Falling Away (15 page)

“It seems so…final,” I said dismally, staring down at the three medium-sized boxes before me on the end of my twin bed. Sophie squeezed in behind me and stroked my back. She had waited until now, Monday morning, to give me the boxes Robert had packed and asked her to pass along to me. I shook my head, this queasy feeling traveling north of my stomach and up my throat. “I just…I mean, I’m the one that royally fucked up. Shouldn’t I be banging on his door, begging him to take me back or something?”

             
“I don’t know. I’ve never had this problem, but I’d wait it out. Let him live life a bit without you and have the chance to really miss you. Besides, you need your clothes.” I did, actually, but him removing them from the apartment told me my desire of getting back together wasn’t exactly going my way. 

             
Why did she continue to stroke my back? Did she take this as a bad sign too? My head started to shake slowly. “
Soph
…”

             
“Look, you’ve stunned him, okay? He brushed off a lot of girls in the past ‘cause he expected they would cheat. You blindsided him.”

             
“I didn’t cheat!” I yelled and jerked my body upright.

             
Her hand retreated. “Yeah, I know,” she claimed defensively. Soothingly, she added, “And maybe that’s why he can’t decide whether or not to come back. You did but you didn’t.

             
“I tried talking to him for you,” she added a moment later, and my body was quick to sweep around.

             
Panic
bursted
within like firecrackers. “What’d he say?”

             
She looked to the bed to watch her hand de-pill the blanket. “I tried to tell him what you’d been trying to tell him yourself. That you loved him. That you never meant to kiss Evan. That you’re sorry beyond words, and that you really need him to talk to you. But…” My insides swirled, and my breakfast was in danger of resurfacing. “…intentional or not, Jenna, you never fought the kiss. And that’s what’s killing him, ‘cause he truly believes you wanted Evan to do that.”

             
My jaw dropped and I tried to argue it, I really did. A few syllables here and there babbled out of my mouth, but nothing I was thinking was gonna defend against that.

             
“And I sorta agree with him on that,” she added.

             
I gasped, a sharp pain piercing my chest. “Sophie!”

             
She was quick to defend, “I know you love Robert, I really do. But of all people,
I know
what you felt for Evan in the past. I saw you, Jenna. I saw how you broke down when he woke up and you thought you lost him forever. It crippled you. So yeah, I think part of you really did
wanna
kiss Evan that night, and that’s why you didn’t fight him when he did it.”

             
My elbows dug hard into my thighs and my hands thoroughly buried my face. What the hell was I thinking? To just stand there and let him kiss me? I was happy with Robert, and for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why I let Evan do it. Why I let him jeopardize the best thing that ever graced my life.

             
I stared at the boxes long after Sophie left me, wondering whether to take this as a sign we were truly over, or just a consideration on his part to keep me clothed. Either way, it tore me apart to go through them. It wasn’t that he’d packed up what pathetic amount of clothes I had left in our apartment, it was that I think he literally gave me all the photos and mementos we’d collected over the past two years too. Silly carnival
pics
we made in those booths, a shot glass we stole from the bar where I faked my way into for his twenty-first birthday, that awful t-shirt we picked up when we stopped at a roadside restaurant called
Harry’s
Crabs, which neither of us would even wear around the house. It’s like every little thing that had a memory attached to it, he just wanted to throw away and forget about. He kept nothing.

             
So not a good sign…
             

             
Not really sure what to do with them, I stuffed all the mementos and
pics
into two boxes, stacked them into the corner, threw my chenille throw over them and tossed a few books on top.

             
Voila. Coffee table.

             
Work was a relief ‘cause it was busy enough to keep my mind distracted. Thoughts of Robert and Evan were a rare event until Evan physically stepped through the front door around six. He didn’t hesitate to approach me and follow alongside as I collected books left behind at random locations throughout the store.

             
“Hey,” he said.

             
“Hey,” I repeated solemnly.

             
After a quiet moment, he added, “You look kind of tired today.”

             
Out came a single, humorous laugh. “Yeah, well…it’s been that kind of day.”

             
He nodded as he passed me a picture book leaning against the bottom shelf. “Can you have dinner with me tonight?”

             
I inhaled a breath slowly, followed by a gentle head shake. “Evan, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

             
“Look,” he spoke softly, and I twisted to face him, his hazel eyes saddened. “I just learned I spent eight months in a coma bouncing around in your head. I need to talk about this, but I refuse to have my family give me pitiful looks because they think I’m damaged, and I don’t dare tell a doctor, damn the confidentiality agreement. You’re the only one I can talk to about this. So, please.”

