Confessions (21 page)

A sob rose to my throat. I felt as if Leon were standing in the room talking to me. It may sound crazy, but I could hear his deep robust voice and felt the warmth of his large hands holding mine.

I hit
REPLY
and allowed my fingers to fly across the keyboard again.

I wrote a few more lines, then sent the message and found myself sitting there sipping my drink as I waited for him to reply. We went back and forth for almost two hours before I finally decided it was time for me to go to bed.

The next morning, I hurried to work before the other case managers arrived. Something was heavy on my mind and I needed to share it with Leon before I lost the nerve. I booted up my computer and typed a quick e-mail.

I hit
SEND
before I could chicken out and change my mind. But after ten minutes of nothing back from him, I started to panic. If he said no, I would feel like a fool. If he didn't respond, I would feel like an even bigger fool. What in the world was I thinking? I immediately e-mailed him again.

I quickly hit
SEND
, then released a deep breath just as Maureen came waltzing in wearing a black suit with a candy apple red shirt and matching shoes. Ever since I had fallen apart, I hadn't been taking as much time to get ready in the morning. Don't get me wrong, I'm going to always look good, I just didn't feel fabulous.

“Good morning, everyone,” Maureen said as she moved to her desk and then turned to me. “Hey, girl, you know what today is?”

I gave her a weak smile, then returned to my case files. This afternoon she and I would be going through a second and final round of interviews for the director's position. All other candidates had been eliminated.

My computer chimed, indicating I had received an e-mail. One click of my mouse and my heart pounded. It was from Leon.

My heart hurt. It sounded to me like he had already moved on with his life. But deep down I needed to see him. Part of me wanted him to see me and think about all he was giving up so he would have second thoughts and beg me back. It was crazy. I know. I wanted Leon more than I wanted anything else, including the director's position, but I was too proud to put my pride aside to admit I still loved this man and didn't want him with anyone else. I never thought him being with another woman would bother me, but I was wrong.

I reached for my mouse, hit
REPLY
and typed a simple message.

That Friday, I could barely focus at work so I took the rest of the afternoon off and jetted to the mall to find something sexy to wear. I needed Leon to see everything he was giving up and desperately needed him to want me.

After an hour of shopping, I packed up my overnight bag and hit the highway. I couldn't get to the airport fast enough. My hands were shaking, and the entire time my mind was racing. Listening to music didn't help, so I called Nikki.

“Hey, girl, you on your way?”

I released a long, shaky breath. “Yes…Nikki, I'm so nervous.”

“I know how you feel. I felt the exact same way when Donovan came home.”

That was at least a relief to hear. “I keep thinking, what if I see him and feel nothing for him or, even worse, he no longer feels anything for me?”

“That's just nerves. The two of you have spent a lot of time e-mailing the last two weeks and getting things off your chest.”

“We have. I can't believe how much. It's scary. I've never allowed myself to be this vulnerable before.” I was crying now because I was nervous and the unknown was driving me insane.

Nikki tried to comfort me. “Big baby, quit crying. The two of you are gonna be just fine. Just open up your heart and love that man, and the rest will be easy.”

“I sure hope so, Nikki. I love my husband so much. I don't know what in the world I was thinking all these years.”

“Don't worry about that. At least you finally got it right.”

“I hope so…. I sure hope so. Thanks, Nikki. Please pray for us.”

“Girl, the person who needs prayer is me.” She chuckled. “If that fool pops up at the store one more time I'm going to scream.”

It felt good to laugh. “You need to just get an order of protection against that crazy mothafucka. It don't make sense for someone to be stalking you like that after you already told him it was over.”

“Yeah, but I don't think it's that serious. I'm hoping eventually it will start to sink in.”

“It better, 'cause I know Donovan ain't having it.”

“Don't I know it. Anyway, I'm getting ready to lock up the store. Enjoy the weekend and we'll talk on Sunday. I've got my fingers crossed.”

I hung up and felt so much better as I continued down Highway 40. “Please, Lord. Please let my relationship with my husband work itself out.” I believed in prayer, and I've been doing quite a lot of praying lately. If I didn't have anything else, at least I had my faith in God to pull me through.

Growing up, we rarely went to church, but prayer was always a big part of our daily life. I remember Mama sitting on the side of the bed while I knelt down and said my prayers. Afterward, she'd tuck me in and tell me how much she loved me. Those were some of the rare memories I had of the woman she used to be. As much as I hated to admit it, I saw a glimpse of that beautiful yet humble woman when she had visited my house. I frowned. The last thing I wanted to do was think about my mama.

