Choices (16 page)

TWENTY-ONE

Paxton sat in her chair thinking about the weekend. She remembered waking up the morning after the night out on the town. Her head was throbbing. She went down for a bottle of water and found that Steve and Susie crashed at her house. Over breakfast, they talked her into the meeting she was about to walk into. All day Sunday she spent looking over things, preparing her resume, picking out her outfit. Here she sat, bright and early on Monday morning, right outside of the hospital conference room. She was petitioning to come back.

She fidgeted in her chair. She looked at her watch at least twenty times and she swore that that battery died. What if she failed again? What if she lost all her skill?
Nonsense, this is what you were born to do
, she smiled as the familiar voice of her conscience butted in. It had been awhile since she had to argue with herself. She decided that she could help Ryan run the gallery on her days off. Maybe she would offer him her half and he could have complete ownership.

“Paxton?” Jonathan’s voices interrupted her inner ramblings. She smiled and stood.

It was more nerve-racking stepping into the room. Familiar faces stared at her. She knew it would be more laid back interview than any other interview they would conduct. It didn’t make her any less nervous though, an interview was an interview.

“So you want to come back?” Jonathan asked as he sat down. His hazel eyes seem to bore into her.

“Yes, if you would have me back.”

“Why do you want to come back now?” He grabbed his pen and prepared to write something on his pad of paper. She noticed others staring at her, not writing anything down. They were waiting for her answer and her nerves only grew but she knew she had to appear confident.

“Because I want to help people again. I want to do something I am passionate about.”

“What about the gallery? Were you not passionate about that?” His voice was cool and formal.

Paxton took a breath, “I am passionate about it. I just, surgery is my life.”

“What about your breakdown?”

“I, I, I mean.” She was stuttering. She didn’t expect the questions to be so blunt.

“Think you will have another one?”

“No, I don’t.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because my breakdown was a special circumstance. It was my best friend and adoptive sister that died on my table. Before then, I had no trouble when patients were lost,” she pulled herself together again.
Confident and strong
, the quiet whisper sounded within her.

“Do you have your forms?”

Paxton handed her copies of the statements and handed them to the board member on her right. As they were passed around and everyone glanced through them, she watched Jonathan. She knew the board would probably follow his recommendation.

“Any other character forms?” He asked looking up at her.

Paxton adjusted in her seat. She knew he was looking for something from Jack and Duke. She had been too afraid to contact them for one.  She had statements from her mother, Steve, and Susie. She had a formal statement from Dr. Keeler and her clearance from the facility.

“No, no others.”

“Okay, I think we have what we need. We will be in touch when we have made our decision.”

Paxton knew she was being dismissed. She stood and thanked them. Leaving the room, she felt the pressure of the situation. This was not going to be as easy as she thought.  She wondered how long it would take them to make a decision. No doubt they are going over the statements she handed them.

“Hey how’d it go?” Steve asked.

Paxton didn’t even notice him standing there. “I don’t know.”

“I’m sure you did fine. They would be nuts to turn you down. You are so talented and there is a reason they left it open all this time.”

Steve pulled her into a hug. She stared at the wall as they held each other. She was glad that things were not complicated with Steve. He was like a big brother to her, even though he was a year or two younger than she was. His height just made it feel like he was a big brother. There were no crossed lines between them. Their friendship was pure and simple.

“I guess I just have to wait. I think I need a drink,” Paxton laughed.

Steve laughed, “I am on duty but we can go get something to eat in the cafeteria.”

Paxton groaned, “I don’t think I want to eat there. If they take me back, I will be in there all the time. I should enjoy my freedom just in case I get sucked back into this place,” she winked at him. She laughed unable to keep a straight face with him.

“Good point. Let me see if I can sneak out of here for an hour or so.”

***

Duke arrived at his apartment worn out. School had just started up again and his days were only going to get longer. He would need to enjoy his evenings now before baseball picked up. The season would be here before he knew it. He hoped to get the boys in shape this season. They definitely weren’t the best team out there but he wanted them to be. He knew it may take a couple training camps to get them in shape and ready. Duke wanted to win state this season. He tossed his belongings down and put his keys on the counter. He groaned as he heard his phone ringing in his jacket pocket.

