Black & Ugly as Ever (12 page)

I couldn’t believe Miss Wayne! The more he chose her over me the more I hated his guts and hers too. It was impossible to get a dope head off of drugs yet he insisted on trying. From here on out, if he wanted to fuck wit’ her, then he wasn’t fuckin’ wit me. It’s as simple as that.

“How much?” I asked the cab driver as we pulled up to my car in front of Jay’s house. My heart ached when I saw Jay’s car parked next to mine. I thought he was inside until I remembered we drove the motorcycle.

A part of me wanted to scratch his car up and break the windows. I hated the fact that he put me in such an awkward position. Why would he take me over his mother’s house when he knew how she felt about me? After handing him my money, and watching him pull off, I eased toward my car. The moment I did, I heard the roar of Jay’s motorcycle pulling behind me and my stomach fluttered. And just that quickly the hate I had for him diminished at the sight of him. But I would never let him know.

I walked fast enough to my car to look like I didn’t want to be bothered, but slow enough for him to catch me if he hurried. Once at the passenger side, I threw my purse inside and walked toward the driver side, stalling. Jay immediately approached me.

“Jay, I’m not tryin’ to hear this shit,” I told him reaching for my car door. “Your mother got me fucked up and you do to.” I opened my door and he slammed it shut. I leaned against the car with my arms crossed looking at him sideways. “What, Jay? What the fuck do you want? To take me back to your mom’s so she can embarrass me some more?” He took off his helmet and placed it under his arm. And before speaking, he took two deep breaths.

“Did you just hit my mother back there?” He frowned and clenched his fist.
He asked me this question a hundred times already so I answered it by saying, “Yes I hit her!”
“Parade…you were out of pocket for that shit,” he said stepping closer to me. I could tell he was torn and wanted to hurt me. “Way the fuck out!”
“Jay, please! “ I put my hand in his face and he pushed it away. “She disrespected me and you let her. I told you I didn’t want to go over there. Plus you knew she ain’t like me. What were you tryin’ to do, make me look like an idiot on purpose? Or wait…hold up…maybe I was your charity case.”
He grabbed my wrist and threw them down. “Parade, I don’t want to hear that shit you talkin’ and don’t try to turn shit around. I murdered people for less than what you did back there. You could’ve told me you were uncomfortable or that you wanted to leave. But you don’t up and hit a nigga’s moms!”
“Jay, fuck this shit! You always gettin’ amusement at my expense and I’m tired of it. I have allowed you to use my body and my mind over and over again. And I’m changing and don’t like the feeling of it anymore! It’s a new day and I’m Parade Knight! Not your step stool or toilet!” I hadn’t realized I was crying until I felt the warm liquid run down my face.
“Parade…you were wrong,” he said softly. “You were wrong as shit.”
“Tell me something you haven’t said already.” I just wanted to get away from this embarrassing moment. “Otherwise let me go.”
“Parade…,” he said breathing heavily. “You were wrong…but I love you.”
Did I hear him correctly?
“What?”
“I said…you were out of pocket for hittin’ my mother, but I love you, Parade. I’m tired of playin’ these games wit’ you. And you gotta know I really do care about you after tonight. Had you been anybody else, we wouldn’t even be speakin’ face to face cuz I’d be talkin’ to you over your grave,” he said seriously. “Jay, this is crazy and I’m not even sure how to handle it. I mean…everything is wrong right now. Everything! Why did you have to realize
now
that you want me? I’m engaged and I don’t know what I’m gonna do plus I hit your mother’s.”
“Do you love him?” he managed getting off the topic of his mother for a moment.
“What?” I asked scratching my head and fiddling with my keys.
“I said do you love him?”
“Yeah…I mean no. I mean I think so Jay. I’m marryin’ him ain’t I? Why else would I walk down the aisle wit’ him?” I turned my back toward him to enter my car.
I was almost in and then he walked up behind me, placed his helmet on the roof and wrapped his arms around me. I could feel his heartbeat as he held me. Without notice, for the second time tonight, tears fell down my eyes.
“I love you, Shawty,” he said gripping me tighter. “I love you.”
“I know. I can feel it,” I answered truthfully.
“And I wanna be wit’ you. I’m not sure how we goin’ to do this, but we are. But you gotta apologize to my mom
first
.”
“I know.”
“And I’ma have her apologize to you but don’t ever violate like that again. I don’t give a fuck how mad you get. That’s my mother. And I’d say the same shit to her if she got out on you.”
“I won’t, Jay.”
My body trembled in his arms. What was to become of my life when my heart belonged to him? I turned around and looked into his eyes. For the first time ever, I felt
genuine
love from a man. Wrapping my arms around his neck I kissed him. I didn’t care about the details on how we would be one. I’d work everything out later. All that mattered was that he loved me, and I loved him too. At least for now.

Sweets sat in a car across the street looking at Parade and Jay. Since she’d been there for over an hour, she saw they had gotten into a fight. It was apparent that they shared more than sex. It was obvious they were in love. With the information burning a whole in her head, she hoped she’d be able to use it to her advantage. Sitting back further in her seat to keep her disguise, she phoned the one person she knew would care.

