Critical Failures III (Caverns and Creatures Book 3) (13 page)

Chaz stood up, and Stacy took his place.

“Remember,” said Tim. “These are private messages. Nobody can see this but you and Mordred.”

Stacy scrolled up through the conversation. “Come on, guys!
You have a hole I can fill?
Who says that?”

“It worked, didn’t it?”

“Oh sure, now that I’ve all but promised to
fill his holes
.”

“We’ll be watching you the whole time.”

“Do you have any idea how creepy that sounds?”

“You know what I mean,” said Tim. “We’ve got to find out where he lives so that we can steal his dice.”

“I don’t know,” said Stacy. “What if you lose us?”

“Impossible,” said Tim. “He won’t even know we’re there. We can tail him from a distance because we’ll have Ravenus in the air.”

“What’s a Ravenus?”

“Julian’s familiar.”

“The
bird
?”

Tim lowered his head. “Yeah.”

“How many people have gotten raped and murdered under the watchful protection of a bird before, right?”

“Does that mean you’ll do it?” asked Tim. “Or are you being sarcastic.”

“Both,” said Stacy. “You guys owe me big time.”

Chapter 15

Whatever Cooper was doing inside Papa Joe’s was taking forever, and Katherine was coming down from her rabbit blood high. Summoning rats was always an option. There were bound to be plenty around Taco Bell. But the place was kind of busy at present, and it was probably best not to summon a swarm of rats right there in the parking lot. She wondered if there was a PetSmart nearby.

If she turned into a bat, she could scan the area for one real quick, but even if she found one, running in and stealing some rabbits would take too much time, leaving Cooper stranded and alone after whatever trouble he was causing at Papa Joe’s. Still, the bat thing might work for a little spy mission. Just what the hell was he getting up to in there?

Katherine rolled down her window.

“Oops!” she said for the benefit of anyone who might be watching or listening. She pretended to drop something on the floor and bent over to pick it up. When she felt she was completely out of anyone’s view, she closed her eyes and willed herself into bat form.

The transformation only took a few seconds. When she opened her eyes, the inside of the van looked enormous. She climbed up the vinyl interior of the driver’s side door with her hooked little bat thumb claws until she reached the open window. She poked her head up and looked from side to side. The coast was clear. Letting go of the door, she pushed down on the air with her wings and flew out the window.

The front of Papa Joe’s was all glass, which would allow her a great view of whatever was going on inside. But the parking lot was too well lit. In order to avoid drawing any unnecessary attention, she decided to peek in through the little window on the back door first. Just as she was approaching, the door swung open, and the window smacked her right in the bat face.
Ouch.

Sandwiched between the window of the open door and the exterior wall of the building, Katherine saw a man fleeing the scene. He wore stained khaki pants and a red sweatshirt with the hood pulled up over his head. Did he just rob the store? Was Cooper okay? Wait a second… was this guy making a beeline for her van? It sure looked that way. The lights were still on and the engine was running. He was probably going to try to carjack her.

Katherine closed her eyes and willed herself into half-elf form again. When she felt her bare feet on cool pavement, she opened her eyes and pushed the door hard. It quickly swung shut.

“Ow!” came a muffled voice from inside.
Oops.

She couldn’t beat this thug to the van on half-elf feet, so she transformed again, this time into a wolf.

Her paws barely touched the pavement as she bounded toward her prey. It was incredible how fast she could run, almost as invigorating as flying through the air. He’d still beat her to the van, but not by much. She let out a sharp bark as she closed the gap, hoping to distract him before he had a chance to open the door.

“Huh?” said the man, turning around.

Katherine leaped forward and bit him right in the crotch.

“Son of a motherfucker!” He had a distinctive half-orcish growl in his voice.
Oops.
He punched her in the face.

Katherine let go of Cooper’s crotch and quickly transformed back into her half-elf form.

“Katherine!” said Cooper. “Oh shit, are you okay?”

“You punched me!”

“You bit me in the dick!”

