Ever the Same (16 page)

Dixon wasn’t the natural that Randi was, but the man was made of try.

They got Dixon’s boots in the stirrups, got him good and centered. “Okay, heels down, head up. I’ll be leading her, so you don’t have to worry about elbows and all, but don’t lean down and grab her neck, stay up with your abs, let your hips rock.”

“I…. Heels. Head. Elbows. Neck. Abs.”

He chuckled. “You like to have sex. It’s all in the hips and thighs, just like that.”

“Shit, I love to have sex. Love it.”

“Well, there you go. Do good today and we’ll go do that. Helps with soreness.”

“Really? That’s not just a come-on?”

“Nope. I swear, it will help relax muscles.”

Dixon was moving, rocking with the motion. Audie led Daisy into the corral and got them moving. If Dix did well, he’d take Skamp out with them in the pasture.

“We’re away from the barn a little? I feel the sun.”

“We are. Out in the ring. She can only go so far right now, and we’ll go mostly in circles.”

“Cool.” Dixon looked so fucking tickled.

“Yeah. You’re almost as good as Randi, babe.” He grinned, knowing Dixon couldn’t see.

“Butthead. Randi’s a natural. I heard you tell her.”

“She is. I can tell she gets a lot of her balance from you.” He pulled Daisy into a faster walk, challenging Dixon a bit.

Dixon grabbed the horn, squeezed a second, then he relaxed.

“You’re ready to go out with me and Skamp.” He was so damned proud.

“Already? You think so.”

“I do. If you want to go a few more rounds, though, I’m easy.”

“I trust you. She seems to be okay.”

“She’s comfy with you.” He led Daisy back to the fence and tied her lead loosely. “It will take me two minutes to get Skamp.”

“I just sit here, right?”

“Yep. Just get your minds together.” He patted Dixon’s foot, then Daisy’s neck.

“Get our minds together. Good Lord.”

“What? You’re a hippie. Commune with your beast.”

He went to the barn, keeping an eye and ear out for Dixon. No distress. He tugged Skamp out and mounted up. He could grab Daisy’s lead from the saddle.

Dixon was sitting, about as like a statue as could be, hands wrapped around the horn.

“You doing okay, babe?”

“Uh-huh. Just trying to be superstill.”

“She can handle movement. Just don’t startle her, huh?” He nudged Skamp right up, his leg rubbing Dixon’s.

“I…. Hey.” Dixon turned to face him.

“Hey. You are doing amazing.” He put a hand on Dixon’s thigh. “She’s gonna move in a moment when Skamp nudges her. So I can get the lead.”

“Thanks. You’re taller than me again.”

“I am. Skamp is a couple hands taller than your girl there.”

“Daisy.” Dixon smiled, the look tickled, present.

“Yep. She’s into you.” Daisy liked Dixon, which Dix might not get, but Audie knew. She wasn’t nibbling his toes.

“That’s cool, right? I don’t want her to hate me.”

“That’s awesome. Seriously.”

He got the lead rope and they started off, moving slow and easy. The horses seemed to have the feel of the day, just bobbing along.

“So, where are we?”

“The first pasture out from the house. The fence is along the road, so there are no gates to go through.”

“Are there trees?” Curious man.

“A few scrubs, one big cottonwood.” Audie looked around. “A pecan out a ways.”

“Neat. I miss the colors.”

“I bet. It’s green right now, you know? Not yellow at all.”

“There’s been a lot of rain. Dad says we need it.”

“We do. Hell, running horses, rain is the best thing. I don’t have to buy as much feed.”

“And hay prices go down too, right? Dad talks about this stuff a lot.”

“Yep. Rain is a good thing.” Audie got a little too far ahead, Skamp’s tail slapping Dixon’s leg.

“What was that?” Dixon’s left hand left the horn, reaching down.

“Skamp’s tail.” He held Skamp up, letting Daisy come up on the side.

“Oh. Oh, okay.” Dixon gave him an embarrassed little look. “Sorry.”

“Why? Ask anytime something happens and you want to know. You can’t see it coming.” He wanted Dixon to feel safe.

“No, I can’t, and things feel weird, a little.”

“Weird, how?” Should they stop? Dixon looked comfortable.

“I’m not sure how to explain it.” Dixon’s lips twisted the barest bit. “Okay, it’s like that story they tell about the blind priests and the elephant in grade school. You remember that?”

“No.” Audie had never heard of that one.

