Denial (45 page)

“That’s what he keeps saying.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I think you’d like him,” I say. Nodding sarcastically, she rolls her eyes. “No, I’m serious. He’s nice. Funny.”

“When he’s not abusing women.”

“It’s not like that. He’s not like that.” Unless he has to be. Right? I wonder what he’s doing right now. “I took those pictures you wanted.”

“You did? Let me see.”

“There aren’t very many.” Her eyes widen as she flips through them.

“Wow! Full on scary sex chamber!” she says, just a little too loudly. “Aren’t you afraid he’s going to kill you in there or something when you’re all tied up?”

“We don’t actually go in there very much.”

“Really? I thought you said you were a giant clitoris.”

“We’re usually just in a bed.”

“That sounds boring.”

“Trust me when I say that it isn’t. But we do go in there. And it’s fun.” Sometimes. Well, it will be if I can stay.

“What does he do to you?”

Hmm. More than I can tell you. “A lot of teasing.” I lean in and lower my voice. “And he, um, well he’s training my ass. I really like it, too.”

“No way!” she giggles. “You do? How do you train it? Is it going to do tricks or something?”

“No! You know, just kind of stretching it out. Gradually. We haven’t actually had sex that way yet.”

“It hurts.”

“Apparently it doesn’t if you train it first. Not that much anyway.”

“Holy shit. Is this him?”

“Yeah.” I snuck a shot of him shirtless one day, but you can’t really see his face.

“He
is
crazy hot.”

“It gets even better.”

Her eyes pop out of her head. Obviously she got to the picture I took last night of his face when he was asleep. “Wow. He’s fucking gorgeous.”

“You should see his eyes. They are incredible. So bright they look fake, but they aren’t.”

“What color are they?”

“All of them. But mainly green.”

“Okay, somehow I just got jealous. You’re really having a good time, aren’t you?”

“Yes.”
Sometimes. I’ve also been crying a lot, and I think I’m way too involved and going to come back home in a billion broken pieces, but I can’t stop myself
. “I am. And I’m staying. Without any extra panties, thanks to you.”

“He’s not hurting you?”

“No. I promise. He doesn’t enjoy that. But Luke sure as hell does, the piece of shit.”

“I’m still not getting my hopes up.”

“I’ll prove it to you soon enough.”

“So, what, you’re not telling him so you can keep fucking this guy for the next two weeks?”

“Basically.”

“That is going to shatter his ego. Awesome.”

Actually, now that you phrase it that way, it’s not because he was probably going to kill me anyway and doesn’t need any extra motivation
. I’ll leave that part out. “That’s not why I’m doing this. I just want to fuck around.”

“It’s that good, huh?”

“Yeah.” She stares at me for a moment, obviously debating something with herself. “Spit it out, Piper.”

“I brought your stupid panties,” she grumbles. “They’re in my car.”

“You did? Thank you so much. Pants too?”

“Yes. I was hoping they were somehow part of an escape plan or something. I got a little excited from that top secret phone call.”

“I knew you would.”

“Hey.” There is a light bulb going off over her head. “That camera by our computer desk last year. That was probably
Luke, wasn’t it?”

“Probably.”

“That is pretty fucking scary, Maya.”

“Yeah.” My voice wavers. Shit.

“What aren’t you telling me?”

“Nothing.” I’m a horrible liar when it comes to her. She sees right through it.

“Are you afraid of Luke?”

“No,” I peep unconvincingly.

“Holy shit, yes you are. Fuck. Maybe shattering his ego isn’t that good of an idea.”

“He won’t know. He’ll just think I tried and failed. I’m kind of hoping that he won’t want me afterwards. That’s his track record.”

“How do you know?”

“Isa—” Shit. Don’t say his name. “The professional has trained for him three times in the past. Two failed and he dumped them.”

“You don’t even sound jealous. You’re really over Luke, aren’t you?”

“Yes. I am,” I say quietly. “I don’t really get it, either. Shouldn’t I be falling apart or something?”

“Oh, like you were a couple of months ago when you actually fell out of love with him. Now, why you’re on a delay, I don’t understand.”

Wow. She’s right. “I did kind of go through that post break up cryfest, didn’t I?”

“Yes, you did. You were a total wreck. Ice cream, three box of tissues, the whole bit. But then, what happened, oh that’s right,
you didn’t break up with him
.”

“Well, I’m over him now. It feels pretty liberating.”

“Then why are you so… Oh. My. God. You like the sex trainer, don’t you?”

“Oh, come on. That’s crazy.” I couldn’t be worse at this if I tried.

“You do. Holy shit, Maya! What are you thinking?”

“It’s not like it can go anywhere, and it just makes the sex better, so who cares?”

“You care. Holy mother fuck! You really care. It’s all over your face.”

“I’m fine. Really. Don’t worry about it.”

“He likes you back, doesn’t he? You don’t crush this hard unless the guy likes you back.”

“Of course he doesn’t.” Unfortunately, I’m probably not lying about that.

“Then he’s playing you like he does. And you’re letting yourself fall for it.”

Fuck. This was a bad idea. She’s more worried now than she was when she walked in. “I don’t really care either way. I’m staying, and I don’t want to fight about it.”

“Maybe you should.” That I wasn’t expecting. “If you’re sure he’s not dangerous, you should stay. You need to get the fuck away from Luke. My mother always said the best cure for one man is another.”

“There’s no way in hell your mother ever said that.”

“Well, somebody’s mother probably did because it’s true. And this one is holy fuck balls ridiculously hot.”

