Breath of Life (28 page)

 She went into the office and decided the best way to heal herself is surround herself with good memories. She opened her laptop. She would never forget Ella but she knew she was truly starting to let go and pick up the pieces of her life. She needed to start with her feelings surrounding Ella’s death. She had to truly believe she had no part in her death because she didn’t put that semi-truck in the way that night. That she did everything within her power to save her friend. She had to stop blaming herself. Once she did that, then she could start thinking about her feelings for Jack and Duke. She would have to work out that part later after she fixed herself. She needed to be okay with herself before she could give herself to someone else. So for now, Paxton put the boys on the back burner and turned her attention to herself.  With her newfound peace, she threw herself into finding a place to hold the memories of Ella. Somewhere where she could go to remember the light Ella brought into people’s lives.

TWENTY-THREE

October 2012

Paxton glanced around nervously. It was opening day at the E. Avery Gallery. There was quite a crowd gathering. Paxton rubbed her hands together.

“You have nothing to worry about.” Ryan’s voice startled her.

“Easy for you to say, you aren’t the one giving a speech,” she elbowed him in the ribs.

They were standing in front of the doors behind a curtain. It was months in the making and Paxton was happy that today she could share Ella with everyone, she just had to get through her speech first. She never did well with public speaking.

“I am pleased to invite the co-founder of the E. Avery Gallery to stage, Paxton Andrews!” The Chamber of Commerce president’s voice boomed.

Paxton felt Ryan nudge her forward. She walked around the curtain and smiled. Local news photographers were there taking pictures of the event. She stood at the podium for a few minutes scanning the crowd. She found her mother, Dr. Keeler and Duke standing in the front. She slightly nodded when their gazes met.

“Thank you all for coming today,” Paxton started. Her voice was shaky but loud enough for everyone to hear. “Today is a day for new beginnings. This gallery is dedicated to my very best friend, Ella Avery. We lost her almost two years ago, but her work will live on in the gallery. The E. Avery Gallery opens today with a very special collection.  It was the collection that Mrs. Avery started a few weeks before her tragic death.” Paxton paused for a moment.  She saw that she was commanding the crowd. Several people were nodding at her, agreeing with her last statement.

“This collection is a very personal one that she held close to her heart. You will see her featured in a lot of photographs and more of the loved ones she had, including myself, the husband she left behind, her adoptive mother, and her friends and family. She captured special and sometimes intimate moments in these pictures. She sculpted emotional pieces that everyone can relate to. She captured the very spirit of life. So without further ado, I welcome you to the E. Avery Gallery featuring the
Breath of Life
Collection.”

Paxton stepped away from the podium. Several men appeared and moved the podium and the curtain. Behind it was the Chamber of Commerce president, Ryan and several other community members. Ryan held the giant ribbon cutting scissors. His face held a grin. She walked over and joined to group.

Flashes were constantly going off. They posed with the scissors about to cut the ribbon. Paxton felt a few tears gather in her eyes because she was overwhelmed with everything going on.  The president then nodded to them, signaling to start cutting the ribbon.  Ryan and Paxton took their ends of the scissor and then cut the ribbon.  They hugged because their project was finally done.

“Please come in and take a look around,” Ryan’s voice boomed over the applause. They led the way into the lobby.

The lobby was separated into two parts. When you first walked in, you were greeted with a partial wall that separated the gallery from the entry way. Since it was opening day, Paxton decided not to charge anyone for admission. Behind the wall were various easels set up in the large part of the lobby area. There were several benches on the backside of the receptionist wall. All around the lobby were various rooms the held smaller collections that were themed.  The left and back sides of the building were made of glass. It opened the view to the landscaping that was done around the building.

On the second floor, there were several more rooms and the offices for Paxton and Ryan. Paxton’s sat on the side where two of her walls were glass. She loved the idea of the corner office when she saw the open view. They added a door and made it her office instead of a gallery room. Ryan’s was next door to Paxton’s, but only the back side of his office was glass. The center of the second floor was cut out so you can look down into lobby.  

