Confessions (16 page)

Kenyon was on his way over. I had barely been in the house five minutes, and the instant I hit the bedroom, my phone rang. It was as if he had a camera and knew the exact second I stepped through the door. I glanced around the room, then shook my head. I was being ridiculous. There weren't any cameras around here.

I kept trying to go over everything that had happened over the weekend. I was so happy, my heart was racing. I was going to save my marriage, but to do so I needed to end my relationship with Kenyon. I wasn't at all looking forward to breaking his heart. He cared about me. I cared about him. I almost thought myself in love with him and would have probably stayed with Kenyon if Donovan and I hadn't decided to make our marriage work. I knew deep in my heart I wanted that more than anything. I loved Donovan, and we had too many years to simply just walk away. He was working at the shop that evening, which gave me the perfect chance to talk to Kenyon.

I heard a car pull into my driveway. I moved nervously to the door just as Kenyon knocked once, then stepped inside.

“Hi.” He had a wide grin on his face, and damn did he look good. I tore my eyes from him and focused on Rudy, who came racing into the house and jumped onto me. “Hey, handsome, you ready to come in already?” I cooed as he bounced around the room.

“Can I get some love too?” Kenyon moved up beside me, lowered his head and kissed me passionately on the mouth. I returned the kiss, then pulled back feeling guilty. While Rudy raced off to find his toys, Kenyon and I took a seat on the couch. He draped an arm around me, but I moved to the other end of the couch.

“We need to talk.”

I saw the uncertainty in his eyes. Kenyon was such a good man. He didn't deserve to be caught up in the middle of my mess. “What's wrong?” he asked.

I rose from the couch, needing a little space between us while I gathered my thoughts. “Donovan and I talked. We really, really talked, and we're gonna try to work our marriage out.”

Kenyon sat there for the longest time, saying nothing, even though I saw the muscle at his jaw twitch.

“I'm really sorry.” I didn't know what else to say.

Shaking his head, he finally said, “I can't believe this. I thought the weekend was supposed to be about finding closure.”

“Kenyon, it was, but when I saw him, I realized I still have feelings for my husband.”

“You have feelings for me!”

“I do…but not the same feelings I…I have for him.”

“Baby, we're good together.” He was pleading with his eyes.

Lowering my eyelids, I shook my head. “It doesn't matter how good we are together. I need to do this. If I don't, I'm always gonna wonder what if. Please understand.”

Kenyon was quiet for a long time. “Okay, I understand. You need to see, otherwise, you'll always wonder. I'm okay with that as long as I'm still in your life. If I have to be second for a while, then I can deal with that.”

Oh, God. Did he really think I was going to keep him on the side? “Kenyon, there can't be any
us,
because if there is I'm not giving my marriage a real try.”

He leaned back and pouted, crossing his arms at his chest. “So you're saying we can't see each other anymore?”

What part of that did he not understand? Rising from the couch, I shook my head. “Kenyon, I can't be emotionally involved with two men.”

He rose and moved over and stood in front of me. I inhaled and wasn't sure what I was going to miss most. His smile or his smell.

“I love you,” he said.

“And I love you, but I love my husband more. Please understand.”

Completely ignoring what I said, Kenyon lowered his head and brought his lips to mine, and we started kissing. I loved the way he made me feel, but I owed it to Donovan to give our marriage a serious try.

“You know he can't make you feel as good as I can,” he whispered against my lips, and ground his hips against mine for emphasis. “Let me make love to you.”

Oh, how easy it would have been to have let him carry me off to my bedroom and make love to me, but I couldn't have done that no matter how wet he was making my panties. I pushed him away. “Kenyon, I can't.”

He stood there shaking his head as if I was making the biggest mistake, and part of me felt I was. What if things didn't work out this time with me and Donovan?

“I thought your husband was just home for ten days?”

“He is. Donovan doesn't officially get back in the states until June.”

A lightbulb must have went off in his head, because Kenyon's lips curled upward into this weird smile. “You know what? I'm not going nowhere. Wait! Let me finish. What I'm saying is…I'll be right here when you're ready. Think about it, Nikki. Until your husband gets home you'll need someone to come over and handle his business, and when you do, you let me know.” He turned on his heel and headed toward the door. Rudy came running after him and jumped on his leg. Kenyon stopped, turned and looked at me for the longest time, and my skin began to crawl.

