Falling Away (6 page)

             
I released a heavy breath and pulled a chair up close to the bed and sat down. My hands roughly kneaded the straps on my backpack, and it took a few seconds to be able to look him in those gorgeous hazel eyes. He sat there waiting for me to answer, as if he already understood how hard it was to talk about this.

             
“Evan… What do you… Do you remember anything around the time you were in the coma? Like just before or during?”

             
He stared off into space for a moment. “No. Not really. There’s always been a hint of something right at the edge of my memory, itching to be scratched and released, but…it’s never surfaced. But there’s something familiar about you, Jenna. I didn’t notice it right away because it took a few months, but I always felt a sense of déjà vu with you. Like we met in a previous life or something, you know?”

             
“Yeah, I get that.” I relinquished the straps of my bag and the weight caused it to topple sideways onto the floor. “Did your nurse, Margaret, ever tell you about us?”

             
His forehead furrowed and he tilted his chin at me. “I never even realized there was an
us
.”

             
Oh, there was an
us
alright. A hot, sweaty, can’t-keep-our-hands-off-of-each-other
us
that would never work its way out of my head.

             
“The night you died in the car accident…was the same night I drowned in this pond by my school. Margaret said we both died within a minute of one another.” His eyes widened, and I shook my head in disbelief. “God. I can’t believe I have to tell you this, ‘cause you’re the one
who
remembered this next bit to begin with. And I can’t believe you forgot it all coming out of the coma.”

             
“What part?” Too slow to respond, he added, “Jenna, quit dragging it out and tell me already. Please.”

             
Despite his plea, I still ended up sighing and twitching my mouth a few times. “I have these…memories. Of the night we died. I can’t really hear anything or remember what exactly was said between us, and the pictures are a little fuzzy, but I’m confident we met the night we died. In that space between here and wherever our next destination is.” His glare softened a bit, and I wondered if any of this was coming back to him as I spoke the words. “You took my hand, and I remember thinking everything was gonna be okay. That whatever was about to happen, I wasn’t gonna have to go through it alone.” I transferred my hands from my lap to the covers of his bed, and felt my fingertips instinctively seek out his, gently stroking them once found. “But before we could find out what that something was, my soul was ripped from yours, ‘cause I was being brought back to life. And you sorta got dragged along with me for a bit, but the force was just too great for us to stay connected. You were brought back to life too, but you stayed in a coma. And the doctors couldn’t figure out why you weren’t waking up. Because how could they possibly know it’s because your spirit was still searching for what it thought it lost.”

             
His eyes narrowed a little more, and I was pretty sure he thought I was the crazy one here today.

             
“Evan, you came to me almost every night while you were in that coma. Somehow, you were able to find me and insert yourself into my dreams. And it didn’t stop until the day you woke up.”

             
He turned away from me and stared at the whimsical beaded circular pattern on the privacy curtain. I let him, ‘cause I knew what a load this was to take in, but once five minutes had passed on the clock on the wall, I said, “I know this sounds crazy.”

             
“It does,” he replied quickly. “But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel right. I told you. I’ve always felt this odd feeling about you. I can’t remember any of the things that happened, but I know something did. And all I’ve accomplished today is replacing one set of speculations and questions for another. And I never dared mentioning it to my mom or doctors because I figured they’d just think my brain got all fucked up from lack of oxygen and send me to get a million more head scans. And then some shrink was going to want me to talk about my
feelings
for years to come.”

             
He rolled his head back over his pillow and let out a hefty sigh, one that surely released a great deal of pent up negative energy.

             
“Trust me. I get that. I only ever told my best friend Sophie, and she’s still convinced I just happened to see you in the hospital that night, thought you were hot, and focused in on you every night from then on out.”

             
His rolled back, the hazel in his eyes lighting up and that trademark lopsided grin pushing back his left cheek. Cocking his eyebrows, he probed, “You thought I was hot?”

             
“
Ohhhhh
,
shuuuuut
up! That’s what you fixate on, after everything I’ve said?”

             
“No, but at the moment, my head is pounding, and I’d rather focus on that than the other stuff.”

             
“I’m sorry. You should be resting and I’m totally weighing you down with all this emotional crap.”

             
I moved to grab my bag, but before I could even extend my legs to stand, he firmly stated, “Don’t even think about getting up. You don’t get to say all that shit, then walk away and disappear for another year. Drop the bag and get comfortable.”

             
I made an O face. O-
kaaaaay
then… I shoved the bag behind me and leaned it next to the other bag. “What about your parents?”

             
“When you called I asked them to give us some time. They said they’d take a long dinner.”

