Critical Failures III (Caverns and Creatures Book 3) (10 page)

It appeared that every rat in the area had answered her call and were now lining up to have their blood sucked out. She would think more on this later. Now was the time to eat. One by one, the rats jumped into her open palm, and Katherine sucked them dry, taking care to remove each of their heads when she was done. Eventually, she streamlined the process a bit, biting off the head first and sucking the blood straight out of the neck. She tossed away headless rat corpses like empty bottles of Bud, until she had a nice little pile.

Katherine had sucked the life out of maybe three dozen rats by the time she’d had enough. There were twice that number still alive, squeaking their bids to be the next one in line.

“No more today, guys,” said Katherine. “I couldn’t possibly.” She felt bloated and lethargic, like it was Thanksgiving… and maybe a little drunk. She sat down on an overturned milk crate to clear her head. “Take off, guys,” she said to the congregation of rats. “Maybe we’ll do this again tomorrow. The rats dispersed, going back about their rat business.

The back door of the building opened. Katherine’s view was obscured by the dumpster. What should she do? Should she turn into a bat and fly away? Should she turn into a wolf (something she only just instinctively realized was an option) and run? Should she try to play it cool? Should she –

“God
damn
!” said a large, bald, black man, stepping out into view from the other side of the dumpster. He was smoking a cigarette and staring down at all the rat remains. By the way his muscles filled out his uniform shirt and khaki pants, Katherine guessed he worked in the stock room.

“Hi,” said Katherine.

The man looked up from the rats. The cigarette fell out of his mouth. “Miss, are you okay? What happened to you?” He pulled a cell phone out of his pocket. “Just stay calm, ma’am. I’ll call you an ambulance.”

“Huh?” said Katherine. “Wait, no!”

The man stopped pressing the screen on his phone and looked at her.

“I’m sorry,” said Katherine. “I must look like shit.” She pulled a compact mirror out of her purse and looked in it. There was nothing to see but the wall behind her. She smiled and rolled her eyes. “Oh right. No reflection. Duh! Is there blood on my face?”

The man nodded silently, his mouth ajar.

Katherine felt she wasn’t making a good first impression. She shouldn’t have said ‘Duh’.

“Let’s start over. My name’s Katherine.”

The man just furrowed his brow at her.

“And you are…?”

“Tyrell.”

“Nice to meet you, Tyrell. So tell me about yourself. Are you into basketball? Do you have a girlfriend? Is race an issue for you?” Oh my God. Did that sound racist and desperate at the same time?

“Ma’am, what the hell is going on here?”

“I was just making small talk,” Katherine said defensively.

“I mean with all the dead rats!” said Tyrell. “I was just out here an hour ago, and I don’t remember seeing any rats or crazy white women.”

Before she knew what she was doing, Katherine was up on her feet and holding Tyrell a foot off the ground by the neck with one hand. “You will respect me!” If a lion’s roar could form articulate words, that’s what her voice sounded like.

Tyrell’s eyes were wide with terror as he tried to suck in air.

Katherine set him down. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I don’t know what came over me. I think I ate too much. Please forget I did that.”

Tyrell got down on one knee and lowered his head. “It is forgotten, master.”

“Hey, whoa!” said Katherine. “No, no, no! None of that. In-uh-propriate. Come on, man, stand up!”

Tyrell stood up. “As you command.”

The back door swung open again.

“Come on, Tyrell, said an older, higher-pitched voice than Tyrell’s. “The party’s over. I need you and Anthony to help unload the – What the fuck?” He was a middle-aged, chubby white guy, filling out his Rouse’s uniform in a completely different manner than Tyrell.

Tyrell punched his manager in the face.

Katherine gasped. “Tyrell! No!”

It was a quick jab, clearly intended as a warning. His arms were big enough to knock this guy’s head off if he’d wanted to. But this punch merely landed the surprised manager on his ass.

Tyrell pointed a finger at his boss. “You mind your tongue in the presence of the master.”

The manager scrambled backwards on his hands and feet. “You’re fired! You two crazy sons of bitches get the hell out of here before I call the police!”

Tyrell took a step toward him.

“No!” said Katherine. “Stop!”

Tyrell stopped and turned toward her.