Katherine sat up. “I thought you were carjacking me.”

“What are you talking about?” said Cooper. “This was our plan, remember?”

“I’m sorry,” said Katherine. “I didn’t recognize you. What are you doing dressed like that anyway? You’re just asking to be attacked.”

“By racists maybe,” said Cooper. “Not by fucking wolves!”

“Hands where I can see ‘em, nigger,” said a voice behind Cooper. A tall man stood behind Cooper, holding a Taco Bell bag in one hand, and huge, shiny steel Dirty Harry revolver in the other. His flannel shirt was stretched tight around the gut, tucked into his jeans.

Katherine raised her eyebrows at Cooper. “You called that one.”

“Come on, now. Get ‘em up.” Katherine’s would-be savior cocked the hammer back on his gun. It was no doubt designed to be intimidatingly audible. Cooper raised his arms. “Are you okay, miss? Did this man hurt you?”

Katherine felt a familiar sensation inside her. Something like rage, but more focused. She opened her eyes wide at the stranger. “Lower your weapon right now!” she growled.

“As you command, Master.” He bent down and placed the gun on the ground.

“And the food,” Cooper whispered to Katherine.

“And the food!”

The man placed the Taco Bell bag next to the gun.

“Do you have a checking account?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“How much money do you have in there?”

“Bout two grand.”

“I want you to go home right now and make out a check to the United Negro College Fund for two thousand dollars. Look up the address and drop it in the mailbox before you go to bed tonight. Do you understand?”

“Yes ma’am. Right away, ma’am.”

Katherine bared her fangs. “Go now!” The big goofy bastard nearly tripped over his own feet running across the parking lot. “I could get used to this.”

Cooper scooped up the gun and the Taco Bell bag. He shoved the former into his belt and pulled a wrapped food item out of the latter. “The United Negro College Fund?”

“It was the only thing I could think of off the top of my head,” said Katherine. She frowned at whatever culinary monstrosity Cooper was unwrapping. She couldn’t stomach Taco Bell even before her diet consisted exclusively of rodents. “How can you eat that?”

Cooper grinned. “A Beefy 5-Layer Burrito is a terrible thing to waste.” He shoved the whole thing in his mouth.

“Get in the van,” said Katherine. “We need to try to find Ginfizzle.”

Without any idea of where he might be, Katherine reasoned that she could cover more ground in less time by traveling on the I-10. She proposed driving east until they got to the Mississippi/Alabama state line and then turn around and drive west until she reached Louisiana or thought of a less stupid idea. Cooper made no objections, and fell asleep before she made it to the interstate.

She had only driven along the I-10 for about twenty miles when she started to seriously second-guess her strategy. She didn’t even know what she was supposed to be looking for. The chances of actually spotting Ginfizzle while driving around on a random stretch of road weren’t even worth thinking about. So what was she hoping to see? People running around screaming? She’d be better off in a more populated area for that. Maybe a fire or explosion if people started shooting at him near a gas station. It was a long shot. Ginfizzle didn’t know anything about this world. He was hungry, sure. But he was also scared and alone. It wasn’t too far of a stretch to think that he might have run out on the highway and caused an – And there it was.

A thirty-something-year-old black man was waving his arm on the side of the road. Katherine slowed down and pulled onto the shoulder. His white shirt was smeared with blood. He had a toddler in the arm he wasn’t waving with. Her dress also had some blood on it. Neither of them seemed to be in too bad of shape, so Katherine could only assume that there was someone else still in the car which had smashed into a pine tree twenty yards off the road.

“Cooper, wake up,” said Katherine, giving him a quick punch in the arm.

“I don’t wanna go to Waffle House!” said Cooper. He sat up and shook his head. “Jesus!” he screamed at the sight of the blood-covered man waving in the headlights.

“Put your hood on,” said Katherine. “And pull the drawstring as tight as you can.”

Cooper pulled the string until the hood covered his entire face, save for a small circle of bunched-together fabric in the front, making his face look like a big, red asshole.

Katherine got out of the van.

