Chasing Butterflies (11 page)

Too late for a wardrobe change, I thought as his eyes roamed over me. When the pink garments got wet, he would see all of me. Still, I took the leap and dived into the water.

Warm water cocooned me. When I surfaced, he was way too close. I treaded water as I struggled for something to say. “It is nice in here,” I managed.

“And it just got better. Come.” He beckoned me over to the circle area attached to the pool. It had to be the hot tub. I followed and warmer water settled all around me. I took a seat across from him.

“You surprised me. I didn’t think you’d do it.”

“Why not? I can be fun, adventurous.”

“If that’s what you tell yourself.” He laughed.

“What about you? Why do you play the bad boy and don’t want a relationship?”

I didn’t think he would answer, but I was dying to know.

“Bad boy?” He folded his arms over his chest. “I don’t have a girlfriend because we move too much. Why catch feelings for someone when the next day I could be gone?”

Stunned, I hadn’t expected an answer or anything for that matter.

“So you’ve never had a girlfriend?”

“No. There were a couple of times I got close. We actually lived in one place for a few years. There was this girl next door,” he said wistfully. “She was fun. Only, I liked her more as a friend than anything else.”

“Did you guys…?”

“Have sex? Do you really want me to tell you about the girls I’ve screwed?” I glanced away, and he took advantage. “Has Ox never gotten close?”

“And now we’re talking about my sex life?” I scoffed.

“You brought it up.”

He stood and sank deeper in the water for a second as he crossed the middle to me.

“Do you want to hear about the things I do with my boyfriend?” I asked in challenge.

Half in and half out, he stood over me. I shrank deeper in the water to hide that the tips of my chest had tightened.

“Not especially. But you keep glancing toward my dick, and I wonder if you’ve ever seen one.”

My face must have mirrored a rose bush for all the heat I felt in my cheeks. He yanked me to my feet.

“I know you’re a good girl and would never cheat on your boyfriend. So you can blame this on me.” He pulled me close with his hand at the small of my back to bring us skin to skin. “Can you feel my dick and what you do to it?”

“I—I,” stuttering words formed on my lips.

“You don’t have to answer because I very much want to be in you, Len. I bet you’re warm, tight and when I do this”—he rubbed against me and my head fell back—“I bet you get wet.”

Feeling dazed, I said the first thing that popped in my head. “I have a boyfriend.”

Magically, he was gone. He sat back across from me. “I know.” Bumps erupted over my skin as I shivered. “Just stay there and let me look at you.”

“Why?”

His hands slid down. “Because I haven’t fucked in weeks because of you. No other girl will fucking cut it. And my balls will hurt like hell if I don’t.”

No sex? I couldn’t think about that. “Don’t what?”

He licked his lips. “I think you know what I’m doing.”

The fist he made began to bob up and down. “You have fucking perfect tits, princess. I bet your pussy is pretty and pink too. Has anyone put their tongue on you?” Slowly, I shifted my head side to side. “Then I want to imagine that I’m your first. I want you to hear church bells when I put my tongue inside you. I want you to cum and scream my name before I stick my dick in you. And when you realize that idiot you call boyfriend wouldn’t know what a clit is, come see me. I’ll show you.”

“A clit?” Unconsciously, my hand rubbed over an aching spot that had flared to life as I watched him.

“Fuck,” he groaned, and white ribbons floated to the surface. Seconds later, his eyes opened. “A clitoris, Len. The place you were touching. You should really read up on it. It’s the female equivalent to a detonator.” He waved away. “You should probably get out before my sperm finds its way home.”

Quickly, I hopped out of the water and not because I was grossed out. I wasn’t. Mortified that I’d touched myself and he’d seen, yes. But more, I was fascinated while I watched him jerk off. For the first time ever, I truly contemplated having sex.

Towels had magically appeared, and I didn’t question what the housekeeper might have seen. Instead, I focused on drying myself off. Then I got dressed, deciding I should leave before I did anything stupid.

“Where are you going? We haven’t had dinner.”

There was humor in his voice. He’d expected me to flee, maybe even wanted me to.

“I should get home. I have homework.”