The manager ran inside, slamming the door behind him.

“I’m so sorry, Tyrell,” said Katherine. “I didn’t mean to make you lose your job.”

“I live only to serve you.”

“Jesus! You’ve got to stop saying stuff like that. Come on. We’ve got to get out of here in case he really does call the police. Do you have a car?.”

“I have a truck,” said Tyrell. “But I fear it is too humble a vehicle to transport someone of your grace and radiance.”

Katherine turned away. If she had any circulation, she was sure she would have been blushing. “You think I’m pretty?”

“Your beauty transcends my ability to express it in words.”

Katherine waved her hand dismissively at him. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. You had me at ‘I have a truck’. Let’s get out of here.”

Chapter 12

Dave stared into the pink eyes of the lone male of their ten doomed captives riding along with them in the back of the van. “Sorry, buddy,” he said. “At least it will be fun while it lasts.

The rabbits had been his idea. They were easy to buy, cheap to feed, and had an incredibly high rate of reproduction. It might not do much good for the short term, but when those little rodents started multiplying, Katherine and her little halfling friend would have more fresh blood than they knew what to do with.

When the van finally stopped, Dave couldn’t wait to get out. Between the smell, Cooper’s continuous commentary on the rabbit fucking that was taking place in the cage between them, paint cans rolling around and clanging against his armor, Goosewaddle prying open the lids and tasting different colors, and Dennis’s incessant crying, the ride had been nothing short of torture.

Randy opened the van’s rear doors, and Dave jumped out, sucking in as much fresh air as he could.

“Never again,” said Dave. “Next time we have to go somewhere, I’ll ride in a trunk. Somebody else can ride with Cooper.

“Fuck you, dude,” said Cooper. “You’re not exactly a bundle of laughs to ride with either.”

“How are the rabbits?” said Stacy. Naturally, she’d been the one who had to pay for them.

“They’re fine,” said Dave.

“You got yourself a bargain, lady,” said Cooper, hauling the cage out of the van. “This little bastard is the Ron Jeremy of rabbits.”

“What the hell happened to my window?” shouted Tim when Julian managed to rouse him from his sleep. He hopped out of the car and looked up at the shattered pane of glass.

“Looks like someone broke in,” said Julian.

“By jumping through the window?”

“Of course not,” said Julian. “You break a hole in the glass and reach around to unlock the door from the inside.” He put arm through the hole and reached the handle to demonstrate.

Tim pushed on the door. “No, the door’s locked.”

“Well maybe they locked it on their way out.”

“What for?”

Julian shrugged. “Courtesy?”

“Uh-uh,” said Tim. “That hole is way too big. Hell, I could fit through that hole with room to spare. Also look, the broken glass is out here rather than inside. Whatever went through this window broke
out
, not in.”

Cooper gave Tim a slow clap. “Well done, Columbo.”

Tim looked up at Julian. “Open the door. We need to check on Katherine.”

As soon as Julian got the door open, Tim gasped. “Oh my God. They ate Butterball.”

Dave was one of the last ones inside, and so short that he couldn’t see anything until the crowd spread out a bit.

“Oh that poor thing!” said Stacy.

“Why is there a wolf in here?” asked Randy.

Dave pushed his way in to where Tim was kneeling over Butterbean’s bleeding body. “Is he…?”

“His heart’s still beating,” said Tim. “But he’s in pretty bad shape. Dave, how are you on heals?”

Dave shook his head. “I’m out until dawn.”

“Does anyone here have the Heal skill?”

“I took a first aid course as part of my police training,” said Dennis.

“Good enough,” said Tim. “See what you can do with him.” He punched the wall. “Goddammit! I can’t believe Katherine would do this.”

“We don’t know what happened here,” said Dave. “But if two vampires went to town on one wolf, there’s no way he would have survived.”

“How the hell did she even get out of the freezer anyway?” asked Tim, stomping back into the kitchen. “Katherine!”

Cooper put the rabbit cage on one of the dining tables. “Come on, Ronnie! Give it to her!”

“She’s gone,” said Tim. “Looks like they kicked open the freezer door, attacked Butter, and took off out the back. The back door’s unlocked.”

