Black & Ugly as Ever (4 page)

“Tell me you don’t want me and I’ll go,” He passionately kissed my neck.
“I can’t do that because I do want you.”
“Leave that nigga, Parade. Leave his ass.”
“I…I….don’t know.” I told him in between his kisses. I want him so bad right now I can’t hardly think about my loyalty to Smokes. “Hold on,” I told him. “Let’s get in the car. I don’t want anybody he knows seeing me out here.”
We moved inside and went at it in the backseat like we hadn’t had sex in years. He was just about to satisfy my desires despite me just being with my fiancé until I saw my self in my rearview mirror. What am I doing? I have a chance at life and I’m getting ready to mess it up for a fuck in the back seat of a car! Just a few months back I was dirty old Parade Knight. Now I’m sexy ass Parade! I don’t want to lose everything I have. I can’t see it. Jay had his chance with me and he ruined it. And as far as I was concerned, anything that we had together was over.
“Jay,” I said in between his lips covering mine. “J…J…Jay.”
“Yes, baby?” he said softly kissing my face while his hands found their home on my breasts.
“Stop.”
“What?” he continued groping me.
“Stop…please,” I told him backing away. “I’m in love and can’t do this to Smokes. You gotta go and you gotta go now.”
He stopped. Although he was frustrated he looked at me with disappointment and love. “Parade, I’m wrong. I know this ain’t even you no more, but I do care about you. And I wasn’t tryin’ to parkin’ lot pimp you either. I just didn’t know when I was goin’see you again. I got anxious and start thinkin’ wit’ my dick. My bad. But one day you’re goin’ have to face the fact that you care about me too. I just hope it ain’t too late.”
With that he left the car, and left me alone. I couldn’t help but wonder. Were his words true?

Listen to this shit. Smokes has this little girl he calls his
play sister
named Sweets hangin’ around him and Miss Parade ever since they got together. Anytime a man calls a girl
play
anything I think they’re, fuckin’ ‘em. And nine times out of ten they are.

Any who, this chick follows Miss Parade around everywhere, even when Miss Parade doesn’t want her to. I thinks she a little spy bitch cause she does everything Smokes tells her too including picking out Miss Parades outfits. This brings me to my dilemma of the day. How can I move this bitch out of the way to help Miss Parade buy the proper wedding gown? Knowing me, I’m sure I’ll think of something.

“Sorry I’m late, honey.” I placed my purse down in Miss Parade’s private dressing room. She wanted me to meet her here. This place is called
Bells and Diamonds
and it’s a full service wedding planning company. They do everything from picking out the panties you’ll wear on your precious day to selecting the food you’ll eat on your honeymoon. “So what do we have here?” I asked, hugging Miss Parade then looking at the gowns in the room.

“Thanks for coming, Miss Wayne,” Miss Parade said, kissing my face and hugging me close. “This is Sweets, Smokes
play
sister.” She was being cynical because we joked on a regular about this bitch and the little
play-sister
thing.

“Now, Parade…Smokes’
sister
is sufficient enough after all; I’ve known him for over two years.” She continued, as she reached out her hand to shake mine. She was a pretty little light skin chica with fire red hair. She wore it straight down her back. Her ass was huge and her waist was the width of one of my ankles.
Bitch
. I took one look at her and knew he was fucking her or had fucked her in the past. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Wayne.”

“Darling, please. Wayne was my father. Call me
Miss
Wayne,” I advised her. “My father turned over in his grave ten times already.”

“Oh I’m sorry,” she smiled courteously. “Miss Wayne, I was just telling Parade that this aqua green gown would look lovely for her bride’s maids and that this gown right here,” she continued, raising one of the others. “would look excellent on her.”

