Complete Plays, The (104 page)

Achilles

Thou must be my ambassador to him, Thersites.

Thersites

Who, I? why, he’ll answer nobody; he professes not answering: speaking is for beggars; he wears his tongue in’s arms. I will put on his presence: let Patroclus make demands to me, you shall see the pageant of Ajax.

Achilles

To him, Patroclus; tell him I humbly desire the valiant Ajax to invite the most valorous Hector to come unarmed to my tent, and to procure safe-conduct for his person of the magnanimous and most illustrious six-or-seven-times-honoured captain-general of the Grecian army, Agamemnon, et cetera. Do this.

Patroclus

Jove bless great Ajax!

Thersites

Hum!

Patroclus

I come from the worthy Achilles,—

Thersites

Ha!

Patroclus

Who most humbly desires you to invite Hector to his tent,—

Thersites

Hum!

Patroclus

And to procure safe-conduct from Agamemnon.

Thersites

Agamemnon!

Patroclus

Ay, my lord.

Thersites

Ha!

Patroclus

What say you to’t?

Thersites

God b’ wi’ you, with all my heart.

Patroclus

Your answer, sir.

Thersites

If to-morrow be a fair day, by eleven o’clock it will go one way or other: howsoever, he shall pay for me ere he has me.

Patroclus

Your answer, sir.

Thersites

Fare you well, with all my heart.

Achilles

Why, but he is not in this tune, is he?

Thersites

No, but he’s out o’ tune thus. What music will be in him when Hector has knocked out his brains, I know not; but, I am sure, none, unless the fiddler Apollo get his sinews to make catlings on.

Achilles

Come, thou shalt bear a letter to him straight.

Thersites

Let me bear another to his horse; for that’s the more capable creature.

Achilles

My mind is troubled, like a fountain stirr’d;
And I myself see not the bottom of it.

Exeunt Achilles and Patroclus

Thersites

Would the fountain of your mind were clear again, that I might water an ass at it! I had rather be a tick in a sheep than such a valiant ignorance.

Exit

A
CT
IV

S
CENE
I. T
ROY
. A
STREET
.

Enter, from one side, Aeneas, and Servant with a torch; from the other, Paris, Deiphobus, Antenor, Diomedes, and others, with torches

Paris

See, ho! who is that there?

Deiphobus

It is the Lord Aeneas.

Aeneas

Is the prince there in person?
Had I so good occasion to lie long
As you, prince Paris, nothing but heavenly business
Should rob my bed-mate of my company.

Diomedes

That’s my mind too. Good morrow, Lord Aeneas.

Paris

A valiant Greek, Aeneas,— take his hand,—
Witness the process of your speech, wherein
You told how Diomed, a whole week by days,
Did haunt you in the field.

Aeneas

Health to you, valiant sir,
During all question of the gentle truce;
But when I meet you arm’d, as black defiance
As heart can think or courage execute.

Diomedes

The one and other Diomed embraces.
Our bloods are now in calm; and, so long, health!
But when contention and occasion meet,
By Jove, I’ll play the hunter for thy life
With all my force, pursuit and policy.

Aeneas

And thou shalt hunt a lion, that will fly
With his face backward. In humane gentleness,
Welcome to Troy! now, by Anchises’ life,
Welcome, indeed! By Venus’ hand I swear,
No man alive can love in such a sort
The thing he means to kill more excellently.

Diomedes

We sympathize: Jove, let Aeneas live,
If to my sword his fate be not the glory,
A thousand complete courses of the sun!
But, in mine emulous honour, let him die,
With every joint a wound, and that to-morrow!

Aeneas

We know each other well.

Diomedes

We do; and long to know each other worse.

Paris

This is the most despiteful gentle greeting,
The noblest hateful love, that e’er I heard of.
What business, lord, so early?

Aeneas

I was sent for to the king; but why, I know not.

Paris

His purpose meets you: ’twas to bring this Greek
To Calchas’ house, and there to render him,
For the enfreed Antenor, the fair Cressid:
Let’s have your company, or, if you please,
Haste there before us: I constantly do think —
Or rather, call my thought a certain knowledge —
My brother Troilus lodges there to-night:
Rouse him and give him note of our approach.
With the whole quality wherefore: I fear
We shall be much unwelcome.

Aeneas

That I assure you:
Troilus had rather Troy were borne to Greece
Than Cressid borne from Troy.

Paris

There is no help;
The bitter disposition of the time
Will have it so. On, lord; we’ll follow you.

Aeneas

Good morrow, all.

Exit with Servant

Paris

And tell me, noble Diomed, faith, tell me true,
Even in the soul of sound good-fellowship,
Who, in your thoughts, merits fair Helen best,
Myself or Menelaus?

Diomedes

Both alike:
He merits well to have her, that doth seek her,
Not making any scruple of her soilure,
With such a hell of pain and world of charge,
And you as well to keep her, that defend her,
Not palating the taste of her dishonour,
With such a costly loss of wealth and friends:
He, like a puling cuckold, would drink up
The lees and dregs of a flat tamed piece;
You, like a lecher, out of whorish loins
Are pleased to breed out your inheritors:
Both merits poised, each weighs nor less nor more;
But he as he, the heavier for a whore.

Paris

You are too bitter to your countrywoman.

Diomedes

She’s bitter to her country: hear me, Paris:
For every false drop in her bawdy veins
A Grecian’s life hath sunk; for every scruple
Of her contaminated carrion weight,
A Trojan hath been slain: since she could speak,
She hath not given so many good words breath
As for her Greeks and Trojans suffer’d death.

Paris

Fair Diomed, you do as chapmen do,
Dispraise the thing that you desire to buy:
But we in silence hold this virtue well,
We’ll but commend what we intend to sell.
Here lies our way.