             
I nodded an acknowledgement and turned to stare at the TV. I didn’t follow college football. At all. So I had no idea what the commentators were going on about, or whether or not their clips were showing anything good. If Sophie were here, I knew exactly what part she’d be focusing in on: the snug uniforms, and she’d be assessing more physical attributes than I cared to mention.

             
“So…” Evan said, drawing my attention back to him. “When we were dream sharing…what exactly
were
we doing in there anyways?”

             
You mean besides each other? I cleared my throat to hide the smirk fighting to break my nonchalant façade. “You know, just hung out. Got to know each other.” Shaking my head, I added, “And you were obsessed with showing me every
freakin
’ movie from the eighties.” He laughed, and his smile was contagious. How I missed that sexy, lopsided grin. “You tried to teach me pool and soccer, but no go. Sorry, but even in my dreams, I suck.

             
“We talked about school a lot too. The differences between my private and your public, and where we wanted to go to college.”

             
“Where did you end up going anyway?”

             
“Community school near Yale.”

             
He looked at me like I was
freakin
’ nuts. “You went all that way for a community college? You know, they have one in Rutland. Probably a hell of a lot cheaper too.”

             
Oh, here we go. I knew it would come up eventually. “Yeah, I know. But Robert attends Yale.”

             
Narrowing his eyes, he deadpanned, “Still with that one, huh?”

             
“Yup. And happy, thank you very much,” I replied with attitude, daring him to challenge me more on the subject.

             
He sighed, dramatically so, but I could tell he was just trying to screw with me and make me feel sorry for not being single for him. I crossed my arms and leaned back in the vinyl-padded chair. “So tell me. How the hell did you manage to slam your head into the goal post?”

             
A guilty smile spread across his face. “It wasn’t my fault.”

             
“Never is.”

             
“I was making a break for the goal, and my fucking shoelace came loose. I tripped, my opponent tripped, and we both went down sliding like we were stealing third or something. I don’t know where he ended up, but my ass slammed right into the post.” He clicked his tongue really loud.

             
“Yeah,
totally
not your fault,” I teased. “You know, they have this thing called the runner’s knot. You should try it out sometime. Maybe even try some Velcro.”

             
Eyes narrowed, he sarcastically replied, “Yeah, I’ll keep that in mind, thank you.”

             
“So how’s the head this time?”

             
“Ah, it’s nothing. Mild concussion. I just knocked myself out for a day. I’ll be ready to go again tomorrow.”

             
“Yeah, you always were a little hard headed.”

             
He nodded as his eyes diverted to peek at the TV. I guess that kept him from catching my sexual innuendo, ‘cause normally he’d be all over that like a fat kid on a cupcake.

             
I pulled my chair back, slouched down and kicked my feet up on his bed. “You got anything besides sports?”

             
“How very
lady
-like of you.” He passed the remote and I began to flip channels.

             
“Whoever said I was a lady?”

             
“You were the one that went to that fancy-
pantsy
private school. I thought it came with the territory.”

             
“Well, then you definitely hit your head pretty hard ‘cause if you remembered me at all, you’d know I’m nothing like most those girls. But with any luck, yesterday’s clumsiness will knock whatever sense you lost the first time back into place.”

             
He crossed his arms and playfully glared, limiting the light’s access and darkening the tone of his eyes to a warm forest green. “You are quite the smart-ass, aren’t you?”

             
I momentarily pretended to be offended, then dropped the act lickety-split. “Oh! So you
do
remember me?” I teased. I switched my crossed legs and continued flipping channels until I found a comedy we could both agree on. “And if you’re gonna bug me till that itch is scratched, better get to it, ‘cause pretty soon I’m gonna have to bail to catch the bus back to my little neck of the world.”

             
I didn’t look, but I could sense the smile, feel the soft glare directed my way. It faded for a bit, and we were ten minutes into a syndicated rerun when his soft tone said my name.

             
His face was void of expression and I wasn’t really sure where he was about to take this. My heart skipped a beat.

             
“Why didn’t you tell me about this before?”

             
“No offense, Evan, but you didn’t take that information too well inside our dream world. And when you came out of the coma, you didn’t remember anything. And your body had already been through so much. I just didn’t
wanna
burden you anymore.”

             
“Yeah, but it left all the burden on you. I don’t need you to protect me.”

             
It was more likely I was protecting myself. Part of me wanted to deny the whole thing. I tried to force a smile but failed miserably, surely flashing him the most unflattering look ever. It still hurt that he didn’t
remember. “You promised me you’d remember everything that happened. But you didn’t. And you didn’t know me in the real world. I just…decided the best way I could be a friend to you, was to just let you forget.”

             
His face saddened me, filled with so much pain and sorrow. And he didn’t even know what we really had in there, or the love that we lost. But I did, and I still felt it to this day. It was never gonna be enough to question my relationship with Robert, but I still felt it nonetheless.