Choices (14 page)

SEVENTEEN

Paxton threw herself on her bed. She and Ryan had just arrived back in Kansas. She was exhausted from the trip and the last few days. She left Jack the morning after the funeral and the wonderful night they spent together. She didn’t want to face what would happen in the morning when they both woke up. She made sure she was gone before he got up. Paxton didn’t even leave him a note. She didn’t know what to say.

The last couple of days Ryan occupied her time. They went shopping, sight-seeing and for New Year’s Eve, they spent it in Times Square. She ignored the calls and texts from Jack. She didn’t want to hear regrets, she wanted to remember the emotions from the night. She knew that Jack still loved her. He made it clear to her after the funeral. The problem was she felt guilty. Guilty because she left Ryan for two days and because Duke was waiting for her thinking they had a future together. Duke truly held a part of her heart. She knew she couldn’t let Duke know what happened between her and Jack in New York, yet another secret to keep.

She heard the doorbell ring. Paxton groaned as she lifted herself off her bed to see who it was. As she got to the stairs, the door opened. Link came bounding in and up the stairs, followed by Duke. Paxton felt a pang of guilt hit her again.

“Link!” she said as the puppy clumsily made his way up the stairs.

His tail was in full swing. His whole body shook with excitement. Although they literally spent about two days together, she missed Link and from the looks of it, he missed her as well. “How are you boy?” She scratched his head.

“He’s excited to see Momma, that’s for sure,” Duke said as he reached the second floor landing. “So am I.”

Paxton stood up and stared at him. He leaned in and kissed her. She could barely return it. How was she going to get through this?

“So how was the trip? Do anything fun?”

Besides sleeping with my ex-husband?
She thought to herself. “Uh, yeah. Ryan and I went shopping and he took me to an awesome art museum. We spent New Year’s Eve in Times Square. I wasn’t fond of the crowds, but it’s was fun seeing the ball drop in real life,” she tried smiling but it felt fake. She wasn’t lying to him but she was omitting certain things, which could be considered the same thing. She wondered if Duke really knew about Jack’s father, if that was the reason he was acting strange the day before she left.

“Link and I watched the apple drop in Aggieville. Probably not the same as in New York, but it was fun.”

There was that smile, the one that brought ladies to their knees. She needed to swallow the guilt and just deal with it. He doesn’t need to know about Jack. She only got one text today. He was giving up on her. Paxton smiled.

“Listen I know you are probably tired from traveling and what not, but I thought you might like Link back. I was just dropping by. Maybe tomorrow we can go to breakfast and catch up?”

Paxton saw this as the out she needed right now, “How about lunch? I need to get into the gallery tomorrow morning and catch things up before we open.” It wasn’t a complete lie but she really did need to get in there early.

Duke’s grin widen, “Sure, pick you up at 11:30?”

“Sounds good.”

Duke leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She smiled as he turned and headed down the stairs and out the door.

Link whined a little at her feet. Paxton looked down and stared at her puppy. “What? It’s true I have work and you mister better be good. I am taking you with me.”

She picked him up and padded down to the kitchen. She set him down and went about feeding both Link and herself. She made herself something quick. Although it was still early in the night and not even eight o’clock yet, she wanted to lay down and sleep.

Paxton locked Link in his crate. She just let him out for the last time tonight. She laid on her bed staring at the ceiling. She hoped sleep would come and claim her soon. She was going to be up early for work and she knew if she was going to make it through the bookwork and guests of the gallery, she would need sleep.

***

Paxton walked into the gallery with Link in tow. It felt good being back to work and establishing her routine again. She looked around the gallery and it appears that Ryan had already been in and switched the exhibits to the new set. She headed up to her office mentally checking off that task from her list. She had plenty more.

She shut the door to her office and let Link off his leash. For a puppy, he was doing extremely well with the leash. She wondered if Duke worked with him some. She set her tea down from Starbucks and then headed into her purse and pulled out a puppy training pad. She set it in the corner and prayed he learned to use it. He did use it a couple times but Link had an accident already today so she hoped that he wouldn’t have too many at the gallery. She set out some toys and a travel food and
water dish.

With Link set up, she sat behind her desk and fired up her laptop. It was time for her to work again, figure out what else needed to be done. It was seven in the morning and the gallery would open in two hours. It should be plenty of time to go over the finances and bills. She signed in and got busy. She knew that staying busy would keep her mind off Jack and Duke.

Paxton got lost in her work. She was startled by a knock on her door. Ryan’s head peaked through and Link let out a small bark. Paxton laughed and stood up. She picked up Link as Ryan came in the door.

“Hey little one. I’m not anyone to worry about,” Ryan scratched his head. “Good morning Pax.”

“Good morning,” she replied. With the door secured again, she put Link down. He scurried off after a toy that caught his eye.

“How are things going? If I knew you were coming in early, I would have joined you.”

