Bound By His Desire (22 page)

‘Did I interrupt something?’ He cocked an eyebrow in query.

‘No, no, not at all.’ She glanced at her computer screen and then back at him. ‘Are we heading into the meeting soon?’

‘Yes, I need to make a phone call and then we’ll head to the boardroom.’ His words were clipped and he could tell Pam didn’t know what was going on, which was fine with him. The thoughts he had earlier of taking their relationship to the next level, where he’d imagined a possible future, were slowly disintegrating with every passing second. He didn’t know if he could trust Pam now, and that hurt. It really hurt.

The words of the advertising executive washed over him. Any other time, he would notice how attractive she was. He would even consider asking her out on a date, but at present his thoughts were a mass of tangled vines. He didn’t know where to start to unravel it. It also didn’t help that one of the other women from the agency kept staring at him. She was an older woman and he didn’t think he’d met her before, but her eyes had glommed onto him the moment he’d walked into the room. Even the stunning pieces of jewellery Jeffrey had laid out on the table hadn’t pulled the older woman’s contemplation from him. It was unnerving.

Finally the meeting wound up. The general feeling around the table was that while the campaign was impressive, it didn’t stand out. Being a generic type of campaign it could be success or it could fall flat on its face, and that wasn’t the type of publicity the company or Jeffrey would want.

He shook the hand of the young, pretty ad executive and nothing sparked his body to life. Not like a simple touch from Pam had him looking for the nearest horizontal surface on which to take her.

The anger that had been simmering during the meeting, after overhearing Pam’s telephone conversation, flared to high burn. He could kick himself for his stupidity in thinking Pam was any different to any other woman. Women couldn’t be trusted.

‘Excuse me, Nick?’

‘Yes?’ He found himself looking at the woman who had been watching him through the whole meeting. His anger increased a notch, irrational as it was as — the woman hadn’t done anything to him except observe him. ‘What do you want?’

When she took a step back, as if trying to get away from his anger, he ran his hand through his hair. He didn’t want to mess up the fledging relationship they had with the ad agency. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Jeff in a deep conversation with the executive who had done the presentation.

He sighed and gave himself a quick mental slap to get a handle on his anger. ‘I’m sorry, how can I help you?’

His body went on high alert when Pam stepped up to stand beside him. He didn’t want her standing beside him, but he acknowledged that moving away from her wouldn’t make a difference. He would still be aware of her.

‘I wanted to say that I knew your father. He would be very proud of what you’ve achieved.’ The older woman paused and, as she swallowed, Nick looked into her eyes, shocked to see the sheen of tears in her eyes. ‘I’m so sorry that he couldn’t be here to see what a wonderful and accomplished businessman you’ve become.’

Something about the way she spoke about her father struck a chord deep inside of him. A chord that had been so deeply buried, he hadn’t identified its existence until right now. In that moment he became aware she had known his father — intimately. And there was only one way she could possibly know how his father would feel.

‘It was you, wasn’t it?’ He spat the words out at her. ‘It was you who wrecked everything that ever meant anything to me.’

‘Nick?’ Pam laid her hand on his arm.

He shook Pam’s hand off and stepped closer to the other woman, his anger making him oblivious to her distress. ‘Do not speak to me about how my father would be proud of him. He’s not here because of
you.
’

He stormed away, uncaring of the looks he was receiving from the people still in the room. As he walked past Jeffrey, his friend tried to stop him. He sent a look Jeffrey’s way, which had him giving a brief nod, knowing the way good friends know, that Nick needed to be by himself.

He headed straight for the elevator, not caring that it was the middle of the day. He needed to get away. What had once been a haven was now going to be a bitter reminder of the day he’d met his father’s mistress. The woman who had been the catalyst for his mother to murder his father and then take her own life. The woman who had taken away his innocence.

Pam comforted the woman Nick had yelled at.

‘I didn’t mean to upset him. His resemblance to David is uncanny.’

Pam had no idea what to say to the other woman, and her mind was totally on Nick and wanting to find him to see if she could ease his hurt. It had to have cut deep to meet the woman who had caused him so much pain.