             
My insides were kicking me, torn apart over what to do. I understood the dilemma, ‘cause even my best friend thought I was a
nutball
when I tried to convince her the dreams were real. But did I really
wanna
risk spending time with him?

             
And though my head thought it was a really bad idea, I knew my conscience would win out in the end. “Yeah, okay. But not dinner.” Dinner was too intimate, too date-like. “I have to stay late to do some things around here. Come by after nine-fifteen?”

             
A sense of relief traveled through his body, loosening his taut muscles, bringing a slight curl to his mouth and lighting up the glimmer in his eyes. “Yeah. Nine-fifteen’s perfect. See you then.”

             
He looked like he’d love to kiss me on the cheek, or even squeeze my hand, but he kept it to an awkward smile and turned to leave. Talking to him wouldn’t be a totally bad thing, right? I mean, it was just talking. It’s not like I let him think it was a date or anything.

Evan
Gilden
was incredibly punctual. Nine-fifteen on the dot and he was knocking on the glass, just as I was carrying a box in from the back. I dropped it by the front-most table and unlocked the door. A gush of wind sent an instant chill through my body, a few snow flurries hijacking their way in behind him before I could close it again.

             
He howled playfully as the gentle ivory flutters outside mesmerized me, jerking unpredictably against the bullying wind. “Damn, that’s cold.” I saw his reflection rapidly rub his gloved hands together. I wasn’t looking forward to walking home in that later. The snow I didn’t mind, but the wind was a bitch.

             
I gave him a pressed smile as I leaned over to rummage through the box of books, determining the number of new releases in it. “Can I help?” he asked.

             
“Yeah, you can. There’s one more box just inside the
Employee’s Only
door. Could you get it for me?”

             
“Sure.” He was gone and back
lickety
split, and placed it beside mine. “Now what?”

             
“Now, you pull up a chair and watch me, ‘cause I’m not gonna put you to work.”

             
“Seriously? You want me to just sit here?”

             
“Yeah. Truth is, I have to rotate the books to make room for the new releases and put them at certain tables. If you help, our night’s gonna be spent discussing the shop’s layout instead of what you really came here for. So talk.”

             
Sound rumbled in his throat, announcing his disapproval, but he carried over one of the coffee house chairs and settled down anyways. I began sorting the new releases on the floor into categories so I knew how many titles needed to be thinned from the front tables and laid aside to be shelved in the bookcases. After about thirty seconds went by, I glanced up and raised my eyebrows at him, silently asking, “Well?”

             
“I tried researching our…
situation
, and I’m guessing it won’t surprise you that I came up with zilch.”

             
“I’m not surprised, no.”

             
“Because you’ve done the search before, haven’t you?”

             
“Yeah. Long time ago. Even if our
situation
,” I say, mocking his use of the word to describe our dream sharing, “has ever occurred for anyone else, I can understand why it hasn’t been documented.” ‘Cause seriously, who
would
think the people involved weren’t
delusional? “You sure as hell didn’t
wanna
tell anyone and neither did I. Hell, I was expecting
you
to think I was crazy, and you were in the dreams with me.”

             
“So how do you think we did it?”

             
I chuckled, pulling the last of the books from the box. “All I have to offer is the crazy, certifiable version.”

             
“Well, strap me up and call me
looney
. Give it to me.”

             
“I’m no expert in metaphysics, or whatever the hell this would be categorized under, but my best guess is that you found a way to break through my mind’s defenses when it was relaxed, ‘cause you never got in when
I was awake, or when I took sleeping pills that kept me from dreaming. If I wasn’t capable of dreaming that night, you weren’t getting in.”

             
“So how
did
I get in?”

             
Shrugging, I bluntly replied, “Hell if I know.”

             
I grabbed the nearest cart and began fingering through the books, trying to remember which had been released first or received less interest from readers lately. Evan soon joined me, leaning his weight against the cart, nudging it slowly behind me as I circled the tables, depositing excess books onto it.

             
“So…Sophie told me Robert broke up with you.”

             
I almost rolled my eyes. I really didn’t
wanna
get into Robert tonight, but maybe it would help him realize I wasn’t currently in the dating market. “Sorta. I’ve tried to get him back, but he’s convinced there’s something going on between you and me.”