Looking at the screen as he pulled it out, he didn’t recognize the number on the screen, “Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Jonathan.”

“Oh hey buddy. I didn’t recognize the number. What’s up?” It was unusual for Jonathan to call, especially after Paxton divorced Jack.

“Listen, Paxton is trying to come back to the hospital. Is it okay if I put you on speaker phone with me and the board and we ask you a couple questions?”

Duke wasn’t sure what to think about this. Was Paxton really trying to go back to the hospital? “Sure go ahead.”

He answered their questions as honestly as they could. They were simple questions about Paxton and how he perceived her to be since she was released.

“Do you think she could handle her job as a surgeon and handle stressful and emotional situations if we reinstate her? I know you are not a professional in this field, but as her friend, do you think she is truly ready?”

Duke took a moment to think about this.  This by far was
the hardest one. Did he want her to be happy? Yes. Would this job make her happy? Yes. Was she ready? “I don’t know. To be honest, Pax and I haven’t talked much since she got back from New York. I think she is strong and if she believes she is ready, then she is.”

There was silence on the other end. Duke pulled his phone away from the ear to make sure he didn’t lose connection.

“Thank you, Duke. That is all we have.” Jonathan then disconnected the line.

Duke threw his phone on the couch. He wasn’t sure if he helped her out or not. He wanted to call Paxton but she obviously didn’t contact him for a reason. Duke wondered if she asked Jack for a statement or anything. He wondered if the hospital was going to contact Jack as well. He felt a smile creep across his face at the thought of Paxton getting her job back. She really was moving forward.
His smile faltered a bit when he realized that she was moving on without him. She hadn’t said anything in two weeks and now she is trying to get her job back.

He picked up his phone again and brought up Paxton’s number. He debated on whether to call her or not. He couldn’t press the call button but managed to send a text that simply said ‘hey’. He tossed the phone aside one more time and headed towards the refrigerator to make something to eat.

His phone buzzed. He stared at it there on the counter, unsure if he really wanted to see what she said. He closed the fridge and reluctantly picked it up, curiosity was winning the war.

Paxton: Hey yourself.

Duke: How’s it going?

Paxton: Good.

Duke: How’s the gallery?

An answer didn’t come right away. Was she debating on telling him about the hospital? Was she going to keep more secrets from him? His phone buzzed.

Paxton: Ella would be proud of me

Duke: So gallery is good?

Paxton: As good as it can be.

Duke: What have you been up to?

Paxton: Just working. Went out the other night.

Duke: Why haven’t you talked to me?

Paxton: You weirded out on me. What did I do?

This time he had trouble answering her. It was obvious that he didn’t need to know everything she did, but Duke figured sleeping with Jack was a pretty big issue. He though they were taking their friendship to the next step before she left for New York. Obviously she wasn’t on the same page.

Duke: Nothing. I was just preparing for school

Another pause in conversation.

Paxton: Ok. Miss you. Come over.

Duke: Maybe later. Just got home.

Paxton didn’t respond. After a few minutes, Duke went back to fixing himself some dinner. Maybe she was inviting him over to tell him about the hospital. Maybe she was going to finally say what really happened in New York.

Trying to distract himself, Duke flipped on the TV in the living
room. He liked the open floor plan for that reason. He can cook and still watch whatever he wanted. He decided on making himself some chicken and veggies. He had a few pounds to loose after cutting loose over the holidays. Duke finished cooking in about forty-five minutes. He sat in front of the TV and let the basketball game on distract him.

When he was finished eating, Duke picked up his phone to let Paxton know he would be there shortly. He grabbed his wallet from the counter and headed over.

It didn’t take him too long to get to Paxton’s house. He was surprised to find a few other cars there. One, belonging to her mother. He knew that this night may not go as he planned. He just wanted to talk to her alone. He wanted to talk about New York, the hospital, but he knew that was probably not going to happen tonight.

He parked by the other cars and walked up to the door and heard laughter from within. He knocked and immediately heard Link barking. He smiled knowing that Link was a good guard dog.

“Hey there!” Paxton answered. She ushered him in. “Glad you made it! I have some news to share with everyone and I was waiting on you.”

