Clouded Innocence (15 page)

Two months ago, if someone would have told me that I would be this comfortable with a man, especially Conner, I would have told them they were completely crazy. But there I was not minding the slightest that his eyes danced across my bare body. In fact the more he watched the more aroused I became.

I dropped to my knees and began to undress Conner, slowly removing every article of clothing he wore. He watched me intently the whole time only moving to help slide his clothes from him. Once he was as exposed as I was, I climbed into his lap. Conner’s arms instinctively wrapped around me as I lowered myself onto him until he was completely sheathed in me.

“I will never have my fill of you,” he groaned.

“I know. I want you more and more with each passing day,” I confessed before I started moving my body against his. Conner helped me move lifting me and bringing me down onto him while his mouth caressed and tasted my skin. I tightened around him before crying out in ecstasy followed immediately by Conner. My body milked his until he was completely empty. Then we crashed to the bed, our bodies still connected as we drifted off to a peaceful sleep

At breakfast, Conner played with my hand under the table. Steven eyed us, shaking his head. He seemed to be the only one who knew what we were doing. I adored Conner's touch and I craved it more lately. No matter what my mood, the lightest of his touch always made everything better. And at the moment, I was completely blissful, but it was short lived.

“Francesca,” my father deep voice made me jump. “After breakfast I would like for you to meet me in my study.” I acknowledge him with a single nod. My heart began to pound. I was worried over what he might have to say.

I followed my father, a few minutes later, as he led the way to his study.
 

“Come on in and have a seat.” I did as he instructed. “I wanted to talk to you about this before last night, but I was hoping that after the celebration you might take to the news better.”

“News?” I could feel the hairs on my neck stand up. My nerves were taking over. 

“Mr. Jackson and I have been talking, discussing the future.” Of course they had. “We have decided it is time for you and Nicholas to formally become engaged.”

Every muscle in my body tensed and began to tremble. I knew it had been heading this direction, but I thought perhaps there was a possibility that it would not make it this far. Could this really be happening?

“I hoped after spending time with Nicholas your feelings for the situation would change.” He paused studying my expression, which remained unchanged just like my feeling for Nicholas. “We will begin planning your engagement party where Nicholas will formally ask for your hand. And you will accept,” he demanded, his voice changed sternly in his last sentence.

“And what if I do not?” I whispered. I knew it was wrong to test my father's patience, but I was angry. I did not want to do this engagement.

His face began to redden. It looked for a moment like his head would burst. I briefly regretted my comment, but then I reminded myself what he was forcing me into.

“You would not want to embarrass your family like that, would you Francesca.” He spoke through his teeth. “I understand your feelings are less than ideal over the situation, but I believe Nicholas will make you a fine husband.”

“And what if he does not? What if I never love me him, father? What then?” I rambled. I could hear the hysterics in my voice.

“Enough Francesca!” He commanded. “Your mother and I had an arranged marriage as well. As much as I love your stepmother, nothing I feel compares to what I felt...still feel for your mother. That's how I know you will be happy.”

I froze in shock. I never knew that my parent's marriage had been arranged.

“I do not know when Mr. Jackson will talk to Nicholas, but for the time being, keep the news to yourself.”

Around lunchtime, Nicholas came to call on me. He had been stopping by every few days. I am sure my father had asked him to. He had been determined to settle my indifference for Nicholas by forcing us together as much as possible, even though after our conversation that morning he knew nothing had changed for me.

We sat on the second story porch for a little change in scenery. You could see most of the property from up there. I did my best not to think about our pending engagement, but the more I tried not to think about it the more it drifted to the front of my mind. The most prominent thought was how was I supposed to tell Conner? He already knew that Nicholas and I had been heading in this direction just as much as I had. 

Nicholas was saying something about what a marvelous time he had had the night before, when I caught sight of Conner and Madison. They were walking. Conner must have said something funny because Madison threw her head back and was laughing hysterically. What were they doing? I could feel the rage and jealousy building inside of me.
 

“Francesca?” Nicholas’s voice broke the haze I was under. His eye traveled in the direction mine had just been glaring. “Are you well? You are squeezing the arm of the chair so tight your knuckles are turning white?” I looked down. Sure enough they were. I quickly released the hold I had.
 

“I am fine,” I said before letting my eye rest back on Conner and Madison. They were still walking. Madison kept running her fingers up his arm. Why could she not just back off?

