Dear Playboy Advisor: Questions From Men and Women to the Advice Column of Playboy Magazine (42 page)

3-D porn

Is there such a thing as 3-D porn?—G.H., Pueblo, Colorado

Sure. Open your eyes during sex. Porn shot in 3D, like porn that’s not shot in 3D, is mostly disappointing. You have a few options. The 1992 3D video
Princess Orgasma and the Magic Bed
is still available. It comes with a pair of Pulfrich glasses (one lens is darker than the other, and the image viewed through the darker lens reaches the brain slightly later). Vidmax-3d.com sells 16 collections of sex scenes shot in the mid-Nineties with alternate field stereography. (The two best are
Bedroom Cries
and
Boudoir Babes.
) To view the effect, slide one of the $50 videos into your VCR, then plug a pair of $125 shutter glasses into the player’s output jack. Outrageous Films released the first and apparently only 3D porn DVD,
Erotek Dimensions
, in 2001, but it’s now hard to find and also requires shutter glasses. Two dreadful hard-core films shot in the mid-1970s for anaglyphic (red-blue) lenses,
The Lollipop Girls in Hard Candy
and
Disco Dolls in Hot Skin
, are popular on the midnight movie circuit. Finally, if you happen to attend the annual National Stereoscopic Association convention,
Adult Video News
editor and 3D photographer Mark Kernes sometimes presents a midnight show of eye-popping hard-core shots taken on porn sets. Some images also appear as slide shows on the DVD versions of
Unreal
and
Chloe Cums First
. No glasses necessary—just stare hard.

Where’s my fluffer?!

Do fluffers actually exist? They are the women who supposedly get a porn actor hard before the scene?—R.R., Washington, D.C.

The position has never been common, mostly because budget-minded directors aren’t willing to pay for sex they can’t get on film. One former porn actor recalls using a fluffer only once in his long career—his co-star didn’t want to mess up her makeup. The most notable recent use of the position was during the filming of two
World’s Largest Gang Bang
videos in which porn actresses set new standards for continuous acts of sexual intercourse. We’ve long been fascinated by the idea, so we experimented with a sex trick by the same name: Your partner does all she can to keep you hard without benefit of intercourse and without exciting you so much that you lose your cool. You act nonchalant, trying not to give anything away, all the time thinking like a jaded movie stud. The object is to come without her suspecting you were close. Play fluffer for her and everyone’s a winner.

How big is the industry?

I’ve read that commercial sex in all its forms is the fourth-largest industry in the U.S. That includes videos, magazines, websites, topless bars, prostitution, phone sex, fetish services, etc. Do you know of any statistics to back this up?—C.H., Van Nuys, California

It’s fourth behind food, shelter and clothing. We’ve seen estimates of $10 billion, $11 billion, $13 billion, $14 billion and $20 billion, excluding prostitution. Because most adult businesses are privately held and don’t have to release financial data to stockholders, you’re left with extrapolations from sales. For example, the Video Software Dealers Association estimates that Americans spend $8.4 billion each year to rent videos and DVDs. It guesses that porn rentals make up three percent to five percent of that total, or $253 million to $422 million. A survey of adults-only stores by
Adult Video News
found they earn a total of $970 million annually from sales and rentals. A VSDA survey of 90 stores that carry mainstream and adult titles found that porn accounts for an average of 16 percent of their gross. Using that figure, AVN pegs the total hard-core video and DVD market at $4 billion, not including mail order.
Forbes
calls that number “wildly inflated” and points out that even if each of the 13,000 porn titles released annually sold 2,000 copies at $20 apiece—all generous assumptions—the total would be just $520 million. The magazine estimates the annual gross from adult movies, websites, pay-per-view and magazines at $2.6 billion to $3.9 billion. So, who knows? We’ll start saving our receipts.

