Borrowing Trouble (8 page)

Landon’s tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth and his eyes welled up. God, he couldn’t do this. Jay couldn’t make promises, but Landon couldn’t help wanting them.  He’d never ached for someone like this, body and soul. He’d never wanted to help someone so much. He feared he might break from it.

“Jay,” Landon whispered. Jay pressed his mouth to Landon’s, and Landon’s whole body sang as he was pushed back into a shelf. The wood dug into his back, but Landon didn’t care as he gripped Jay’s forearms and sucked on his tongue.

They kissed like that for a few moments, Landon feeling lost to the man, until Jay pulled back, wide-eyed. The wonder there gutted Landon. Could Jay really have repressed himself that long and that hard?

“Jay, I have to go soon.” He hated to leave, but he was already behind schedule and he needed to clear his head, which would never happen trapped in that small room with Jay.

Jay reluctantly dropped his hands. “Yeah.” His voice was rough until he cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. I’m losing it.”

“No. Don’t apologize.”

“I don’t want to use you. You just put me at ease. It’s like having Sammy or…” He flushed again. They didn’t have time to get into any more random word vomit now.

“I think your head and your heart need a break,” Landon said. He reached out and gave in to the need to rub the place where Jay’s brows knitted together. “I’m going to give you an option. It’s up to you whether or not to take it.”

Another dubious look from Jay made Landon chuckle. “Okay.”

“So, I’m willing to be your sounding board. I’m not going to judge you.” He sighed. “I’ll be honest, I think about you a lot too. But I want what you think is best for you. I know you have a lot at stake. Just know, my door is open. I’ll be home tonight. Your kids are away. If you want to come to my house and just hang out or talk. I’ll even kiss you again if you twist my arm. But you have to make that choice.” He took the chance, in case it was his last, to run a hand down the side of Jay’s face, rubbing his thumb over those thinned lips. “If you don’t, I won’t be angry. I won’t cry in my beer. I’ll understand.”
I hope
. “We can be civil and pretend nothing happened. Or you can nut up and figure your shit out.”

Jay’s eyes widened in surprise.

And Landon left it at that. No goodbye kiss. He pulled his hand away and straightened his shirt and ball cap, then left with as much dignity as he could.

He knew he’d done the right thing, but he wanted to beg Jay to come over. Which was dumb because not twenty-four hours ago he was determined he should be done with it all. But if there was a chance, even at just helping Jay figure his shit out, he’d take it.

Or maybe he’d just been lonely too long and felt that connection with Jay. Fuck.

He’d see tonight.

Chapter 11

Jay felt wrung out. Between his godawful headaches, his uncharacteristically racing mind, and his emotional conversation with Landon that morning, he probably could go back to bed and sleep for a week.

Thankfully, work kept him fairly occupied most of the day, catching up with paperwork kept him busy between sorting out equipment issues and helping Ms. Lynne sort out the last few day’s stacks of mileage logs. She’d asked him more than once if he was sure he was up to being back at work, so he must have looked worse than he’d thought.

Of course, by the time he’d gotten off work and headed home for the night, he’d been awake and working for over eighteen hours.

Landon’s offer to come over, even if just to talk, tempted him as he made the journey to his house. There were things left unsaid, yet he’d said more than he ever had in one sitting. He felt a keen guilt that he’d never been that open with his ex-wife. But he felt a comfort around Landon that he’d only felt a couple of times in his life.

He hadn’t told Landon about the time he and Bethany almost split up between her miscarried first pregnancy and her second a couple years later. They were miserable and fighting the better part of a year after the miscarriage and Jay stayed later and later at his job, welding at a machine shop back then. He said it was to earn extra money, but in reality, he’d made another friend like Sammy.

Neil Palmertee had been big and loud and full of life. Jay thought the man was funny and his down to earth attitude was addictive. Jay couldn’t stay away. Again, he hadn’t gotten the implications, the strangeness that his being around another man and thinking the man’s twinkling eyes were so addictive didn’t exactly fit with his being 100% heterosexual.