After I got everything back on, I headed for the gate without looking at him.

His voice stroked fire over my skin. “You can run, little butterfly. But we both know I can catch you.”

It had been
a few weeks, and I hadn’t seen Lenny except a few times in passing. Agitated and wondering if she’d been avoiding me, I couldn’t put on a good face for Mom.

“Go ahead. I’ll be fine,” Mom said.

Her situation frustrated the hell out of me. Every day, she seemed to get a little worse. And although I could fight anything except my father, the damn invisible enemy that coursed through her veins turning her into a virtual baby was beyond my reach.

“Mom, you need to tell me the truth. Everything I’ve read said with treatment you should be fine.”

Her hand, which was more bone than anything else, reached for me and missed. I grabbed it as her eyes held pain from missing the mark.

“I have the severe kind of MS. They call it Marburg. They don’t know why it happens. But…”

Her voice started to shake, and she closed her mouth.

“I can stay home tonight.”

“No, you should go out. The nurse your aunt hired will be around.”

The eyes that had shined into mine over the years and promised a world where I could live whatever dream I wanted, dulled in the dim sterile room Mom was confined in.

The only hand she could move in the crippling episode fluttered, and I moved close to hear what she wanted to say to me.

“Promise me, Kelley...”

I pulled back enough to meet her eyes. “Anything, anything at all.” What else could I say to the woman who had given me life and tried her best for me?

Her hand weakly clasped in mine as her eyes widened in horror. I leaned down to hear what she whispered.

“Nurse.”

The one word felt incomplete. So I sat back only to see humiliation on Mom’s face before tears flooded her eyes. It wasn’t long before I realized the problem.

I glanced around, searching for the on call nurse Aunt Joy had hired, but it was just me. I stood and went to the door and looked out. I couldn’t say I was too keen on the idea of what I had to do next and not for my sake but for hers.

There had to be a competition of who was more embarrassed, but we got through it. Mom silently cried through it, all while I kept a neutral expression, not wanting her to feel any worse. I balled up the soiled linens and threw them in the corner just about the time my aunt showed up.

“You didn’t have to do that.” I just glared at her. “The nurse was on a break, but she’ll be back.”

“It’s fine,” I said defiantly. I glanced back at Mom, who continued to silently weep.

I walked over, kissed her cheek, and tried for a joke. “It’s okay. It’s nothing you haven’t done for me.”

She squeezed my hand slightly before I left, grateful to be away from my unsympathetic aunt, and out of a place I could never call home. I did wonder if I should stay. Though Mom had wanted me to leave, and I could give her that. I didn’t want her embarrassment to make things any more awful for her.

Joel waited at the curb, his car idling.

“What took you so long?”

I shrugged. Even though Joel and I had become somewhat close, there was no way I would tell anyone about what I had to do. And not for me, but Mom’s dignity.

The drive was short considering we only moved a few houses down. We ended up parking behind a river of cars. “Ox?”

It was a question I already had the answer to considering we were near the guy’s house.

“Dude, if I’d told you, would you have come?”

I didn’t bother to answer. I’d heard Ox was throwing a party, but he wasn’t the only party that night. I just assumed we were going somewhere else. Only, there wasn’t anything I could do besides walking back to my empty room and thoughts.

“Fuck it,” I muttered.

We traipsed over to the front gate where Trina was leaning.

“What took you boys so long?”

She gave me a passing glance, but her eyes were for my boy. Good for him. Maybe he’d lose his virginity tonight. I left them to eye fuck one another and walked up the stairs to the front door where music pounded away.

I didn’t relish the idea of seeing Lenny with Ox. The few times I’d seen her at school, he’d been near, holding her hand or touching her in some way. She’d clearly made her choice, not that I expected any different.

Inside, people were scattered around like ants in mounds cluttered here and there. I found myself herded with the crowd and landed in the kitchen where alcohol was being served. A cup found its way in my hand, and I drank, needing an escape.

The last time should have been a deterrent considering the effects alcohol had on me. Only I watched Lenny go by with Ox’s hands around her waist and a smile on her face. Something weird happened in my chest and felt like I couldn’t breathe. I ended up choking on a swallow. I cleared my throat, to find a girl I’d seen around school with glazed eyes planted on me.

