Breath of Life (11 page)

Jack: Because I want you to have it. End of discussion.

Paxton: Jack, you are so frustrating.

Jack: As are you Tiger.

He set his phone down. There quick conversation reminded him of when they first met.

“Jack come on, I’m not used to spending this kind of money. I don’t need you to give me anything.” Paxton protested.

Jack was taking her shopping because he was throwing a party in uptown Kansas City for a charity he was working with. He wanted Paxton to have something she loved but she was so worried about the money.

“I just want you to find something you love without worrying about the price. I’m buying you a fancy dress and shoes to match and whatever else you girls need to feel as pretty as you look.” He said giving her a small kiss on the cheek.

They had only been dating a month and she was still opening up. She acted in her own small town ways. She didn’t care about dresses or fancy parties, she only wanted him. That’s why Jack fell in love with her. She didn’t want anything but his attention.  Most women he knew before her only wanted him for his money.

They were shopping for hours and soon Paxton started to relax. She tried on a stunning silver dress. It was not too form-fitting but it hugged her curves in all the right places. Jack loved it more because it was a backless dress. From her shoulders it fell into a deep-V ending at her low back.

“I love this one.” Paxton said coming out of the dressing room, shyly modeling for Jack.

“As do I.” He said checking her out once more. He saw Paxton reach for the price tag. Her smile dropped.

“It’s too much. I don’t have the money for it. Can we just go somewhere else?” She pleaded.

“I’ll buy it for you.”

“No Jack, its $2500. I can find something cheaper.”

“Tiger, don’t be difficult. You love it. I’m buying. End of discussion.” He said grabbing her and pulling her in closely. He stroked her cheek and he could tell that she wanted to argue some more but she dropped it. Jack knew that she knew she would not win this one. He was buying the dress.

“Fine, but I can just wear a pair of heels I already have and I am sure that I have earrings to go with it.” She said stepping back into the dressing room. Jack let her take that small victory. He knew she didn’t like him spending his money on her.

He was pulled from his thoughts when his phone started ringing. It was Paxton.

“Yes?” He answered with a cool tone.

“I’m on my way to the bank to transfer the money. You should have it within the hour.”

“Paxton, don’t do this.”

“Jack. I don’t want your money. It’s not going to make up for anything. I’m comfortable taking only what I need from our relationship. Please don’t make this any harder than it has to be.”

Jack didn’t say anything. He didn’t know how to respond to that without ending up in a bigger fight.

“Jack?” Her voice cracked. She was waiting for a response.

“What can I do to make you see how sorry I am?” There was a long pause. Then he heard her sigh. “Paxton please, just talk to me.”

Paxton didn’t answer him right away. He worried that she might have hung up. Suddenly she heard, “Show me without shoving money in my face.”

He heard the line go dead. Jack looked at his phone. Now he was thoroughly confused.
What was she saying?
He sighed and settled into his bed. He didn’t know what to do at this point and being stuck in a wheelchair was not helping right now.

NINE

 It had been a few days since Paxton called Jack. She didn’t try contacting him again. The bank called her about the accounts. Her transfer did not go through. She still had all the money Jack left her. Paxton was just getting back to the cabin. She was sitting in the car preparing herself to walk inside. She still felt him everywhere in the house. She did not like being there by herself. She felt alone and lost without Jack there. She tried to find anything and everything to get her out of the house and her mind off Jack.

She pulled the keys out of the ignition and opened her car door. Walking into the cabin she felt empty. Everywhere she looked she saw Jack. She saw hurt, she saw where she laid on the floor when Jack slammed the door. She saw the office that Jack stayed in and worked instead of tending to her. She went up to the bedroom. She was exhausted as she hadn’t been sleeping well. Duke hadn’t been in touch for a few days and she felt more alone than ever. She couldn’t figure out what to do, she needed a project or something to take her mind off everything.