He’d told Neil things, shared with him in ways he’d felt guilty about at times when Bethany had accused him of being distant. Again, he’d thought it was about men talking about certain things with other men that they didn’t talk about with their wives. That was the way of the world, according to his folks. But thinking back on it, Neil had been his confidant, Bethany an afterthought during that time.

He’d been on the phone with his mother one time, checking in as he did, and he must have mentioned Neil one too many times because she’d been quick to start discussing his failures as a husband. She brought up, again, how he’d worry his daddy if things with Bethany didn’t get back on solid ground.

Jay had been more than a little bitter toward Bethany for having spoken to his mother about their marriage. Bethany knew how easily the woman could guilt him back into toeing the line. That’d almost led to them splitting up, but he’d stayed away from Neil after that. He’d found another job shortly after, to avoid the temptation before even knowing exactly what that temptation had been.

All these years later, he felt guilty for having been so angry at Bethany. He felt even guiltier for not realizing how in the dark she’d been. But she couldn’t know something he himself hadn’t understood.

And now he wished he’d never clicked on that goddamned porn. He wished he didn’t know what it was like to be
touched
. Because his mind was a flurry of activity, his skin a bundle of need.

After he’d gotten home, showered, and eaten, he felt slightly better. But his body wouldn’t simmer enough to let him sleep any time soon. And there was an open invitation that lingered in that traitorous place in the back of his mind. That damn place had been dark, the door shut for so long, now it was wide open and had a big fluorescent bulb blinking.

He wanted.

Jay wandered upstairs and looked side to side as he stood in the hallways. The doors that opened to his kids’ rooms hung open, revealing the surprisingly clean rooms. Little bits of personality lay about each room. His heart was full when he thought about his kids and how great they’d been over the divorce and Bethany being so far away for now. They wanted him to be happy, even if little Millie still occasionally mentioned wishing Jay and Bethany could reconcile.

Could he do this to them? Was it worth even exploring whether he was as into Landon as he feared he may be?

Okay, so maybe they’d passed that point, he knew he wanted the man. But he’d said it. No one would understand. He could barely understand. He hated even thinking he was glad his parents weren’t alive to see this.

But Jay’s mind kept wandering back to Landon. The way the man helped him without asking for anything in return, the way Landon smiled so easily when they spoke. Landon was smart and caring. If Landon was a woman, Jay thought he’d be the perfect step-mother.

Jay felt like shit even thinking that.

God, though, the sincere and honest respect Landon showed for how desperate Jay felt over his strange new life was bewildering in that Landon didn’t expect Jay to do anything other than hurt him. Jay’d seen that vulnerability in his eyes. He’d seen it in Beth’s eyes enough to know what it meant.

He was bastard enough to know he hadn’t really done anything to assuage that fear in Bethany over all those years, but he wanted so badly to prove to Landon and himself that he wouldn’t hurt Landon.

But he would, wouldn’t he? He was barely handling this whole self-awareness thing he found himself doing right now.

He went back downstairs and grabbed the keys to his truck. He needed to get out of the house, needed to breathe for a minute without the specter of his children around, or looking at his front door and remembering the way Landon’s hooded eyes looked as he swallowed Jay’s cock only two mornings ago.

His cock went rigid and he cursed himself for even thinking about that.

Driving around did little to ease his mind. In fact, if nothing else, it made him more antsy because he couldn’t forget that his only sense of peace lately had been in Landon’s company. Which was the most confusing thing of all, because Landon was also the biggest sense of turmoil in his life at the moment.

Approaching the metaphorical and physical fork in the road, the moment to put up or shut up arrived. He could go straight and head back home, crawl under his own sheets and try to sleep. Or he could take a slight left. To Landon. To uncertainty and complications, but also to five minutes of peace and a friendly ear.