“See, even Rudy knows who daddy is.” He gave me a silly grin. “Call me tonight after you get under the covers.”

I stood there long after he had gone out the door.

“Trinette, I think Donovan and I are getting back together.” Joy bubbled in her voice and shone in her eyes.

“That's good.”

Nikki smiled. “I know. We finally realized after all these years we have a serious communication problem in our marriage. We've talked, but we've never
really
talked about us, and then when Mimi died…we just totally shut down. But I think we've finally got it figured out,” she said while eating homemade chips and salsa.

I know I should have been happy for my girl, but it was hard when my own life was in shambles. But it's always been like that, Nikki having all the fucking luck. For some reason things just come naturally for her. She had a man first. She got her degree. She started her own business. Things just happened for her while my ass had to scuffle and scrape to get ahead. That's part of the reason why I act the way I do. When it comes to men, Nikki knew who she wanted and got him, and Donovan stood by her no matter what. The situation with their marriage falling apart was sad, especially for me because I've known the two of them most of my life and they are my family. Knowing they were getting back together, I felt happy and jealous as hell. Why couldn't shit happen like that for me and Leon?

“What about Kenyon?” I asked after our waitress arrived with our margaritas.

Her smile dropped. In all her happiness, she forgot all about that needy mothafucka she'd been screwing.

“Trinette, I told Kenyon it was over and I was gonna save my marriage, but I really think that at the back of his mind he's hoping he'll be able to convince me to keep messing around with him.”

“Can he?” The selfish side of me wanted things between her and Donovan to not be as perfect as it seemed.

Nikki shook her head. “No way. I like Kenyon.” She gave me a painful look. “I even told him I loved him.”

“Love him? Do you?”

She looked me straight in the eyes and didn't blink. “I love him, but I'm not in love with him.” Leaning forward, she rested her elbows on the table and continued. “Kenyon's a good man with a good heart, but he's not strong enough for me. I need someone with a lot more confidence than he has.”

I couldn't help but laugh. “I told you his ass was needy. That's why my girl Brittany wouldn't date his ass. She said just by talking to him over the phone, she was turned off, plus he used to blow up her phone.”

Nikki blew out a heavy breath. “He does the same thing with me. And I can't understand why he's acting so desperate. He's a good-looking man with a good job with a lot going for him, but all he wants is to be with me.”

“Girl, 'cause he's crazy! Crazy men don't know what the word
no
means. He wants you, and nothing is gonna change that except him finding another woman to fill your shoes. Until then you're stuck with his ass.”

She gave me a worried look. “When Donovan gets home I can't have Kenyon still hanging around.”

I shrugged as if it was no big deal. “Then let Donovan handle him.”

She was quiet. “You know how jealous Donovan is. I didn't dare tell him I had been involved with someone.”

Oooh, this was definitely getting good. All I needed was a bowl of popcorn. “What? Ms. Goody Two-Shoes wasn't honest? I can't believe that. Usually guilt gets the best of you.”

“I know, and I feel terrible lying to my husband but I don't want him to think about that while he's all the way in Iraq. If I have to, I'll tell him later.”

“If Kenyon has his way, he's gonna tell him.”

“That's what I'm afraid of. Although deep down I really don't believe he would tell.”

“Girl, I couldn't put anything past a psycho.” I couldn't believe she was taking up for his crazy ass.

“The reason why I say that is because if he tells my husband, he knows he won't have any chance of being with me.”

“Yeah, but with your husband outta the way, he has a chance of wearing you down and finding his way back in your life. He's too scared of losing you. Girl, this is like an episode of
Truth Hurts
.”

She gave a strangled laugh. “Right!”

“Damn…what
real
man acts like that? Doesn't he know begging and acting needy is a turnoff?”

Nikki gave me a defeated look. “I told him, but it doesn't seem to do any good.”

I took a sip before I spoke. “What you need to do is go ahead and put an ex parte on his crazy ass.”

She shook her head. “I don't think it's that serious. I'm sure I'll work everything out pretty soon.”

“Well, you better figure it out, because Donovan is gonna be home in three months and you know good and damn well he don't believe in sharing.”

“I know. We're flying to Vegas for a little quality time together before he goes back over.”

“That's nice.”

“I've already asked Annette to cover for me at the station, and I'll get Karen to run the store. I'm hoping with me gone for four days Kenyon will start to realize it's really over between us.”

