Choices (20 page)

TWENTY-NINE

Jack drove by the cabin one more time. Paxton was there as the lights were on. He had been driving by every night this week. Seeing the hell that Duke was going through day-in and day-out over the last month was hard. He understood now why Paxton wanted to keep it a secret from Duke. Duke wasn’t coping well now and wouldn’t let anyone near him at the moment, except Jack. Jack was the only steady presence outside of his job, which he barely functioned at. Jack went to Duke’s practices and the fire that Duke usually lit under the boys, was gone. His friend that Jack once knew was gone. Jack found himself wondering how Paxton was doing lately. She had been trying to reach out to him but Jack didn’t know what to say, how to respond to the situation. How was he supposed to choose who to help, his best friend that he was now just getting back on track with or his ex-wife that he was still in love with?

Jack decided he was going to stop tonight. He just passed the house for the third time in the last two hours. He decided to give up his fight and pulled into the driveway. He stepped out of the car cautiously. Each step he took towards the house felt like the right thing but in the back of his mind, he wondered how Duke would react if he found out that he stopped to
see her. He got up to the door and rang the doorbell.

His heart started racing. There was no noise behind the door. Her dog wasn’t barking. He wondered if she was actually home or not. He
waited a few more moments. When no one came he turned to leave.

The door opened as soon as he stepped off the porch. He turned his head and saw Paxton sliding through the open door and shutting it behind her. She was in a pair of his shorts he must have left here and a tank top. She folded her arms in front of her trying to keep the cold out.

“Jack?”

“Yeah,” he turned and went to her.

“What are you doing here? Is Duke okay?”

Jack thought about Duke. He didn’t want to tell her that he was barely surviving. That he went to the gym every day and spends hours with the punching bag. He didn’t want to mention that he was barely sleeping and spends his nights looking at pictures of Ella. “He’s coping.” It wasn’t the whole truth but it answered her question.

“How are you doing?” Her gaze left him as if she were uncomfortable asking the question.

“I’m doing the best I can. Listen, can we go inside and talk?”

Paxton’s eyes darted to him. She was scared, of what he wasn’t sure, but he just wanted to see how she really was doing.

She didn’t say anything but turned and headed into the house. She glanced back, finding Jack was following closely behind her.

***

Paxton led him to the living room. She sat on the couch and faced him on the other end as he sat down himself. She laid her arm on the back of it waiting for him to speak. Lord knows she’s done enough talking of her own. This time she would listen. Her emotions were torn because she was happy that he was here, checking on her, but she had a feeling that Duke was nowhere near coping. She figured he was barely surviving at this point.

“How have you been? How are things at the hospital?”

Paxton didn’t know what to make of the small talk he was putting on the table. She just wanted to curl up against him and try to forget why he came back to Manhattan in the first place. “Things have been busy. I’m seeing Dr. Keeler again. She said you wanted a joint session. She was supposed to call you about it.”

She saw Jack nod. “Yeah, I reached out to her about it. I have gone to see her a couple times just to talk things out with her.”

“You’ve seen her
for sessions?”

Jack nodded. Paxton was surprised by this. Dr. Keeler hadn’t mentioned it to her, then again, doctor/patient confidentiality would have prevented it. Paxton wondered what he went to talk about. “She said you wanted to do a couple joint sessions with me.”

“Yeah, I think we have a few things we need to work out still.” He stretched his arm along the back of the couch. His hand fell on top of hers but he didn’t move it.

“What kind of things?” she asked.

Paxton stared at their hands. She wasn’t sure what he was trying to convey. He scooted a little closer to her and grabbed her hand and held it with both of his.  Paxton looked up and saw Jack staring at the contact between them too. She felt him raise her hand. He placed a gentle kiss on the back of her hand. Shivers went up her spine.

“The fact that I’m still in love with you,” he placed another kiss on her hand. “The fact that I can’t stop thinking about you these past couple of weeks.” He pulled her into him. She heard Jack inhale as he leaned his cheek against hers.

“Jack, I…”

“I love you Paxton, despite everything that has happened, I love you. I never stopped although I thought I did at times.” He pulled back and claimed her lips.