She laid in her bed, staring at the ceiling. She was trying to decide what kind of project she could start that would keep her busy. She couldn’t look anywhere in the room because everything was Jack’s. She needed to get rid of his stuff that he left. Items he decorated with. That’s when the idea hit her, Paxton needed to redecorate and make this place her own. She could paint and buy new items for the house. She would make it hers and only hers. It would no longer symbolize what she lost or who she shared the space with.

She walked from room to room and made herself a list of things to change. She wanted everything changed. The biggest part of the list was for her bedroom. She couldn’t bring herself to face some of the rooms in the house so she skipped them. The spare bedrooms she left alone. No memories were held in there and she decorated them when they moved in. Going from room to room also reminded her how much cleaning needed to happen.

Once she was finished with her list and walking through the house, Paxton spent the next couple of hours picking up cleaning supplies and groceries. She was exhausted from her trip to Wal-Mart by the time she climbed back into her car. She hated how busy it always was. She was glad to be free of that place and heading back to her house.

 She was pulling into her driveway when she noticed Duke’s truck parked out front. Paxton was confused as to why he was here waiting for her. It was getting kind of late for a social call. As she put her car in park when she pulled into the garage, she glanced at the time. It was 10:30. She opened her door and climbed out. Duke was already stumbling towards her.

“Hey there pretty lady,” he said giving a smirk.

“How much have you had to drink?” She smelled the alcohol on him as he leaned in to give her a hug.

“Not much, scout’s honor.” He smiled holding up his hand.  Paxton glared at him and his sarcasm.

“You shouldn’t be driving in your condition. Give me your keys.” She snatched the keys away from him.

“Paxi-boo what is the matter with you tonight?”

“Don’t. Don’t use that name with me.” She turned and went inside knowing he would follow. She closed the door once he stepped inside. “You know how I feel about drinking and driving. I was a trauma surgeon dammit and I have seen my fair share of people dying because of idiots like you,” she scolded. He gave her a look like she wounded him.

“Paxi-boo…”

“NO! Go sit on the couch. I have groceries to bring in,” she said turning to go back to the SUV. Tears pooled once more. Ella used to call her by that name. No one else did. She didn’t want to think of Ella now.

She opened up the back and started grabbing bags. It took her several trips before she got all of them in. On her last trip in, Duke was leaning against the counter in the kitchen. He was holding a picture frame. One that she had in the living room on the mantel.

“I wish I could see her again,” he said in a low mumble. Paxton sighed. She did not need this right now. “Today is her birthday you know.”

Paxton fought back tears she didn’t realize the date. It was the 3
of March. Ella was her best friend and Paxton forgot about her birthday.  She placed the bag down and leaned forward hanging her head.

“I should be celebrating with her right now,” Duke quietly said. Paxton felt a weight press down on her shoulders. Of course that’s why he got drunk.

“I’m so sorry,” Paxton said trying to control herself. She felt Duke brush against her side. He pulled her up.

“Quit blaming yourself. I am sorry I brought it up,” he whispered in her ear. Paxton took a deep breath trying to calm herself only she could smell the alcohol on him. It was overwhelming.

“You need to drink some water and relax on the couch. I need to put the groceries away.” She stood up and backed away from Duke.

Paxton wiped the tears from her face and straightened her shirt. She grabbed a glass and filled it for him. She held it out for him to take but he stared at her.

“Quit it,” he stared at her.

“Just take the water.”

He grabbed it reluctantly and gulped the water down until the glass was empty. He set it down and continued to stare at her. She grabbed the glass and filled it again. She held it out. He did the same but he just stared at her throughout the whole process.

“What?” She just wanted him to leave her alone for a few minutes.

“You are blaming yourself. Stop, Love Bug.”

Paxton turned around and tried to ignore him. She was very much aware that he was still watching her. She put away her cold and frozen stuff first. She didn’t want anything to spoil. Paxton avoided eye contact with Duke. She then concentrated on the rest that she had room for in the pantry. Duke didn’t move or say another word.  He just watched her and folded his arms across his chest. He leaned back on the counter and crossed one leg in front of the other. She didn’t care if he stood there all day. It wouldn’t bring Ella back into their lives whether Paxton blamed herself or not.

