Falling Away (7 page)

My heart felt really heavy, damaged almost, and it made the trip home practically unbearable. Not that I would have ever allowed myself to sleep on a long bus ride filled with questionable strangers, but I really wished I could have slept through some of the pain. And the guilt. Spending that time with Evan, as short as it was, still managed to open a whirlwind of emotions I’d stuffed deep within my soul. I’d never really come to terms with what happened. I think that if our relationship had happened in the real world, I would’ve dealt with it and moved on already. So in that aspect, I felt cheated. How the hell did one move on from something like that? How did one know what bits and pieces were real, which feelings were real? You just couldn’t. And it kept me always wondering, kept me from properly moving forward, kept me constantly questioning my other relationship.

             
I crashed when I got home in the early morning hours. And to make sure my dreams that night would be sleepless, I took an Advil PM to really knock me out. Boy was that a mistake. I didn’t wake up again until late afternoon. Yeah, I felt refreshed, and my insides didn’t feel as emotionally damaged anymore, but I had to take another pill by midnight just so I could get my sleep cycle back on track.

             
On Sunday, I buried myself in reading assignments and blasted the music so I could barely hear my own thoughts. Not quite sure how much academic knowledge I retained, but it sure kept my thoughts of Evan at bay. By early afternoon my anxiety had pretty much disappeared and Evan was fading fast from my train of thought. Thank God. Don’t get me wrong, I was ecstatic that he was alright and that I wasn’t the only one just shy of tripping over the crazy line, but I just wanted my life to get back to normal again. And I was so ready to jump into Robert’s arms when I picked him up at school, but held back the moment I saw him.

             
“Ooh, baby. Are you okay?” I asked. He was paler than normal, his eyes a little red and exhausted from head to toe. Not to mention his skin looked all clammy.

             
“No. You drive, okay?” Dropping his bag, he sidestepped me for the passenger door and practically fell into the car, which was saying something since he’s a bit oversized for the Infiniti. I shut the door behind him, threw his bag in the trunk and made my way to the driver’s side.

             
“Air or heat?”

             
“Air, please.” He adjusted the seat until he was laid back and stretched out as far as possible. When we pulled to a stop at the light, I felt his forehead. Moist and warm. He softly moaned as I stroked my fingers through his hair.

             
“When’s the last time you ate something?”

             
Disgusted at even the mention of food, his face scrunched up and he weakly shook his head. He passed out quickly, so I took the opportunity to stop at the local bistro and order chicken soup to go. Sorry, little Susie homemaker I wasn’t. And the last thing I was gonna do was attempt to make soup for the first time when he was sick.

             
But I decided not to bug him with food just yet. He barely made it to the bed before passing out again, and I struggled to get his two-hundred pound, muscular ass stripped out of his warm-up suit. I swore he felt like three hundred pounds at that moment. He slept a good three hours before waking up and stumbling out into the living room, crashing next to me on the sofa where I was making notes for my zoology class.

             
“Hey,” I said soothingly, reaching out to scratch
his
head
as he laid it back over the cushion
. “Any better yet?”

             
“Little.”

             
“Enough to eat some chicken noodle soup?”

             
His head rolled my way, confusion all over his face. “You cooked?”

             
Laughter burst out of me. As if. “No. You know I’m the queen of take-out. You want it or not?”

             
“Yeah, I’ll try it.”

             
I reheated his dinner, and as he slowly sipped at the broth, I asked, “So what’s wrong with you?”

             
“I don’t know. Bug, maybe? I’m feeling a little better but I’m so tired, and you rubbing my head isn’t helping with that.”

             
I chuckled. “Want me to stop?”

             
“No.” He weakly smiled, and after another sip, asked, “Your weekend go better than mine?”

             
“Apparently. Caught up with an old friend from Rutland. Studied a bit. Now I’m taking care of your sick ass.”

             
Yeah, I tried to sneak it in there, but true to form, even in sickness I couldn’t pull the wool over Robert’s eyes. “Anyone I know?”

             
“No. Just a guy I knew from my volunteer days.”

             
“Guy, huh? Anyone I need to worry about?”

             
I practically choked on the laughter escaping my chest. “What?”

             
“Oh, come on Jenna. I’ve seen the way guys look at you, even when I’m standing right next to you. You’re hot and they notice. Just tell me now if I need to make my presence known and stake my territory.”

             
“You are not peeing on me,” I replied, grinning. Even the slightness of my push against his shoulder got his weakened body to lean a bit too far. “You’re the one I love.”

             
“Good. Because quite frankly, I’m too sick to kick his ass if he
was
trying to move in on you.

             
“I’m going to go back to sleep for awhile.”  He leaned over and kissed me on the forehead, the warm scent of soup following his movement. “Love you.” He stood, and my body swayed as his body pressure left the sofa. “I’d offer you the rest of this but I don’t think you’re going to want to eat after me.”

             
“No. And neither should you. Just leave it and I’ll throw it out.”