“Kelley, right?”

“That’s me.”

It was easier than I thought to turn on the charm. She looped her arm in mine, and I can’t say it was a bad thing. She was cute, and I needed a distraction. If only my dick would get on board, it wouldn’t be hard to do her as she steered me into the main room.

Time was like a weird loop with no end and no beginning as long as I had a drink in my hand. I never felt more alone than I did in the crowded place. I didn’t have friends. Yeah, Joel was there, but he was cool with me keeping him at a distance. I hadn’t told him my life’s story. No, I’d given those details to a girl who would never be mine.

I had no idea how long I sat with the laughing girl on my lap before she tugged me to my feet.

“Come on.” She giggled.

I didn’t remember her name. Still I followed her toward the stairs, knowing very well where we were going.

Lenny suddenly appeared, and I couldn’t help feeling like I saw an oasis in a desert. She was so fucking pretty it hurt.

Her soft hand landed on me, stopping my forward progress. Certain parts of me stood at attention from her touch.

“Hey, have you seen Debbie?”

I met her gorgeous gaze. “No.”

“Maybe she’s in a room upstairs,” the girl on my arm thoughtfully added.

Lenny’s smile turned frosty before she met my gaze again. I turned from her appraising stare and followed the girl upstairs. The long hallway was filled with closed doors. Some were locked and others weren’t, but all were occupied. The last door on the right opened easily enough, but the sight thrilled and pissed me off.

“Close the fucking door.”

It was none of my business, so I pulled the door toward me. Only a slight figure pushed in front of me, opening the door in the process.

The two people on the bed stopped long enough to glare in the direction of the door.

“Ox?” a small voice questioned.

The guy tossed the girl straddling his lap to the side and stood up, giving us all a good view. The pants he hadn’t fully taken off pooled at his feet. I turned away, pulling the girl I’d come with away from what was going to be a fight.

Anger should have
been my main emotion. And while I felt some of it, I was more disgusted.

“Debbie?”

It wasn’t so much of a question. What question could there be? Ox was in the room naked with my so called best friend. I turned, noticing Kelley had disappeared.

“Lenny, wait!”

Part of me ached with disappointment. I mean, how could she do that to me? We’d been friends forever. I picked up my pace, taking the stairs down two at a time. I landed on the bottom with a little thud absorbed by all the music. The door was straight ahead, and I took it without knowing where I was going.

The night was a balm to my weary soul. I lived a few miles away and it would give me a chance to cool off. Thankfully, everything I brought to the damned party was with me. I patted the small cross body purse and felt my phone beneath my palm.

Not so far in, I changed course and found a place to sit, surprised by my luck. I covered my eyes with my palm, not surprised no tears came. Betrayal had a way of killing any warm thoughts I ever held for my former boyfriend and best friend.

And that’s how he found me. The door opened, and I glanced up seeing his tall frame fill the space as the night surrounded him like a cloak.

“What are you doing here, Len?”

I scrambled to my feet, feeling as though I needed to not be sitting on his bed when we had this conversation.

He stepped forward, closing us in together in the process. Unable to form words, I shrugged. He tipped my chin up, forcing me to meet his steely gaze.

Whispered words fanned across my lips. “Why are you here, Lenora?”

“It’s my birthday,” I blurted. I couldn’t believe the year before Ox had thrown me the sweetest party.

He pulled back. “It’s a shitty thing to happen. But you could have gone home. Why did you come here?”

In his eyes was a determination I felt when I marched out of Ox’s house. He wasn’t going to let this go.

“I want to be with you.”

My voice felt small as he towered over me. Whatever I thought he would say, I didn’t expect him to put distance between us. In two backward strides he stood flush with the door.

“You can’t say things like that, Len.”

Stubbornly, I lifted my chin. “Why not? Isn’t that what you do? You do every girl in school, but not me.”

Because no matter what he said, there were rumors.

“Not you,” he breathed, and my lip trembled.

I hadn’t wanted to cry when I caught the two people closest to me getting it on. But when he rejected me, I felt on the verge of tears.