Paxton watched the people walk around looking at Ella’s artwork. She wished Ella was there to see how much support she had.  She saw her mother walking towards her. They hadn’t worked on their relationship much since she went to church a few months back but they were civil towards each other.

“Paxton,” Jenny said as she walked up and put her arms around Paxton.

“Mother.” Paxton returned the hug. Today was not a day to fight with her.

“This place is wonderful. You did an amazing job.” Jenny released her and smiled.

“Thanks.”

Jenny didn’t say anything else.  She smiled and walked away toward Ryan on the other side of the room.

Paxton felt a stab of disappointment that her mother still couldn’t hold a conversation with her.  She wished that her mother was ready to move on. There were small breakdowns in the barrier between them but it wasn’t enough for Paxton yet. She wanted to start fixing her relationship with her mother. 

Paxton saw Jenny pause at the one picture she hoped she would see. It was a picture of them. Ella snapped of them baking in the kitchen. They had just gotten into a small flour fight and Ella grabbed a camera to capture how ridiculous they looked.  Jenny had her arm around Paxton and they were both laughing. It showed genuine happiness. Almost a perfect picture of what a mother-daughter relationship should be. She saw Jenny reach out to the picture and touch it.
She’s reminiscing
, Paxton thought.

Paxton remembered when Ryan first showed it to her. They were picking out pieces for the lobby and he thought of the perfect center pieces. It was the trio of pictures from their last baking day. One of Paxton and Jenny, one of her, Ella and Jenny, and the last piece was her and Ella. Flour covered their faces, arms, and clothes in each picture.  Each one captured the relationships, the one that every girl wanted to have, a best friend, a wonderful mother, and an amazing sister.

Paxton was pulled from her thoughts when another patron came up to speak with her. She was only half way listening because her mother was still at the picture of them. She wanted to watch her more. Paxton nodded and smiled to the Patron. She caught a few words where she was complimenting Ella and her work.  Her mother stood at the picture for a few minutes and then she left the picture and went towards Ryan.

Paxton went up to her office on the second floor. She needed a breather from the opening. She felt like she was getting overwhelmed.  She closed the door and let out a deep breath. She went and sat behind her desk. She didn’t have anything to do in here so she laid her head back and closed her eyes. She just needed to take in the peaceful surrounding. She needed to enjoy this day.

“Paxton?” A knock followed on her door.

“Come in.”

Dr. Keeler came through the door. “Doing okay?”

“Yeah, just needed a moment,” Paxton explained.

“I saw your mother staring at the picture of you and her. She came to speak to me after talking to Ryan for a bit.” Dr. Keeler watched Paxton for a reaction. “She’s coming to see me this week. She wants to work through her feelings about you.”

Paxton stared at Dr. Keeler. She didn’t know what to say. The fact that her mother reached out to Dr. Keeler was a miracle. After the day in the church, her mother didn’t really speak to her but she didn’t try to work on their relationship either.

“I hope that you two will come in for a family session, if that’s okay with you.”

“That would be wonderful. I want her back in my life.” Paxton lifted her gaze to Dr. Keeler. “I miss what we used to have and that’s what Ella would want.”

“How are you feeling with all of Ella’s work surrounding you? I know you have worked through your grief for the most part but this can take a toll on anyone.”

“I know. I came up here to get away from it all. I needed a moment to collect myself,” Paxton politely smiled. “This is Ella’s world, not mine. I put myself in her world. This is foreign territory for me. I should be in a surgical room but here I am instead. I’m here because this is where I need to be.”

“I see. Well, I will leave you be. I will see you next week.” Dr. Keeler smiled as she got up. She left the room.

Paxton sat there a few more minutes before she went back down. Ryan had just closed the doors. She looked at her watch and it was past 5:30 now. 

“It was a good turnout. People love her work. Thank you for making this happen,” Ryan said as they looked back at the empty lobby.