Exeunt

S
CENE
II. T
HE
SAME
. C
OURT
OF
P
ANDARUS
’
HOUSE
.

Enter Troilus and Cressida

Troilus

Dear, trouble not yourself: the morn is cold.

Cressida

Then, sweet my lord, I’ll call mine uncle down;
He shall unbolt the gates.

Troilus

Trouble him not;
To bed, to bed: sleep kill those pretty eyes,
And give as soft attachment to thy senses
As infants’ empty of all thought!

Cressida

Good morrow, then.

Troilus

I prithee now, to bed.

Cressida

Are you a-weary of me?

Troilus

O Cressida! but that the busy day,
Waked by the lark, hath roused the ribald crows,
And dreaming night will hide our joys no longer,
I would not from thee.

Cressida

Night hath been too brief.

Troilus

Beshrew the witch! with venomous wights she stays
As tediously as hell, but flies the grasps of love
With wings more momentary-swift than thought.
You will catch cold, and curse me.

Cressida

Prithee, tarry:
You men will never tarry.
O foolish Cressid! I might have still held off,
And then you would have tarried. Hark!
there’s one up.

Pandarus

[Within]
 
What, ’s all the doors open here?

Troilus

It is your uncle.

Cressida

A pestilence on him! now will he be mocking:
I shall have such a life!

Enter Pandarus

Pandarus

How now, how now! how go maidenheads? Here, you maid! where’s my cousin Cressid?

Cressida

Go hang yourself, you naughty mocking uncle!
You bring me to do, and then you flout me too.

Pandarus

To do what? to do what? let her say what: what have I brought you to do?

Cressida

Come, come, beshrew your heart! you’ll ne’er be good,
Nor suffer others.

Pandarus

Ha! ha! Alas, poor wretch! ah, poor capocchia! hast not slept to-night? would he not, a naughty man, let it sleep? a bugbear take him!

Cressida

Did not I tell you? Would he were knock’d i’ the head!

Knocking within

Who’s that at door? good uncle, go and see.
My lord, come you again into my chamber:
You smile and mock me, as if I meant naughtily.

Troilus

Ha, ha!

Cressida

Come, you are deceived, I think of no such thing.

Knocking within

How earnestly they knock! Pray you, come in:
I would not for half Troy have you seen here.

Exeunt Troilus and Cressida

Pandarus

Who’s there? what’s the matter? will you beat down the door? How now! what’s the matter?

Enter Aeneas

Aeneas

Good morrow, lord, good morrow.

Pandarus

Who’s there? my Lord Aeneas! By my troth,
I knew you not: what news with you so early?

Aeneas

Is not Prince Troilus here?

Pandarus

Here! what should he do here?

Aeneas

Come, he is here, my lord; do not deny him:
It doth import him much to speak with me.

Pandarus

Is he here, say you? ’tis more than I know, I’ll be sworn: for my own part, I came in late. What should he do here?

Aeneas

Who!— nay, then: come, come, you’ll do him wrong ere you’re ware: you’ll be so true to him, to be false to him: do not you know of him, but yet go fetch him hither; go.

Re-enter Troilus

Troilus

How now! what’s the matter?

Aeneas

My lord, I scarce have leisure to salute you,
My matter is so rash: there is at hand
Paris your brother, and Deiphobus,
The Grecian Diomed, and our Antenor
Deliver’d to us; and for him forthwith,
Ere the first sacrifice, within this hour,
We must give up to Diomedes’ hand
The Lady Cressida.

Troilus

 
Is it so concluded?

Aeneas

By Priam and the general state of Troy:
They are at hand and ready to effect it.

Troilus

How my achievements mock me!
I will go meet them: and, my Lord Aeneas,
We met by chance; you did not find me here.

Aeneas

Good, good, my lord; the secrets of nature
Have not more gift in taciturnity.

Exeunt Troilus and Aeneas

Pandarus

Is’t possible? no sooner got but lost? The devil take Antenor! the young prince will go mad: a plague upon Antenor! I would they had broke ’s neck!

Re-enter Cressida

Cressida

How now! what’s the matter? who was here?

Pandarus

Ah, ah!

Cressida

Why sigh you so profoundly? where’s my lord? gone!
Tell me, sweet uncle, what’s the matter?

Pandarus

Would I were as deep under the earth as I am above!

Cressida

O the gods! what’s the matter?

Pandarus

Prithee, get thee in: would thou hadst ne’er been born! I knew thou wouldst be his death. O, poor gentleman! A plague upon Antenor!

Cressida

Good uncle, I beseech you, on my knees! beseech you, what’s the matter?

Pandarus

Thou must be gone, wench, thou must be gone; thou art changed for Antenor: thou must to thy father, and be gone from Troilus: ’twill be his death; ’twill be his bane; he cannot bear it.

Cressida

O you immortal gods! I will not go.

Pandarus

Thou must.

Cressida

I will not, uncle: I have forgot my father;
I know no touch of consanguinity;
No kin no love, no blood, no soul so near me
As the sweet Troilus. O you gods divine!
Make Cressid’s name the very crown of falsehood,
If ever she leave Troilus! Time, force, and death,
Do to this body what extremes you can;
But the strong base and building of my love
Is as the very centre of the earth,
Drawing all things to it. I’ll go in and weep,—

Pandarus

Do, do.

Cressida

Tear my bright hair and scratch my praised cheeks,
Crack my clear voice with sobs and break my heart
With sounding Troilus. I will not go from Troy.

Exeunt

S
CENE
III. T
HE
SAME
. S
TREET
BEFORE
P
ANDARUS
’
HOUSE
.