“Smokes…it’s me, Sweets,” she said still watching Jay and Parade.
“What up?”
“Nothin’…just sittin’ here watchin’ your fiancé kiss Jay.”
Silence.
“You sure it’s them?” he asked breathing into the phone.
“Positive…I know what the fine ass nigga looks like,” Sweets giggled. She quickly stopped when she realized she’d gone too far.
“Don’t get fucked up,” he told her. “Did she see you?”
“Nope…she too wrapped up to know I’m even here.”
“Good…she’ll get what she has comin’ anyway, it’s just a matter of time.”
“Smokes,” Sweets said slowly.
“What you want?”
“Uh…I want to know why you don’t trust me. We don’t even need her. I wish you’d just let me in on what you need her to do. I can do whatever she can for you but better. I love you Smokes. I’m puttin’ it all on the line for you, baby. Trust me,” she pleaded sounding more like a pesky ass sales person.
Click.
“Smokes?” Sweets said looking at the phone.
Realizing she’d gone too far, she threw the phone in her passenger seat. Finally she understood that no matter what she did, she couldn’t get through to him. But on her mother’s life, she was still going to try.

I’m tired. Emotionally and physically. And all I want to do is come in, get Miss Daffany situated and get some rest. I have a big order of purses I got comin’ in from some credit cards I got for my partner and have most of them sold already.

Walking up my stairs and toward my door, something didn’t feel right. Maybe it was the fact that the door was halfway open. I was trying to see if I heard anything but the sound of my heart beating in my ears drowned out any noise. Finally at the door, I pushed it open and leaned up against the wall for support. My place was ransacked.

The couch pillows were thrown on the floor and the cabinets in the kitchen were open. With my hand on my heart, I tried to keep in some of the pain I felt inside. How could one of my closest friends betray me? How is this possible? I loved Miss Daffany!

I moved toward my bedroom already knowing she’d taken everything. Still I moved toward my closet, and toward a black jacket I kept in the back of it. I never wore it, just kept it there to stash some money. And sure nuff, everything was out. Including the purses I’d just bought for my clients. She wiped me clean.

I fell to the floor and cried. And when I did, I saw the keys on the bed I’d given Miss Daffany earlier. What hurt the most was not that she robbed me, was that my heart still believed she could change. I still believed that she could beat this thing. But I could do nothing if she didn’t believe it too.

The next morning I stayed in bed for a few hours awake, before I even moved. Miss Wayne was on my mind and how we left each other bothered me. Daffany’s addiction also ran through my head and I tried to push out the hate I had for her in my heart. And then there was, Jay
. Jay. Jay. Jay
. Just saying his name made me realize how much I loved him.

“What you thinkin’ about, baby?” Smokes asked as he rubbed my flat stomach. “You look like you concentratin’ on somethin and it ain’t me,” his voice deep and crumbly due to recently having woke up.