I pulled into the hotel parking lot shortly after nine and checked into my room. Leon and I agreed we needed to meet at a neutral location. I barely had a chance to look around the luxurious suite when my cell phone rang. My pulse raced. It was Leon.

“My plane just landed,” he announced.

“Already!” Oh, shit.

His laughter sounded forced. “Yeah, already. You don't sound like you're looking forward to seeing me.”

“No, definitely not that. I just thought I…I would have a chance to shower before you got here.”

“Well, get showered. I'll be there shortly.”

I hung up and took the quickest shower ever, then sprayed on some smell good and slipped into a pair of Baby Phat jeans and a pink blouse. One thing I loved about Leon is that he always noticed how good I looked. Tonight, I wanted his eyes to be all over me. I wanted him to remember how good it used to be between us.

I sat there on the couch with my legs crossed and waited for what felt like forever for him to arrive. All I could think about was the way I had treated that man all these years. How I had taken his love for granted. I had been a straight-up fool. I would never get over the pain I felt when I realized he was gone from my life. Leon was a good man and there was no way I wanted to lose him to another woman.

Knock! Knock!

I jumped off the couch. My heart was pumping like crazy as I moved to the door. “W-Who is it?” I asked. Nervousness was definitely apparent in my voice.

“It's your husband.”

I opened the door and he barely got inside before I was in his arms holding him, and he held me back tightly. “Hey, Netta,” he cooed.

Leon moved over to the couch with me and took a seat. I couldn't let go. The tears started coming and kept on falling. I didn't care if he saw me cry over him. I loved this man. He leaned back and I saw he had a few tears of his own. He pulled me to him again, and I held on. And for the first time I felt like things were going to be all right.

“Why are you shaking?” he asked.

“Because I was scared. I-I didn't know. I didn't know if you would still feel the same way about me.”

“Baby, I can't get over eight years that quickly.” Leon leaned in and kissed me, and I kissed him back. “You are my soul mate.”

“I-I missed you so much.” I started bawling, and he hugged and rocked me like a baby.

“Come on, let's lay down,” he suggested. “I've been up since five and that was a long flight.”

I nodded and we got undressed and slid under the covers. He rolled beside me and held me in his arms and for the longest time we just kissed.

Leon was the first to break the silence. “I can't believe you're here with me. I thought I'd never see you again.”

I tried to smile but my lips quivered. “Boo, I…I thought the same thing.”

We continued to kiss and express our feelings, and we fell asleep in each other's arms. Everything was going to be all right between us. I could feel it.

“You're listening to
Truth Hurts,
and I am your host, Nikki Truth. I've got another hot show lined up. Tonight we're gonna kick off the evening with a story I saw earlier this morning on ABC News. This female got her tail beat over a no-good man. Apparently this woman who owned a beauty shop was messing around with this other female's husband. Instead of the wife confronting her husband, she and her friends went to the female's shop and beat her butt. Not only that, while they took turns whooping on her, one of the stupid friends filmed the whole thing and like a fool placed it on the Internet. Just dumb. Now they're going to jail. I saw the entire video, and it was so sad. The female didn't even fight back. Instead, she allowed them to whoop her. Ladies, when will we learn? It is not that serious. The phones are open. I want to hear what you think.” Before I was even done, the phone lines lit up like Times Square. I took a few calls, then Tristan signaled for me to pick up line two. “Caller, you're on the air.”

“Hi, Ms. Nikki, this is Jennifer, and well…I disagree. I do believe some women deserve a beat down for knowingly messing with someone else's man.”

I adjusted my microphone as I spoke. “Jennifer, I get the impression your husband messed around on you.”

“Well, uh, I—”

“And I guess you confronted the female instead of confronting your man.”

“Yes, because she knew he was married.”

“And so did he, but that didn't stop him, did it?”

There was a brief pause before she finally answered,
“No.”

“Just what I thought. Wake up, girlfriend.” I depressed the button. “Next caller.”

“Hi, Ms. Nikki, this is Keisha, and I saw that video myself. My heart went out to that female. That was so totally uncalled for. I couldn't believe they locked her in her shop and whooped her tail. I was embarrassed for black women.”

“Keisha, I agree. Next caller.”

“Hi, Ms. Nikki, this is Tracy. When will women learn no man is worth all that drama. If he is cheating on you, most likely he did it to the woman before you, and when he gets tired he will do the same to the next. Let that good for nothing man go on about his business and be someone else's headache.”

“Well said, Tracy. If he loved you, he wouldn't cheat. Women, we need to grow up and act our age. Is it really worth going to jail and being away from your kids for a man? Trust and believe, while you're locked up, he has moved on to the next.”

