Equivocal Death (48 page)

pus. Robert McNamara. The SDS crowd was out in full force. I 26

think we all pretty much expected that. But not what came after-27

ward. When the radicals didn’t get what they wanted, they 28

stormed McNamara’s car. Actually pulled him out of the vehicle, 29

demanding that he answer their questions. It was horrifying. Truly.

30

I’d never seen Carter so angry. Not that he was a strong supporter 31

of the war. Like most of us, he was on the fence. But the idea that 32

students would resort to violence, to personal attacks . . . well, he 33

found that unacceptable.”

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Kate saw that Harrison was watching her, waiting for a response.

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“That must have been very upsetting,” she said, trying to match his 1

expression.

2

“Very upsetting,” Harrison said. “Very upsetting indeed. You 3

young people don’t know what it’s like to live through a time like 4

that.”

5

“No,” Kate said. “I guess you’re right. And Carter, I mean, was 6

he generally active in campus politics?” Clumsy, but at least she’d 7

pushed the conversation back on track. Back to the subject of 8

Mills.

9

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that.” Harrison gave a short laugh. “Despite 10

what you read in history books, a lot more was going on during the 11

sixties than student rebellion. Basically, we just went ahead with 12

our lives. On a day-to-day basis, we were a lot more concerned 13

about other things. Such as whether the Cliffies were going to use 14

our library.”

15

Kate could feel her eyes narrow.

16

“It didn’t bother me so much once it happened,” Harrison said 17

quickly. “It was just the change, you know. No one likes change.”

18

Yeah, right.
Except those pushy Radcliffe bitches.

19

Kate smiled sweetly. “I know what you mean.”

20

Harrison looked at her another few moments, as if trying to de-21

cide whether he’d misjudged her. Gradually his gaze seemed to 22

soften. “I know how distressing this must be for you, dear. But you 23

have to believe me when I say that James would never do what 24

they’re saying he did. Never. He had nothing but contempt for 25

people who took the easy way out.”

26

Kate looked at him, confused. “James?” she said. “You mean 27

Carter? ”

28

Harrison tapped his forehead with a long, thin finger. “Yes, yes, 29

of course. Carter. That’s what I meant. Anyway, as I was saying. . . .”

30

w

31

Kate had just gotten out of the bathtub when she realized that she 32

had yet to check tomorrow’s schedule. Wrapped in a terry robe, she 33

sat down at her desk and logged on to Samson’s network. A few 34 sh

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1

clicks of the mouse and then her calendar popped up. Thursday, 2

January 21. The space was strangely blank. Just one thing on for 3

the day: her weekly four o’clock with Josie. She’d go into work af-4

ter lunch.

5

Water dripped down her neck; she needed to get a towel. But 6

before closing down the computer, she should check America On-7

line. Most e-mail went to her office account, but the occasional 8

message still landed here.
“You’ve got mail.”
She clicked on the 9

icon and scanned the results. Just the usual slew of mass mailings, 10

most from purveyors of porn. She was about to delete them en 11

masse, when one message caught her eye. While sex e-mails usu-12

ally came with provocative tags, the message line here was blank.

13

The sender was Adam0116. She clicked to open it up.

14

I have some information that I think would interest you about recent
15

events at your law firm. Contact me if you want to learn more.
Staring 16

at the message, Kate felt goosebumps rising on her arms. For a crazy 17

moment, she almost thought that someone was watching her. She 18

whipped her head around, rapidly scanning the room. But, of 19

course, no one was there. Turning back to the screen, she read the 20

message again.
Who was Adam0116?
She clicked on Member Pro-21

files, hoping she’d find some clue.
There is no profile for Adam0116.

22

The words gleamed back from the screen.

23

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28

29

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31

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Thursday, January 21

1

2

Kate stared at the newspaper spread out on her lap. She’d already 3

fielded phone calls from Justin and Tara, but she still couldn’t quite 4

believe it. Again, she read the gigantic tabloid headline. CRIME

5

OF PASSION: SUICIDE GUN LINKED TO LEGAL BEAUTY’S

6

DEATH. Then her eyes moved back to the article’s text.

7

8

The
Press
has learned that Samson & Mills legend Carter Mills
9

ended his life with a valuable antique firearm, the same gun used just ten
10

days earlier to kill Madeleine Waters, a partner in the firm who was ru-11

mored to be Mills’s former lover.

12

Sources say that the revolver was recovered Saturday night, shortly
13

after Mills’s blood-soaked body was discovered in his midtown office.

14

“Ballistics tests leave no doubt that the murder weapon and the suicide
15

gun are one and the same,” said an official close to the investigation,
16

who spoke on condition that his identity be withheld.

17 sh

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The reasons for Mills’s choice of weapon — which sources describe as
2

a Colt Lightning double-action .38-caliber revolver — remain mysteri-3

ous. Experts consulted by the Press estimated the gun’s value at approx-4

imately $2,000 to $4,000, depending on its condition. However, they
5

cautioned that a gun of this age would be of interest primarily as a col-6

lector’s item, as it could prove unreliable on firing. . . .