Paxton stilled once again then melted into his kiss. She crawled into his lap. Their movements became fevered. She pulled back and stared at him. The emotions running across his face told her that he wasn’t lying. He wanted her, he loved her. She knew she would give anything to be with him right now, but her thought’s turned to Duke.

“What about Duke? He hates me, you were so angry with me. What if you change your mind?”

“I won’t. As far as Duke goes, well, he’s hurt. He’s grieving for a child he will never hold. I can’t help him but I know you only had good intentions.”

Paxton stayed silent. She wanted Jack more than anything right now but she just couldn’t give herself to him quite yet. Something was holding her back.

“Paxton, I’ve screwed up. I started this whole thing. I should have been there. I should have been the one to help you through this, not Duke. I pushed you right into his arms. I will be indebted to him for the rest of my life because he helped you in ways I didn’t. I understand why you keep running back towards him. I promise you Paxton, I swear that I will never leave you again but I know my word means nothing to you right now. Just please give me this chance. Let me love you.”

Paxton looked across the room. “What if Duke gives you an ultimatum saying it’s him or me? I betrayed him Jack. I cut him to the core with my secret. How can you love me for destroying your best friend’s life?”

“It’s not destroyed. He’ll come around I promise. We will just have to steer clear for a while. Let him calm down.”

“I’m scared Jack, I have never seen him this way.”

“I’ll help him. We’ll get him through this. Together we are stronger. Eventually he will let you back in. He loves you, probably almost as much as I do.”

“I want this, believe me I do, but I don’t want you to lose your best friend because of me.”

“Tiger, we are going to get through this. I’ll even make a deal with Mr. Hades himself to get you back and Duke’s life on track. Let’s just enjoy the time we have tonight. Let’s enjoy each other.”

His words tugged at her heart. She snuggled herself against him. She stared at the fire burning, letting the what-ifs run through her mind. Jack wrapped his arms around her and kissed her head. Maybe he was right. Maybe they were stronger together. They could help Duke, but for right now, she had to put Duke aside. Jack came back to her. She was just going to enjoy what she could of this moment with him. She was finally back in his arms. It was the one place she always wanted to be for the longest time.

THIRTY

The hospital was quiet. Everyone was out of town and Paxton was on her 24-hour rotation. She was in the on-call surgeon’s room. She was tired as she finished the few surgeries she scheduled. The rest of her day was filled with consults and rounds. She rolled to her side trying to get herself comfortable realizing how much she missed Jack. They had been together every chance they could since he stopped by a few weeks ago. He still spent most of his time with Duke and from the lack of information she received, she figured Jack was trying to protect her from the damage she had done. They had gone to see Dr. Keeler a couple times. Those were the sessions they spoke about Duke, although Jack never really said anything about his current condition. Just how he felt things are going and how he felt going between her and Duke all the time.

Her thoughts turned to the sleepless nights when Jack stayed at her house. She never knew when he was coming back over, she was always left with his promises to return as soon as he could. He always came in late at night and left before she got up. Her schedule picked up as some surgeons were going on vacation. Sleepless nights and surgeries the next day seem to take it out of her. The long hours at the hospital alone should let her sleep like a rock but with Jack around, she didn’t want to waste any more time. Her heart had made its choice. She was happy with the little time she got. She didn’t want to pressure Jack into choosing her or Duke. It was because of Duke she was able to finally get him back in her life. She loved Duke but Jack had a hold on her heart that no one else could touch, although Duke came awfully close to it.

Paxton still tried to reach out to Duke, but all her attempts went unanswered. The days she did, Jack never came home. She wasn’t sure what that meant but she was grateful that Duke was still letting Jack in. He shouldn’t be going through this alone. She rolled to hear other side. It seemed like sleep was going to elude her once more. Thoughts of Duke and Jack tormented her at times. She heard her pager go off before she could dwell on everything she did wrong these past couple of years. She took a look at it and knew she was needed at the E.R.

She walked as quickly as her tired legs would carry her. Hopefully this was just for a consult. She rounded the corner and went to the nurses’ station. She didn’t see but a few patients in there.

