Clouded Innocence (16 page)

Afterwards, I laid there, head resting against Conner's bare chest. His heartbeat was heavy against my ear.

“What are you thinking?” he whispered, running his fingers up my arm. I shrugged. He kissed the top of my head. “Tell me, please.”

I sighed, “I am thinking about how much I am enjoying lying here with you.” 

He was quiet for a moment then I felt his body stiffen under me. “What happened with Madison?” he asked and I had known he eventually would. I just wished we could have basked in our bubble a little longer before he asked the one question that jerked us back to our impending reality.

I nuzzled his chest like I could not get close enough to him. “She understands now. I do not think she will be bothering you anymore though.” I could not help but smiling, because I was glad she would finally leave Conner alone.

“I think that was more of an issue for you than it was for me.” I looked up at him smiling back at me.
 

My smile faded when I remembered how he was when I walked into his room. “Are we alright Conner? I know this is not easy for you.”
 

“I love you Francesca,” he sighed. “I know we should have never let it get this far. I also know when we found out about Nicholas that we both should have walked away, then.” He was right, of course. Tears started streaming down my face again. “I just can't stop Francesca. I do not know how to walk away from you.” He leaned down, pressing his lips to mine, causing my body to stir for him once again.

* * *

The next day, Nicholas came to call on me. The tension was overpowering it could be cut with a knife. I did not know what to say to him after him seeing me kiss Conner, but I knew that I needed to do something before my father found out.
 

“Can we take a walk?” I asked.
 

“Of course.”

I still did not know what to say as we were making our way around the back of the house. A warm breeze blew through the trees. It swept around me easing the July heat for a moment, when Nicholas broke our silence. 

“Francesca, if this is about yesterday...” he asked.

I sighed. “It is.” 

“I understand, but it is not necessary.”
 

“Please Nicholas, I just...”
 

“Francesca,” he said cutting me off. “I understand alright. You are not mine.”
 

I looked up to the second story porch. I saw Conner and Steven outside talking casually. Conner was leaning against the rail, his arms crossed over his chest. Nicholas was right. I was not his. Even if I married him, I would never be his.

“Not yet. Nothing has been made official,” he said 

“Nicholas, it is just...”
 

“I will not say anything, if that is what you are worried about,” he claimed. I nodded, having to take him at his word. I hoped he did understand. He knew how bad it would be if my father found out. I was not sure if he understood my feeling for Conner, but the important part was that he would keep my secret.
 

We made our way around the house. Shortly after, he departed. I think he was more bothered than he let on, but I had no words to comfort him. My heart did not belong to him. It was Conner's. Always.

* * *

“What did he say?” Conner asked, startling me. I had been sitting on the front porch lost in my thoughts.
 

I took in a deep breath then let it out. “He says he will not say anything.”
 

He took the seat next to me letting out a deep sigh. “Part of me wishes he would have. Maybe it would change the course we are on.”
 

I turned staring at him, but he refused to look at me. Part of me could not believe he had said that and the other completely agreed with him. I leaned in close to Conner, resting my head against his shoulder. “I love you, you know,” I whispered.
 

He wrapped his arm over my shoulder then kissed the top of my head, sweetly. “I know, and you know how much I wish it was enough.”
 

I sat up looking into his eyes. He words hit me like an arrow threw the heart. Seeing the fear on my face, he sighed again. “Do not worry Francesca. I am not going anywhere. It may be masochistic of me but I am not giving up on us. Ever.” He pressed a chaste kiss to my cheek but I grabbed his face bring his lips to my mouth, enjoying the sweet taste of him. The thought of someone catching us, never even occurred.
 And if they did, I was not sure I cared anymore.

Chapter
20

Falling Ill

The next day Nicholas did not come to call on me, which I was grateful for. After the troubles from the past few days, I really wanted some alone time with Conner that did not involve me sneaking in and out of his room. We sadd
le up some horse and decided to go riding. We rode to the area where we had had our first picnic which caused me to reminisce in the memories. The hot sun was beating down hard today. The grass was turning brown from the heat of summer and the lack of rain. Slowing down the horses to a trot, I could hear a slight crunching sound when their hooves met the dry grass. We turned the horses leading them to the other end of the property where the woods began. The trees swayed with a summer breeze blowing through the air. The rustling sound of the leaves was calming but did little to ease the stifling heat. 

The midday sun became a bit too overwhelming for me. So we returned to the stables and opted to go for a walk through the woods instead hoping the trees would block most of the sun.
 

Every time we walked we always went the same direction, toward the pond, so instead we decided to go the opposite way. About five minutes into the woods, I started to get tired. Taking a seat, I rested in Conner's arms.

“I do not know why I am so exhausted today.” I looked in to Conner's eyes. They gleamed wickedly, his mouth pulled into a knowing lopsided smile. He might as well just said, 'I know why you are so tired.' He opened his mouth to say something. “Don't!” I snapped, silencing him. 