“It’s good. I just finished catching everything up,” she smiled.

“Good. I already changed exhibits out, I did that last night when I found myself restless at home.”

“I noticed, thanks.”

“Listen, I know that something happened between you and Jack in New York. Are you doing okay? I know that you and Duke were getting close before we left for New York.”

Paxton wondered if he knew in New York and decided to let it go for the time being. She wasn’t sure why he felt the need to ask but she was sure that he was probably thinking of how things will play out here now. “I’m fine,” she looked away.

“You sure?” Concern filled his voice.

“Yeah.”

“Okay, well let’s open up the gallery.”

Paxton breathed a sigh of relief that he was dropping the subject already. She figured he would be pushier about it. She wondered if he said anything to Duke about the trip. Ryan and Duke were good friends. She shook the thoughts away and followed him downstairs. She would have to deal with that later, it was possibly they haven’t spoken to each other yet. She grabbed the gate she brought from home and locked Link in her office. She would be able to sneak a peek at him, hopefully without drawing attention to herself in the process.

“Hey Pax, great to see you,” Madeline said as Paxton came to the front to unlock the doors.

“Hey Madeline. How was your vacation?”

Paxton listened to the details of Madeline’s vacation. The first guest of the day interrupted their chat as they entered the gallery. Paxton was thankful that somebody came in. She began to worry they would be slow for the next couple of days and she would be left with her thoughts. Thinking right now was dangerous.

Paxton walked with the guest who was actively asking questions about everything and how the gallery came to be. Paxton told her the story of Ella and skimmed over details of her passing. She was comfortable just telling strangers she passed in a car accident and the gallery was a way to honor her. Paxton excused herself and let the guest wander around. She walked up to check on Link and see if Ryan was in his office. She needed to talk to him about New York, about how she doesn’t want Duke to know.

She peeked in her office and saw that Link was sleeping. She tip toed backwards and turned to peek into Ryan’s office. He was there behind his desk and looked up at her as she peered in. She walked in the office after he smiled at her. She closed the door.

“This must be serious if you are closing my door. Everything okay?” Ryan leaned back in his chair, his gaze pinned on her.

Paxton felt nervous. She never intended for Ryan to lie for her but she wanted to deal with this her own way. She didn’t need complications in an already complicated situation. “It’s not serious but I don’t need wandering ears to hear this.”

“How is it not serious then?” he leaned forward and rested his forearms on his desk.

Paxton sighed. “It’s about New York.”

“I knew something happened,” he hung his head. Paxton was confused by his reaction. Like someone took advantage of her.

“It’s not what you think. Yes, something happened between Jack and me. His father died. I know you never asked, but I’m telling you now. I think Duke knew about it before we left. He never said anything and he doesn’t know I went to see Jack. I would like to keep it that way.”

“So you aren’t going to tell him about anything that happened the two days you left me by myself?”

“It was a day and a half. And no, I am not going to tell him. Not right now. If he did know about Jacob’s passing, he kept it from me because he thought I would run to Jack. I don’t want him to see how right he was. It will crush him. I don’t know where my feelings are for either of them. I am just asking you to keep it to yourself, until I figure out where my heart lies.”

“I think we both know where it lies, you are just too scared to make a move. You are afraid of losing one of them, but I won’t say anything.”

Paxton sensed he felt disappointed in her decision to keep it to herself right now. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.” She stood to let herself out. She turned and started walking towards the door. She heard Ryan sigh behind her.

“Just don’t hurt Duke in the end. Tread lightly.”

Paxton turned and looked at him, “I haven’t chosen yet,” she turned again and walked out the door.

She knew who her heart wanted to be with but her mind was still warring. She was trying to reason with her heart as to why Jack was the wrong choice for her and why Duke was the logical one. She looked at her watch. Duke would be here in an hour or so for lunch. She needed to clear her mind, so she grabbed Link and took him on a short walk since there was nobody at the gallery. She figured Ryan and Madeline could handle it.

EIGHTEEN

Duke had showed up for lunch like they had planned and Paxton managed to avoid telling him about Jack. She felt guilty for keeping yet another secret but it was sparing his feelings, preserving her relationship with him. She was thankful that the rest of the day seem to fly by and that she was now home where she could relax.

She let Link off his leash as they finally got inside. He ran into the kitchen knowing it was supper time. He picked up pretty quickly where his food was. She fed him and then turned to her pantry to see what she had to eat. She frowned realizing she still hasn’t gone food shopping since she’d been back. She literally had nothing in her house except a few non-perishable items. She headed off to grab a piece of paper for her list.

Although she had a long list, it surprisingly didn’t take her too long to get in and out of Walmart. She turned in her driveway once more and saw Duke climbing back into his car. Paxton saw him pause as he heard her pulling up. He smirked but she knew something was bothering him.

“Hey,” she climbed out of the car.

