Ever the Same (24 page)

“Daddy? Daddy,
are we going to go swimming?”

“Maybe. Audie will have to see if the pool is… is still good.” He paid for a pool guy, right? Dixon thought he did. Everything had been sitting at his Austin house for a year, though. A time capsule.

He hadn’t been into the house since the accident. He had no idea how Randi would react. An insane part of him worried that someone, Ron, would be in there, quietly rotting even though he was in the ground.

“I want to swim! Can we make a place for Sarge in the garage?”

“Bumblebee, settle down. Please.”

“Y’all got a swimmin’ pool? For real?” Grainger sounded awed.

“I told you we did! Are you calling me a liar?” Randi was ramping up into hysteria.

“No!” Grainger sounded offended now.

“Y’all settle.” Audie said it quietly, but both kids subsided.

“Y’all have been so patient. I promise, if the pool isn’t working, we’ll get you to a pool.” Somewhere.

“Where is Grainger going to sleep, Daddy?”

“He can sleep in the cowboy room or in the game room. Wherever he wants.”

“You have a cowboy room?” Grainger got hushed. “Oooh.”

“I do. Do you remember it, Randi?”

“Uh-huh. It’s all decorated.”

Dixon chuckled. “We had a foreign exchange student from Germany that was obsessed with cowboys, and it was so cute, we kept it.”

“I like cowboys. Like Daddy.”

Audie chuckled. “I never dress up too much, though.”

“You’ve ironed a shirt for me.” He kept his voice low. “I smelled the spray starch.”

“Well, sure.” Audie pressed one hand against his leg for a moment. “That’s for you.”

Oh, that was sweet. “We’re getting close, huh? The traffic’s increasing.”

“Yeah. It’s been pretty quiet today for I-35.”

“We’re lucky.”

“Daddy! Daddy, we’re going on the big bridge!”

“We sure are,” Audie said. “Everyone hold their breath.”

He reached up, fingers searching for a screw to touch. “Pick your feet up.”

He heard inhales and clunking, and then everyone was blowing out a huge breath. God, he loved kids.

“We’re going on MoPac?” Dixon asked.

“Yep. MoPac to 2222.” They lived up in the hills, a nice neighborhood. Friendly. Would anyone recognize him?

“Well, hang on to your butts.”

“Daddy, what’s for supper?” Randi asked.

“We have tons of time to worry about that, Bumblebee.”

“Maybe we can have barbecue,” Grainger piped up.

“Do you want brisket or chicken or what?” Dixon asked.

“I want Popeyes.” Randi was just melting down.

“Okay. Okay, that’s enough. We’re all going to be okay.” He was trying to hold it together, but he was nervous too, and a little queasy.

“We’ll get food once we get settled. Y’all have snacks in the cooler,” Audie said. “Breathe. We’re almost there, huh? I know it’s been a long drive.”

“I’m….” He was fighting for control with all he had.

“No. No worries.” Audie paused. “Right, kids?”

“Right, Daddy!”

“Yes, Sir, Mr. Audie!”

The kids went quiet, so Audie must be giving them the stink eye. Bless his heart.

Then Dix heard them, talking about all the places they wanted to go eat. They were like locusts. At least they were quiet, and not whining or ramping up.

“You okay?” Audie asked.

“Yeah. Nervous. Surprisingly nervous.”

“Me too.” Audie barely made sound with his words. “Like really.”

“Yeah.” How weird did it have to be? To be going to Ron’s house?

“I don’t want to cramp your style, you know. If there are things you need to do at the house without me, you just say.”

“I don’t even remember it. I need you. I’ve never been back.”

“Okay. I just hate to be a bother not a help.” Audie sounded relieved, though.

“I wouldn’t ask you down here if I didn’t need you.”

“Anything you want me to do, babe. You know that.” They slowed, Audie turning them off on a smaller road.

“Daddy! Daddy, there’s Lindsey’s house!”

Lindsey had been their go-to babysitter. If they’d just passed her house, they were close.

“Who’s that?” Grainger asked.

“She was my babysitter when my Daddy Ron was alive. He died, and we moved away, and I didn’t never tell her good-bye.”

Dixon winced. Ow. Adults forgot kid things. A lot.

“I’m sure she understood, Bumblebee.”

“Is she still here?”

“I don’t know, honey.” If Lindsey still lived there and wanted to babysit two kids, he and Audie might just hide for a night soon. “We’ll find out, okay?”

“’Kay, Daddy. Oh. Oh. Oh! My house! Daddy! My roses!”

