Denial (49 page)

“Why?”

“She is the one person in this world that can manipulate my father, make him think that something is his idea when it’s actually hers. Or maybe he knows but doesn’t care because he loves her, I’m not sure. I… sort of betrayed her when I went to work for him, but she still helps me. It’s extremely complicated, Maya.”

That anger is returning. I can’t let my jealousy and curiosity push him too far. “What does it have to do with the pills?”

“I knew she’d want sex,” he confesses, looking down. My breath catches in my throat, so he holds my hands in his. “She did. She came on to me pretty hard. It’s a sign of loyalty for her. And I knew the only way I’d be able to refuse her was if I was on edge.”

My hands rip away from his and wrap around me. I know I should appreciate the honesty, but that part could have used a little sugar coating. My eyes refill with tears as my stomach churns in jealousy. Be realistic. He didn’t actually have sex with her, after all. Expecting him not to even want it is a little much. But holy shit this hurts, exponentially more than it did when I actually knew
Luke was fucking around. If Isaac ever does, I might have a heart attack.

“Maya?”

“It’s okay. But for future reference, I don’t need to know when you want to fuck someone else.”

“
Fuck, Rookie, that’s not what I meant.” He pulls my chin up, muttering yet another obscenity at himself before kissing my lips. “I knew that she wouldn’t push it if she thought I might freak out. She knows about my… anger issues. ”

“So you didn’t want her?” I peep.

“No.” Reclaiming my hands, he kisses every knuckle. “Honestly, I was a little worried about that, though,” he admits, squeezing my fingers so I can’t pull away even though I don’t try. “I felt so guilty even thinking about it, but I wasn’t sure how I’d respond. I mean I knew I wouldn’t fuck her, but, yeah, I was a little afraid that I’d want to. No tranquilizers. Lots of history.”

“And?”

“I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t emotionally attached to her. But it’s platonic now. Familial, I guess would be the best way to explain it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, after today, I am completely positive. I didn’t even get hard. I was sure this fucking traitor between my legs would screw me over, but I guess even he’s tuned to some sort of special Maya frequency now.”

I giggle nervously. “I’m not that pretty, Isaac.”

“Yes, you fucking are, but since that statement was nearly an admission that you find yourself even the slightest bit attractive, I’ll let it slide. And anyway, it doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that I’ve never seen anyone as incredibly beautiful as you and I never will. It’s probably because I’m falling in l—” He stops himself and I’m so grateful. It’s way too soon. “I just feel like we belong together. And I have since the moment I saw your face.”

“Me too.” I rush to kiss him as he leans into me. “Is that why you went to go see her? Was it like a test or something?”

“No. Look, I don’t really want to think about what’s going to happen when we leave here. But I did have to take this one very important step now because it couldn’t wait. And she’s the only person that could help me.”

“Okay.”

“Just okay?”

“Yeah. That’s enough, I don’t need to know unless you want to talk about it. I don’t even want to know. I just want our bubble back now.”

“Me too. But how do we un-pop it?”

“Not with sex.”

“I know, it’s weird right?” Our laughs are small, but it’s a start. “Even if we could, it wouldn’t work. And that’s my only trick.”

“Well, what about a little make up chess?”

“Make up
chess
? Is that a real thing? I’ve never seen that one on TV.”

“No, Isaac, you’re not missing anything. Make up chess is not a standard dynamic in a relationship. But who cares, I want to play.”

“I’m in.” We grin at each other. “But I don’t have a fucking clue how to play. And don’t we need pieces or a board or something?”

“Piper brought my set, even she wasn’t sure why. Lucky for you, I’m an excellent teacher, and yes, when you do win, it will be because I let you.”

Victory! Tilted, cocky smile! I just have to kiss it. “Well, while we’re flaunting social norms, can we have some make up Chinese food first? I’m starving.”

“Hell yes we can. And I’ll tell you about my epic, chess championship nerd days. A freebie. No strings attached.”