7

8

Kate gazed at the words. Regret. Confusion. Despair. Pushing 9

the paper away, she rested her head in her hands. How much had 10

changed in the past few days. At first, she’d been so sure that 11

Thorpe was the killer. So convinced of Mills’s innocence. She’d 12

wanted so much to believe in Mills, to believe in anything at 13

all. She’d dismissed Sam Howell’s suspicions without a second 14

thought. And even when Drescher had told her the truth, she’d 15

managed to write it off. Only with the discovery of the WideWorld 16

bills had doubt begun to creep in. Mills had been cheating the 17

firm, and Madeleine had held the proof. And still, despite every-18

thing, she’d continued to wait and hope. Only now did Kate admit 19

to herself how much she’d wanted to be wrong.

20

If only there was someone to talk to. A name popped into her 21

mind. Chewing on a thumbnail, she thought it over. No doubt 22

he’d be surprised by her call, but at least he would understand.

23

Sam Howell picked up right away.

24

“It’s Kate,” she said. “Kate Paine. So I guess you’ve probably 25

heard.”

26

“Yes,” he said. “I have.” His voice was gentle, tinged with regret.

27

He didn’t sound smug at all.

28

From her seat on the couch, Kate could see that snow was start-29

ing to fall. “So you were right,” she said. “I still can’t believe it.

30

What was it? How did you know?”

31

“It was the letter, I guess. The one I told you about. I knew that 32

something must have happened. For her to write after all those 33

years.”

ort 34

Kate picked at a hangnail. “I think I know why Carter did it.

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You said that Madeleine knew something bad about Carter. I think 1

I know what it was. I can’t talk about it now. But I wanted you to 2

know.”

3

“And you. How are you?” Howell said, letting the subject drop.

4

“Oh, I’m fine. Hanging in there.” She didn’t want to tell him 5

about finding Carter’s body. Not in her current state.

6

“So can I ask you a question?” she inquired.

7

“Shoot.”

8

“In Sag Harbor, you said you were worried about me. That was 9

why you tracked me down.”

10

“That’s right.”

11

“Well, I don’t understand. Even if I do look a little like Mad-12

eleine, what would that matter? Carter didn’t kill Madeleine be-13

cause of how she
looked.
He killed her to keep her from talking.”

14

When Howell didn’t answer, Kate went on. “The thing is, I 15

didn’t tell you this before, but right before she died, Madeleine 16

gave me a sort of warning. She told me to be
very careful.
She was 17

going to say more, but the phone rang. I never found out what she 18

meant.”

19

“She saw it, too,” Howell said. “She knew what could happen to 20

you.”

21

Tearing at her hangnail again, Kate felt an oddly pleasurable 22

glint of pain. “I don’t understand,” she said. “Are you saying that 23

Madeleine
knew
she was in danger? That doesn’t make any sense.

24

If she’d had any idea —”

25

“No, no, that’s not what I mean.” A hint of irritation edged 26

Howell’s voice, as if he’d expected Kate to understand. “It wasn’t 27

that Madeleine knew she was going to die. Or rather, she knew 28

that she already had. There are many ways to die. There’s physical 29

death, the death of the body, and then there’s the sort of gradual 30

death that takes place when you give up. Madeleine was murdered 31

on January sixth. But the other death, the death of the soul, if you 32

will, had been a long, long process. It began years ago, when she 33

first gave Carter Mills the right to tell her who she was and what 34 sh

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she was worth. It wasn’t her own opinion that counted, but his.

2

She may have looked like she was alive, but she wasn’t really. Not 3

in the ways that matter. She hadn’t been for a very long time.”

4

“I really don’t think it’s the same,” Kate said. “I mean, murder is 5

murder. You’re just talking in metaphors.”

6

Ignoring her, Howell went on. “In her letter, Madeline said 7

she’d been thinking about the choices she’d made in her twenties.

8

In the beginning, she’d been flattered by Mills’s interest. She went 9

into the affair with her eyes open. At least, that’s how she saw it 10

then. It was years later before she started to reassess. By then it was 11

too late. Their careers were completely intertwined. It was terribly 12

painful, she said. On the surface, she’d gotten nothing but benefits 13

from the affair. She got great assignments, became a partner. But 14

there was another side to it as well. The sense of never knowing for 15

sure why she’d done so well. Could she really have done it on her 16

own? Of course, she was an excellent lawyer. This wasn’t the case 17

of a bimbo being promoted out of the boss’s typing pool. It was 18

much more subtle. But it still had a devastating impact. Certain 19

partners never took her seriously, no matter how many cases she 20

won. There was no room for error. She still had to prove to 21

them — and maybe to herself — that she deserved to be where she 22

was.”

23

Kate twisted the phone cord around her finger. “So what does 24

any of this have to do with me?”

25

“It’s the resemblance. Looking at you, Madeleine must have 26

seen a younger version of herself. She knew what could happen at 27

Samson. And for you the risks were especially high. Since you were 28

working for Carter Mills.”

29

“There was nothing like that between Carter and me.” Kate’s 30

voice was sharper now. “If anything, he was like a sort of
father.
”

31

Howell laughed out loud. “Did you ever run that by him? I’d 32

love to have heard his response.”

33

“I don’t see how you can —”

ort 34

Howell cut in. “Look, all I’m saying is that he must have been reg 35

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attracted to you. You look so much like Madeleine. He had to have 1

noticed that.”

2