‘Can I get you something to drink?’ Pam asked, easing the awkward silence that had sprung up between them.

‘No, I’m fine. I need to leave, I can’t imagine what the others from the agency think.’

‘I’m sure they’re worried about you, that’s all.’

‘Like you’re worried about Nick?’ Even in her distress the other woman had picked up on Pam’s preoccupation. ‘Does that mean he told you about what happened?’

How did she answer that? Nick hadn’t exactly told her what had caused the tragedy he had stumbled upon. ‘He told me that his parents had died, and the circumstances of their death. But he never told me the what the catalyst was for his mother’s actions.’

‘David and I were the catalyst. We pushed his mother over the edge. I had a breakdown after I’d heard the news of David’s death. I couldn’t function. I never meant to fall in love with David. I knew he was married,’ she sent Pam a wry grin. ‘But he was so charismatic and handsome and I could see he wasn’t happy. I tried to fight it but it was impossible. I think David tried to fight it too, until things got too much for him and he gave into his basic needs. Needs I could provide and was happy to.’

What did you say to a woman like that? Pam could tell she was lost in her memories. She stole a look at the other woman’s left hand. It was bare of any rings. Had she ever found another person to care for again, or had she gone through life lonely?

The thought scared her. Life without Nick in it. She didn’t want to contemplate it.

‘I’m thinking you’ve been exposed to the Rhodes charm too, and who can blame you. Nick is as every bit as handsome as David.’ She sighed and absently rubbed at the locket that hung around her neck. ‘I tried so many times to break things off. Tried to end things. But when you’re in love like David and I were…’ Her voice trailed off to a whisper. ‘We didn’t mean to do it. It just happened. Never did I imagine that my actions would cause so much pain for David’s son. He loved Nick and wanted him to succeed. I hate knowing that because I couldn’t stop my feelings, Nick grew up without his parents. And David never saw what a wonderful man Nick had turned into.’

Pam could sympathise with the other woman, but that didn’t mean she agreed with her actions. Nick’s world had been ripped to shreds by the actions of two people. No one wins when an affair happens. Someone always gets hurt. In this situation, so many lives had been affected.

No wonder he didn’t believe in love. She acknowledged in all likelihood her love would never be returned by Nick. He’d said he wasn’t capable of loving and didn’t want love. Didn’t believe in love. Now, after meeting this woman, being confronted with his past, he would push the idea of love so far away it would take a miracle for him to start believing in it.

When the other woman stood, her spine tightened and Pam could see she had pushed the memories of her failed love affair behind her.

‘If you love Nick, and I have a feeling you do, don’t let him push you away. Don’t let what happened to his family hurt him for the rest of his life. I know it’s wrong of me to say this seeing as I caused it. Love is wonderful and I wouldn’t change what I had with David for anything. Fight for Nick. Fight for yourselves. Don’t ever give up on love, like I did when David died. Don’t end up lonely.’

With those parting words, she walked out the door. A sad, lonely woman who’d made the mistake of falling in love with the wrong man. Was Pam looking at her future self?

Pam walked into Nick’s home, hoping he was there. She had no idea where he’d gone when he’d walked out of the boardroom. Her conversation with his father’s former lover still sounded loudly in her mind. She wouldn’t give up on Nick. She’d told him she wouldn’t on the plane.

‘Nick? Are you here?’

Her voice echoed around the entryway. She wandered through the apartment, going from room to room, finding each one empty. Her mind was coming up with horrible scenarios of Nick having had an accident on the way to wherever he was going. Of him doing something completely stupid, like… She stopped herself. She wasn’t going to go there. If Nick had survived the tragic loss of his parents and had built up a business with Luc, there was no way he was going to do something stupid just because he was confronted by his father’s mistress.

She wandered through the apartment, hope that he was there fading with every step. She ended up back in the living room, looking at the gorgeous panoramic view, wondering where to go next to find Nick. She’d have to take a cab, seeing as she didn’t have a car.

