Bound By His Desire (20 page)

He poured another glass. How many nights had he done this before? Only when he’d realised it was becoming a regular occurrence had he stopped. But tonight he didn’t care. Pam had made him rip the bandaid off a wound that would never heal. He never wanted it to heal. If it healed he would forget about what he’d seen and what had caused the utter devastation of his life. He couldn’t let that happen. Out of the tragedy of his parents death came the will and determination not to follow that same destructive path.

And he’d let himself fall down that wayside by getting involved with Pam. His assistant, just like his father. It didn’t matter that it was different circumstances. It didn’t matter that they were both free.

He downed the whisky he held in his hand. He had to end it. Hell, it was probably already ended after what he’d just thrown at her. He ignored the burn in his stomach at the thought of never tasting her sweet skin again. Never hearing her moan his name when she came apart in his arms. It was the whisky searing a hole in his gut, nothing more. He couldn’t let it be more.

Once they got back to Perth, he would talk to Luc about seeing if she would be interested in a position at one of the international branches. He knew she wanted to travel. If she lived far away from him, he wouldn’t be tempted to keep seeing her. He could continue on with his life exactly the way it had been before he’d flown back to Perth for Luc’s wedding. Before he’d arrived for the wedding he’d known where he was going and what he was doing. He’d kept his eye on the ball and his head in the game. He’d never let any one woman sway him from his ultimate goal. He wasn’t going to start with Pam. No matter how complete being with her made him feel.

Pam stared out the window and wished the flight would be over. Nick had barely spoken to her since his outburst the previous evening. She fallen asleep on Nick’s bed, waiting to see if he would return so they could talk some more. She hadn’t want to search for him again; she’d done that once. It was up to him to come to her, but he didn’t. She’d woken up alone and cold and feeling a little lost. When she’d gone looking for Nick she hadn’t been able to find him. The apartment was as empty as she felt. She finally found a note propped up in the kitchen, telling her he had packed and would be at the office until he needed to get to the airport. Where he would meet her.

She had spent the rest of the morning packing and waiting for the buzzer to sound to let her know the car had arrived. It wasn’t how she’d wanted to spend her last day in New York. Before the fight she’d hoped that Nick and she would’ve spent the morning making love and then laughing as they packed. She’d even let herself imagine the both of them testing out the bed in the back of the plane on the trip home.

Pam should know not to let herself dream. Her dreams were always shattered and all she was left with were nightmares. One big nightmare was waiting for her when she got off the plane back in Perth. She still had no idea what she was going to do about her house. But she’d find the money somehow to lift the caveat, and then she’d sell it and be free of the burden of home ownership.

‘Can I get you something to drink or eat?’ The voice of the stewardess penetrated her thoughts. She didn’t want to eat but it was going to be a long flight so she couldn’t starve herself for over twenty-four hours.

‘Yes please, do you have any fruit?’

‘We sure do. I’ll organise a platter for you, and what about a drink?’

‘A soda will be fine, thank you.’

The other woman nodded and turned towards where Nick was sitting opposite her. He had papers spread out on the table in front of him. Pam didn’t think he’d been doing much with them. She hadn’t heard them being shuffled around.

‘Mr Rhodes, do you require anything?’

He gave a grunt and shook his head, pretty much like every other response anyone got from Nick today.

Once the stewardess had moved to the back of the plane, Pam unbuckled her seatbelt and crossed the aisle to where Nick was sitting. She took a seat facing him.

‘What do you want?’

In all the time they’d worked together she’d never put up with his surliness. She’d always answered him back with a snappy reply. From the way Nick reacted to her when she did, she knew he didn’t mind it. He’d opened his soul to her last night, and probably hated the fact. She wasn’t going to let him get away with it.

‘We’re going to be stuck together for over twenty-four hours. Do you think you could snap out of your surly mood?’

Pam bit her lip to stop a gasp from escaping. The man sitting in front of her looked nothing like the man she was used to seeing. He’d been on the plane when she’d arrived, his head averted and looking out the window. Sunglasses had hidden his eyes. She’d been hurt that he hadn’t acknowledged her so she’d done the same.