“So then what happened to the window?” asked Julian.

“Who the fuck knows?” said Tim. “I’ve got to find her before she hurts somebody. If she was willing to attack her own Animal Companion, there’s no telling what she’ll do to people she doesn’t give a shit about.”

“You can’t go out there,” said Dave. “It’s pointless. She could be anywhere.”

“Then what do you suggest I do, Dave? Sit on my hands while my sister is out there killing people?”

“You could make some chicken,” said Julian. “I’ll send Ravenus around to scout for Katherine.”

“Chicken sounds good,” said Randy. “I ain’t had nothin’ to eat since Arby’s.”

“I done all I could with your wolf,” said Dennis. “The wounds are shallow. I reckon he’ll be all right once he replenishes his blood supply. Is there a bathroom in here? I gotta wee.”

“Um…” said Cooper. “Yes and no.”

“Just go out back and find a tree,” said Tim.

“Public urination is against the law,” said Dennis.

“So is rape,” said Tim. “Fuck off.”

“Will I ever live that down?”

“Cooper, you go with him. Don’t let anybody see you.”

“Ravenus,” said Julian. “Fly around outside and see if you can find Katherine. Do you remember what she looks like?”

“Of course, sir.”

“Not good enough,” said Tim. “You need to fly in a tight spiral formation,” he had switched to a British accent so the bird could understand him. Dave knew he was serious because he didn’t make a fuss about it or go overboard with it. Just a straight-up, if not necessarily good, Michael Caine impersonation. “Expand slowly enough to make sure you see everything you can. She’s not likely gone too far. If you see people running or screaming or anything, come back and –”

“Turn on the Bat Signal?” said Katherine, standing in the doorway with some huge black guy.

“Found her!” said Ravenus.

Stacy crossed her arms. “That’s her alright.” Her tone wasn’t quite so plucky as Dave was used to.

“Katherine!” shouted Tim. “Where the fuck have you been?”

The big black guy stepped past Katherine and took a knee in front of Tim. “That’s no way to speak to a lady, young man.”

“I’m thirty years old, Beef Bone.”

The man nodded. “In that case…” He punched Tim in the face. It wasn’t a hard punch, but it was fast and unexpected enough to land Tim on his ass.

“Stand down, Tyrell,” said Katherine. “That’s my brother.”

The big man bowed before her. “Please accept my humblest apologies, master.”

“Master?” said Dave.

“Oh Katherine,” said Tim. “What did you do?”

“Nothing!” said Katherine.

“Your first day back as a vampire, and you pull a Paula Deen?”

“It wasn’t like that. He caught me outside of Rouse’s eating rats, and I was nervous, and he called me a crazy white woman –”

“Can you blame him?” asked Cooper, escorting Dennis back into the dining area. “You look bugfuck insane.”

Cooper had a point. Katherine’s blond hair was all over the place. Her dress was dirty. The lower half of her face, all the way down her neck, was covered in what Dave could only assume was dried rat blood.

“I lost control of my impulses,” said Katherine. “The next thing I knew I was all up in his face demanding that he respect me.”

“You dominated him,” said Julian. He was sitting in a chair with the Caverns and Creatures Monster Manual opened on his lap.

Tim glared at him. “This isn’t something to congratulate her for.”

“I’m not congratulating her,” said Julian. “That’s what it’s called. It’s right here in the rules. Vampires can impose their will on people.”

“Sweet,” said Cooper. “Have you made him… you know…” He nodded down at the rabbit cage, where little fuzzy Ron Jeremy was boinking away at one of his concubines.

“Ew! No!”

“Racist.”

“It says here that you can release the subject anytime you like,” said Julian.

“Go on, Katherine,” said Tim. “Let him go.”

“I don’t know how,” said Katherine.

“Ain’t that the truth,” said Stacy.

Katherine put her hands on her hips and looked at Stacy. “I’m sorry. Who the fuck are you again?”

“Katherine!” said Tim. “Just say the words.”

“What words?”

“I find it doesn’t matter so much,” said Dave. “As long as your intentions are clear. When I want to heal someone, I say ‘I heal thee’, but I don’t think it would work the same if I said something like ‘Wounds be sealed’, or ‘Mend thy body’, or –”

“Or maybe even something not retarded,” said Cooper.