He switched off his truck’s ignition and sat staring at the front of Landon’s cabin-style home. A light in the window flickered from the television as Jay tried to calm his breathing. He’d rarely ever acted this impulsively, even as a teenager. But he did something he’d done well his whole life, not overthink, and he just went with his gut.

Who knew his gut also wanted to be with Landon?

He sighed and got out of the truck. Before he made it to the front porch, the light flicked on and the world narrowed down to the man who walked out the front door. Landon crossed his arms against the chilly night breeze, because of course the weather decided to change with the hour, as southern weather was oft to do.

Jay couldn’t help taking in Landon’s shirtless torso, his hard, pink nipples on perfectly rounded pecs. His eyes wandered down a smooth, flat belly and followed the arrow of Landon’s Adonis belt to where his cock tented his thin, plaid pajama pants.

They both stood silently, looking at each other, Landon a little uncertainly. Then Jay made a conscious decision, one he didn’t know if he’d be able to turn back from, but one he didn’t think he’d want to take back.

He lifted his booted foot and stepped up onto the porch.

Chapter 12

Jay kept his eyes on Landon’s face as Landon backed into the house. Once they’d made it inside, Jay pushed the door shut behind him, but kept his gaze firmly on Landon’s.

“Hey,” Landon said gently, arms still crossed over his chest.

“Hey,” Jay replied.

“Want to sit down? Talk maybe?” Landon finally uncrossed his arms and held an arm out, indicating the living room.

Jay shook his head. Landon blinked, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. Jay felt his breath quicken. He had actually intended to talk, or maybe just hang out like they used to with a beer and a SportsCenter rerun. But as he stalked closer to Landon, his cock thickening in his pants, Landon’s now pointing his pajama pants in Jay’s direction, Jay needed more than that.

“It strikes me,” Jay started, then stepped closer to Landon, crowding him against the wall next to the stairs. “That my kids are away for another five days.”

Landon nodded.

“So, in that time, I’m free to be a little crazy.”

“Jay, crazy is fucking a bunch of barflies, not me.”

Jay reached out, trembling but sure, and brushed the back of his hand against Landon’s hard cock. Landon hummed his pleasure. “Is that what you want?”

Landon blinked, shaking his head. That vulnerable look in his eyes screamed
please don’t hurt me
. Jay closed his eyes and brushed their lips together just so. “Landon, I can’t promise things. I can’t tell you what’s going on. I’m so tired of thinking, I hurt.” He opened his eyes and looked back into Landon’s curious ones. “I want you. I want to touch you. I want you to touch me. I want to sleep with you. I want to not be scared or confused.”

“That’s a tall order,” Landon said warily.

“I chose you. Tonight, I choose you.”

“Just tonight?”

“I don’t want to use you, Landon. I don’t want to hurt you, so if this, if my being scared is too much, tell me to go or tell me to get my hands off you. But if not, I want tonight. And maybe tomorrow night.”

Landon was still and silent for a moment before his arm came up and his hand wrapped around Jay’s neck, pulling him down to mash their lips together. Their kiss was nothing sweet, all raw desire and need.

Landon’s tongue slid into Jay’s mouth and Jay sucked on it, loving the sweet hint of mouthwash and the taste he remembered was all Landon. The sweet sounds that came from Landon as they wrapped their arms around each other made Jay’s cock pound with every beat of his heart.

Jay grunted into the kiss as their clothed cocks pressed together. Landon slid a leg between Jay’s and started rubbing them together. Jay pulled from the kiss and pressed their foreheads together, eyes closed as the friction made his brain short circuit. Every light in his head went dim except the one that focused on pleasure and feeling.

“Come to bed,” Landon said roughly. Landon pushed Jay back and took his hand, threading their fingers together as he started ascending the stairs. Jay followed closely behind him, realizing this was a line, one he was going to cross tonight. He stared at their linked fingers, then glanced up to the muscles flexing in Landon’s back, the way his perfect, round ass bounced with each step.

He wanted to do so many things to that body, but had not one fucking clue where to start. He really wished he’d watched that gay porn all the way through now.