“Naw. Just thinkin’ bout what I gotta do today,” I lied looking away from him so he couldn’t see my deceitful eyes.
“I wanna take you out today, you cool wit’ that?”
I really wasn’t cause Jay asked to see me today and I wanted to see him. I wanted to be with him. He told me he had somewhere special he wanted to take me, and if I could to pack a bag. It was amazing that since we reunited, we hadn’t had sex once. And I was anxiously anticipating that moment.
“Actually I got somethin’ to do, baby.” I turned my head to look into his eyes. “Maybe we can do something tomorrow.”
“Naw…we goin’ out today. So whatever plans you got, drop ‘em.” His strokes ceased. And I sighed. Defeated and angry, a wave of hate overcame me.
“Baby…I wanna do that thing we do sometimes. You know, the thing I like but you hate.”
“Smokes, you said I wouldn’t have to do that again. We talked about it and you said it was a one time thing.”
“So what…you don’t want to please your nigga? Cause if you don’t, anotha shawty will. I need a wifey who would be willing to do anything I say cause I say it. And if you can’t be that, just give me the word and I’ll find someone who can fill your shoes.”
I didn’t even know how to respond to that question mentally or physically. Technically I was still his fiancé, and the ring on my finger proved it. Or at least, that was the lie I had been telling myself. But I didn’t want to be with him. I didn’t love him. But he was dangerous, and mean and could lash out if he felt disrespected.
“You know I want to please you, baby. I’m thankful for everything you’ve done for me.”
“That’s what I wanted to hear,” he said basking in his win. He moved over top of me, and straddled me. His thick hairy legs brushing against my waist. “Kiss it first, and get that shit hard. Put extra spit on it too cause you know I like it sloppy wet.”
Taking one last look at him, I took his large dick out of his boxers and placed it in my mouth. My head game was still vicious so I’d hoped he’d be satisfied with that alone and not want to do the freaky shit he loved to do to me. It was degrading and made me feel like less than a person.
“Uh…that’s it, baby, suck that shit!” His hands rested on the top of my head.
With his dick at full length, I got into it. I could feel his body shivering. “Aight…aight stop!” he said grabbing hold of his penis. “You tried to make me bust didn’t you? You freaky little, bitch!” he said licking his lips. He paused for a second while he looked at me, and then I felt the warm liquid from his piss empty on my stomach. I turned my face to prevent any of his bodily fluid from getting into my mouth like last time. I was disgusted and angry all at once. But what could I do when this is what he wanted? I didn’t feel like I had a lot of options.
“You like that shit don’t you, you little, bitch?” Urine continued to drain from his body.
I nodded yes while squinting my eyes.
“Tell me you like my piss all on your body.”
“I like it all on my body.” I responded dryly.
“Ahhhhhhh…,” he called out. Shortly after he jerked himself until his cloudy cum fell on my breasts.
I felt wet, used and unclean. Like a toilet. So I closed my eyes and thought about Jay. Hoping that I’d get to see him soon. And for a second…just one moment…nothing else seemed to matter.
“What do you think, baby?” I sat across from him at H20 on D.C.’s waterfront with a red long velvet box open in front of us. “You like it?”
“I love it,” I picked up the bracelet and smiled. Trying to replace this morning’s events from my head was proving to be difficult. Not to mention I was supposed to meet Jay in four hours at IHOP in Riverdale, Maryland even though Smokes told me to cancel my plans.
I was going to tell him that Miss Wayne’s car was broken down and he needed my help. I’d say anything I could to be with Jay. For some reason, he was worth the risk. And earlier Jay sent me a text message requesting that I bring a bathing suit. Since I didn’t want any problems with Smokes, I decided to buy one on the way. “It’s beautiful,” I continued eyeing the diamond bracelet in my hands. “What’s the occasion?”
“Doesn’t have to be an occasion, although I do want to know if you like your life with me?” He stared at me as if he were trying to see through me.
“I love my life with you, but uh…it’s like, sometimes you change.”
“It’s not that I’m changing baby. It’s just that I have a lot on my mind. And that’s what I want to talk to you about.” He wiped his head with a napkin from the table.
“Okay…I’m listening.”
He looked around and waited for a few people who were going to their table to sit down. When he was sure they weren’t listening, he said, “I need you to help out with the business a little, baby. I wouldn’t ask you accept I can’t trust anybody else right now. Niggas is turnin’ on me and that nigga Zeeway’s a punk to this kind of shit. It’s got to be you.”
“The business?” I repeated leaning in. I mean, what did I know about the business?
“Yes…you not a fool so I know you know what I do for a living. I wouldn’t be able to afford this lifestyle without hustling. And lately I been feelin’ like I ain’t got no help, so I’ma need you to get rid of some of that load. Can you do that for me?”
“It depends.”
“It depends?” His face was distorted.
“Yes…it depends on what you want me to do, baby. I mean…I don’t know nothin’ about what you do.” I looked around to be sure no one else could hear me. “I would probably make things worse for you, and I wouldn’t want to do that either.”
“So I take care of you, give you the world, spare your life and you act ungrateful?”
Spare me life
? I thought. That comment scared me.
“No, baby…I don’t mean to be ungrateful, it’s just that, I don’t want to get involved. That lifestyle is not me. I’m a fighter not a hustler.”
Silence filled the space between us and I could feel him mentally pushing me backwards. Why would he ask me to risk my life?
“Parade…if you don’t think you can do what it takes, this relationship is over.”
Normally I’d be upset, but for some reason, I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders. He had given me the excuse I needed to be with Jay. After the piss thing earlier, I had expected to think of the best lie to excuse my betrayal, to be with my true love and here he was, giving me an easy way out. I knew if I didn’t take it now, I’d never get the choice again.
“I understand.” I placed the bracelet back in the box and slid it toward him. “If you give me a few days, I’ll get my things and leave.” I attempted to ease the ring off of my finger too but he looked at me coldly, I guess not expecting my response. So I kept the ring on. He didn’t speak till it was securely back on my finger.
“You think it’s that easy huh?” he asked me evilly.
“What you mean?”
“I know about your little boyfriend Jay,” he said in a low voice. “And there’s no way in hell I’m gonna just let you be with that nigga. Not while I’m alive anyway. Besides, you gonna be my future wife.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Sweat formed on my forehead. How did he know? “I haven’t been wit Jay since before I got wit you.” I don’t know why I continued to lie but I couldn’t stop.
“Bitch, you gonna sit over there and keep lyin’ to me? Or do you want me to have somebody take care of him and see if you can still stick to that bullshit. He can be dead in five minutes. You want me to make the call? You want me to cause his mother and the rest of his family to have to plan that man’s funeral? Huh?”
Who was he? Everything about him had changed at it appeared to have happened overnight. Instead of saying anything else, I remained silent.
“Now…you’re gonna do what I need you to do. Now I let you fuck main man and neva said nothin’. You thought you were foolin’ somebody but I knew all along. But that shit stops here. You my bitch and you belong to me. You don’t do shit without me.”
Wow, I’d been sleeping with the devil all this time but never knew. But how could I not? He killed one of my best friends.
“You ready to hear what I got to say now?”
I remained silent because I was speechless. There were no words to express the thoughts which ran through my mind. So I remained quiet and listened.