All of a sudden, Dixon couldn’t breathe. His ears rang, bees buzzing in his head.

“Dix?” Audie’s voice anchored him as the truck slowed to a stop. “You’re all pale.”

“Yeah? Just a long drive.” Oh God. Oh God. He couldn’t do this.

“Open the door, Daddy, and let me out!”

“Hold up, Randi.” Audie touched his leg again. “You want to give me the key? Take a moment?”

“No. No, I can’t… I don’t know this place.”

“Oh, honey, I’ll get the kids inside and come back for you. Sit in the air-conditioning and drink your Coke.” Audie grabbed his hand and squeezed.

He managed to keep his shit together until all the doors closed.

Then he leaned his head back and cried.

Audie got
the kids a snack, got them sat at the table, and went to look for Dixon. He had a feeling the man was about to lose his shit.

This house…. Christ. It was huge and fancy, decorated to within an inch of its life. He couldn’t imagine Dixon living here, being comfortable with all the breakable shit. Not to mention half the furnishings were white. How did you live in a white house with kids?

Dixon sat in the truck, tears streaking his cheeks. Poor guy.

Audie went to open the passenger door. “Babe?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m ready.” Dixon slapped the tears away, faced him, pure terror on his face.

“Hey.” Audie leaned in and gave Dix a kiss, just a quick peck. “It’s clean, there are fresh sheets. I got the kids a snack. We can do this.” He reached over to turn the truck off.

“Clean is good. I was worried it would be trashed or something.”

“No, babe, it’s good. Come on.” Audie held Dixon’s hand, his heart aching.

Dixon stepped out, fingers wrapped around his. “There’s… three steps on the porch?”

“Yeah. And a sizable crack in the sidewalk about three feet out from the steps.”

“’Kay.” Dixon grabbed his cane and took Audie’s arm, lips pressed together in that “I’m being brave” sort of way.

His chest felt tight, and Audie was so proud. This whole situation had to make Dix want to scream. Hell, it scared the heck out of Audie. Then there were the kids—Randi was already ramped up as all get-out. Grainger was more confused.

Audie knew he and his kid were going to have to talk about some things soon.

Some of those things were gonna be… rough. He could do it, though, even if he would never be superdad.

Lying couldn’t be good for the boy, right? It had to be better to tell the truth. Certainly less confusing, and Audie was determined not to hide.

Dixon found the crack with his cane and then the steps. Good job. Practice was making Dixon so much better with the silly thing; Audie could only imagine how much better he’d get with real training.

They got up to the door, and Dixon opened it, took a deep, deep breath and held it.

“Daddy! Can I take Grainger up to my room now?”

“Sure.”

“Cool!” Randi grabbed Grainger’s arm. “Come on!”

Grainger was a little wild-eyed himself, and Audie knew they were going to have to take a walk or explore the backyard or something. Still, his boy was polite, trotting off after Randi.

“You hungry?” Audie asked Dix.

“Yeah. Yeah. Is there… did you say they brought some food?”

“No, but we had plenty in the cooler.” Audie rummaged. “Granola bars, those lunch pack things, some grapes. I’ll run out in a bit and get some food.”

“There’s an HEB right down the road.”

“Cool. I’ll get some groceries and then grab some Popeyes.” Audie hugged Dix gently. “Once you settle a bit.”

“I… I don’t remember where anything is, Audie. I don’t remember anything and….” Dixon’s voice dropped to a whisper. “I keep imagining that he’s here in the house, rotting. I know he isn’t. They told me they sprinkled his ashes.”

“Well, if he’d rotted here, there’d be a powerful stench, and all I smell is wood oil.”
Keep it light, Audie
.

Dixon blinked, and then started laughing, the sound less hysterical than it was merry. Better. Much better.

“You do have a lot of white in here,” Audie continued. “I’d be afraid to let the kids have juice.”

“Is it? Isn’t it funny how I only remember some things? My studio is in the back of the house, and I know I love that chair, and I know that Randi’s room is purple, and there’s a canopy bed, but I don’t remember what this room is, much less what’s in it.”

“Well, I reckon it’s a formal living room.” He led Dix past it to the dining room, then the kitchen. “I like this room, though. Homey.”

Dixon’s hands moved over the counter. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s not a show thing.”

“No. You can tell y’all lived in here.”

“Tell me what you see?”

Audie paused, trying to look beyond granite countertops and walnut cabinets. “The room is earthy. Whoever liked white compromised here. The cabinets are warm, dark, and the table is a scarred up farm antique.”