Jay was out of his depth in so many ways. He obviously got the gist, he wasn’t a complete idiot, but he’d never felt like this toward sex. He’d never wanted to please someone like this, even if that made him a complete dick to admit.

When Landon opened his bedroom door, Jay followed him, looking around at all the intricately carved furniture, the books neatly stacked on all surfaces. He would have teased Landon about being a nerd again, but his mouth was too dry to speak as his gaze landed on the king size bed. The room was spotlessly neat, save for the bed whose sheets were rumpled and unmade.

Landon turned to Jay. “You sure?” His gaze was hungry, but the restraint and care he took with Jay made any reticence Jay felt melt away. He simply nodded. Landon nodded in return, let go of his hand and reached up to help Jay pull his thermal shirt over his head. Landon’s awe as he rubbed his hands down Jay’s front made him feel more naked than he’d ever felt in his life. Those warm, work roughened hands that were so different from anything he’d ever known, sent chills down his back.

Landon bent his head and sucked in each of Jay’s nipples, giving them a gentle nibble. Fuck, he’d never had that done. He’d used that move before, but never thought his would feel the pleasure of it. Landon came closer, his natural, woodsy scent and the smell of his citrus shampoo filling Jay’s senses. His balls ached, heart thumped harder as he was consumed by, and with, Landon.

Landon hummed his pleasure as he sucked and kissed on Jay’s chest and collar bones, wrapping those big, strong hands around the small of Jay’s back, then dipping into Jay’s jeans.

And that was the biggest difference, the thing that made Landon so addictive. Jay felt worshipped. He felt Landon’s touch, the way it felt like he was actually being touched for the first time, all the way from his balls to this scary place deep in his chest.

“Oh, Landon,” he said on a breath as Landon kissed his chin, then his cheek. Landon moved his hands to Jay’s fly and undid it before pushing his pants and his underwear down. They both chuckled nervously as Jay tripped up a little.

              “Sit on the bed,” Landon directed. Jay did as he was told and Landon kneeled before him, pulling off his boots and pants, one leg at a time. Jay’s cock rose proudly, hard and red-tipped. Landon ran his stubbled cheek all along Jay’s inner thighs, over his balls. Jay shuddered, his balls drew up.

              “Damn,” Jay hissed. “That’s so strange, but it’s hot as hell.” The pleased look in Landon’s eyes was precious to Jay. He was glad, he wanted to please Landon.

              Landon opened his mouth and took Jay in hand, patting the head of Jay’s cock on his tongue. It was equally the most obscene and hottest thing he’d ever seen.

              “Want me to suck it?” Landon asked, stroking Jay’s cock, then kissing Jay’s leg.

              “Please,” Jay begged, voice cracking. Landon smirked. Then he sucked the head in, running his tongue around the crown, still stroking with the other hand. Jay leaned back, placing his hands on the mattress behind him. “God, that’s so good.”

              Landon gave an
mmmmm
and started sucking harder, his pretty lips stretched obscenely on Jay’s thick cock, his blond head bobbing up and down. Jay’s breath quickened, his skin feeling too tight over his whole body.

              He felt the same steady jerking of Landon’s body as last time and realized Landon was pleasuring himself.

              Jay reached out to stop Landon’s sucking, though he was loathe to do so. “Stop, stop.”

              Landon pulled back, surprised. “What’s wrong?”

              “Nothing. I was… I was close to finishing. But I don’t want it like last time. I want to touch you too.” Landon looked even more surprised, which made Jay feel like a jerk.

He pulled Landon up on top of him and kissed him until Landon had to pull back to breathe.

“Landon, don’t take crumbs, okay. You deserve more.” Landon’s eyes flicked away, but Jay didn’t miss the longing he’d seen there.

Jay didn’t know if he was ready to suck Landon off, but he sure wanted to touch him, so he pushed Landon’s pants down and they both laughed a little as they got tangled trying to maneuver into lying on the bed.