Nicholas sighed beside me, “I think it would be best if I call on you some other time.” 

“Let me walk you down.” He nodded and seemed slightly disappointed that I did not argue about his departure, but I wanted to know what was going on. Walking him down would give me a chance to see what Madison was up to.

I walked Nicholas down to the stable and waved him good bye. Then I made my way over to where Conner and Madison were standing. 

“So... what is going on?” I asked casually.
 

“Nothing, Conner was just telling me a little joke. He is so funny, did you know?” she said through her laugh.
 

“Yeah, he is a real hoot,” I mumbled. “Um… Madison, Lilly asked for your help inside.”
 

“Did she say what for?” She looked really disappointed. Part of me was glad.

“Something about not being able to pick the right outfit for something.” I knew Madison could not miss a chance to force her sense of style on someone else. Poor Lilly would have to deal with Maddy.

“Oh! Well then I better go help her. See you later Conner.” She turned and left. I looked over and saw Conner laughing.
 

“What is so funny?” I said snidely.
 

“You,” he laughed again. I furrowed my brow together, so he continued. “You were jealous. You and I both know Lilly did not need her help. You just wanted to get her away from me.” I hated that he knew me so well. My eyes darted to the ground not really sure what to do. “I have told you before Francesca. There is only you for me. Madison can never offer me anything that would have me change my mind.” He ran his fingers down my face before pulling me into a soft kiss.

“Conner, I think we should talk about something.”

He nodded, “About your conversation with your father this morning?” I nodded and he sighed. “There is no need too, my love.”

“Please? I know it is hard for you, but I really need to talk about it with someone,” I begged.

“Alright,” he conceded but I could hear in his tone he still did not want to.

Not knowing when Madison would finish with Lilly, probably not long considering Lilly did not really need Maddy's assistance, we did not want to head off into the woods. It would look suspicious if she saw us sneaking out, but I would also be inconvenient for her to interrupt us while we were talking. I normally loved when Maddy visited but this summer had just not been as enjoyable as her previous visits. With my arm hooked with Conner, he escorted me around the property, heading behind the house where it would be empty and would also not look suspicious if Maddy saw us.

“When?” Conner asked interrupting our silence. I should have known he would know exactly what my father wanted this morning.

“I am not sure. He did not say. Only that he's preparing for the announcement and the celebration.”

Conner stopped, stepping away from me, he ran his hands through his hair. I could see he was aggravated.
 

“So... Nicholas is going to ask you when?” He grumbled.

“At the party,” I mumbled. I did not know why but I could not look at him while we talked about this. Out the corner of my eye I could see him pacing. After a few moments, Conner did not say anything, but I could not continue to let him pace. I stepped up into his path, throwing my arms around him. He tensed for a moment then wrapped his arms around my waist, burying his head in the crevice of my neck. I could feel him breathing in my scent. His hands slid up my back, tangling in my hair. Before I knew it, his lips were pressed against mine. Not chaste. His tongue slipped past my lips gliding against mine. My mind emptied, forgetting that we were standing out in the open where anyone could see us and forgetting about my forced engagement. I was lost in the moment with Conner.

He pulled back panting. “I need you right now, Francesca. I do not think I can wait until tonight.”

I nodded. I wanted to be with him too. I wanted him to help me forget everything. Conner grabbed my hand hastily pulling me towards the woods. He did not look around. He had his course set and I did not think anything was going to stop him from completing it. We barely made it through the clearing, before Conner spun around, his mouth crashing on mine. His fingers busied themselves with the ties on my dress. He slid it down over my shoulder. It pooled around my feet. Desire coursing through me. I wanted him. Quickly, he ripped his shirt off over his head while I hurried to remove his trousers. We stood in front of each other completely raw and in need of the other. Conner's hand ran up my back coaxing me. His lips fell against my skin. 

“God, you are so beautiful.” His warm breath sent chills down my spine. His mouth moved to my breast, pulling its peak between his lips. I refused to hold back and gave myself over to the pleasure. My head fell back as a moan escaped my throat. Conner lifted me into his arms before laying me on the ground beneath him.
 

“I cannot wait anymore Francesca. Please tell me you are ready for me,” he whispered. I nodded knowing my body would welcome his with little effort. Settling between my thigh, Conner slid into me effortlessly.