Great porn

Can you suggest any adult films that won’t be a waste of time? I prefer erotica to pornography.—M.F., Annapolis, Maryland

Is a movie erotic if it turns you on but pornographic if it turns someone else on? We consider just about everything erotic on some level, so it’s hard to come up with a surefire list. But we can point you in the right direction. We asked Richard Freeman, who edits a monthly newsletter about porn films called
Batteries Not Included
($3 from 513 North Central Ave., Fairborn, Ohio 45324), for films that seem to have wide appeal. He suggests, in no particular order,
Chameleons: Not the Sequel
,
The Opening of Misty Beethoven
,
Face Dance
,
New Wave Hookers
,
Justine: Nothing to Hide 2
,
American Babylon
,
Neon Nights
,
Unnatural Phenomenon
,
800 Fantasy Lane
and
Latex
. “These ten may not be the best ever made,” he says, “but I can watch any of them and feel I’ve found my sexual center.” We know what we’re doing this weekend—how about you?

Is the porn made in other countries any better than what’s coming out of Los Angeles?—P.L., Tallahassee, Florida

Some is better, although mostly it’s familiar. European porn tends to have more plot, fewer boob jobs and nary a condom in sight. Sample a few titles from Private, which films primarily in Budapest (our favorite director: Pierre Woodman). Or pick up a copy of International Porn, a sampler of European and Asian porn compiled by Tom Weisser of Video Search of Miami (vsom.com or 888-279-9773). A quick rundown: The Japanese are best known for an era of soft-core films that ended in 1988; it wasn’t until 1994 that directors could legally show genitalia. German porn is the most perverse (“If a director shows a dildo, it will be as big as someone’s leg,” Weisser says). The Italians are obsessed with interracial and anal sex. The French have the most beautiful actresses, which may explain the many lesbian scenes. Get it while it’s hot. European porn has become more homogeneous of late: The same 30 women show up in films made all over the continent.

I’m a woman who loves watching porn. But some things get on my nerves: (1) Orgy scenes in which the guys give each other “Dude, we’re so lucky!” looks and exchange high fives. Is that necessary? Concentrate on what you’re doing! (2) Female performers whose fake orgasmic shrieks sound like the Emergency Alert System. (3) A guy who walks up to a girl who is already busy with two penises and taps her on the head with his cock. Wait your turn! (4) Hearing the disembodied voice of the director say, “Honey, lift your leg a little so he can get his fingers deeper into your asshole.” Hello, postproduction? (5) Squeamish female performers who dodge the money shot so it flies onto some rented couch. (6) Directors who don’t hire a backup stud to step in when their lead can’t get it up. I don’t enjoy watching my sex life with my ex played out on video.—C.M., Los Angeles, California

Porn and condoms

Who decides whether a porn star wears a condom? Every now and then you see a film in which every guy isn’t wearing one. I know it’s not because of the female stars, as I’ve seen the same women perform with and without them. Can you explain?—S.G., Calgary, Alberta

Given the choice, only a few performers (about one in six, according to the Adult Industry Medical Health Care Foundation) insist on protection—those who don’t get hazard pay and more work. The performers who work bare comfort themselves with the idea that they’re having sex within a relatively small group and that monthly HIV testing is mandatory. This despite two scares in recent years that involved multiple HIV infections. Plus, there are other risks. AIM has seen an increasing number of cases of gonorrhea and chlamydia. The next time you watch sex performers work without a net, appreciate the risks they’re taking for your arousal.

If the shoe fits

Why do so many of the women in porn movies wear shoes, even during the sex scenes?—N.G., Minneapolis, Minnesota

Heels make the performer’s legs seem longer, lift her buttocks and give her a wobble when she walks, which makes her appear vulnerable. Plus, would you walk around barefoot on a porn set?

What is bukkake?

Two women in my office were discussing bukkake. I asked what it meant. They laughed and said it’s sexy and that I’d like it. That’s all I could get out of them. I thought I could get an explanation from you.—J.C., Buffalo, New York

Bukkake is a form of pornography in which a group of men ejaculates onto one woman. Where the hell do you work?

The money shot

Why do porn films always include an annoying close-up of the guy’s face as he strains and groans before orgasm?—R.C., Dallas, Texas

Because porn is fantasy. Sex scenes are filmed as a series of starts and stops, not in one glorious fuckfest. The finale is typically done the same way: The action stops, everyone gets into position, and the actor strokes himself to climax. No cameraman in his right mind would pan to the actor’s face and miss the money shot, so the director will later have the actor fake his come face for the two-second transition. A few years ago, Joani Blank made a video,
Faces of Ecstasy
, in which she recorded the faces of a dozen men and women as they climaxed. One challenge was getting the subjects to keep their eyes open as they came. “It’s so much hotter that way,” Blank says, which suggests that readers of this book should give it a try. It may also be fun to use that digital camera to take photos of each other making the faces you think you make at climax and, later, the ones that actually appear.