“Thank you for stopping,” said the man. “I been out here waving close to twenty minutes now. Ain’t nobody so much as slowed down.”

“Are you hurt?” asked Katherine. “Is your baby okay?”

“She’s just a little shook up is all. My wife’s still in the car. She hit her head pretty bad on the –” He looked at Cooper, feeling his way forward along the side of the van. His eyes went from Cooper’s covered face down to the big, steel gun handle sprouting out the front of his pants. “Hey man, we don’t want no trouble.”

“Oh what?” said Cooper, his voice muffled through the fabric. “Because I’m black?”

“Shut up, Cooper,” said Katherine. “You’re not black. They are.”

“Oh sorry,” said Cooper. “I can’t see so well.”

“He, um…” said Katherine. “He’s got a birthmark that he’s kind of ashamed of.”

The man pressed his daughter’s ear against his chest and covered her other ear with his hand. “Lady, I seen shit tonight that would make your teeth shake.”

“What did you see?” asked Cooper.

“This skinny little white boy – couldn’t be no more than fourteen years old – come runnin’ out the woods onto the highway, naked as the day he was born. That’s what made me swerve off the road. I thought I hit him. No, I
know
I hit him. I felt it. But after I hit that tree, I look back and see him get up and run off in the other direction.”

“Which direction?” asked Katherine.

The man gave her a puzzled look, as if he’d been expecting any question but that one. He pointed into the woods on the north side of the highway. “He went that way.”

“Can you move your wife to the van?”

“I’ll need some help. Her door’s jammed shut against the tree.”

“Cooper, help him.” Katherine reached for the child. “I’ll hold her.”

The man spoke to his daughter. “Bethany, this lady gonna watch you while daddy goes and helps mommy. Okay?” The little girl made no objections, or even any acknowledgment that she’d heard him. The man handed her to Katherine. “I thank you, ma’am.”

Cooper followed the man to his car for a couple of steps, and then hesitated to look back at Katherine. Katherine cradled the child in her arms as lovingly as she could pretend to do. The unspoken agreement was that she would not devour this little girl as soon as they stepped away. Cooper started walking to the wrecked car again.

Katherine held up the girl so that they were face to face. “You’re so pretty.”

Bethany blinked.

A part of Katherine wanted to tear right into the flesh of this ungrateful little brat, but she quieted those thoughts. “You’d be a lot prettier without all that nasty blood on your face.” She brought Bethany close and touched her cheek with the tip of her tongue. The blood was dry. The taste was good, but not great, like an overcooked grilled cheese sandwich. She licked the rest of the blood off of Bethany’s face, the whole time fighting the urge to tear open her arteries.

Katherine raised Bethany up to eye level again. “There you go, all clean!”

Bethany stared back at her, her eyes just a bit wider than they were before.

“You’s a strong dude, Mr. Cooper,” said Bethany’s father. Cooper walked beside him, the man’s wife in his arms. She was still alive. Katherine could sense that much.

“Put her in the passenger’s seat,” said Katherine. She held Bethany out to her father. “There you go, all cleaned up.”

“Cleaned up?” He took his daughter, inspected her face, then looked back at Katherine – specifically her mouth. “Did you…
lick
her?”

“She was raised by cats,” said Cooper.

“If you folks don’t mind, can we just get a ride to the nearest hospital?”

“Take the van,” said Katherine. She tossed him the keys.

“That’s mighty kind of you, ma’am, but –”

“We don’t need it. We have to go on foot from here.”

“Go where?” said the man. “Ain’t nothin’ for miles round here.”

“Don’t worry about us,” said Katherine. “You worry about getting your wife to a hospital.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He got into the driver’s seat and started up the engine.

“Where are we going?” asked Cooper.

“We’re going to get Ginfizzle.”

“How?”

“He was here recently,” said Katherine. “I’ll track him by scent.”

“You can do that?” asked Cooper.

“Not in this form.”

Bethany’s father shook his head. “I never will understand white people.” The van pulled away.