Equivocal Death (28 page)

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Outside the church, Sam Howell walked quickly down Seventy-23

sixth Street, heading for the Seventh Avenue subway. He couldn’t 24

wait to get away. Couldn’t wait to get out of the city, to be back at 25

home in Sag Harbor. He thought about the work he’d set out for 26

tonight. Film to be developed from his India trip. A stack of busi-27

ness correspondence to answer. He’d planned it all out yesterday, 28

knowing that he’d need to keep busy, that he’d need to keep the 29

memories at bay.

30

His mind went back to what he’d just seen. The girl. Her ap-31

pearance had left him breathless. He’d stared at her mesmerized, 32

unable to sort through his feelings. The cap of dark hair, the heart-33

shaped face. Only the glasses were wrong. Then she’d turned 34 sh

toward him and he’d looked away. Not wanting it to seem like he 35 re

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was staring. Furtively, he’d scanned the room. Could he really be 2

the only one who saw it?

3

The wind pushed against Howell’s face, but he barely felt the 4

blast. His thoughts were still focused on the past two hours. He 5

hadn’t wanted to be there today, hadn’t wanted to be there at all.

6

At the same time, he’d had to come. He’d known it would be diffi-7

cult. He’d tried to brace himself for the encounter. Still nothing 8

had prepared him for the visceral rage that he’d felt on seeing 9

Carter Mills. He’d clenched the edge of his pew. It was all he could 10

do to stay seated. He’d wanted to leap into the aisle and take hold 11

of Mills, to shake him until his teeth chattered. But of course, he’d 12

managed to restrain himself. That showdown would have to wait.

13

Again, he thought of the girl. Her haunting beauty. Her youth.

14

Was it just a coincidence that she’d been there today? Somehow, 15

he didn’t think so.

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17

“My head feels like it’s about to explode,” said Kate, after she and 18

Andrea had placed their orders. “I need to pick up some Tylenol.”

19

They were sitting in a booth at Fine & Schapiro, just a few 20

blocks down from the church. Fine & Schapiro was one of the few 21

old-style delis to survive the rampant commercialization of the 22

Upper West Side. A welcoming beacon amid the Gaps, Starbucks, 23

and other chain stores that had turned this once-quirky neighbor-24

hood into a makeshift mall.

25

“I’m glad
that’s
over,” Andrea said, spreading cream cheese on an 26

onion bagel. A chastened expression quickly followed. “Did that 27

sound harsh? It’s just been such a strain on everyone since . . . since 28

it happened. Maybe now we can at least move on.”

29

Kate raised a spoonful of broth to her lips. “Don’t count on it,”

30

she said. “It’s not like they even know who did it yet. There’s still 31

an investigation going on.”

32

Andrea glumly studied her snack. “Three weeks until Brent and 33

I leave on vacation, and I can’t
wait,
” she said. “The way things are ort 34

going here, I may never come back.”

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“From the looks of that white water, you’ll be lucky to
get
back,”

1

said Kate, recalling the roiling Chilean rapids in the travel poster 2

on Andrea’s office wall.

3

Andrea grinned. “Coward.”

4

After a few more spoonfuls of soup, Kate began to revive. She 5

looked across the table at Andrea. “Do you think it’s strange that 6

the women at Samson are so attractive?”

7

“Excuse me?” Andrea had no idea what she meant.

8

“I was just thinking that we’re all definitely . . . above average in 9

the looks department. I mean, why is that? Isn’t there a single top 10

female law grad who’s ugly or fat?”

11

Andrea shrugged. “I never really thought about it. And I’m not 12

even sure it’s true. What about Kara Ouelette and . . . well, I’d 13

have to think about it, but I’m sure there are others.”

14

Kara Ouelette was a pallid, overweight sixth-year associate who 15

seemed forever stuck in the library with the first-years.

16

“Okay, that makes one,” said Kate. “But think about it. As a 17

group, the women really are much better looking than the men.

18

Objectively speaking. You’d have to agree with that.”

19

Andrea smirked. “What about Justin?”

20

“The exception that proves the rule.”

21

“I don’t know, Kate. I guess you could be right. But so what? No 22

one ever said the world was fair.”

23

“No, but —” But what? At least its unfairness should be gender 24

neutral? Kate was having trouble sorting through her thoughts.

25

“You know, something sort of weird happened yesterday. I was get-26

ting a haircut, and —”

27

“It looks great, by the way,” Andrea interjected.

28

“Thanks. Anyway, I was talking to Hercules, and —”

29

“Talking to Hercules?” Andrea raised her eyebrows. “Isn’t that 30

strictly forbidden?”

31

“We talked
after
he cut my hair. Anyway, while we were talking, 32

Hercules told me that he used to be a paralegal at Samson & 33

Mills.”

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“Really?” Andrea looked amused. “I’m glad that was before my 2

time. Can you imagine persuading Hercules that he needed to 3

hurry up with the copying? I can’t quite see it.”

4

“But wait, it gets stranger. Hercules said that it was Madeleine 5

who got him started cutting hair. He began by cutting
her
hair, and 6

then it sort of caught on.”

7

Andrea’s eyes opened wide. “I never would have guessed,” she 8

said.

9

Kate toyed with her soupspoon, trying to decide where to go 10

from here. She didn’t want to seem paranoid. Still, someone had 11

murdered Madeleine. She decided to press ahead.