“Oh god!” I cried out. Just the feel of him entering me pushed me over the edge.

Conner thrust himself into me, vigorously. And I could feel the pleasure begin to rise again. With how aroused I already was it did not take me long before I was coming apart around him. Conner followed immediately filling me with his release.

Conner's head rested against my chest. I ran my fingers through his hair, which was slightly damp from his effort. He lifted himself off slightly, his blue eyes staring at me. 

“I love you Francesca.”

“I love you too Conner.” My brow furrowed

He paused, searching for his words. “I do not...want...to lose you Francesca.”

“I do not want to lose you either Conner. Ever.”

Conner smiled, but it did not reach his eyes. I cupped his face between my palms, tugged him to my lips. Our kiss grew. Soon I was rolling Conner over, placing myself on top of him. Our bodies still connected, I rocked against him, bringing us both to another joint release.

We laid there in a tranquil state, neither of us wanting to move, but as the time passed I knew the risk of us being discovered would grow. How long would both of us have to be missing before suspicion would bloom?

“We have been gone for a while,” I whispered as I was lying across Conner's chest. His arm ran up and down my spine. I felt him nod. “But I do not want to go,” I continued.

“Me neither,” he kissed my hair, “but we should.”

With a groan, I reluctantly rolled off him. Conner helped me dress, which was sweet.

“You are still going to come to me tonight?” Conner asked as we made our way out of the woods. 

I stopped, turning to face him. “Of course.”

Conner covered my lips with his. “I love you.” Then pulled me the rest of the way thought the trees. My heart started to race. I could see someone waiting for us on the porch. I sighed in relief when I saw it was Steven.

“We have been sitting out here the whole time,” Steven said in a rush. I was just about to ask what he was talking about, when Madison burst through the door in a frenzy. Conner dropped my hand immediately.

“Conner, there you are. I have been looking for you everywhere. Where were you?”

Conner looked to Steven, who widened his eyes, then spoke, “I have been here the whole time.”

I did my best to stifle my giggle. 

Chapter
19

Busted Again

That night, Conner and I were in his bed. His mouth moved along my skin leaving soft, wet kisses down the pulse of my neck. His hands were slowly sliding my nightgown up my body causing my body to quiver, when there was a knock at his door. We both stopped dead then slowly turned our heads toward the door almost like we were afraid the person on the other side could hear or see the slight movements of our bodies. Silence swirled around us. Again, there was a light knock.
 

“Stay here and cover up,” he commanded in a hushed voice.

I did not know how that was going to keep me safe, but not wanting to argue, which could alert whoever was on the other side of the door to my presences, I did as he asked. The mattress shifted as I felt him ease off of the bed. I had thrown his shirt somewhere across the floor only moments ago. I peeked through the covers just as he found it, slipping it back on covering his bare chest then he made his way to the door. It was dark so I did hope whoever it was did not notice the human size lump in his bed. 

“It is late. What are you doing here?” he questioned the person. His voice was hard and stern.

“I needed to talk to you Conner. Do you mind if I come in?” I knew the voice. Conner’s late night visitor was Madison. 

“No, Madison. I do not think that is a good idea,” he insisted.
 

“Conner… I…” she sighed heavily, “I cannot hide my feelings for you anymore. I...”
 
Like she had ever hid the
m
,
 
I thought to myself.

“Madison,” he huffed cutting her off. “I appreciate your feelings, I do, but I do not share them,” he let out a deep breath. “I am sorry, but nothing will ever happen between us.”
 

“Conner... You can not mean that.” I could hear the sadness in her voice.

“I do, Madison. I am very sorry if I led you to think otherwise,” he said shutting and locking the door behind him. 

I waited until I felt his weight back on the bed before I removed the covers from my head.
 

“Conner,” I sighed, “I know her. Unless you are forceful with her, she will never take the hint.”
 

“I know that. I just wish you had been wrong about her feeling for me.” He shook his head, his face contoured with discomfort. “If she had waited a little longer before her visit she might have heard us and that could have been a little difficult to explain.”
 

I sat up on my knees and scooted towards his back. I ran my fingers up and down his skin under his shirt.
 

“Do you want to just go to sleep?” I asked. His face turned to me, eyes blazing with yearning.
 

“Do you?” He spouted back.