Duke walked in and saw Jenny, Susie, Ryan and Steve all sitting around the TV with drinks. He said hello to everyone and grabbed himself a beer from the bucket of beers on the table. He looked back at Paxton and she was beaming with excitement.

“I am so glad everyone is here now. Thank you all for coming over. I have some news I would like to share with you.” She paused, “I’m selling my half of the gallery to Ryan. It’s time for a change.”

Duke stared over at Ryan who had a tight smile on his face.

“I wish you would tell me why you are leaving though,” Ryan grumbled. He apparently wasn’t happy with this.

“Well, that’s why I brought you all here. I decided to make some changes. My trip to New York opened my eyes, and so have a few of my
friends.” Duke saw her beaming at Susie and Steve.

“Paxton, sweetie, spit it out already,” Jenny insisted.

“Well, Mom, don’t be worked up about this but I’ve decided to go back to the hospital. An hour ago, I got a call from Jonathan stating that they are reinstating me!” She bounced with excitement.

Duke couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Sure he knew she was trying to get her job back but he didn’t think it would be this quick. He heard everyone congratulating her and giving her hugs. He stood and followed suit but his mind was blown. She was going back to her old life, would that include Jack? He sure as hell hoped not.

“So how did your trip to New York make you decide to go back?” Duke asked. He wondered if she would tell him about Jack.

“Well, I realized that life was short. Jack’s father passed away and I remember thinking about the surgery and what I would have done, but no one can know how damaged a heart muscle is. No one can predict when a heart can or will rupture. It was then I realized how much I missed my job. When I got back and went out with Susie and Steve, we spent part of the night gossiping about the hospital and what was going on. It’s time for me to be me again. Dr. Keeler signed off on it and said she was excited for me. This is a
huge
step for me.”

Duke noticed she failed to mention the fact that she spent the night with Jack. “I see. Well I am happy for you.” He gave her another hug but he wanted to leave. She was still holding back. “Listen I gotta go. School night and all, but we should have dinner, catch up some more.”

“You just got here though,” she protested.

“I know. I didn’t think about it, but I have to prepare for tomorrow.” Duke kissed her on her temple and left before she could say anything else.

TWENTY-TWO

Paxton said her goodbyes to her mother and Ryan. It had been a good day after all. She got her job back at the hospital. Her first day back would be in two weeks. She will be under supervision for about 90-days but they agreed on her reinstatement. She had to celebrate tonight so she invited the most important people in her life. She debated on whether to call Jack or not but in the end she decided not to. She was glad that Duke showed up. She was worried he would be a no-show after she invited him.

Paxton thought about how weird Duke was acting tonight. She wished he would just tell her. There is no way that he knew about her night with Jack. She glossed over it but at least he knew now that she knew about Jacob’s passing. The sadness in his eyes bothered her.

Link yapped at her trying to get her attention. She looked down at him. He jumped up on her waiting for her scratches. “No jumping,” she scolded. She sat down and made him sit down before she would scratch his ears. She needed to break bad habits before they started.

Paxton wondered what she was going to do with Link when she returned to the hospital, but thankfully Ryan offered to keep him at the gallery during the day. He said Link was already in a routine, why break it. It would be like doggy-daycare for him. Her mom even offered to help out with him. Things were definitely turning around and coming together. She felt almost whole again. Paxton looked at her phone and for the first time, she didn’t have a missed calls or texts from Jack. He hadn’t tried to contact her since Friday night. She wasn’t sure how to take that.

Over the
next two weeks, Paxton spent her final days at the gallery. Ryan was buying out her shares and he would be sole owner. She offered to help out still but she knew the hospital would keep her too busy to keep her shares of it. Link seemed to enjoy the gallery and he hadn’t had any accidents in about a week now. She was thankful for it. The schedule she set up for him was working out well. She decided that Ryan’s offer to watch him throughout the day was a good idea. Breaking Link’s schedule could cause havoc, possibly put too much stress on him. She wished for a moment that Duke was still coming over on a regular basis. Then maybe he could have helped out. They had only seen each other a couple times since her announcement. Something was still bothering him. She felt guilty wanting him to tell her his secrets when she couldn’t even tell him her own deep dark ones.

