Chase the Storm (11 page)

“Obviously, this is above your abilities today. Go get the hay in and stacked. Maybe that’s a task youcando without fuckingup,”he seethed.
I took my T-shirt and left, not stopping when I heard a loud crash come from the tack room. Instead, I bolted down the stairs and broke into a run at the bottom. Sprinting to the tractor with the trailer parked next to the other barn, I climbed on and turned the key to fire up the engine. Once it was running, I headed for the field, refusing to wipe away the first ofmanytears untilI was out ofsight ofthe barn.
Out in the field, I went up and down the rows, parking the tractor to get out and load hay onto the trailer before getting back in and moving to the next batch. It was a much easier job with two people, but I was thankful to be out there alone. Each achy movement reminded me of him, ofwhat we’d done, and a new wave ofagonywashed over me. I couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment I’d fallen in love with him. It had kind of snuck up onme, hidinginmyheart untilit was too late. As mytime there passed, I had found myself staring at himlonger, admiring his skilland knowledge, curious about the smallest details of his life, and even enjoying the silence that always hovered around him. Had I known when all those things were happeningI was fallinginlove, I might have tried to stop myself.
But then I would think about how my heart jumped when he was near, when he looked my way with those amazing cobalt eyes, and I knew there was no way I could have stopped myself from loving him. It had become a matter ofhow hard I was goingto falland how muchit was goingto hurt to get back up again.
It’d only been a few hours since I’d walked into the barn. Maybe he needed some time to accept what had happened and things would get better. While I clungto that tinyglimmer ofhope, deep inmyheart I knew Chase wasn’t going to accept it. Every time he looked at me, he was going to see nothing but betrayal. My continued presence would only cause himmore pain.
As I threw hay into the trailer and drove the tractor, I realized as much as it would pain me to walk away, it was what I needed to do to save him. I decided if things hadn’t improved by night, I would pack my things and go. My heartbreak mixed with sweat and streaked down my face while I tried to ignore bothand finishthe work.
Unfiltered by clouds, the sun beamed down on me as I drove the tractor back to the barn. Glancing at the ring, I saw it was empty, and I quickly scanned the farmto find Chase. Relieved when I didn’t see him, I backed the tractor and trailer up to the barn and turned off the ignition. Hopping off, I left my shirt on the seat and set up the conveyor, ignoring its creaking when I turned it on. One by one, I tossed the bales on it, hoping the simple task would help me avoid thinking about Chase or the clenchinginmychest.
As soon as the trailer was empty, and there was still no sign of Chase, I went to the loft and completed stacking it. Hay adhered to my skin and hair as I piled the bales as high as I could. Finishing, I went back downstairs to retrieve Keno for his bath and found himalready in his stall, his coat darkened withwater.
“I told youto bathe him,”a sharp voice said.
Without turning around, I replied defiantly, “If I’d known you needed himdone before the hay, I would have bathed himfirst.”
“I should have known better than to hire some fucking city boy who doesn’t know shit about a farm,” he muttered angrily to himself but loud enoughfor me to hear him.
Hanging my head, I took a deep breath, reminding myself it was his guilt talking. He wasn’t the same man who had made love to me the night before. “I’msorry,”I apologized for the second time that day.
“I don’t need your fucking apologies,” he snapped. “I need you to do the job I hired you for. The Sullivans are on their way to see Keno. Get the barnpicked up before theyarrive and thenstayout ofsight.”
I nodded but knew he’d alreadyleft.
It was time for me to do the same.
After I swept the loose hay and clutter fromthe aisle, I retrieved my shirt from the tractor and walked toward the house just as the Sullivans pulled in. Entering the house, I went straight to my room and looked out my window to see Chase leading Keno to the riding ring with the family following. Before I could talk myself out of it, I took my duffle bag out of the closet and unzipped it. I couldn’t stay where I wasn’t wanted, even if it was where I thought I belonged. I stuffed the bag with my clothes and zipped it up before puttingthe remainder ofmythings into myfootlocker.