“I will make up the spare bedroom for you.” She started to walk past him. Duke grabbed her arm as she walked by and pulled her back.

“Stop.”

“No you stop!” Paxton yelled.

Anger surged through her.  She was tired and she didn’t need someone to remind her that she forgot about her best friend’s birthday or the fact that she is gone.

“You show up at my house plastered. Fuck you for bringing up Ella! I don’t need this. I don’t need everyone walking on eggshells, I just need my life back.”

Paxton hit Duke in the chest. He still had her by the back of her arm. She hit him again and again. The tears were falling down her cheeks. She was so angry at everyone. Her mother for her hurtful words, Jack for leaving her, Ella for not being there and Duke for showing up the way he did tonight. Duke took each hit knowing she needed to get her anger out of her system, just like he drank to get Ella out of his. After a few minutes Paxton was sobbing uncontrollably. Duke wrapped his arms around her and she sagged into his arms.

“Shh...It’s okay,Love Bug. It’s okay.” He rocked her for a few moments before he picked her up and carried her to her room.

He laid her down on her bed and tears were still falling down her cheeks. She was exhausted. He took off her shoes and tossed them to the side. He slowly pulled off her socks. He went to her dresser and pulled out shorts and a tank top. She was slipping away into her own world. He saw it when Jack left her and she didn’t do a thing for herself. He changed her into her pajamas he pulled out and then pulled the comforter down to get her into bed. She cried again uncontrollably. He couldn’t leave her like this. He climbed on the other side staying above the comforter and just held her. Duke felt Paxton’s breathing even and she grew more silent. She cried herself to sleep once again.

Duke sat there and watched her sleep for a few minutes. He knew she carried around her grief and blamed everything that went wrong in the last year on herself. She didn’t cut herself any slack. He cared for her, he couldn’t deny it. They held each other together for the most part since Ella left them. Jack left her and she fell apart, not even Duke could hold the pieces together for her.

“You deserve the world. You deserve to be happy. You are smart and beautiful. Jack was a fool walking out on you. You’re a diamond in the rough and he should never have let you go.” He kissed her on her forehead and headed to the spare bedroom across the hall.

Paxton woke up to sunlight filling her room. She felt the warmness of it. It seemed as though it was spring time instead of winter. She sat up and stretched. She turned to face the other side of the bed. Duke was not there. She remembered falling asleep while he was holding her. She slightly panicked thinking he drove home last night. She quickly climbed out of bed and went to search for him. She didn’t bother throwing on her robe. If Duke left last night she would be furious with him. It would be senseless to risk his own life and the life of others. She clenched her fists running down the stairs.

When she got to the landing at the bottom she was already angry. She turned the corner and checked the living area. She checked the main floor but found him nowhere. She then thought of the spare bedrooms upstairs. She checked the first one but he wasn’t there. Anger was still building within her. If he wasn’t in the second spare bedroom she would kill him.

She opened the door to the second spare bedroom and froze. She found him sleeping in the bed. She breathed a sigh a relief that he wasn’t dumb enough to drive again in his state last night. Her anger had disappeared as quickly as it built up. She was glad he was here and it looks like he just shed all his clothes and fell into bed. She decided to turn and head down to the kitchen. Her stomach hadn’t rumbled yet but she knew it would soon. She hadn’t been eating enough lately.

She busied herself making pancakes and eggs. She played her music on her docking station. She began dancing around as she switched from flipping pancakes and making her eggs. It felt good making her own food again. She forgot how much she enjoyed cooking. She started singing along to the music, swaying her hips. She did a pan flip she learned from a fellow surgeon when they were stuck on a 48-hour shift. They went to the kitchen and Steve showed her how to flip pancakes. His wife was a chef and taught him several tricks.  She finished the pancakes and set them in the microwave to keep warm. She put the shredded cheese over the eggs. They were just about done.  Just a few minutes left to melt the cheese. She smiled and swayed to Rachel Yamagata’s sweet voice in
Meet Me by the Water
.  She closed her eyes and hummed. She opened her eyes to check on the eggs and found Duke watching her. She gasped in surprise.