I giggled. “No. But I will if you want to.” 

“Well, I would hate for you to go wanting.” He turned pressing his body and lips to mine. I was consumed by him for the rest of the night.

* * *

After breakfast, I needed some quiet time. With Madison's confession to Conner the previous evening, I was having a hard time being around her. I felt that if I looked at her a certain way, she would see the pity in my face and know that I knew about her admission. So I decided to go down to the stable to brush out Sophie. It had been awhile since I had done such a simple task like brushing her. I had been too engrossed with Conner, Madison, and Nicholas, and Sophie was suffering the consequences. We had a stable boy, but I enjoyed doing the task whenever I could. It was calming and peaceful for both Sophie and I. Her brown coat looked shiny as I swept the brush down her body.
 

A smile tugged at my mouth as I felt Conner's presences. It was odd. I did not have to see him but I could feel his eyes on me. “You mind if I join you?” I turned catching sight of Conner leaning against the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest. I always seemed to forget how attractive he was until he was in front of me. The sight of him made my breath catch in my throat.

“Not at all,” I grinned, shaking my head. “Come on in.” 

He pushed himself away from the frame, making his way toward me. “You know, stables and you seem to be some of my favorite memories.” I felt my cheeks blush, remembering the night of the Independence Day celebration. Conner chuckled, a soft, deep laugh that sent chills down my spine. “What is on your mind, beautiful?” He reached down picking up a brush to help with Sophie.
 

“You,” I complained, teasingly.
 

“Me? What about me?” He leaned in close whispering to my ear. The warmth of his breath was so comforting against my skin.

I sighed, “I was thinking about how much I love you.” 

“You love me?” He spoke against my neck while nuzzling it.
  

“Yes. So much,” I breathed.

Conner placed his hand on my hip and slowly spun me to face him. I threw my arms around his neck, bringing his mouth to mine. He wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me close. Our lips molded together just as our bodies pressed together igniting the passion deep within me. His hand slipped into my hair clutching me hard, enhancing the power his lips had on me as his other hand slid down grasping my backside. Our tongues mingled together. Tasting, teasing one another. Conner groaned against my mouth causing desire to spread like wildfire through my system. 

“Francesca?”
 

Freezing cold water felt like it had been shot through my veins. The warm lust that had been spreading through my body was quickly replaced by the ice cold chill of fear. I had been so immersed with Conner that I had not heard anyone approach. Startled, we both turned towards the door, where Nicholas and Madison were both standing. Madison turned immediately running away. Anger seeped from Nicholas’s expression.
 We had been careless lately, both of us dropping our guard. Kissing and touching in the open. Yet here we were in the secluded stable where you would be able to hear someone before you saw them and Conner and I had been discovered.

“What
exactly
is going on here?” Nicholas demanded his voice not hiding the anger filled emotions. 

Our arms still wrapped around each other. I turned to look back at Conner. His eyes searched mine before nodding and releasing me. I saw the flicker of pain in his eyes and I wanted, more than anything, to take it away, but we had other pressing issues. I turned back to face Nicholas. I did not have the words to explain. How do you tell the man you are supposed to marry, that you were kissing the man you are in love with?

“Nicholas... I...” 

He did not give me a chance to explain. He ran with a sound emerging from his mouth that was completely unintelligible, almost primal. Lunging himself at Conner, trying to wrap his arms around his torso. Conner side stepped before Nicholas had a grasp on him. Pushing on Nicholas’s back, Conner shoved him into some hay. My hands shot to my mouth, but otherwise I stood there completely frozen, unsure of what I could do. This was my fault. Nicholas looked like he was going to get up and lunge at Conner again.

“Nicholas!” I shouted, breaking his focus.

“I would stay down,” Conner warned.

Nicolas sat there for a moment then stood shaking his head.

“I will call on you some other time,” he spat at me. I could hear the rage in his words. “I have obviously interrupted your plans today.” He glared at Conner, then turned and left. Before I had time to completely absorb the situation I found myself in, I remembered...

“Madison!” I exclaimed, turning to run after her without giving Conner a backwards glance.

Madison had made it to the trees near the woods. She seemed to be paralyzed as I came up on her.
 

“Maddy… I…”

“How could you Francesca?” She spun, cutting off my words. “You knew I liked him.” There it was. Typical Madison.