Jay couldn’t help the swelling of affection that he felt all of the sudden as Landon, with all his smooth skin, stretched out beside him. Jay ran his hands over Landon’s firm body and reveled in the newness of it. Landon obviously shaved his chest and stomach, trimmed his pubes, but his legs were covered in course blond hairs from his upper thighs to his ankles.

Exploring Landon’s body felt like a privilege, one Jay didn’t feel he deserved. Landon’s stomach clenched when Jay ran his hands over it again, tracing down to where Landon’s cock lay thick and hard against his belly. Jay took Landon’s balls in his hands first, fondling them. An indrawn breath made Jay look at Landon.

The man looked so vulnerable, so turned on, Jay wished he could give more promises. He settled for kissing Landon’s lips, then his throat, then sucking Landon’s nipples. Landon’s chest rose and fell under Jay’s mouth and Jay smiled against Landon’s skin as he finally wrapped his hand around Landon’s cock and started stroking it. Landon’s back bowed and he let out the sexiest rumble Jay had ever heard.

“That okay?” Jay asked, but if there was one thing he was confident he couldn’t fuck up, it was a hand job, and he couldn’t help smiling cockily as Landon nodded.

The feel of another cock, one actually bigger than his own—which was no small thing—was strange. The hard and the soft, the way it jumped in his hand making his own jump in sympathy.

Landon smirked, then took Jay in hand and started stroking him in time with Jay’s stroking of his. They worked like that until they ended up lying face to face, making out like teenagers, and stroking off, rubbing their cockheads together, chuckling into their kisses when they flicked their cocks in a dirty swordfight.

Finally, though, Landon tensed. “Oh, Jay,” he said breathlessly. “I’m...I’m gonna cum.”

“Do it,” Jay whispered against Landon’s lips. Their mouths found each other again and Landon started fucking into Jay’s fist, fucking his tongue in Jay’s mouth until his cock spurted, shooting his cum all over Jay’s cock.

The slide of Landon’s fist being eased by Landon’s cum was overwhelming, shocking in how much it turned Jay on. Landon doubled his efforts and kept kissing Jay, using more of his cum to stroke Jay off and the dirtiness of knowing his hand was on another man’s cock—Landon’s cock—and that another man’s cum was the lube that eased the fisting of his cock, made the largest, most intense orgasm of his life blast through Jay’s body.

His head fell back and his knees locked up around Landon’s leg that rested between them. His orgasm was so strong he couldn’t even make a sound, his mouth just hanging open.

When he’d finished shooting his cum all over Landon’s fist, he melted into the bed and Landon leaned over him, smirking lips red and puffy from kissing. “Was it good for you?”

Jay flipped him off. Mostly because he still couldn’t talk.

He threw his arm over his face and tried to catch his breath. Landon used a t-shirt to wipe his stomach off before flopping down and gripping one of Jay’s thighs with his hand. They laid like that, quiet and recovering, for a while, the only sound coming from the ceiling fan clicking above their heads.

“I can’t tell if it’s good because it’s with a man, or because it’s you,” Jay said into the quiet. Landon huffed next to him. Jay turned his head to look at Landon, whose mussed hair made him look so much younger than twenty-eight.

Landon rolled his head and looked at Jay with a dirty smile. “Your first taste of the cock, probably.”

Jay reached out, not letting himself overthink, as usual, and put his hand on Landon’s face. Landon’s smile fell away as he studied Jay.

“I think it’s you,” Jay said. “No one ever touched me like you.”

Landon looked overwhelmed all of a sudden, and Jay sure as hell felt the same, so when Landon tried to roll away, Jay went with his gut and caught Landon’s arm, pulling him to lie his head on Jay’s shoulder. Landon went freely and Jay wrapped his arm around Landon’s shoulders.

“Let’s just sleep, okay?”

Landon’s only response was to reach over and pull the blankets over them.

“Jay?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad you came over.”

Jay was silent a moment. “Me too.” And he meant it. He didn’t know what to think of it all, but he definitely meant it.