“Someone paged me?” She asked one of the nurses behind the desk.

“Yes, bed 5 needs you,” she smiled. She handed Paxton a clipboard with the patient’s sheet.

Paxton looked it over. Male, mid-thirties, chest pain, anxiety. Paxton rolled her eyes, why would she need to see this patient. She pulled the curtain back and saw Duke sitting there. Paxton gasped and stared at him.

“Duke-”

“I wanted to say this to your face not over the phone. I know Jack is sneaking off to see you after he thinks I have fallen asleep. He thinks he gets back and I don’t hear him come in. I see you have made your choice, so stop calling me. Stop texting me, stop contacting me all together. In fact, I want you to forget about me. Forget that I gave you my heart. Forget everything about me. I want nothing to do with you. I don’t want you out to see Ella or my baby.” The venom in his voice brought Paxton to tears.

“I can’t do that Duke. You can’t ask me to stay away from Ella, you just can’t. I won’t give up on you either-”

“You made your choice and it wasn’t me. You can’t have us both.”

“You listen to me Duke, you listen good. You’re my friend and I’m not leaving you. I know I hurt you, I know that. I know I dismantled everything. I sent you back to the day you lost Ella, but I am not giving up on you. Yes, I made my choice. It’s Jack but I choose you too. You are my friend, like it or not. I will keep coming back for you. You helped me when I needed it and now you are stuck with me. So get your sorry ass off this bed and get back to the house before you say something you regret.”

Duke stared at her. The hatred in his eyes didn’t diminish. He did get up and stare at her as he walked out the hospital door. Paxton sighed. She now knew how badly he was hurting and she needed a few moments to herself. She closed the curtain around her and refused to let the tears fall. She deserved every ounce of anger he threw at her. She fought the tears for a few minutes before winning. They didn’t fall. She took a deep breath and went back to the on-call room.

***

Paxton arrived back at the house. She was exhausted. The scene with Duke played over and over in her head. She wasn’t angry with him but he didn’t need to do that at the hospital. Anywhere else except her work establishment would have been better suited for that. She walked into the house and saw Link bounding towards her. He should have been with her mother. For the first time, she saw Link for Link. Not a reminder for Duke. She smiled and scratched his head. Paxton noticed something tied to his collar. She gently plucked the tied piece of paper from Link.

 
Paxton-

Meet me upstairs. I have a surprise for you.

              - J

Paxton smiled. She put the note on the counter and started for the stairs. Duke’s visit was quickly disappearing from her thoughts. Jack was here tonight. As she reached the stairs, she saw the candles that were lining them. She followed them up. Halfway up the stairs, the rose petals started leading her way. The trail of rose petals led her to the guest bathroom where she saw another note on the door.

 
Tiger-

There is a dress hanging inside. Get ready and put it on. Then head to the spare bedroom across from the nursery.

              Waiting - J

Paxton wasn’t sure what was going on, but it seemed as though Jack put a lot of thought into whatever he was planning. She went in and saw the dress she wore in New York to the event. On the counter, her hair supplies and makeup. She smiled and got ready as fast as she could. It took her twenty minutes to put herself together. She did her hair in a simple up-do with a few loose strands. She put on just a touch of make-up. Enough to hide the dark circles under her eyes. Realizing she was ready she headed to the spare bedroom.

She walked inside and there laid another note on the bed. She grabbed it and read it.

Tiger-

I haven’t thanked you enough for coming back to me. When you came running to me in New York, I knew I was a goner for you. I never felt more loved by anyone else. I knew that you were the one for me. I couldn’t let you go then and I don’t want to now. I know things aren’t exactly perfect with us or Duke, but one day we will
get there.
Go to the nursery now.

              -J

Paxton was nervous walking over to the nursery. Every time she had been in here lately, her world seemed to crack a little bit more. She pushed open the door and she saw a few new toys and a note sitting on the changing table. For the first time she looked at this room differently. She didn’t feel the heartache that she usually felt when she walked into the nursery. Paxton walked over to the changing table and grabbed the note. This little game had her heart racing. She knew this was the best apology every. The butterflies were in full effect as she saw his handwriting once more. She took a deep breath as she opened it up.