“God, Maddy! Not everything is about you!” I yelled. I was furious and her comments just added more heat to my anger.

“How can it be about me, when it is always about you?” She spat. “Was it just your way to prove you could have him when I could not?” She shook her head, “You could not just be happy with Nicholas you had to go after Conner as well?” I could not believe she would think that.

“Is that what you think? You think I want Nicholas?” My voice cracked at that point, filled with sorrow that I had forced myself to hide. “You think I want to marry him? I have
no choice
, Madison.” I emphasized the last sentence, while shaking my head at her. She really did not have any idea.

“What are you talking about Francesca?” She snapped, but her anger was dissipating.
 

Tears swelled in my eyes threatening to fall. I sighed, “I love Conner… I have loved him from almost the first moment he stepped off the carriage the day he arrived and there is nothing I can do to be with him.” On queue my tears began to fall. “My father has made a business arrangement with Mr. Jackson that is dependable on my marrying Nicholas. I do not have a choice.” I sobbed. Madison stood there, shocked for a moment. “Conner and I have been in love long before your arrival or father's arrangement.” I said wanting to clarify her earlier comment. She wrapped her arms around me. My sobs overwhelming me and her anger seemed forgotten.

“He loves you too?” I nodded. “Oh god, Francesca, I did not know. Why did you not tell me?” I pulled back, looking into her green eye so full of sincerity.

“Tell you what, Maddy? That I am in love with a man my father will never approve of, because he has nothing to offer me. The same man you yourself have been pining for? How could I tell you that? I am so sorry Maddy, but I also could not risk my father knowing.” I mumbled, wiping the tears running down my face.

“Francesca, your father cannot be mad at you over having affections for someone other than Nicholas. You cannot control who you have feelings for.” I froze with fear. She thought it was just harmless infatuation. She caught on to my demeanor. “Has something else been going on?” 

I could not answer her, but silence was enough of a conformation. My eyes drifted to the ground. I could not bear to look at her as she figured out that my relationship with Conner had been less than proper. She let out a deep knowing breath. “You have been intimate,” she stated so I choose not to answer. “How long has it been going on?”
 

“A while,” I sighed.

“The morning I caught you outside your room?” She asked and I nodded. “Those times when I could not find either of you anywhere?”

I sighed. “Not exactly, but yes.”
 

“Oh Francesca,” she wrapped her arms around me again. “And here I was trying to capture his attentions. You must have hated me.”
 

I laughed awkwardly at her remark. True, I had hated her but I was not about to tell her that especially when I finally had someone to talk to. I was not going to risk that.

Once Maddy helped me dry my tears, we had a long talk, just like we used to when we were children back when we shared everything with each other. I told her everything that had been happening in my triangle relationship, well almost everything. I left out details like the Independence Day celebration and me being in his room when she confessed her feelings to Conner. Well, really I tried not to mention my nightly visits at all. We talked for hours. As the sun was just beginning its nightly dissent, we walked back to the house.

Later that evening after dinner, Conner walked me to my room. I saw Madison down the hall as she was entering her room. She gave me a small reassuring smile, before shutting her door.
 

“Francesca...” I silenced him by pressing my lips to his.
 

“I will come to you soon,” I said before quickly disappearing into my room.

After everything was quiet, I made my way to Conner. Opening his heavy, wooden door, I noticed him sitting up in bed his head resting in his hands. His elbows were on his knees. He looked deep in thought.

“Conner?” I whispered, after I shut the door behind me. He lifted his head. His blue eyes were naked, full of such real pain. Guilt pierced through my heart.
 

“Francesca, I...” he started.
 A sickening feeling filled me and I could hear the pain in his voice that told me I would not like where the conversation was heading.

“No.” I pleaded making my way to him. “I love you, Conner.”
 

“I love you too, but...” His eyes glittered with unshed tears.
 

“No buts.” I spoke while dropping to my knees in front of him, looking straight into his blue gaze. “I love you, nothing else matters. Do you understand? Nothing,” I said kissing him tears rolling down my face. “Nothing,” I kissed him again. I pressed myself to him forcing him back. “I love you, only you.”
 

Our kisses were full of passion and sadness. Both of us with tears running down our faces, hands were slowly examining one another's bodies. When we made love that night, neither of us pushing it faster; we just slowly enjoyed one another.