He chuckled into my neck, “I was just....”
 

“I know what you were just going to say, Conner. And you would probably be right.”

He leaned farther into me. His breath was warm against my ear as he whispered, “I was just going to say that I enjoyed every single moment of
exhausting
you.” Then he pulled back looking into my brown eyes, “And I know you did too. Multiple times.”

“You are insatiable,” I whispered feeling the warm flush spreading across my face.

At dinner that night, I barely ate. I was just too tired. I did not excuse myself early. I was too afraid I would fall asleep in my own bed. I paced my room that night forcing myself to stay awake. Once all was silent, I tiptoed down the hall into Conner's room. 

“You know, I wondered if you were going to be able to make it here tonight,” he claimed as I climbed into bed with him.
 “You almost fell asleep at dinner.”

“It was not an easy task, to be honest Conner. I had to keep myself standing. I was too afraid if I sat down, even for a moment, I would fall asleep.” I curled into him, his arms wrapping snugly around me, and within seconds I drifted quickly into a peaceful slumber.

* * *

I awoke suddenly. The sun was not even a hint in the sky. Darkness still blanketed the world. Something was off. I just did not feel right. I sat up with a jolt causing my stomach to clench. I realized almost too late that something was definitely not right.
 

I jumped out of bed barely able to make it to the basin that was used for water, before my stomach purged itself

“Francesca?” Conner whispered sleepily.
Oh no, I did not want him to see me like this,
 I thought, as my stomach forced me to heave again. 

Conner hopped out of bed and was instantly by my side. He pulled my hair out of my face and away from what I was expelling out of my mouth. One hand held my hair back while the other gentle rubbed circles on my back. Finally, at what seemed like an eternity, my body calmed.
 

“How are you?” I shook my head at him, all I knew was I did not feel well and I did not have the strength to speak. “Do you still feel sick?” I nodded my head to his question. “All right then. I think it would be best if we finished the night in your room. If you get sick in here it would be a little difficult to explain.” I nodded my head in agreement.

He was right. We might as well be yelling through the house that I slept in here. I started making my way to the door. 

“Hold on. Let me grab some clothes so if I need to, I can make a quick getaway,” he said as he moved throughout the room.
 

“You are coming with me?” I questioned finding my words for the first time since I had gotten sick. Conner had never been in my room, not late at night or even in the light of day. It was so close to my father's room, we had never wanted to risk accidentally being caught.
 

“Francesca, I am not going to leave you alone when you are ill,” he said. I watched him change and my breath caught in my throat. Watching as he removed clothes and put other clothes on.
Oh my
, sick or not his body was certainly something to behold.

“But...”
 I stammered trying to remember what he had said before images of his appealing body invade my thoughts.

“No! I am coming with you and that is final,” he commanded.
 I knew him well enough not to argue with him.

We made our way silently down the hall to my room. I was carrying the basin with me, just in case and not wanting to leave evidence of my overnight stay in Conner’s room. Once in my room, Conner settled me into bed. He grabbed the clean basin from my room and left before I could ask what he was doing, but he was back quickly. He made sure my bowl was next to my side of the bed before settling himself in beside me. He wrapped his arms around me. Sleep pulled me under, like a shark pulling its prey into the deep dark abyss.

* * *

When I awoke again the sun was out. Fear shot through me as I reached over for Conner, only to discover emptiness and cold linens.
 
Oh thank goodness,
I sighed with relief
.
 Mary came in a few moments later carrying breakfast. 

“Here you are, miss. A nice warm breakfast will do you some good,” she mentioned, settling the tray on my lap. The sight of the food along with the smell sent me over the edge. Her eyes met mine and she saw something flash across my face. She pulled the tray away just in time as I was leaning over the side of the bed to find my sick bowl, which thankfully was clean and empty.
 

She left me taking the food with her, which I was only vaguely aware of. Once the food was gone and the smell cleared the air, my stomach slowly calmed.
 

I was settling back into bed when I heard Mary speaking to someone outside my door. I could only hear Mary's voice in broken pieces of the conversation. “... No sir, not a bite... may call the doctor...we will try some broth first...” Then it was quiet.
 

My door cracked open revealing Conner as he stepped in carrying books under his arm.
 

“Hey,” he said with a grin.
 

“Hey yourself,” I responded. “Ugh... I must look a fright,” I groaned trying to fix my hair.
 

“You look beautiful,” he stated, coming to sit on the edge of my bed.

I looked up into his eyes and saw complete honesty. Hair matted to my head, and cold sweat on my face and possible vomit on me, and he thought I was beautiful. 

“I love you,” I said as if realizing it as if for the first time.
 

“I know...” He smiled at me. “I love you too... So much,” he whispered, wiping a piece of hair from my face. I leaned into his touch, craving it.