“Let's hope so, but I'm not putting too much into that idea. Men like him don't know what
it's over
means. This is one time when you can't be nice.” I reached for a chip and dipped it in salsa.

“Is that a new bracelet?” Nikki asked.

I smiled and held out my wrist so she could take a closer look at the diamonds and rubies. “Yep. Michael gave it to me.”

Nikki pursed her lips to prevent from saying what she really wanted to say. “Have you heard from Leon?”

“Nope.” I tried to act like it didn't bother me he hadn't called, but it hurt. I still couldn't get that morning out of my head. His walking out on me still hurt.

She gave me a sympathetic look. The last thing I wanted was her sympathy. “I thought he would have at least called you by now.”

“So did I.” I brought the napkin to my mouth. “But I guess he's occupied.” I knew I sounded bitter. My husband spoiled me for years, and just the thought of him doing all the things he's done for some other woman bothered me.

“Have you thought about at least calling him?” Nikki asked between sips.

I rolled my eyes and looked at my best friend as if she lost her mind. “You know me better than that.”

She took a moment, and I could tell she was choosing her words carefully. “Trinette, I don't know how to say this except to say you need to start looking at yourself.”

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“It means you've taken Leon for granted for years. Nothing he did was ever good enough. The man made sacrifices and tried for years to do things your way, but at some point you have to be willing to give up something as well or the marriage will never work.”

“For years I had things taken from me. So now I'm not willing to give up shit.”

Nikki gave me a sad look. She knew what I was talking about. There was no need for me to spell it out.

“Trinette, you can't let the past dictate the future. I made that mistake with Donovan and I almost lost him. I know your husband loves you. Regardless if he's found someone else, the two of you have too many years together, and I am ninety-five percent certain he would give you another chance if you asked him.”

“That five percent is the reason why I'm not willing to put myself out there.”

“You need to finally be honest with your husband. Tell him how you feel. Share with him your past so together you can have a future.”

My cell phone rang, and I was glad. Nikki was crazy if she thought I was about to have my husband all in my business and feeling sorry for me. The last thing I wanted was for him or any man to think Ms. Netta is weak.

“Hello.”

“Hey, sexy. I need to see you.”

I could tell by the desperation in his voice that
seeing
me was the last thing on his mind. He was more interested in having a piece of me. But for the first time, the thought of spending the evening with my legs up in the air made me sick to my stomach. Unfortunately, I was on a mission. “I've got a busy schedule today and time is money,” I heard myself say.

“Whatever you need, I got you.”

I knew he would agree. “I'll meet you in an hour at the condo.” I put my phone down, reached for my drink and took a sip.

“Who was that?”

Damn, she was nosy. “That was Michael.”

She tsked me. “Don't you ever feel guilty messing around with someone else's husband?”

Oh, no, she wasn't trying to go there with me. “Some ho in Richmond didn't feel guilty messing around with mine! I figure if she was doing her job then there would be no need for women like me.”

“I guess that's what happened with you and Leon…. You weren't doing your job.” Nikki rolled her eyes, then took a sip of her drink.

I sipped my margarita and stared at her through lowered lids. “Puhleeze, I could get Leon back tomorrow if I wanted him.”

“Prove it.”

I pointed a French manicured nail in her direction. “I'm not one of your listeners on the radio, so quit trying to analyze me. What you need to be doing is worrying about your own marriage and getting rid of that psycho before he fucks up everything.” I reached inside my purse and tossed a twenty on the table. “Look…I gotta date. I'll holla at you when you get back.” I turned and walked to the ladies' room before she had a chance to comment. Some days Nikki pissed me off. How dare she judge my actions? My husband left me and yet she wants me to beg his ass to take me back. Nikki had known me long enough to know I don't beg nobody.

I moved into the stall and pulled out a vaginal wipe I always kept in my purse for just such emergencies. I needed to make sure I was fresh. On the way out, I checked my face and reapplied my lipstick, then forced a smile. It wasn't at all how I was feeling, but I was going to be a few hundred dollars richer by the end of the evening, and that was enough to make any sistah smile.

As I moved through the restaurant I noticed someone at the bar staring at me. Ugh! Cory's big-headed ass. He waved, but I rolled my eyes and headed out the door. The last thing I wanted to do was to make him think I was still interested. The only thing that had my attention was money.