“He’s really sweet too.
Cuddly. He treats me so much better than Luke ever did. It’s nice.”

“Who would’ve thought you’d discover standards this way.” Her face turns very serious. “But Maya, you know that… I mean you know what’s going to happen right?”

“Yes,” I answer sadly. “But the sex is completely worth the broken heart. And like you said, I need to get away from Luke.”

“This is not at all how I expected our secret agent conversation to go.”

“I can tell you’re still worried. I swear, he’s not hurting me. If anything, I hurt him.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. I bit him.”

“Bit him?”

“Like, full on,
Walking Dead
took a chunk out of his shoulder. A few times. And I didn’t remember doing it.”

“Wow.” Her eyebrows raise as she takes a sip of her iced chai. “Wait a second. What do you mean you didn’t remember doing it?”

“Exactly.”

“You have a photographic memory, Maya. Literally. It makes me so jealous. You remember everything.”

“I know. But I don’t remember doing this.”

“That really flipped your shit, didn’t it?”

“It was pretty scary.”

“And he didn’t get mad?”

“Nope.”

“Did he make you let him bite you back?”

“No. He’s not like that. But he does bite me back a little, and I like it. Though he went a little overboard on my nipples the first time.”

“Jesus. You are really kinky. And no one even suspects it. So not fair.”

“You still look pretty worried.”

“I am. But not about the next two weeks of your sexcapades with the professional. I’m worried about what’s going to happen afterwards.”

“I’ll get over him. Them, I guess.”

“That’s not it,” she murmurs. I wait for her to continue. “You don’t realize how much you’ve already changed for
Luke. I’m afraid you’re going to be lost without him.”

“No, I haven’t. And I won’t,” I retort defensively. Because deep down, I know she’s right.

“Yes, Maya, you really have. It was so gradual, and I was so busy, I didn’t even notice. But you’re like a shell of the old you.”

Ouch. “That’s mean.”

“It’s true. All you’ve done for the last year is work like crazy and try to make Luke happy. And after this is over, you won’t have either of those to distract you anymore.”

“Distract me from what?”

“From dealing with your shit. With life.”

“This again? I don’t have any shit to deal with.”

“Yes, you do. How do you think you got involved with this dickhead in the first place?”

“He hasn’t always been a dick.”

“Yes, he has. And you’ve been letting him walk all over you because you’re so worried about becoming a, and I quote, ‘spinster’ like your 28 year old sister.” I don’t answer her. It was a quote after all. “And your mother, who called me by the way, has practically trained you to accept it.”

“She called you? What did she say?”

“She wanted to know why you aren’t answering your phone. And before I could give her the official story, she launched into a big speech about how you better not be fucking things up with Luke, because she called him. And he told her he was on vacation in Europe with his family and you weren’t there.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah. So she knows something is up and she’s going to freak on you when you break up with him. I’m afraid you’ll cave and go back. You need to stay away from her, Maya.”

“She’s my
mother
. I can’t.”

“She’s a toxic person.”

“Piper! Knock it off.”

“No. She is. That bullshit she’s been feeding you since you were a toddler, and you literally remember every word of it, has warped you when it comes to relationships. You’re more fucked up than I am in that department, and that’s really saying something considering I… after
Ashlyn…” I watch her stiffen up, nervously fidgeting with the hem of the tablecloth and tapping her foot. It reminds me of Isaac. I know better than to ask if she’s okay, because I know she isn’t.

“She was
proud
of you, Maya. You called her to tell her it was over because he let that asshole—” Piper’s sort of like a man when it comes to letting someone see her cry, and right now she’s fighting back the tears. How did I never notice this before? Of course it makes her nervous. Talk about a trigger. “She’s the only reason you stayed with him after that. The worst part is, she doesn’t know the half of it and if she did, she’d still tell you to stay. Because he has money and she’s just waiting for a free ride.”

No, Piper, the worst part is, you don’t know the half of it
. “I’m not going back to him, Piper. I promise.”

“I sincerely hope so. You have no idea how hard it’s been for me to watch this unfold. Watch you disappear. Just stand by while he kills you slowly. I fucking hate him. But I fucking love you more so I put up with it.”

“I’m really sorry. But it’s over. I swear. It’s really over.”

She looks like she wants to believe me. I hope at least a part of her does. “Are you still going to apply to law school
next year?”

“Of course.”

“Why? You don’t want to go. The only reason you’re going is because of them.”

“That’s not true.” Is it?

“You can’t even see it anymore. It’s been such a slow erosion that you don’t even notice how different you are. You do not want to do this with your life. It will make you miserable, but you’ve become so accustomed to that you can’t even tell.”

“I’ll be a good lawyer.”

“And you’ll make enough money to send your whack job mom. And won’t it look good for Luke to have a beautiful-genius-lawyer wife,” she snaps bitterly in a mocking tone. “Of course you’d be a good lawyer. You’d be a good anything. But you
want
to be a mathematician. And considering aliens engineered your computer of a brain for that very purpose, it’s a crime against humanity to use it to make rich people richer.”

“I—” Damn. “Thanks for being so honest.”

“That was a surprisingly not confrontational response.”

“Look, I don’t know what to say, because you’re not wrong. And my
alien engineered brain
is pretty scattered right now.”

“I think you should take some time off from school. Maybe look for an internship in either field. Get an idea of what
you
really want.”

That actually doesn’t sound that bad. “Maybe. Speaking of which, how’s your job search going?”