             
He murmured an agreement and shuffled back to the darkness of our bedroom, shutting the door behind him. Robert’s words made me grateful Evan didn’t remember our past, ‘cause then he might have actually tried to move in. It was funny. In the beginning I wanted Evan to remember everything that happened, but now I prayed he never did. I didn’t want to hurt either one of them. Ever. And Evan’s memory could cause my world to come crashing down in a single, painful heartbeat.

             
Ignorance really was bliss.

Ah, Christmas. Trees were blinking, sleigh bells were ringing and carolers were singing. But sadly, it wasn’t the halls I wanted to deck. That honor belonged to Robert’s mother.

             
“Jenna, seriously. Don’t put a silver ornament next to another silver ornament. Everyone will be staring at that spot because it’ll be the only spot that doesn’t have a change of color, and they’ll wonder what fool put those two together.”

             
Wow. Really? That’s the fifth time she snapped at me the past hour, and I now understood why the help they had in this house wasn’t allowed to put up the decorations. Apparently no one but Mrs. Penelope Jennings was talented enough to do it right. Even the garlands we hung had to be measured and pinned at exactly fifteen inches apart. Exactly!

             
Just for fun, I occasionally nudged it to sixteen when she wasn’t looking.

             
I was definitely gonna have to ask
Issy
where she kept the hidden stash of After-Penelope liquor. S
he was their maid, and a thirty-year-
old immigrant from South America. Only Robert’s mother called her by her formal name, Esmeralda. And I knew there was no way in hell she didn’t have to drink herself to bed every night in this household.

             
I mumbled an apology, which of course she rolled her eyes over ‘cause I didn’t speak at a proper auditory tone. I shot a pitiful look of absolute misery Robert’s way and he solemnly mouthed, “I’m sorry.” I wanted to kill him for sitting across the room watching football while I rotted away in hell, but even Robert had proven unworthy to decorate after his many years here. I was half tempted to continue screwing up on purpose, but figured it wasn’t worth the nagging that was sure to follow. A few more hours and my servitude to the devil would be over. And I’d have Robert give me a full body massage to relieve the tension, but in this household we weren’t allowed to be in the same bedroom together. We might have sex, you know?

             
As if we’d want to with his mother right down the hall. The woman was a life-sucker. Trust me when I said our energy levels were at absolute zero by the time we headed to bed, so sex was the last thing on our minds around here.

             
My only condition for coming to Robert’s family home for Christmas was this: at no time was he allowed to
ever
leave me alone with his mother. To do so would mean I’d get to stab an ice pick in his eye. So when
Robert’s dad tried to get him to follow him to the study to go over Robert’s finances, I knew the whispered conversation that followed involved that very request. Having been subjected to Penelope’s criticism’s plenty of times himself, I began to get sympathy glances from his father as well.

             
My only solace was Julie, the wife of Robert’s brother
,
Reynold
. Finally an ally! We clicked instantly when we met last year at Christmas (super joyous then too, by the way) and realized neither one of us were who Penelope wanted her boys to be with. Guess it’s saying something when both boys go with the complete opposite of their mother. Unfortunately,
mumsie
noticed our bonding, and we couldn’t help but notice the
ol
’ divide-and-conquer philosophy when it came to dishing out the decoration assignments.

             
Julie was already married into the family, so since I was the only one left Penelope could truly ruin, of course I got stuck with her. I just wished this
freakin
’ house was decorated already. Who the hell waits until December twenty-third to decorate their house when they have a huge party planned for Christmas Eve? It’s almost like she planned this just to make us suffer.

             
Probably her Christmas present to herself.

             
Four hours later my servitude was done. After dinner I kissed Robert good night and sank into the bathtub for two hours before dragging my wrinkly, over-hydrated ass back out.

             
I actually got to sleep in the next morning. Now that it was party day, Penelope was too focused on the caterers and waiters to notice I was missing. Robert actually came and woke me up at eleven, thinking I was never gonna come back out. He dragged me out of bed, passed me my coffee and shoved me into the bathroom. And after flashing me a super sexy grin and a wink as he closed the door on the way out, I really wished he would’ve stuck around a bit longer. I would have totally made it worth his while.

             
Robert and I snuck out of the house with
Reynold
and Julie to hit up a movie and a quick bite to eat before dressing for the party. No one wanted to be near Penelope as she constantly yelled at the guest staff, and it was impossible to lose the madness anywhere in the mansion. For the first time in days we each had a smile plastered across our face, the tension finally seeping from our systems. But all groans, moans and headaches made a sudden reappearance the moment we pulled into the drive and parked in the garage.

             
Robert said the party included the same people year after
freakin
’ year. Business associates, important clients, close friends and neighbors, and family that used the opportunity to make their obligatory yearly visit while Penelope was forced to behave in front of her other guests. Wish I had thought of that. And of course, my most favorite gal pal in the world, Anne
Bridgeway
, who took the opportunity to wear a dress with a plunge line that dipped all the way down to her belly button.