“It was. I need to go. I have a few things to do before the days over.”  Paxton gave Ryan a quick hug and walked out of gallery. She heard Ryan lock up behind her.

Her car was parked on the street in the parallel parking spots. She noticed someone leaning against her car. She wasn’t sure who it was so she grabbed her can of pepper spray. She got closer and he turned and faced her.

“Hey,” Jack said as Paxton approached him.

“What are you doing here?” 

“I keep an eye on the local news here. I saw a few days ago that today you were opening the gallery. I wanted to see it. I tried to stay away from you but I can’t Paxton. I love you. I’m miserable in New York. I want a second chance with you.”

“It’s been months since you left.”

“I’ve given you space and I can’t give you anymore. Just please give me a second chance.”

“I should be asking you for that but I’m just figuring out my life. I’m in a good place right now, I can’t let you get in the way of that,” Paxton stared at him. Her heart wanted her to run to him and be in his arms, but her head knew better and made her stay right where she was, safely on the other side of the car.

“I forgive you. I forgive you for those nights you found yourself in someone else’s arm. I want us to work this out. I love you.”

“What about New York? What about Kenleigh?”

“It’s a part of me Tiger but Kenleigh and I are just friends. We worked through our issues. I just want you back.”

“I need more time,” Paxton pleaded.

“I see,” Jack paused staring at the ground. “Ella would have been proud of you today. The gallery looks wonderful.” He turned and walked off.

Paxton stood there watching him. He slipped into his car parked a few spaces down. He drove off but she just stood there. She wondered if she just made the right choice.
You know you did. Give yourself time to completely heal
, her conscience spoke out once more. It had been silent these past few months without Duke and Jack around.  There were no battles to fight between her head and her heart. She focused on her soul. She focused on getting healthy and working through her grief the proper way. The gallery helped her focus on herself and her feelings. It symbolized everything Ella was. She climbed into her car and looked back at the gallery. She read the gold words that were on the curved wall right next to the lobby doors.
You are my moment, my breath of life. - Ella Avery.
  She smiled and pulled away.

Paxton stared at Ella’s gravestone. It was dinner time and the sun beginning its descent. She sat in the grass and picked off the leaves that have fallen around the base of her stone. Paxton felt safe and comfortable here. Something about visiting Ella calmed her.

She noticed the fresh flowers sitting in the vase beside the stone. Duke had been out here today. She wondered how he was doing after the opening. He didn’t say anything to her at the gallery. He didn’t even come up to her.  Paxton felt her heart drop a little bit. She had no idea what she was going to do about her feelings, she didn’t want to think about it.  She stared at the Ella’s stone, reading her saying over and over.
You are my moment, my breath of life. Don’t forget this.

Paxton kept thinking about what made her happy. What was her breath of life? Jack and Duke popped into her thoughts again and the love they both confessed to her. She shook her head. She then thought of her mother and how things used to be. Paxton knew then that it was time to concentrate on her relationships as much as she wanted to avoid them a little bit longer. She knew that she had to move on and face whatever came next.  She looked down at the stone, “Ellie-bear, I think I’ll need your help for this next part. Just help me out.”

Paxton stood and headed home. She was getting ready to start a new chapter in her life. It was time for her to rebuild it, for her heart to heal. She needed to create her moments, she needed to live and love.  It was time for Paxton to create her own breath of life.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I would like to thank my family and supporters as I went through the journey of writing my first book.  It was a task that seemed impossible at times but they kept pushing me until I finished.  The support from them was amazing.

I would also like to thank my editors, Erica Cope, Andrea Lauppe, Sarah Rios and Nicole Brown. You four ladies helped me tremendously and I greatly appreciate the input and opinions you all gave me.

I also need to thank my husband, for his phenomenal support of my late nights and anti-social behavior as I finished this book. He is my biggest supporter and I could not have done this without him.

I would also like to thank you, as my reader, for buying my debut novel. I cannot thank you enough for taking enough interest in my book to buy it!!