The rest of the night was wild. We were flooded with phone calls and I read a few crazy e-mails, and by midnight I was happy to sign off for the night.

I climbed into my car, then reached down for my cell phone. I had a couple of missed calls, including one from an unknown number. On the drive home, I checked my messages and was actually surprised to find that one was from Kenyon. For the last week, he had been good about just e-mailing and calling me in the morning. The evening calls had stopped.

“Baby, I'm sorry to bother you b-but my daughter was in a bad car accident. Her car is totaled. They're taking her into surgery.”
I could hear the fear and uncertainty in his voice. He was scared for his daughter's life.

I put the phone aside and drove home with the radio off, deep in my thoughts. The memories of Mimi's last day came flooding back. I remembered riding in the back of the ambulance with her and waiting outside the operating room while they tried to save her life. Unfortunately, the internal injuries were too severe. Kenyon had been there for me when I needed someone most. He held my hand and allowed me to cry in his arms when Big Mama passed. Part of me felt like turning the car around and joining him at the hospital. He was probably scared out of his mind. Already, he had lost his wife. The only thing he had left of her was the child they had created. But as much as I wanted to be there for him, I knew if I went down to the hospital, he would confuse my support for something else.

Once home, I parked in the driveway, headed inside and let Rudy out in the backyard. He hated being confined inside the privacy fence, but too bad.

I reached for my cordless phone and curled up on the couch in the family room while I made the phone call.

“Hello? Baby?”

I groaned inwardly. Was he ever going to stop calling me baby? Just let it slide, I thought. “Hey, I got your message.”

“Thanks…thanks for calling me back.” His voice was shaky, and it was easy to figure out he was nervous. “They just took Rachel into surgery.”

I glanced out at Rudy, peeing on my rose bush. “What happened?”

“She was in a car accident. The officer said she ran a red light and an oncoming truck hit her from the side.”

“I'm so sorry.”

“I didn't even recognize her car. It was so smashed I…I don't know how she survived.” He sounded so sad, and my heart went out to him.

“Don't think like that. You've got to think positive. Is she conscious?”

“Barely…in and out. They gave her something that knocked her out before they wheeled her into surgery.”

“Did they say what was wrong with her?” I asked.

“An arm is broken and there are some internal injuries.”

Just like Mimi. “I'm so sorry. Everything is gonna be fine…. Wait and see.”

He released a long breath. “I sure hope so. My daughter is all I got left.”

“She's gonna be fine. Watch.”

There was silence on the phone, and that was rare for Kenyon. That man didn't know when to shut up. But I could understand he was worried about Rachel.

“Tell me something about your daughter.”

“Well…she's stubborn as hell.”

I chuckled and moved over to the door and let Rudy in. “Most women are.”

“But she's always been stubborn. I remember when I was trying to potty train her. She refused to let me dump her pot. She had to do it herself.”

“Really?” I said with amusement.

“Yep, she was the same way when she started walking. She used to push my hand away, wanted to do it all on her own. Now that she's grown, she hasn't changed.”

“Sounds like my kinda woman.”

“Yeah, she gets that independent spirit from her mother,” he replied, sounding slightly amused.

“Were they close?”

He took a moment to think about his answer. “I guess about as close as a mother and daughter can be. She took her mother's death hard, but Rachel mourned in her own way.”

“How so?”

Kenyon gave a defeated sigh. “Drinking…a lot of drinking and partying. I've picked her up from the club a couple of times because she was too drunk to drive.”

I curled one leg beneath me on the couch, getting comfortable. “At least she had sense enough to call you.”

“Yeah, but I can't help but wonder if she was drunk when she ran through that light.”

I nibbled on my lips, considering what he said. “Have they taken her blood?”

“Yeah…but the tox screen isn't back.”

“Try not to think about that right now. Just focus on being there for your daughter. Stubborn or not, she's gonna need you.” A thought came to mind. “Who's at the hospital with you?”

“No one. I didn't want to call and worry my sisters. I figured I'd call them after surgery.” He cleared his throat. “I told you I don't have too many friends.”

“What about Jay?”

He chuckled. “Uh…Jay and I are club buddies. We go out drinking and talk about women, but outside of that we don't hang out much.”

“That's too bad. I thought you were closer than that. I'm glad I've got Trinette. We've been friends forever.”

“You're lucky.”

I smiled. “I know.” There was silence, and I figured it was time to get off the phone and get ready for bed before Donovan called. “Hey, I've gotta go. Please keep me posted, okay?”

“You know I will,” he answered urgently.

“Yes, I know,” I whispered, and hung up the phone.