“Hey how’s it going in here?” Ryan poked his head through her office door.

“Good, just thinking of how many boxes I will need to fit all my crap in.”

Ryan laughed and joined her by taking the empty seat in front of her desk. “I’m sure gonna miss you around here. Good think Link will keep me company. He will enjoy this room. I am having a gate installed tomorrow. No more door.”

Paxton laughed at the renovations Ryan was doing for Link. Her office would now become his playroom. “I’m glad you are thinking ahead and he will have some human contact instead of watching them walk below on the sidewalks.”

She looked over at Link. The glass walls allowed him to see out. She often found him staring out of it. There were a million nose prints proving her point.

“Yeah, he is probably gonna miss you too. We’re all used to you being around,” Ryan filled the silence.

“I know. I will miss this place too but I feel like this is the right move for me right now. I miss the O.R., I miss saving lives.”

“I get it. Well, let me know if you need anything. I guess I should get back downstairs. We had a few people trickle in.”

“I’ll be down shortly,” she smiled as he left the office.

She stared back at Link. She was going to miss the quiet relaxing days and actually having a regular schedule. Her heart was at the hospital though. She took a long enough sabbatical. She needed to get back to her calling. She needed to get back to studying procedures, brush up on her knowledge, and get back into the practice lab.

The day flew by as she spent it packing her office. It wasn’t until Link starting whining that she realized what time it was. Ryan should be closing the doors in about thirty minutes.

“Alright, let’s go. Time to go home,” she closed the last box.

By the time she got home, the sun had set. It was another missed opportunity to sit out on the porch. She enjoyed watching it. The colors it threw across the trees were so beautiful. She wished she could see it more often but she knew that would be even more of an impossibility when she starts back at the hospital. She still couldn’t believe that she was going back. Tomorrow was her last day at the gallery. She would have a couple days off before she officially reports to the hospital. Tomorrow she would be moving out of her office. The gate would be installed for Link and the new chapter in her life will begin.

***

Paxton lifted the last box into her Q5. She still didn’t have the heart to trade it in as it was still her favorite car. Now it was packed full of boxes with things from her office. She went back upstairs and saw the two guys finish installing the gate for Link. Paxton had brought a few
things here for Ryan. Extra Toys, food, dishes, anything Link would need. She also gave Ryan a spare key to the house in case he had to bring Link back for her.  She was saddened that this was her last day at the gallery. It really hit her as she stared at the gate. The men stood and tested it. It worked. Inside Link was supervising them. She felt a tear escape her eye.

This place had brought her out of her dark days. She spent a lot of time with the planning and grand opening of the place. Although it opened less than six months ago, it made her get up every day and it gave her new meaning to her life. It was her way of making up for Ella. She knew she couldn’t do it the rest of her life. She had done enough to honor her friend and now she had to get back on track herself. Although her love life still seemed to be in shambles, Paxton felt whole. She was moving back to be the person she used to be, but the improved, stronger version.

“Hey,” Ryan’s voice sounded behind her.

She turned and gave him a hug.

“Stop that, you can come back anytime you want. I might even pay you,” he joked.

She laughed releasing him, “I’m going to miss this. We have to get coffee and see each other at least once a week. Maybe mom, you and I can do like a family dinner or something.”

“That would be wonderful,” he smiled.

Paxton felt a little better. She was suddenly scared about the changes she was making. Was it the right move? Was she going to fail again?

“Alright, let’s get out of here. I was waiting for them to finish so we can close the doors for the day.”

Paxton smiled and went to gather Link. He was patiently waiting for her.  Ryan escorted the two men out and Paxton met him in the lobby a
few minutes later.

“Okay, let’s close the doors together one last time.”

She smiled and walked out so he can lock it up behind her. Link stayed by her feet as she waited for him.

“I’m going to miss you Ryan. Thank you so much for all your help.”

“Hey, no one is dying here. Enough with the doom and gloom! I will see you around, maybe we can have lunch sometime in your fancy cafeteria!”

She laughed. He was right though. She’s beginning a new adventure. She should be happy but she wasn’t. She was still missing something. She knew that it was more of a someone than a something.