Is that for real?

Are any of the “reality” porn sites such as
Bang Bus
and
M.I.L.F. Hunter
real? Although I’m sure there are women out there who would get into a van and, after half an hour of coaxing, have sex with a stranger for $100, I can’t believe any would do it while being filmed.—J.R., Richland, Washington

There’s no pulling the Kleenex over your eyes. Yes, they are fake. The women are actors who apply for the job, then improvise their dialogue. Frankly we’re surprised by their talent: Many are almost convincing as random women who accept an invitation from three drooling strangers—one of whom is peering through a camcorder—to climb into a van with tinted windows. Producers for these types of sites typically recruit swingers, strippers and the underemployed and pay upwards of $700 for an hour of coy conversation and sex. In a 2004 report, WPLG-TV in Miami revealed that “the women [of Bang Bus] are actually paid performers, and the incidents are all set up in advance.” Stop the presses! The station even took a videotape to the police to see if any laws had been broken, but the cops said none had. WPLG, you are officially no fun.

Celebrity porn

While appearing on
The Tonight Show
to promote the latest Bond film, Halle Berry talked about doing a bedroom scene with Pierce Brosnan. She said that their genitalia had been covered by something, but she was cut off by applause and laughter. Did NBC bleep her? What did she mean to say? Do all actors cover their privates during shower or sex scenes so their genitals don’t touch? I can’t believe it’s easy to avoid a natural reaction to the opposite sex.—J.L., Washington, D.C.

We think Halle meant to say plywood. Under normal circumstances, it might be difficult to avoid a stiffie or tingly moment during an intimate embrace. But filming is not a normal circumstance. The actors are in a confined space with hot lights and surrounded by crew members. Nearly all of their movements have been mapped out. That’s not to say it doesn’t happen. Many people suspect that Carre Otis and Mickey Rourke completed the circuit during their climactic scene in
Wild Orchid
. Others believe the same thing about Jane March and Tony Leung in
The Lover
, and there’s no doubt Donald Sutherland went down on Julie Christie in
Don’t Look Now
. Other films that have raised questions:
Tattoo
,
Color of Night
and
Boxcar Bertha
. For screen shots, see MrSkin.com or Scoopy.net.

I’ve read stories online about celebrities who appeared in porn early in their careers. Is that true? If they exist, where can I find them?—T.M., San Antonio, Texas

The creator of MrSkin.com, Jim McBride, suggests that everyone calm down and think about this for a minute. “With all the celebrity hounds such as the
National Enquirer
and
Inside Edition
, don’t you think we’d have heard by now if some Hollywood star did a porno?” he asks. There are loops that feature women who resemble celebrities. The female lead in a Forties smoker is said to be Marilyn Monroe, but it’s actually look-alike Arline Hunter, whose stock pin-up shots were used for an early
Playboy
centerfold. Joan Crawford supposedly made a stag in the early Twenties called
The Casting Couch
; one story has it an MGM lawyer watched the film and concluded it wasn’t her, another that Louie Mayer destroyed as many copies as he could find. A biography of J. Edgar Hoover alleges that the FBI director threatened to circulate a stag film starring a “well-known female singer” unless she toned down her support for the Black Panthers. That might be a reference to a sixties loop that features a woman whose nose resembles Barbra Streisand’s. (She says it’s not her, but the film is grainy, so people will always see what they want to see.) Sylvester Stallone and Madonna made their screen debuts in bad soft-core movies, a few hard-core stars such as Traci Lords and Kobe Tai have landed mainstream roles, and Pam Anderson, Rob Lowe, Jayne Kennedy and Paris Hilton have been reluctant home video stars. Video Search of Miami (vsom.com or 888-279-9773) offers a sampler of “celebrity porn” for $20 that includes the “woman with a big nose” loop and a scene featuring a performer who resembles Linda Blair. Prepare to be disappointed.