“Okay, so the story goes, a bunch of blind priests are taken to an animal and they touch and one says, ‘It’s a snake,’ and one goes, ‘No, it’s a fan.’ Then there’s ‘it’s a wall’ or ‘it’s a rope’ or ‘it’s a pillar.’ That sort of thing. Well, it’s an elephant, and because they can’t see the whole thing, they only know what they know. I only know what I know, and I’m used to knowing everything, so the idea that whatever touched me is the little part of something is scary as hell.”

“That makes sense.” He liked that. He’d use it to explain shit to Grainger at some point.

“Cool, because I can’t explain it better.”

Audie laughed, patting Skamp’s neck when the sound startled him a bit.

“Laughing at me!” Dixon was grinning like a newborn fool, beaming.

“I am. I like to laugh with you, babe.”

“I’m riding a horse, Audie. Did you know?”

“I did. You’re doing amazing.”

Dixon cackled, looking like he was fixin’ to bust his buttons. He was beaming, his face wreathed in smiles. God, it was good to see. It was like—shit, he didn’t know—the sun coming out and breaking through the clouds.

Man, he was getting downright poetic.

Either that or fucking Dixon was making him smarter.

Nah. That was asking too much of any man.

Dixon stretched in the saddle, fingers tight on the horn. He looked almost cowboy, the way he shifted and moved, and Audie admired.

“I wish I could see you ride. I bet you’re amazing.”

“I’ve been doing it awhile. You could ride with me sometime, though.” Audie would love that.

“Maybe. Maybe sometime.”

“No worries. I won’t be upset if you don’t want to.” He didn’t want Dixon to think it was his way or the highway.

“I don’t know if I want to, but I won’t say no yet.”

“Okay. Cool.” That was all he could hope for, was willingness to think on it.

“You know what I want to do again? I want to ride a roller coaster.” Dix sounded a little lost.

“Yeah? We could go to Six Flags.”

“The kids would love that, but….”

Audie hated that look of worry, then defeat. He saw it in Dix over and over.

“But what? They let blind people in. Hell, I saw a guy with no legs on the coasters there once.”

“Yeah? That must’ve been awkward. No, I was thinking about the kids. It’s a lot to handle them and me.”

“Nah. They’re good kids, and we’d just sit them down and tell them the rules first.” He believed in letting the kids know what was what.

“I hate that Randi has to be good because I’m fucked up. Her grandparents want her full-time, you know? Ron’s folks.”

“Yeah?” He couldn’t imagine that. “She needs her dad.”

“Maybe, but I need her, for sure.”

“I don’t think it’s as bad as you think for her.”

“No?” Dixon turned his head like the man was looking at him. “You don’t think?”

“Nope. I mean, all kids have shit to deal with. I’ve seen way worse.” His kid’s grandparents, for example.

“I suppose so. I mean, look at us. We have stuff to confess to our shrinks.”

“There you go.” He chuckled. “Okay, a little faster now.”

“Okay….” Dixon gripped the horn again.

He wondered if they’d get to a trot today. One way or the other, they were spending time together, and that made him happy.

Hell, Dixon was trying something new, was brazening it out. That in itself was a cause for joy.

He pushed them a little faster, Daisy happy to stretch a bit. Skamp wasn’t much for hard work, though, so he had to nudge his boy pretty hard.

They sped up and Dix handled it, for the most part. At least until he started listing to the left.

“Whoa. Whoa, girl.” He tugged Daisy up short and grabbed Dix when he slid.

“Sorry! Sorry, I….” Dix looked purely panicked.

“Breathe. You’re good.” They’d caught him in plenty of time.

“I don’t even know what happened.”

Audie did. Dixon had looked down, didn’t even realize it.

“You have to keep your head up, your eyes on the horizon, even if they aren’t seeing it.”

“Was it down? I didn’t notice.”

“Yep. No laziness, honey.”

“Hey! I was probably trying to see her head.” Dixon chuckled.

“Uh-huh. Gonna get you a ruler for your neck.”

“Ew. That sounds no fun.” Dixon wiggled, getting back into the cradle. “You’re just going to have to stare at me a lot.”

“That sounds like a lot of fun, honey.”

Dixon’s cheeks heated, which made him hum, shifting in the saddle.

This was fun.

“Stop it. You’re laughing at me.”

Audie chuckled. “Nope. I’m thinking what we can do together.” He had all these thoughts, all these needs that were making riding Skamp a little uncomfortable.

“There’s lots we’ve never done. Skinny-dipping. Yoga….”

“I’ve never done yoga at all. Skinny-dipping, yeah.”

“I have done a lot of yoga believe it or not,” Dixon said.