She wanted to go to where he sat and hold him. His eyes, normally sparkling with confidence and humour, were bloodshot and dull. His jaw was covered in a five o’clock shadow, and the full lips that had teased and tempted her until she screamed in ecstasy were thin straight lines. No hint of passion or the man she’d slept with.

‘Are you all right?’ she whispered.

‘Don’t tell me you care?’

‘Would you be in a better mood if I told you I didn’t care? That I don’t really give a damn what’s wrong with you? Because if that’s what it takes, that’s what I’ll do.’

A clearing of a throat let Pam know the stewardess had returned with the fruit she’d asked for, placing it on the table in front of them. Pam should’ve been embarrassed because she was pretty sure the other woman had heard her outburst, but she was beyond caring.

‘Thanks.’ She gave the other woman a small smile as she picked up the fork and placed a piece of melon into her mouth. When she heard the soft click of the door closing behind the stewardess, she carefully placed the fork down. ‘So is that what you want to hear, Nick? That you mean nothing to me and you can go right ahead and drown your sorrows for the rest of the flight.’

‘If it will make you go away, then yes, that’s what I want to hear.’

Pam sat back, defeat winding its way through her. She was sure that being rude and abrupt would snap Nick out of his depression. It had the opposite affect. She should’ve realised he would dig his heels in. She’d been in the boardroom when he’d been heading negotiations. He never backed down. He kept going after what he wanted until eventually they gave in to his demands.

He was expecting her to do that. To give in and walk away. And right now, she was going to give him the satisfaction of thinking he’d won this battle. He couldn’t be more wrong. She wasn’t going to give up on him. For once, someone was going to be in Nick’s corner. Someone was going to show him he didn’t have to go through life alone.

‘Fine,’ she picked up a plate of fruit and drink. ‘But I’ll be right over there if you change your mind.’

‘I don’t plan on changing my mind.’

Pam shrugged her shoulders and went back to sit where she was before. He may have thought he’d won the first round, but he hadn’t. She would let him stew a little bit longer and then she’d try again.

Nick stole a glance at Pam, curled up in her seat watching a movie. Disappointment at the way she’d walked away from him still ate at his soul. It was irrational for him to feel that way. His goal had been for her to walk away, it was what he really wanted. Or so he’d thought.

He turned back out to the window. Darkness had fallen. The flashing light on the end of the wing shone brightly, mesmerising him with the monotonous blinking.

Tiredness pervaded his bones. Sleep beckoned but he was too afraid to close his eyes. After baring his darkest secret to Pam, he was worried that the moment he shut his eyes it would all be there, behind his eyelids in all its technicolour glory. He didn’t need to close his eyes to have the scene in the kitchen, where he’d once laughed with his mother and father, when they’d been happier, come blazing to the forefront.

A soft, warm hand cupped his cheek. ‘Nick, you’re not alone anymore. I’m here. I care even though you think you don’t want me to. But I do. Let me in.’

He turned his face into the hand and kissed the fleshy part of Pam’s palm. He wanted to let her in. He really did. Would it be so hard to do that? Would it be so wrong to let Pam in and bring light into days he’d only just realised were dark?

No, it wouldn’t be wrong. It would be so very right.

Decision made, he flicked opened his seatbelt and stood, all the while keeping Pam’s hand close to his skin.

‘I’m sorry. I know I keep saying it. Please don’t give up on me.’ He whispered as he pulled her into his embrace. Holding her tight against his body, not wanting to let her go.

When she wrapped her arms around him, all the tension that had been filling him whooshed out. A calmness he’d never felt before replaced the acid-eating loss in his soul. And it was all because of this woman in his arms. The woman who was coming to mean the world to him.

‘Oh, honey, you have nothing to be sorry about. I’m glad you recognise you deserve someone who cares about you. And I do. I do care and I won’t give up on you.’

He couldn’t respond to her words. His ability to speak was lost. Never had anyone put him first. His father had always put his business first and then his mistress. His mother’s one and only priority had been her husband. Their son had fallen a distant last place in their priorities.