 
Paxton,

This room represents so much. It was once our future. I
remember the day I revealed it to you. The look on your face made the week I put it together so worth it. I don’t know               why you kept this room together, but I am grateful. It was a sign that you were still hoping one day you can put it use. You didn’t completely give up on this dream. I hope you never give up. I know that you will be an amazing mother one day. Your children will be the luckiest kids on the block. I got a few new things in here to remind you of the great days you have ahead of you when you finally get to use this room. So please meet me in your bedroom.

                            -J

Paxton’s heart melted as she read the letter. She knew one day she wanted to be a mother but it seemed like it would never happen. After
Ella died, she fell apart, she was broken and the pieces she tried to pick up kept breaking into smaller pieces. Slowly but surely, both Jack and Duke pieced her back together. That’s what made the last few months unbearable. The fact that Duke was trying to push her away. He was broken now and she wanted to help him in return. If he walked away later, she would have to accept that but right now, Jack was the man she loved. The one she never stopped loving. She opened the door to the bedroom and the amount of candles intensified. Rose petals were spread out all over the room. Jack stood by the bed grinning at her. He stood there in a three-piece suit. He took her breath away.

“Hey Tiger. I’m glad you made it.”

“What is all this Jack?”

“This is my apology and so much more.”

“I see that. Jack this is way too much for an apology. You’re gonna burn my house down.”

Jack stepped closer to her. The grin on his face just confused Paxton. She couldn’t believe all the trouble he went through to apologize to her. She was the one who messed up not him. She should be doing this. “Jack I should be the one-”

“Shh. Just listen,” he grabbed her arms and placed her over by the bed. “Stand here.”

She watched Jack back up a few steps and look towards the closet. He smiled and Paxton found herself so utterly confused.

“Paxton,” he said suddenly. Paxton stared at him trying to figure out what was going on.

“I know that these last couple of years have been some of the toughest times for both of us. It’s not every day that we get a chance to fall in love. In fact, some people never find there once-in-a-lifetime love. That was us Paxton, still is. We both have made mistakes. I walked away when things got tough. I wasn’t there for you but Duke was. I will be
forever grateful to him for bringing us back together whether it was his intention or not. I know it may not have seemed like it but I never stopped loving you. I tried to forget you, be angry with you, fall in love with someone else, but I couldn’t get you out of my system and I don’t want to. If I have to spend the rest of my life making it up to you, I will. I am so sorry Paxton. You deserved so much better.” He paused and took a step forward. He grabbed Paxton’s hand. “I want to be there for you if you will let me.” He suddenly dropped to one knee and pulled a box out of his jacket pocket.

“So if you will have me Paxton, I want you to be mine again. I want you to have my children, watch them grow up and grow old with me. You are the air that gives me life, my happiness, my heart. I can’t imagine my life without you and I hope you don’t make me. Marry me Paxton, make me whole again and become my wife.”

Paxton shook her head in disbelief. Tears fell down her cheek. She looked at Jack down there waiting for her answer. Her heart swelled with love for him and she couldn’t believe this was really happening after the day she had. She nodded with enthusiasm, “Yes. Yes I will.”

He scooped her up and kissed her. Her mother came out of the closet with a video camera. They hugged and she was happy that her mother was here to be part of it. Her heart made its choice a long time ago. No matter what she thought she wanted, Jack has always been her choice. Her heart wasn’t going to let him go and now neither was she. She made some difficult decisions since Ella’s death and she never thought she would be happy again, but she made choices and dealt with the consequences. Right now, the choice she made to marry Jack again has been the best decision she made since Ella’s passing.

Paxton’s thoughts switched over to Duke as she reveled in her happiness. He was broken because of her but she knew that he will overcome his dark days just like she did. Duke had some hard choices to make coming up and he hoped that he would choose to overcome his grief and pain and not give into it. It was time for Duke to start making decisions about his future. It was time to figure out what his choices are.