“I would love to hear about it and I will make it up to you one day. I promise.”

“I know you will.”

But right now, let’s just get our bubble back. We won’t have it for long. Our kiss is full of relief at first, but then it starts getting heated so I get up. He stops me with firm hands on my shoulders, immobilizing me. Raw pussy or not, I’m really looking forward to the makeup sex.

“Maya, are we really okay?”

“Yep. 100%.”
For now, anyway.

3
8

My shoulders are pressed flat against the bed the way he told me to, my fingers fisting the sheet to stop myself from reaching up toward him and ruining his indulgence. He always wants my hands on him but he likes me still too, and when I am, I really get to see what he can do.

Every thrust shakes my limp body as his hips crash into mine, his nails digging into my flesh as he holds my ass high off the bed. The way he looks at me when I’m laid out before him like this is hot enough to make me come, and I do, screaming but not writhing, forcing my hips to remain still as he pumps into me wildly through my climax.

My eyes lock with his as the world comes back into focus. There’s a familiar triumph illuminating his incredible irises as just the right amount of arrogance twists his lips into one of my favorite smiles. His thrusting has slowed and his short breaths are ragged, telling me that he’s struggling to keep himself together. Isaac loves watching me orgasm, which might have something to do with why I’ve been doing it constantly. Apparently he feels it too, especially when I can keep from wiggling. It can easily push him over the edge, like it clearly almost did, because after lingering inside me motionless for a moment, he exhales in amusement and frustration as he lowers h
is weight down onto me.

That bestial look that he had morphs as he succumbs to the comfort of my fingers tracing patterns on his shoulder. Most of his weight is on the sinewy forearm attached to the hand that has reunited with my hair, tugging it lightly as his lips explore every inch of skin on my face. Our kiss takes me to that timeless place where everything slows to a crawl and the only noise is heartbeats and breaths. He’s thrusting again, the fullness pulling me back into a reality I didn’t even want to escape. I’m expecting the beast’s eyes to meet mine when they open, but instead I see that lost, nearly childlike face he gets when he wants to tell me something, the one that makes his jaw look longer and his eyes get bigger. I’ve never seen it during sex before.

The gaze we share feels intense to the point where I start to feel so vulnerable and exposed it’s nearly unbearable. This keeps happening when I am in fact, naked and laid out under him, or on top of him, and especially when we’re in some position that flips the world upside down where no one’s really on top or bottom. He looks at me as he frequently does, gauging my level of enjoyment or comfort as he twists us further into one another. Everything starts to float and fall and even though it feels like a refreshing breeze, I have to choke for breath. Each blink is an eternity that I can’t see him and in these beautiful moments of stillness between the grunts and moaning he is at his most gorgeous. There is nothing between us, no mask of lust or fear contorting his features, a rare occurrence that I drink my fill of whenever I get the chance.

But right now that stripped bare expression I crave is hiding something that Isaac doesn’t want to stay hidden. I smile at him, the limpness leaving my body so it can curl upwards into his because this place deep in my chest knows that he needs me closer. I don’t know what he’s thinking and I can’t ask him, not now, when he’s inside me, trembling with a lust that still rules him below the waist, setting his body out of synch with whatever just crawled into his mind. It isn’t that anger that follows him everywhere, just waiting for a chance to jump out, but it came up on him just as quickly.

“Hey,” I whisper soothingly into his ear. It’s half a greeting to my favorite new friend I run into sometimes in this carnal meadow, half a way of asking my lover if he’s okay without saying those exact words.

He doesn’t answer me but holds me tighter, pushing himself in deeper. His eyes grow timid and pull away from mine, closing when my face follows his. Sometimes he can’t look at me like this, but I’ve been there so it doesn’t hurt my feelings. It isn’t fear he’s overcome with, some memory of the horrible past that haunts him.