12

“The thing is, Madeleine stopped going to Hercules a while 13

back,” Kate continued. “He didn’t tell me why. ActualIy, the 14

whole time we were talking about Madeleine, he seemed sort of 15

uncomfortable. And then, I noticed this one really disturbing 16

piece of his. A Barbie doll with a bunch of knitting needles stuck 17

through her body. So I’m looking at this creepy doll, and all of a 18

sudden I’m thinking how much she looks like Madeleine.”

19

“Kate.” Andrea looked at her severely. “You’re not saying that 20

you suspect
Hercules
of killing Madeleine?”

21

“Not suspect, exactly.” Kate was determined to hold her ground.

22

“And what’s the motive? Hair stylist desertion? If that were 23

enough to push someone over the brink, this city would be a 24

bloodbath.”

25

“Just because I don’t
know
the motive doesn’t mean there 26

couldn’t
be
one,” Kate said. “I just think that I should talk to the 27

investigators. And then there was that meeting I had with 28

Madeleine. Right before she died. When she told me that I should 29

be careful.”

30

Andrea met Kate’s eyes. “Listen, if it would make you feel better 31

to talk to the cops about Hercules, go ahead. But I really don’t 32

think you should mention the meeting. That thing about being 33

careful. It’ll just make you seem neurotic.”

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“But you don’t know how she sounded.” Kate could hear the de-reg 35

fensiveness in her voice.

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“Fine. I believe you. But think about how
you
sound. And what 1

would you really accomplish? What she said to you, it’s just too lit-2

tle to go on.”

3

Kate looked down at her plate. “I don’t know,” she said. “I guess 4

I’ll sleep on it.”

5

“Just remember, Kate, we’re junior associates, peons. We really 6

have to watch our step.”

7

w

8

Later in the day, Kate lay curled up in bed, sipping hot tea and 9

reading
Sense and Sensibility.
“Elinor saw, with concern, the excess 10

of her sister’s sensibility; but by Mrs. Dashwood it was valued and 11

cherished. . . . ” Only a little after five, but outside it was already 12

dark. A gust of wind made the window shudder. Reaching for the 13

wall unit next to her bed, Kate turned up the heat.

14

After saying good-bye to Andrea, Kate had returned home to 15

messages from Douglas and Tara. At the sound of Douglas’s voice, 16

she’d felt herself growing tense.
I really enjoyed meeting you Friday
.

17

Call me when you have a chance.

18

Now, tucked inside a warm bed, she just wanted to be alone.

19

Madeleine’s funeral seemed to have taken place days ago, rather 20

than that same afternoon. Kate thought about Madeleine’s par-21

ents, wondered what they were doing now. Were they consumed 22

with rage at their daughter’s killer? Or still numb and disbelieving?

23

As a child, Kate had found herself pondering questions of time 24

and space. How could time go on forever? Didn’t everything have 25

an end? But how could time
not
go on forever? The same thing 26

with space. How could it not be endless? But then, how could it 27

possibly be? She’d been a wakeful child, lying wide-eyed for long 28

hours after being kissed good night. There, in her small, dark room, 29

she’d examine these puzzles again and again, awash in a dizzy con-30

fusion.

31

How could it be?

32

And how could it not be?

33

It was the same thing with Madeleine’s murder. Someone was 34 sh

responsible for Madeleine’s death. Some living, breathing person 35 re

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had taken up tools and done unspeakable things to her body. It 2

seemed impossible that this person existed at all. At the same time, 3

Kate found herself suspecting everyone. It was part of the paradox: 4

if no one could have committed the crime, then anyone could 5

have done it.

6

Again, Kate’s thoughts returned to Hercules. Maybe she should 7

call Valencia after all. Even Andrea had seemed to think that 8

would be okay. Pushing back the covers, Kate climbed down from 9

her bed and went into the living room. She found Valencia’s card 10

in her purse, stuffed in a billfold compartment. Kate stared at it a 11

minute and then picked up the phone. She was still thinking what 12

to say when Valencia’s voice mail engaged.

13

“This is Kate Paine,” she began hesitantly. “I’m an associate at 14

Samson & Mills. We spoke on Thursday. There was just . . . some-15

thing I wanted to mention to you. I’ll be in the office tomorrow.

16

So . . . thanks.”

17

Hanging up the phone, Kate felt a slight sense of relief. It was 18

good to have done something — anything — aimed at finding 19

Madeleine’s killer.

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Monday, January 11

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2

Another cold, bleak morning. A little before nine. Kate was ap-3

proaching the doors of Samson & Mills when she changed her 4

mind and turned a corner. She passed a row of dilapidated brown-5

stones, then proceeded on to the Mug, a storefront coffeehouse 6

with excellent lattés. Probably not the smartest move for someone 7

fending off a cold. But in the life of a Samson associate, efficiency 8

always trumped health.

9

The woman behind the counter was about Kate’s age, but there 10

the resemblance ended. She had multiple piercings and platinum 11

braids. Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm gone punk.

12

“Here you go,” she said.

13

Holding her cup, Kate made her way to a couch by the window.

14

Her cough had gotten worse last night, and she’d downed two 15

doses of NyQuil before finally dropping off to sleep. By morning, 16

the cough had eased up, but she still felt hazy and tired, haunted by 17 sh

the remnants of dreams. Something about an airplane flight. An 18 re

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urgent meeting of sorts. She was flying to India, that was it, on her 2

way to meet Madeleine Waters. Then the plane had begun to go 3