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Simon, I have to say I am a little worried. I know you have been preoccupied with Mako of late, but I hope your department is not neglecting Coca-Cola. I am sure you appreciate that the eyes of the network are upon us, and winning this pitch would make Mako seem very small beer indeed.

	Simon Horne – 1/4/00, 5:52pm
to:	David Crutton
cc:
re:	needless hassle

I have come back from a very delicate meeting at the Groucho with Quentin Tarantino’s British agent.

I feel
il Maestro di Pulp
is very close to agreeing to shoot our Kimbelle commercials provided we have a sufficiently high body count.

The kudos we would reap from this is incalculable.

I should be returning to a well-earned pat on the back.

Instead I find demented e-mails from both Harriet and Daniel on my laptop.

My loyalty to Harriet is wearing thin. Why should I defend her increasingly flaky behaviour if she deals behind my back in this way?

Her sniping at my new Mako work does, of course, gall.

But this
must
be our recommendation to the client. We cannot risk making ourselves look weak and uncertain by presenting more than one campaign.

Having said that, I can live with another team continuing to look at the brief. It is pretty unlikely that they will best my campaign.

If they do, you know that I will be the first out of his seat to lead the ovation.

As for Daniel, his fears that we will not deliver on Coke are, frankly, hysterical.

Perhaps you should remind him that I was in the same room as the legendary John Webster when he came up with the “lipsmackin, thirstquenchin . . .” ad for Pepsi.

Furthermore, was it not
I
who created “Mr. Ffffizzzzzy,” the zany animated bubble, for Fun Pops in 1982?

What I do not know about advertising carbonated drinks to British teenagers is not worth knowing.

Si

	Simon Horne – 1/4/00, 6:02pm
to:	Susi Judge-Davis
cc:
re:	tense, nervous headache

What a day, darling! Be an angel and book me a cab to Bibendum in thirty minutes.

Then a couple of Nurofen and a shoulder-rub would not go amiss.

	Susi Judge-Davis – 1/4/00, 6:04pm
to:	Simon Horne
cc:
re:	tense, nervous headache

Cab’s ordered, darling, and I’m warming up my hands. Sparkling or still with the tablets? Sx

	Melinda Sheridan – 1/4/00, 6:23pm
to:	Simon Horne
cc:
re:	Worried of Television

I’ve just bumped into David in the corridor and he congratulated me on being so close to finalising a deal with Quentin T. for Kimbelle Super Dri. When I pleaded ignorance, he told me there was no need to be so coy and that he knew negotiations were at an advanced stage.

Alarm bells are ring-a-ding-dinging. While I must say that
“Pulp Fiction
meets the super-absorbent panty pad” is an intriguing notion, I was not aware that any scripts were written yet. Are we not placing cart before horse? If we commit to QT and can’t deliver, I shudder to think . . .

Si, sweetheart, I know the strain on your shoulders has been immense lately, but I do hope we’re not digging ourselves into another hole
à la
Little and Large. My contacts in 90210 tell me that a Tarantino spurned is a far more frightening prospect. I should hate to see life imitate art, with you losing an ear over this. (You have seen
Reservoir Dogs
, haven’t you?) I feel a meeting is in order.

	Simon Horne – 1/4/00, 6:27pm
to:	Melinda Sheridan
cc:
re:	Worried of Television

Mel darling, it is nothing. I just happened to bump into Quentin’s agent in the Groucho.

I mentioned Kimbelle, purely
en passant.

As usual, David’s blown it all way out of proportion.

Besides, you must know that, as Head of TV, I would consult you first on such a radical move.

Must dash, but if you are in
l’environs
of Bibendum tonight, pop in for a quick one. I will be there with Al Parker and Ridley.

Si

	Liam O’Keefe – 1/4/00, 6:31pm
to:	Brett Topowlski
cc:
re:	coast clear

I’ve just seen Horne get into his taxi. Quit pretending to work and get your arses to BZ. See you there in ten – Pinki’s back from Gypsy Rose Lee and we need to catch up. Look after Lol till I get there. And if you notice that she’s not suffering from VPL, it’s because the saucy minx ain’t wearing any.

	David Crutton – 1/4/00, 7:33pm
to:	Simon Horne
cc:
re:	needless hassles

Stop flapping and please humour Harriet’s desire to see more work. I’m sure nothing will be produced that betters your own stonking efforts, but it’s no skin off any noses if it is. And fuck Daniel. He flies into a panic if the 6:53 to Godalming is thirty seconds late. I have every faith that you’ll deliver a world beating Coke campaign. Of course, if you let me down, the consequences for you scare even me.

	[email protected] 1/5/00, 8:06am (10:06am local)
to:	[email protected]
cc:
re:	be happy!