I wasn’t sure what I was going to do for money. I only had a few hundred left after paying Mike, and there was no way I would take a cent from Chase. Resigned to the fact I would probably have to return home untilschoolstarted, I finished packing.
Once the bedroomand bathroomwere emptyofeverythingthat was mine, I stripped the bed and put the linens in the laundry. I carried my footlocker down the stairs, something I wouldn’t have been able to do a month before, and opened the screen door with my hip. I slid the footlocker into the bed of my truck and then went back inside. Trotting back up the stairs, I entered my room for the last time. In the short amount oftime I had beenthere, it had become myhome.
After feeling like I never fit in anywhere, I had found solace in the middle of Nebraska with a man as lost as I was. Standing in that room with my duffle bag slung over my shoulder, I repeated the procedure I’d done with his room and looked around, taking in every detail. Then I forced myselfdown the stairs and to his office. I fished around for a piece of paper and a pen before going to the kitchen. Standing at the island, I wrote hima note.
Chase,
I will never regret last night. For the rest of my life, I will remember how special you made me feel and how gentle you were. I never meant for it to hurt you so much. Thank you for everything you taught me, I will never forget you. It was here with you that I found myself.
I hope you find your path to happiness. You deserve it. Elijah
Laying the pen on the paper, I didn’t even bother to wipe away the wet blotches created from the few tears that had fallen. After taking off my hat and leaving it next to the note, I turned and walked down the hall and out the door to see the Sullivans driving away. Chase waved to them before he slowlyturned to me standingonthe porch.
“So you’re just going to leave?” he asked, his eyes looking everywhere but at me.
When he took a few steps closer, I saw his anger in his tense body, his hands clenching into fists at his sides as he tried to contain his emotions. The gold on his finger gleamed in the sunlight, mocking me. I would never be what it represented, and had beenfoolishto think I could.
“Yes,” I answered weakly, not at all sure it was what I wanted to do.
“What about your pay?”
“I don’t want it,” I choked out, and for the first time that day, he reallylooked at me.
Eyes of azure fire glared at me, and I stood transfixed by the storm that raged in them. It was my fault he felt like that. He would be better off without me. I wanted to tell him that, but he pivoted on his heels and strode offinto the barn.
“Damnit,”I said witha sigh.
Goingdownthe steps, I went to mytruck and put mybaginthe cab. Not wanting to leave without saying good-bye to the horses, I closed the truck door and headed for the barn. The horses were eating when I entered. Reachingthroughthe bars, I patted Lakota’s face.
“Thanks for putting up with me, buddy,” I said softly. “Sorry I can’t ride youanymore.”
At first I didn’t notice Chase at the other end, his shoulder against the door, his head hung low. The sun was setting, casting an etherealglow around his stubborn silhouette. Suddenly, it wasn’t the horses I wanted to say good-bye to. Even if he ignored me, I needed to tell him how I felt, that I loved him. I walked down the aisle, stopping a few feet behind him. He knew I was there, but he made no move to acknowledge me.
“Chase, you can’t pretend I don’t exist.” There was stillno reaction. “Why won’t you look at me? Was last night so awful?” My words rushed fromme withquiet desperation.
Chase spun around, wrapped his fingers around my arms, and slammed me against Admiral’s stall. My head banged against bars, but before I had a chance to be frightened, he was pressed against me with a knee wedged firmly between my legs. He glowered at me, his chest touching mine. The wood of the stall scraped my back through the thin cotton of my T-shirt as he slammed his hips into me. Regardless of everything that had happened that day, I instantly remembered what it had felt like to have him buried in me, how he felt moving above me, and the way he’d murmured in my ear. My cock strained against my jeans, and a wicked smirk crossed his face whenhe felt it.
“Is this what youwant?”
