retrieve my phone. The pounding in my chest intensified when Robert’s name flashed across the screen, informing me of a text message. I hesitated, afraid to push the button that would allow me to read it. What if he told me to go to hell? Sure, he should’ve calmed down by now, but what if he hadn’t, and I just pushed him over the edge by bugging him one too many times? What if
this
was the text that told me I’d lost him forever?
I sorta collapsed onto the edge of the bed, my thumb twitching over the screen. I bit the right side of my lower lip as I found the courage to push on the notification.
I’m not sure I can. You didn’t push him away.
My chest expelled the air in my lungs and my mouth fell as my face went slack. I don’t know how long I sat there staring at those words, but I had to keep the phone from dimming several times.
It wasn’t what I hoped for, and it left me wondering what to think. No, he hadn’t completely given up on me, but he still didn’t seem close to making a decision. How long was I supposed to wait? Would he even tell me if he decided against me, or would he just leave me hanging for good measure? I don’t know what led me to do it, but I suddenly came to life and dialed his number. One ring, two, three… After the fourth, voicemail picked up and I hung up. He still wasn’t gonna
talk
-talk to me.
Why wasn’t he talking to me?!
It was starting to tick me off! We were never immune to fights; we’d had our fair share as a couple. Sure, we’d get ticked off at one another, go several hours without speaking and even sleep in separate beds for the night, but we always forgave each other and got over it. He’d never avoided me like this before, and I just didn’t know what to do anymore.
I began to feel numb. And a little sad. Robert hadn’t forgiven me yet…and I began to fear he never would.
The next day, there weren’t too many patrons in the bookstore. I wanted nothing more than to take a break and have some much needed girl talk with Sophie, but for some reason my phone was getting zip in terms of a signal. Which, of course, played hell on my nerves in terms of Robert. If he sent me any type of message today, I wasn’t gonna get it in real time.
I relieved Lindsey behind the register and sulked in the chair, waiting on the next sale to approach. I spotted Evan reading from within the coffee shop, but the day passed with nothing more than quiet glances between us. It was like he knew I needed to be left alone today.
Where the hell was Robert? Sitting in class? Swim practice? I tried to call him twice this morning before my signal went kaput, but his cell went straight to voicemail. Or he cut me off to send me straight to voice mail. I knew I screwed up and that he didn’t owe me anything, but still…I loved him. Even if I couldn’t get him to forgive me and give us another chance, he was still my best friend. All the way up there with Sophie, and part of me didn’t know how to go on without that. I wished I hadn’t gone to Penn State that day.
But part of me knew I would’ve never
not
checked on Evan. He’d always hold a special place in my heart, just like Robert, and there was no way I’d refuse either one of them in that situation. I wasn’t trying to lead Evan on. I wasn’t trying to get his memory to return. It broke my heart to lose him two years ago. Just like it’s killing me to lose Robert now.
And slowly but surely, I was coming to the realization that I
was
losing Robert. And by some weird cosmic force of nature, I was gaining Evan back. So I could only hope that one day the stars would realign and Robert would come back to me too.
Thursday passed without an Evan spotting, and I had to admit, it saddened me a little not to see him. I knew he was slowly wearing me down, and surprisingly, I didn’t feel the urge to keep fighting all that much. I’d only held out as long as I had in respect to Robert, but now my bleeding heart was beginning to catch on to what my head figured out awhile ago. Either Robert was aiming to earn the Guinness World Record for longest held grudge, or he was gonna move forward in life without me.
Friday was turning out to be a ho-hum super exciting day too, and regretfully, Evan-free again.
Did I run him off? And why did I even care?!
My insides were ridden with anxiety tingles, thinking I had successfully
chased
off two guys within a one month span.
Just super, Jenna.
The phone rang beside me as I spun on the barstool behind the help desk, trying to dizzy myself into incomprehension.
Hey, don’t judge – dizzy was better than all the other queasy feelings I had going on inside!
I paused for a moment, giving the vertigo a second to calm, then answered the phone. “A Light in the Attic. This is Jenna. How can I help you?”
“Jenna! It’s Sophie.”
“Hey!” I burst, then slyly looked around for Mr. Rockwell, who didn’t always appreciate personal phone calls. “What’s up?”
“Girl, I’ve been trying to call you since yesterday. That mean ass recording said your number no longer existed.”
“Uh, yeah. I sent you an email this morning about that. No more service. All I have now is a really expensive paper weight.” My finger tapped the hard rectangular object still residing in my jean pocket.
Sophie was quiet for a moment. “I was afraid that’s what happened, but I didn’t
wanna
actually
ask
Robert if he cut your phone plan.”
“Well, I’m not his responsibility anymore. Paying for a phone plan I never wanted isn’t really required of an ex. Still, would’ve been nice if he added that tidbit to the text he sent me.”
“He sent you something? What did it say?” she asked softly.
“That he’s still not sure he can take me back, and that I should’ve pushed Evan away.”
Poor Sophie. I’m not sure I would’ve known what to say either. “I
wanna
come see you this weekend. Are you off?”
“I am Sunday.” I swept the store visually again for my boss.
“Alright, well, my first class on Monday isn’t until four, so how about I come tomorrow night and go back Monday morning?”
“That’s fine. But I should tell you I live in a matchbox that’s definitely considered
roughing it
for you.”
Warily, she replied, “I’m sure it’s fine.”
“And I only have a twin bed and a bathroom that’s smaller than the one we had at Pennington. Oh, and the wall is this nasty yellowish color. I’m still trying to figure out if it’s an actual paint color, or just white that’s aged over the years.”
“You know, on second thought, why don’t I just check us into a hotel for the weekend?” I snickered quietly, knowing that would be too much for her. “I’ll swing by the bookstore when I get in.”
“Okay. I work twelve to nine every day. Oh, and Sophie?”
“Yeah?”
“Do me a favor and call after five from now on. Rockwell leaves at that time every night, so it’s usually just me and Lindsey or Joe hanging around.”
“Alright. See you tomorrow then.” I was just about to copy her
see you
when she soothingly added, “Hey. Are you doing okay with this whole Robert thing?”
I sighed, blowing out a large puff of air. Sorta drearily, I said, “Yeah, I’m okay. I mean, I can’t blame him. None of this was his fault. I just thought he’d talk it out a little more than a single text message,
ya
’ know? I thought if I could get him to talk to me, I could…”
“Yeah, I know. Just don’t give up on him yet. He loves you. There’s still a chance he’ll change his mind.”
But the longer it took, the less likely we’d get back together. I fought the tears, and when I didn’t reply, Sophie probably knew why. “Just breathe, Jenna.”
I forced myself to smile, even though I was hiding behind my hand. My throat swelling and my voice cracking, I told her, “Just come give me a girl’s weekend okay? Maybe do a little drinking to ease my mind for a few hours.”
“And you mocked me for getting you that fake ID. You got it, girl. Now get back to work before you get fired.”
I laughed and swept the stray tears as we said our good-byes. No wonder bosses didn’t want employees taking personal calls. If I was one to indulge in mascara, I’d probably resemble a rabid raccoon right now.