“I can see that. You’re bendy.”

“Totally. You should see my crow pose.”

“Uh. Okay.” Audie had no idea what that was.

“I’m fairly sure that’s impossible on a horse.” Now Dixon was just being a turd.

He hooted. “I bet, yeah.”

“Maybe I’ll show you later.”

He’d bet not. Not today. He imagined Dix was going to be sore as fuck. “You ready to head in?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m thirsty, and my butt is sweating.”

Audie cracked up again, loving Dixon’s resilience.

“They don’t tell you about how much heat horses put out.”

“Nope. It’s like riding a radiator.” And he would know. He’d been riding his whole life.

Dixon’s laugh rang out, tickled as all get out.

Audie turned Skamp back toward the barn, leading Daisy along, and they ambled, Dixon looking solid in his seat. The man kept his head up, which let him stay upright. Audie was damn proud of his lover, damn proud.

They got to the fence at the corral, and he stopped to tie Skamp to the post before going to help Dixon down.

He held on, knowing the man’s legs would be rubber bands.

“Whoa.” Dixon grabbed his shoulders. “My butt is broken.”

“Now that would be a shame, honey.” Audie let Dix hold on and reached down to rub Dixon’s ass.

“Uhn.” Dixon’s eyes rolled, body moving as his expression did.

“Better?” He massaged, digging in hard.

“God, yes. Don’t stop.”

“Nope. No worries.” He wasn’t about to stop touching.

“This going to get you in trouble?”

“Why? It’s not like we’re all up in the house in front of the kids.” He kissed Dixon to shut the man up.

Someone needed to shave. Dixon was tickling, scratchy. Amazing.

He kissed Dixon again and again, holding him hard, their bodies moving together. Oh damn, thank God there wasn’t a direct line of sight from the house. They could move into the barn, he reckoned, but that would mean moving….

And Dixon’s hips were still riding, for the most part, rocking slow and steady. The man did know how to have sex. Knew how and liked it. A lot.

Audie liked that too.

“Do you boys want some lemonade? I made some.”

Christ, he was going to strangle her. He let go of Dixon, steadying the man with one hand on an arm instead of holding his ass. “Thanks, Mom.”

“Anytime.” Her look was purely disapproving, sort of ice and death ray all at once.

He glared back at her. He ran this fucking ranch. If he wanted smooches, he could have them.

“It smells amazing.”

“Yeah.” He wanted to grumble, but if Dix was lemonade-ready who was he to argue. “You want to go sit while I turn the horses out?”

“Can I help?”

“Sure.” He stared his mom down, then helped Dixon to get a good hold on Daisy’s halter.

“Okay. Okay. Hey, Daisy.”

“I’ve got her lead. Skamp and I will take y’all in, and we’ll get you brushing.”

“I can brush. I do Randi’s hair, and she doesn’t cry.”

Mom’s eyebrow rose. He made shooing motions with his free hand. This was his time, goddamn it. His.

She shook her head, but headed back to the house. Yeah. They would come up and have a drink after.

They headed into the barn, Dixon moving—if not comfortably, carefully. They got Daisy and Skamp cross-tied because Audie figured that was safest for Dix.

“We’re inside now. The wind stopped.”

“Yep. I got rid of the audience too.”

“Am I going to get you in… trouble? Is trouble the right word? You’re too old for trouble.”

“I am far too old for it. She just wanted to let me know she didn’t want to see it. She would have done the same to Gracie and a man. I think she just misses Dad when he’s on the road, makes her jealous.”

“Well, Gracie is married….” Little tease.

“Uh-huh. She’d be in trouble if she was out here with someone not her hubby.”

“I bet. Also, I can’t see that. She talks about him all the time.”

“Does she?” Sometimes Audie didn’t listen so well. Maybe Dixon was just removed enough to hear when Gracie needed an ear. That and where was the man going to go? He couldn’t even be rude and walk off on his own, could he? Audie couldn’t express how much that sucked.

“Uh-huh. She misses him a lot.”

“I bet.” He felt a little like an asshole all of a sudden.

“Yeah. She’s got y’all, though. She’s damn fierce.”

“She is. She doesn’t bitch and moan.”

“No. She’s a cowboy like her baby brother.”

Audie grinned, pleased as punch. That was always a hell of a compliment.

Dixon’s fingers stroked the horse’s neck, exploring idly. Audie watched, struck by the gentle curiosity Dixon exuded. Daisy’s cheek was traced, her jaw. Daisy was being a good girl—so still, so gentle.