He bucked his hips forward again and I gasped, my erection throbbing. With his lips almost touching mine, I could smell his sweet breath and feel his heat through our clothes. Dragging both my arms above myhead, he seized mywrists withone hand while his other tracked its way down my side to the button of my jeans. I felt completely powerless.
Grindinghis hips into mine, he put his mouthat myear. “Is it?”
I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to wrap my legs around himand beg him to take me, but I just nodded. After running his nose along my jaw, his lips found the skin of my neck, and he took it between his teeth. Something stirred low in my stomach before it contracted with arousal. I felt himmark me, and I groaned, beggingfor more.
“You just want me to fuck you right here and now? Is that what it will take to get you to stay? A good, hard fuck?” he asked in a throaty growl.
I wasn’t sure if he expected an answer, but it didn’t matter, I couldn’t speak anyway because as his thumb rubbed along my contained erection, I came. Clenching my jaw, I grunted through gritted teeth as my orgasm unexpectedly ripped through me. In my pants, my cock pulsed and released short streams of semen with each spasm. I writhed between him and the stall, panting for breath and letting his name roll from my tongue like I’d been calling it out every night ofmy life. His hips continued to rock into me, his erectionpressingagainst mine.
As suddenly as he’d grabbed me, he released me, stepping back and glaring at me with a feral look in his eyes. My arms fell to my sides and my cock was still twitching when he turned and walked away. Breathing heavily, I watched him leave, unable to call out to stop him. Sliding down the stall, I sat on the ground and brought my knees up to my chest before placing my chin on them and attempting to calm myself. Emotions, both good and bad, surged through me on the heels of the climax, making me more confused than ever. Embarrassment, humiliation, desire, hurt, and most importantly, loveall made an appearance in my muddled thoughts.
Only a few minutes before, I’d been so certain leaving was the right thing to do, but as I sat there, my body still buzzing, I wondered if I was making the right choice. If he didn’t want me there, why would he have even touched me and asked if a good fuck would make me stay? He was struggling over what happened more than I was, and maybe I had been right before, maybe he just needed some time. That was something I actually could give him. I certainly had enough of it, and I had no place to go. The tingling was still flowing steadily through me when I raised my head and looked outside to see the sunabout to set.
Before moving there, sunsets had meant nothing more than the end ofa day, but now they meant so much more. Not only the end ofa day of hard work, but the beginning of a night that might offer the possibility of two people finding one another in the darkness. Through watery eyes, I watched the sun disappear before I rose to my feet. I could already feel the scrapes and splinters inmyback fromthe wood, and there was a dark spot onthe crotchofmyjeans. But mymind was made up.
Sliding the barn doors closed, I went to my truck for my duffle bag. Then, taking a long breath for resolve, I walked up the porch steps and into the house. It was completely still, no sounds of him cooking in the kitchen or shuffling papers in his office. Practically tiptoeing, I went into the kitchen to get the note I’d written. It was gone, but my hat remained. Picking it up, I went upstairs and into my room and dropped my bag on the floor. Too exhausted to make the bed or strip off my clothes, I collapsed on the mattress, only managing to toe off my sneakers before myeyes were closing.

The next morning, I changed into clean clothes in the darkness ofmy room before stumbling down the stairs and out to the barn. I fed the horses before my alarm was due to go off and was leading Sampson to the pasture when I heard Chase enter the barn. After closing the gate behind Sampson, I turned and saw Chase walking toward me with Admiralbyhis side. I held the gate for himas he releasedAdmiralinto the field. Without a thank you or good morning, Chase returned to the barn. I wasn’t expecting miracles, but I’d thought he might at least acknowledge myexistence after what had happened the daybefore. We finished turning out the horses in silence. I was adding sawdust to Jet’s stall before Chase finallyspoke to me.

Standing in the middle of a dirty stall, I wondered just how bad things were going to get. Vowing to give himnothing to complain about, I continued mucking out the stalls and took care of the garden, leaving the ripe vegetables on the island in the kitchen before figuring out how to use the rivet setter to repair a brokenreinona bridle.