Dave ignored him. “So maybe try ‘I release thee.’?”

“The what?”

“Jesus, Katherine,” said Tim. “Just say it.”

“Fine.” Katherine placed her palm on Tyrell’s massive chest and closed her eyes. “I release thee.”

Tyrell blinked. “What is this? Where am I?” He looked down at Tim. “Wait… Did I just punch you in the face? I’m sorry.”

“It’s cool,” said Tim. “I get that a lot.”

Katherine leaned into his view, grinned like a horror movie clown, and waved. “Remember me?”

“JESUS!” cried Tyrell, jumping back from her. “Hold up. Ain’t you the crazy rat lady outside the – Oh no!” He cupped his hands over his mouth. “Tell me I didn’t punch Mr. Ellis in the face.”

“He was an asshole,” said Katherine. “You can do better than that.”

“He’s like a father to me!” said Tyrell. “Dude just gave me a raise.” He looked around the room angrily. “You freaks just cost me my job!”

“Join the club, Bub,” said Stacy.

Tyrell pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, frantically jabbing at the screen as he backed out of the doorway. He got into his truck. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Ellis. I don’t know what came over me… I appreciate that, sir… Yes, sir. I’ll be there right away.” Any conversation beyond that was drowned out by the engine roaring to life and the squeal of tires.

“Call me!” Katherine shouted out after him.

“Hey,” said Julian. “Did you know you can turn into a bat?”

“Yeah,” said Katherine. “It’s awesome. What’s with the rabbits?”

Tim closed and locked the door behind her. “We bought them for you and – Hey, where’s your little friend?”

“He tried to eat Butterbean, so I threw him through the window. He took off.”

Randy clapped his hands together. “Well, that’s one mystery solved.”

Katherine squatted down over Butterbean. “How are you doing, sweetie?” The wolf gave her a weak growl. Katherine stood up. “He’s getting better already.”

“Katherine!” cried Tim. “You set an NPC vampire loose in Gulfport?”

“He’ll be fine.”

“I don’t give a fuck about
him
!” said Tim. “If he starts turning people, we could have an epidemic on our hands. What’s the point of chasing after Mordred to get ourselves back to normal if the world gets overrun with vampires?”

“How’s the Mordred hunt going?”

“Not well. We’re back to square one. Worse than that really, considering he knows we’re after him now, and we’ve got no leads.”

“That’s not true,” said Stacy. “What about the game?”

“What game?” asked Julian.

“I looked up Mordred on Facebook earlier,” said Tim. “The fat bastard is already trying to recruit new players. It’s a good idea, but I don’t see him inviting any of us. He’ll be expecting us to track him down on the internet. He knows our faces. Our real faces.”

“Don’t take no time to set up a fake account,” said Dennis. “Grab a stock photo off the net, and you’re good to go. Fellas down at the station do it all the time to set up stings and whatnot.” He looked down at his shoes. “A few of them have been known to use the same trick for more nefarious purposes.”

“No good,” said Tim. “New account. No friends, no posting history. Way too suspicious. Mordred’s on high alert.”

“What about me?” said Stacy.

“What about you?”

“I’ve got a Facebook account. Friends, cat memes, the whole works. And I’m not connected to any of you freaks.”

“I don’t know,” said Tim. “That might be even more suspicious. An attractive woman messaging him from out of the blue.”

“Pffft,” said Katherine.

“It’ll work,” said Dave. “Mordred doesn’t see himself like everyone else sees him.”

“Like the bastard child of George Lucas and Jabba?” said Cooper.

“Exactly,” said Dave. “Remember when he first came in here, strolling around like he was the emperor of Rome? He’s arrogant. His long-standing role as Cavern Master has distorted his sense of how people perceive him. A pretty girl sending him a message will only serve to feed his over-inflated ego.”

“Aaawwww,” said Stacy. “You boys are just too much!”

“Also,” said Cooper. “If there’s anything a guy will let his guard down for, it’s a hot piece of tail.”

“Come on guys,” said Katherine, her hands on her hips. “She’s like a six, tops.”

“That’s it,” said Stacy, stepping out from behind her table.