“Ron liked modern, clean. He liked this room too.”

“Did you cook?” He had no idea what Dixon’s hobbies were.

“Yeah. Yeah, all the time. Ron was the grill guy, but I did suppers. We used to be the dinner party types—cocktails and silly games.”

“Oh.” Dinner parties. Wow. “I helped with a few cookouts at the ranch.”

“God, I love your hamburgers. I think there’s a grill here….”

“We’ll have to haul it out. That I know how to do.” How odd, that they’d rarely eaten supper together unless he took Dixon out to eat.

He heard the pounding footsteps that announced that the kids were downstairs, and he got Dixon a Coke and a candy bar. As soon as he heard the comforting sound of cartoons on the TV, Audie set to looking around, familiarizing himself with all the ends and odds of the place. There were all sorts of fancy-assed dishes and stuff, including a cabinet that obviously was Randi’s—little dishes, cartoon characters, a lunch box.

“Oh Lord. She might be too old for those now, huh?” Audie chuckled. “She sure liked Dora.”

“God, yes. Now it’s Elsa, Elsa, Elsa.”

“That’s what,
Frozen
? Grainger would rather watch
Planes
.”

“Yeah. Although she loves Merida best. The hair, you know.”

“I bet.” Audie could see that, could see Randi loving
Brave
.

Dixon was beginning to relax. “There’s a pool and a hot tub in the backyard. You have to go through my studio to get to it.”

“Keeps the kids safe.”

“Yes. Yes, exactly. We had a nanny part time, but I knew, no matter what, she couldn’t get to the pool.”

“Nice. Well, I’ll check the pool out tomorrow. I imagine it will be too late today.” Audie needed to start making lists.

“Are you glad you’ve come?” Dixon searched for his hand.

“I am. We need to move forward.” He was so scared he thought he might puke, but Audie was so proud of them.

“Yeah, wherever that is, huh?”

“Right. We’ll figure out what to do.” He took a kiss. “It’s real quiet in that game room place.”

“It’s real quiet, full stop. We should find children.”

Audie took Dixon’s hand and tucked it into the crook of his arm. The motion was becoming second nature to him. He led Dixon to the game room, where he’d set the kids up.

Oh. Oh God. He turned quickly to press his finger to Dixon’s lips. Randi and Grainger were both sound asleep, Grainger still gripping part of a cookie.

They were both the most beautiful babies he’d ever seen. Ever.

He tugged Dix back to the door so he could whisper. “They’re snoozing.”

“Oh….” Dixon grinned. “Back to the kitchen?”

“Yeah.” They wandered back to the kitchen, chuckling.

“What do you think of the house?”

“It’s huge.” White. Breakable.

“Ron paid cash for it. He fell in love with it.”

Paid cash. Holy shit. He swallowed. “I—I’m looking forward to seeing all of it.”

“I bet. I… I have to tell you, it sounds so fucking empty and weird.”

“I can’t even imagine.” He couldn’t. The idea of losing Dix hurt so much, and they were barely getting to know each other in any deep way.

“Oh, I don’t mean that. I mean, I miss him, but I literally mean that it sounds weird. Like we’re in this vast space.”

“We are.” He chuckled. “I mean, this place is like a museum.”

“Yes!” Dixon slammed his hand over his mouth. “Sorry. That was loud, but damn, that’s it, exactly.”

“Daddy? Is it supper time?” Randi came in, Grainger trailing behind.

“Audie says he’s going to get Popeyes in a bit.”

“Oh. Cool. Can I show Grainger the pool?”

“No, ma’am. You cannot go out there without Audie,” Dixon said.

“Okay.” Poor Randi looked crestfallen, but not ready to have a fit anymore.

“It’s not safe, and Audie needs to check out all the chemicals. You can go up to your room and show him out the window.”

“Okay! Mr. Audie, come on!” She grabbed his hand, and tugged, but he held back.

“You’ll be okay, Dix?”

“Sure. Sure, I’m cool.”

“We’ll be right back.” Randi led him up the stairs, and Audie’s awe of the damned house just got worse. The stairs could hold an entire cotillion.

“My room’s up here. The one with the purple. See? My handprints from all my birthdays but the last one.”

“That’s so neat, honey.” Audie looked around, but Grainger hadn’t followed.

“Yeah. Come in.”

Randi’s room was like a princess’s—pink and purple and glittery. So girly. He grinned. “Where’s the pool, huh?”

“Here!” She bounced over to the window seat and pointed down. “See? It’s the backyard.”