Her distinctive ring tone sounded faintly around the room. She raced towards where she’d dumped her handbag by Nick’s front door, frantic to get to it in case it was Nick. She reached her bag just as it stopped. Cursing, she pulled the device out and saw that the missed called was from her real estate agent. The last thing she wanted to do was hear more bad news from her agent, so part of her was glad she’d missed the call.

There was so much going on and everything was becoming almost too much for her to bear.

‘Goddamn it Nick, where are you?’

While she had her phone in her hand, she tried his number again. An echoing ring sounded in her ear and somewhere else in the apartment. She followed the sound until she was in the living room again. She hung up when she saw Nick standing in the shadows, the clinking of ice in a glass helping her to home in on where he was standing. With his dark suit on, he’d blended into the shadows, hiding from all who came looking for him. Pam knew it wasn’t accidental. It was a precise move.

Nick didn’t want to be found.

She walked slowly over to where he stood. ‘Are you okay?’

‘I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be.’ He moved out of the shadows and Pam bit her lip. The face she saw was the face she’d seen on the plane. She hadn’t expected to see that man again. She wanted the man who, only a few hours ago, had taken her to heaven and back. She wanted to see the smiling man she’d joked with in the car on the way to work. The man standing in front of her could’ve been made out of stone. His features so cold and remote, giving off the air of come closer at your own peril.

‘You got a pretty big shock today, it’s understandable if you feel a bit lost.’

‘Is that so?’

Pam knew the conversation would be difficult. Of course it would be. Nick had just met the woman who had slept with his father. For years she’d been this background person. He’d probably never given any thought about what she looked like, or wanted to. Or the fact she was actually a living, breathing person.

‘Nick, please let me help you get through this.’ She walked up to him and put her hand on his face. ‘Let me care for you.’

He laughed harshly and shook his head, dislodging her hand. ‘Your caring is wasted on me. You’re as bad as every other woman I’ve gotten involved with. You’re only after one thing and that’s money.’ He leaned closer to her, until they were almost nose-to-nose. ‘Well guess what, sweetheart, you’re not getting a cent from me.’

She gasped in shock. Why would he think she was after his money? ‘I don’t want any money from you. Why would you think that?’

‘Don’t lie to me,
sweetheart
. I heard you on the phone. I heard you tell your bookie or your dealer or your loan shark or whoever it was you were talking to, that you were going to get the money to him within a week. You’d found a
sure thing
and all your financial worries were gone. Listen up: I’m not your
sure thing
.’

Nick had heard her talking to the debt collector? She wondered when he walked into the office if he’d heard some of her conversation. She’d wanted to get the guy off her back and so she told a little lie. It wasn’t exactly a lie; she did want to talk to Nick to get his advice. Now she wasn’t sure he would believe her if she told him.

Contempt on his face, aimed squarely at her. She knew she had nothing to lose by telling him exactly what was going on.

‘I wanted to talk to you about my financial status, Nick. Get your advice.’

‘You mean get to my chequebook.’

The urge to stamp her foot and shake the man threatened to overwhelm her. It was imperative she keep a cool head in this situation. Getting angry wouldn’t help in getting Nick to believe what she was saying.

‘No, I don’t want access to your chequebook. That’s the furthest thing from my mind.’ His snort at her comment didn’t help in keeping her temper at bay. ‘You want the truth, is that it?’

‘Of course I want the truth. Question is, what truth will you be giving me? The real truth, or the truth you want me to believe?’

Pam took a couple of deep breaths before continuing. ‘Yes, I admit I told the debt collector on the phone that I was going to be able to get everything sorted in a week. Yes, I lied, but it was the only way I could get a little breathing space. I’m drowning here, Nick, and I don’t know what to do.’

She looked up in the vain hope his attitude towards her was softening. If anything, he looked harder than he had when she’d come across him in the room. When it became clear he had no desire to say anything to her, she knew the time had come to lay everything out on the table. To bare her soul and ask for someone’s help. She’d never asked for anyone’s help, not even when she couldn’t cope with her mother and juggle her work commitments. Somehow she’d managed, and she thought she’d be able to manage the debt she found herself in. But the interest on the outstanding amount was crippling her. Bankruptcy seemed the only option, but it was an embarrassing option and she didn’t want to go there.