Thankfully, my backbone was ramrod stiff. I coerced my feet to move until I was reaching for the doorknob to the side of him.

He caught my wrist. “Tell me why me first.”

What did he think? That I was a glutton for punishment? Apparently, my mouth and my brain no longer worked on the same team.

“Admit it, you like me,” he said softly.

I bit my bottom lip. “I’ll admit you’re the first boy to give me butterflies.”

His eyes narrowed when he asked, “Butterflies?”

Despite the riot in my heart that thundered in my chest creating a storm of wings in my gut, I was able to answer him.

“You know, flutters in your belly. You get them when you see someone you really like.” I blushed, afraid he’d think I was stupid. “You’ve never had that?”

I wasn’t sure I was ready for the answer. If he didn’t feel it, I might not be able to go through with my irrational plans.

He huffed. “So that’s what it’s called.”

I nodded. “Have you ever felt it?”

My breath locked inside my lungs as my heart continued its stampede.

“I feel something. And I’m the fool for saying this because one day I’m walking out the door and I’m never coming back. You need a guy who will for sure be here to take you to prom, bring you flowers, whisper poems and shit in your ear.”

His eyes never strayed from mine. He was serious.

“Who said I was asking for any of that?”

What was I saying? The steady stream of blood rushing through my body clouded my thoughts, my hearing.

He prowled forward, and I gave myself points for not shrinking back.

“Are you sure about this?”

My words wouldn’t be enough to convince him. So with shaky hands, I reached behind my back and tried to unzip my dress. Then he was there. His fingers helped me with the task. When the zipper could go no further, he stepped back.

I shimmied my shoulders a little bit so the dress could fall, exposing me. When he muttered a curse, I had no idea if that was good or bad.

He circled me. “Lenny wants to give me her cupcake.”

Nervously, I said, “Don’t you think calling my virginity a cupcake is weird?”

He reached around from where he stood behind me. “It’s not your virginity I’m talking about.” He cupped me in between my legs, and I gasped. “This is what I’m talking about. It’s sweet with a creamy center. And I’m going to lick the fuck out of the icing.”

I rubbed at my arms, feeling self-conscious as he stood touching me. Gently, he pried my wrist from my arm and placed my hand on the part of his body he talked about once he stood in front of me again. I’d felt Ox before, but Kelley was different. Everything about the experience was different as I didn’t cringe. I let him guide my hand up and down his length.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked again, giving me an out.

In answer, I pulled my hand free to work at the button of his well-worn jeans.

When they hung open, he wound his strong arms around me and lifted me off my feet. I had no choice but to wrap my legs around him or I would leave us awkwardly off balance. He turned and took a few steps before gently laying me on his bed. Then he stood up and pulled his shirt over his head. I gaped.

His bruises had healed to more like angry shadows, so I focused on the rest of his body. I had no idea boys could be built like him. Ox was big, but he didn’t have defined ridges in his torso like Kelley did.

“What’s wrong, cupcake?”

I reached up, but he crawled onto the bed and caged me in on all fours. He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. Craving him more than I thought possible, I reached up and cupped the back of his head, pulling him closer.

“There’s no rush,” he whispered against my lips.

He had no idea. My skin felt on fire and only his touch soothed the ache.

“I’ll get you there,” he said into my ear before kissing down my jaw and lower.

He left a trail of tingles that crackled over me. I felt more alive than I ever had before. Air breezed across my chest as I only then realized he’d freed me of my bra. No boy, not even Ox had seen me completely naked. I’d been felt up, but only through my clothes. I should’ve been embarrassed, but I wasn’t.

His mouth covered my peaks, sending me on a dizzying journey to oblivion. I squeezed my legs together, needing something I couldn’t explain. The experience was like no other. When Ox had touched me, I’d only felt dirty like I was doing something wrong.

Kelley’s touch felt right, and I wanted more, but he was taking way too long to get to where I needed him.