“Hey, I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You seemed off at
lunch.”

“Yeah, fine, just exhausted. Had to go grocery shopping because I had no food.”

“Oh, okay. Well I just wanted to check on you.”

Alarms went off inside Paxton’s head. He never hinted to her that he thought she was acting strange over lunch. She tried to act as normal as possible and she even found herself not even acting like anything happened in New York. She was relaxed around him over lunch. The conversation was steady, no pauses, so why does he think something was wrong?

“Want to stay a bit? If you haven’t eaten, I can cook us something,” she hoped that would ease his fears.

“No, I have plans with a few friends. Thanks though.”

“Okay, call me later.” It bothered Paxton that he was leaving so quickly.

“Yeah,” he climbed into his truck and started it. “Later.”

Paxton watched him leave. Alarms and sirens within her were definitely going off. She went back to her car after a few moments and started pulling her bags out. She couldn’t let her refrigerated and frozen items spoil. She went on autopilot as she started going over every minute she was with Duke since she got back. She didn’t believe she tipped him off about Jack but she had a bad feeling that he knew. She was scared she would lose Duke before she was ready to let him go, if she could let him go.

***

Duke drove away concerned. She lied to him again, straight to his face. Jack had texted him this morning to make sure Paxton made it back okay. She had been ignoring Jack for a couple days. She found out about his father and went to the funeral with him. Paxton didn’t say one word to Duke about it, that’s what upset him the most. Jack was her secret, he wondered if anything happened between them. Jack didn’t give him anything other than she went to the funeral with him and stayed a day. A day, what did they do? Why was she keeping this from him?

He pulled into his parking spot at the apartment complex but didn’t feel like going inside. His thoughts were eating at him and he knew he would feel like a caged lion if he went into the small apartment. He put his truck in reverse and pulled out again. He just needed to drive, clear the images of Paxton comforting Jack when he wasn’t even there for her.

He was supposed to be friends with Jack again, but just the thought of their situations being reversed. Paxton was there for him without a thought of how he treated her when she was in a similar situation. He sighed knowing that wasn’t fair. It shouldn’t be an eye for an eye and he knew Paxton would be there no matter what. That’s just who she was. That’s what Duke loved most about her, her selflessness. He just didn’t want to lose Paxton, not now.

He found himself at Ella’s gravesite. He didn’t even remember driving there, getting out of the car or walking over to her stone. Duke sat down and stared at the picture of her. She was so beautiful. He realized how much he missed Ella in that moment. He wanted her here, right now. He wanted someone he could hold, someone who didn’t lie to his face. Someone he didn’t have to worry about his best friend stealing.

The flowers he brought Ella a few days ago were holding up well. It wasn’t cold as it usually was. It was in the low 40’s today. Not bad for winter. In fact, it was actually a pretty mild winter so far this season. He was sure that he would need to replace them before the end of the week though.

He closed his eyes. He remembered Ella’s beautiful green eyes. He pictured her sitting right in front of him. Duke imagined the conversation he would have with Ella about Paxton and Jack. She let himself imagine what she would say. She wasn’t saying much only because he knew he would never have this conversation with Ella. Duke knew there would be no chance of another woman stealing his heart from Ella. She was his everything. Besides, if Ella were still here, Jack and Paxton would be
together. None of this would have happened.

Duke remembered the last week he spent with Ella. They were in Texas visiting some friends. She became a little shy and started clasping her hands in front of her throughout the trip. Duke remembered just watching her, soaking in the moments. Ella was so content in her surroundings. He remembered the little conversations she started with him about the future they were going to have. She was saying that she wanted to play around with children’s decorations for art projects. It was something Ella always wanted to dabble in. Looking back now he should have put two and two together. He remembered finding Paxton distraught in the nursery. The night that she asked about where they would be if Ella had a child, or her and Jack. Ella obviously wanted to do something for Paxton and her baby. Duke suddenly wished that child was here. Things may have been so different for everyone, maybe they would all be in better places in life right now. They were stuck though, they were all waiting for Paxton to figure out who she wanted. Duke sighed. He knew this was not going to get any easy. He knew Paxton was slipping away. She loved Jack, that’s why she didn’t say anything.

Duke shook his head, it was not something he wanted to think about. He wanted to let the memories of Ella flood him, but Paxton found her way in somehow. She stole a piece of his heart and now she is slowly breaking it apart. He stared at the headstone in front of him.
Maybe your overthinking things
, he tried to persuade himself. Maybe nothing happened and that’s why she wasn’t saying anything to him. Maybe Jack thought there was more to her visit, more to her staying with him to help him through the funeral.

He groaned in frustration and just laid back. There were too many what-ifs in his life right now. He stared at the sky. A few white clouds were making their way across the sky. He wished someone would just tell him what to do, what will happen and things would be easy again but until then he would just lay here. Duke closed his eyes and wished all the worry and dark thoughts away.