As if knowing words were impossible, Pam pulled his head towards hers. Millimetres from their lips meeting, she stopped and spoke. ‘Make me a member of the mile-high club.’

He would’ve laughed out loud at her request, but she’d closed the small gap between their lips and kissed him hungrily. Desire and want and caring evident in every second of the kiss. Desperation to feel again had Nick scooping her up into his arms and marching down the aisle, heading for the room at the back of the plane. He shouldered open the door, as Pam pulled her lips from his and nipped at his jaw.

‘I never thought stubble could be so sexy.’ She rasped her hand over his rough skin, the touch sending a million feelings of sexual need flying to his already hard erection. He didn’t think he was going to last very long. Somehow he didn’t think Pam would mind.

He slid her down his body until they were standing so close nothing could separate them. ‘Everything about you is mind-blowingly sexy, and I’m about to worship you.’

With a gentle push, Pam fell onto the bed and he followed, losing himself in the one woman who’d touched his soul.

As the plane descended into Perth, delight at seeing the familiar skyline vied for place alongside the sexual malaise Nick had created within her. She was now a fully-fledged member of the mile-high club. They’d spent most of the flight in bed, exploring each other’s bodies. Only moving from the bed to a seat when they’d had to stop and refuel. Once they were back at cruising altitude and the pilot had assured them it was safe to do so, they’d made their way back to the bedroom.

‘It’s so pretty. I didn’t realise how much I missed home until right now.’ She squeezed Nick’s hand, glad that he was sitting beside her and not on the other side of the plane.

‘I know. It’s always nice to come home after being away.’

‘You almost sound surprised saying that. Do you have an idea of where you’d like to settle down, Nick? Where you’d like to make your permanent home base? Like Luciano and Jasmine have decided Perth will be theirs.’

Pam wanted to look at him but she was also afraid of what she might see in the depths of his eyes. The look of terror at the thought of settling down in one place. She knew he liked to travel the world and make deals for the corporation. He’d as good as said that when he offered her the job. What if he didn’t want to have a permanent home base? Where did that leave her?

Stop it!
She commanded herself.
Stop thinking ahead. You need to take one day at a time with Nick. One day at a time.

‘To be honest, I haven’t thought about it.’

She nodded and squeezed his hand a little tighter as the trees seemed to grow larger and larger with every millisecond as the plane descended towards the runway. Only once the reassuring bump and the high whine of the brakes filled the cabin did she relax her hold on Nick’s hand.

Raising her hand, his lips brushed across the top of her hand. ‘We’re home.’

‘We sure are. I can’t wait to get ho — ’ She stopped when the realisation struck. She didn’t have a home to go to. Because her house was still in a place of limbo, her realtor had found someone who was looking for a month-long lease while they were working on a job. The money had been too good for Pam to turn down, considering her current situation, so she’d jumped at the offer.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘Nothing. Nothing’s wrong.’ She shook her head. Her lack of a place to go home to wasn’t Nick’s problem. It was hers. She’d have to find a cheap motel or something. Although it kind of defeated the purpose of having someone paying her to live in her home if she was forking out for a hotel.

‘Sweetheart, I thought we were past shutting each other out?’ Nick admonished gently.

Had they? They hadn’t really discussed much, except he’d apologised for being a cad and she’d accepted it. They hadn’t discussed anything about what he’d said to her about his parents. About what had happened to him afterwards. Whether he’d gone to family or friends of if he’d gone into the foster care system. So many things still left unsaid between them.

He didn’t know how her mother had died nor the financial struggles she was experiencing. She didn’t want to share that with him just yet. There was still so much they had to learn about each other.

However, surely she could share this one thing. Let him in on one of her burdens.

‘You’re right. I’m sorry, I’m just so used to doing everything on my own.’

The plane finally stopped moving and Pam reached to undo her seatbelt one-handed; she didn’t want to let go of Nick’s hand. Lose the contact they shared and the connection they’d made while the plane had flown thousands of miles.

‘Not so fast.’ Nick placed his free hand over hers. ‘You’re not leaving until you tell me what the problem is.’