His kiss met the valley of my breasts as his hand found the junction between my thighs. When probing fingers glided over a place he’d called my clit, my back bowed from pleasure. I had no idea what he planned when he kissed his way to my navel and lower. I opened my eyes to watch him, only to see the top of his head. His hair tickled my belly, and I fought not to squirm. Only his tongue kissed places I never thought would be kissed. My eyes rolled in the back of my head as something built so deep inside, I didn’t understand it. His finger joined in the fun, and soon I was over the moon, wondering what planet I landed on as I cried out from the overwhelming amount of feelings that came over me.

Then he was back, saying words that held no meaning for a second.

“This is where you stop me, princess. Otherwise there is no turning back.”

When my brain could process what he said, I muttered, “There’s more?”

His luscious bow like lips broke into a grin. “A whole lot more.”

Whatever I experienced before was a first. And if I had any doubts about Kelley and the rumors about him, in that moment, I wanted him to be my first if it was going to be as mind-blowing as what he’d just done.

“I’m ready.”

I reached for him, but he hoped off the bed and removed his pants. I was transfixed by what was about to be revealed. As he pushed the jeans down, I found out he didn’t wear anything underneath. What stood out and pointed at me was just as impressive as the rest of him, now that I had a clear view of it. I sat up, eager to touch him. My hand wrapped around its smoothness. And I leaned with a need to taste him as he’d done me.

His fingers wound in my hair, and he stopped me from making contact.

“As much as I want that pretty mouth of yours there, I’ve dreamed of this moment too long to waste another minute.”

Suddenly, I was underneath him. I giggled when in seconds he had me pinned with one leg around his waist and the other in his hand right beneath my knee. His penis poked at the door of my opening. My eyes widened, realizing that this was it.

“Shit, Len. I don’t have a condom.”

He let go of my leg and fell back on the bed beside me.

“Do you always use a condom?”

His nod was all I needed. I was going against my sex ed class, knowing better. But not caring all the same. “Okay, you can be careful, right? You can pull out?” Because I didn’t want to wait for another time. Who knew if I would have the courage to do this again.

I blushed, and he looked pained. He scrubbed his face before he looked at me. “Do you trust me?”

I nodded. He rolled back on top of me. “I’ll pull out, even if it fucking kills me.”

Then he leaned down after repositioning me and pushed his tongue in my mouth at the same time he pushed a little inside me.

He let out a damn sexy groan. “Damn, Len, you feel so good.”

I sucked in a lungful of air just as he stopped. He kissed me hard, stealing my ability to breathe. His fingers threaded through mine when he pulled back.

“On three.” His eyes held trust. “One.”

An alarm rang in my head. Should I be doing this? He could so destroy my heart.

“Two.”

I pushed the thought away, ready to join the masses in my school of those who’d lost their virginity. Who was I saving it for? Ox? No, Kelley was the right choice.

“Three.”

My head tipped back, bending my throat toward his mouth as he thrust forward. A piercing pain eclipsed every nerve ending, forcing me to suck in a lungful of air.

“Breathe, Lenny.”

I’d heard of the pain. Who hadn’t? But it killed all the pleasure I felt before. How could anyone think this was worth doing?

But he started to move, causing me to grip him tight.

“Are you okay?” he asked again, stilling his motion.

Part of me wanted to say no, but the other part of me didn’t want my first time to end like this. It couldn’t hurt forever. Because I knew people liked doing this.

I nodded yes. He captured my mouth and for a second I forgot what we were doing. His lips, so gentle on mine, eased my burden somewhat. Slowly, his movement sparked to life something other than the dull ache between my legs. He seemed to sense it and moved his lips from my mouth to my breast. And his kiss there super-heated my insides. He let go of my hand and moved it between us. He touched that part of me I hadn’t known the name of until he told me, and little by little the pain died away, replaced by a fragment of the pleasure I felt before.

When I moaned, he took my hand again, threading our fingers together. And still he managed the leverage to move inside of me. But each time his body connected with that magic point, pleasure built on contact. I wanted more, so I lifted up to make more of a connection.

“Oh my God,” I muttered as the feeling of lighting a spark fused my whole body.

Whatever it was, it was close. And Kelley knew just what to do. He continued to hit that spot until something else sparked inside. Another button was pushed, creating a chasm feeling I wanted to explore until that word he’d mentioned before.
Detonation
.