Just then Mary came back in with a small bowl. She did not seem the least bit surprised by Conner’s presence. 

“All right now. Time to get. We do not need you catching whatever it is she has,” she declared.
 

“She is right, you know,” I said, even though I did not want him to go.
 

He smiled at me. “I will be back to check on you later. I also brought you these to occupy your time because it looks like you are going to be bed bound for the day and we would not want you to get bored.” Conner showed me the books before setting them down on the ground.

“Thank you” 

He leaned over and kissed my forehead, causing my heart to pound. He pulled back, and saw the shocked expression plastered on my face. My eyes darted to Mary and back to him. Without saying a word, he smiled and shook his head before leaving me alone with Mary. She turned to me placing a warm rag on my head. It felt divine.
 

As if sensing my worry, Mary spoke. “I will not say anything, miss. I have known for a while that there was something going on between the two of you.” She paused grabbing the bowl from where she had set it. “That man cares about you deeply. Everyone, but your father, can see that.” My eyes widened at her comment. Seeing my shock, she continued quickly. “Not that people are talking, miss.”
 

She dipped the spoon into the bowl revealing warm broth.
 

“He found me this morning letting me know you were ill. I told your father that I was the one who discovered you, in case he asks.” I sipped on the broth she was giving me. I could feel the warmth spreading through my stomach. It seemed to be calming it.

“Thank you Mary.” 

“Not a problem, miss. Now let’s get a little more of this in you, 'else we will be calling on the doctor.” I nodded in response.

I only managed a few spoonfuls but Mary seemed satisfied with what I had consumed, so she left. I picked up one of the books Conner had brought for me and began thumbing through them not really having the focus to read them. I just finished flipping through my second book when Madison stepped in just as my eyes began to feel heavy. 

“I hear you are ill cousin?” She took a seat on my bed.
 

“Yes, that is what they tell me too. I also hear I might be contagious.” I smiled as I saw Maddy halt in her approach.

“Oh? That part I did not hear,” she whispered to herself. “Is there anything I can do for you?” I could tell by her tone she was just being polite and hoped I did not want anything.

“No, I am just tired. I think I am going to try to get some sleep now.”
 

“Alright, then I will leave you to it.” She disappeared quickly, leaving me alone to rest.

When I awoke again, it was dark. Conner was lying next to me fast asleep. There was a gentle peacefulness to him as he rested. I could not resist the urge so I stroked my hand across his handsome face following his contours needing to touch him. He stirred. His gorgeous blue eyes opened and peered into mine. 

“I missed you today,” I whispered.
 

He chuckled softly. “You did not miss anything Francesca. You slept all day.” I smiled at him. “I checked on you several times, and each time you were fast asleep.” He propped himself up on his side, taking a deep breath he continued. “It reminded me of our first picnic. When you fell asleep and I watched you for hours. You were so beautiful... I think that was when I first realized I was falling in love with you.”
 

A tear fell from my eye. He leaned in and softly kissed my lips. I tangled my hands in his hair trying to deepen it, but he pulled back.
 

“Francesca, I do not think...” I forced my mouth back to his cutting off his words. I moved making him lay back. I broke the connection for a moment to remove my nightgown. I wanted to feel his skin against mine.

“I need you, Conner. Make love to me, here, in my bed.” Not needing any more persuading, Conner sat up and removed his shirt before running his hands down the length of my body. His hands cupped my breasts. His thumbs made small circular motions around my nipples, making them harden. I threw my head back and moaned. His touch caused my desire to stir deep in my core, spreading like a wildfire all through my body. My body exploded before he had even really begun to touch me.

Even after my sudden release, my body became a frenzy of need and desire. Quickly, I straddled myself on top of him, leaning down pressing my chest to his as I kissed his lips then moved to his neck. Conner shifted me as he unfastened his trousers. I reached between us, wrapping my hand around his hardened length guiding him to my hot core then I slid myself down on him slowly, giving myself time to adjust to him as he filled me.
 

His hands rested on my thighs. I grabbed them and moved them intentionally slow up my body to my breasts, where Conner began his rigorous assault. I moved my body up and down on him, hard and fast. I could feel the tension building deep inside of me faster than it normally did, but I held back, wanting to make it last longer.
 

“Let go, Francesca.” As if on command my body exploded shattering into a million pieces. It was even more intense than the first one. A moment later Conner followed, filling me with warmth as my body convulsed around him, milking every ounce of satisfaction from him. Slick with sweat, I collapsed on top of him, panting. He shifted me to lie next to him.

“How are you?” I looked at him his face full of concern. 

I giggled. “I am blissful.”
 

He grinned hugely, giving me a quick kiss, “Good. I am glad. I do not like seeing you ill. It made me feel...powerless.” He ran his hand down my arm. “You should rest.”