I hug him tighter, nuzzling into his neck as he settles into a gentle rhythm, his thrusting slightly hitched from the tension warping the muscles in his torso. My lips search for a place on his neck that can soothe it away. I love when he gets like this. My pussy, and everything in that zone that starts somewhere below my navel and ends somewhere on my upper thighs, well that part of me would rather have him snarling all of the things that he wants to do to me in my ear while he holds me firmly on his hammering cock. But there are other places within me, uncharted regions I didn’t know existed, they really like it when he gets like this. Cuddly, shy, needy, all those things I’m supposed to like in a guy but have always found a little suffocating and boring.

It’s from these places that I somehow know what to do, or at least I feel like I do. My lips travel up his throat until they’re pressing against his closed eyelids as he leans into me. I’m playfully pecking at his nose, cheeks, chin, forehead, and dancing across his mouth until it opens to let a chuckle escape and my tongue inside. I buck my hips up to meet his advance, clutching my face against his. Heat fills my mouth as he groans into our kiss, fucking me faster. But his eyes won’t open. Something is still off.

“Isaac,” I coo, reveling in the way his body reacts, erection swelling up inside of me, arms clutching me tighter, and this near pitiful croaking sound that gets absorbed by my shoulder as he buries his face in the side of my neck. “Baby.” I want to tell him it’s okay but I don’t know that it is. “You should finish, Isaac,” I coax him gently. He shakes his head against mine in refusal. “Yeah, baby, you should. Please. I could use a break.”

I’m actually fine. I feel like I could fuck him forever, like it will never be enough. Even right now, when I’m worried about him and seeing an opportunity to learn something, this inextinguishable fire between my legs rages, growing hotter with each thrust. But I fib and tell him I want to stop. Judging by the way he’s looking at me, he knows it’s a ruse, but it’s still an excuse to release before he normally would. He nods, his head dipping down to my neck as his arms peel away from my body so he can tweak at my nipples. I gasp out a betrayal of my body’s demands, but it doesn’t make him smile like it usually does. Dam
mit. He’s doing it again. Reaching for this bizarre technical standard that he has set for every single sexual encounter, judged solely by how many times I climax.

“I don’t want to,” I say, placing my fingers on his. Every part of my body language says that I do, and he can tell. “No, really, I don’t. I want to watch you.”

He falters, stilling for a second. “You do?”

“Of course. You never let me watch you when I’m horny.” I make sure I sound just a little whiny. The laugh I get in response tells me he sees right through the trick, but it isn’t a lie. Not exactly. “Come for me for a change.”

“It’s always for you.”

“I know. But sometimes it’s more for you. And I like those the best. Visually, anyway.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” I purr, spreading my legs wider. “Come selfishly, Isaac. Just for you. In me. Let me watch. Please.”

This animal howl rattles through him as he sinks inside of me deeply. “Fuck, Maya!” he cries, locking eyes with me as he scatters. That was quick. He plunges in too deep and I stifle a cry, but I didn’t stop the jerk. He notices but doesn’t even hesitate, his gaze raking my body as he fucks me even harder before he buckles forward, growling, filling me as his hands grip my hips into his groin. He smirks at me playfully when he’s done. Holy shit that was hot. I flood his thighs, making him chuckle is satisfaction.

“What you do to me, Maya.” He latches on to my nipple, his fingers connecting with my clit like there’s a magnet.

“Don’t…”
stop. It feels too good
.

He grunts, his teeth bearing down just hard enough to make me peep. The beast’s eyes look back at me. He’s back. And I have to listen. I’m right there anyway. It rips through me, heavy and molten. One of his legs pins mine to the bed as I thrash beneath his weight, twisting away from and towards the pinching, flicking fingers and lapping tongue that unravel me.

“Tricks,” I pant when I’m back together.

“Yeah, I noticed.” He kisses my nose.

Snuggle time. I can’t get enough and neither can he. “So what did you want to tell me?”