I took one look at that piece of shit and my baby’s worried eyes and knew she wasn’t puttin’ that mess on.
“Ummm, what other selections do we have to choose from?” I asked, sitting on a chair in the dressing room crossing my legs. “Cause this design won’t look good on Miss Parade.”
“Oh but it does,” she continued, waving the gawd awful thing in my face. “This is Emilio Pucci.”
“I don’t give a rat’s ass if it’s Emilio’s Pussy it’s not her style!” I saw a slight smile come over Miss Parade’s face which only encouraged me to unleash on this bitch even further. “Now why don’t you wiggle your little pretty ass down the hall and get someone to bring us some
serious
options.”
Sweets grabbed the dressed and angrily moved toward the exit. She tripped on the end of the gown almost bumping her head against the door.
When she was gone I said, “What’s up with Miss Thang?” Miss Parade was laughing so hard she couldn’t even answer. “What? What I do?”
“You are a mess! I’m so glad you’re here, Miss Wayne.”
“Why wouldn’t I come?”
“I don’t know…after the thing with me and Daffany
and
finding out I’m with Smokes. I just thought you were through with me.”
“I’m not going to lie,” I told her crossing my legs to the other side. “I don’t like the situation, but I love you. And if you need me, I’ll always be here for you. You know that.”
She gripped me tightly.
“So what’s her story?”
“I don’t know. But I think she tryin’ to set me up. Did you see that shit?” she asked, putting her hands on her hips. Even in her pearl colored slip she looked beautiful. Her hair was pinned up in a cute little ponytail and she had these diamond earrings on that set the place on fire.
“Did I? She tried to label drop like I give a fuck. Ugly is ugly I don’t care what designer made it!”
She laughed until the smile was removed from her face.
“I don’t think she likes me,” she sat down next to me, laying her head on my shoulder. I tapped her knee and noticed she had lost some more weight. “Whatever I like she likes the opposite. It’s like she’s prying and trying to draw us apart at the same time.”
“Put her in her place.” I told her. “This is your wedding!”
“I can’t. I feel sorry for her.” She walked toward the mirror and looked at herself. “Maybe she thinks with me in the picture, Smokes won’t have time for her.”
“Well he
will
be a married man.” I walked over to the mirror and unraveled her ponytail so that it fell on her shoulders.
“I know…but I know how it feels to be alone.” She looked at me through the mirror.
I heard her but I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful Miss Parade was. Her skin was clear and she truly looked flawless.
“You’re beautiful,” I informed her. “Can you finally see it now? You
really
are beautiful, Miss Parade.”
“Miss Wayne, please,” Parade attempted to walk away but her steps didn’t lead her far. “I don’t want to hear that right now.”
“Miss Parade, do you know who you are now? I mean really know who you are.”
There was a long period of silence.
“I don’t know! I don’t know,” she repeated, dropping her head. She sat down on the bench. “I’m just trying to be happy for what I got. A man who wants me. You know?”
Silence.
“Is your mother coming?” I asked, skipping the subject although I truly prayed for the day when she would finally know her self worth.
“No.” She looked down in her lap. “She still hates me for escaping her verbal abuse and I’m through trying to talk to her.”
“I don’t blame you.”
“If she met Smokes I know she’d like him though.” Her eyes widened with hope.
“Speaking of Smokes, have you guys discussed
that
night yet?” I was speaking of the night he hired Cannon to murder Sky.
She looked around to be sure Sweets wasn’t coming in the room and said, “I’m afraid to.”
“Well I think you should. He made a serious threat to all of us and I’d like to be able to rest knowing he doesn’t want my nuts on a platter anymore.”
“I’m sure your nuts are safe.” She laughed.
“You know what I mean. You guys
need
to talk about that night.”
“I’m just joking.” She rubbed my hand. “I’ll talk about it with him later.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah…I’ve been thinkin’ about it too. He never mentioned anything. I mean, at one point he was gonna kill me, you, Sky and Daffany just to find out who killed his wife. And now
I’m
gonna be his wife.”
“Right. You sure you know what you’re doin’, Miss Parade?” I held her beautiful face in my hands. “Cause this is serious. I mean…you shouldn’t ask him if you think he can’t take it. It might set him off.”
We were in a middle of a conversation when Sweets walked back into the room with two dresses in her hand. One looked like it could be used to wrap a truck in and the other looked like an old bed spread.
“Honey, why don’t you like Miss Parade?”
“I do,” she said placing the dresses down on the stool. “I’m more on her side than you think I am. So why would you say that?”
“Cause you and I both know you wouldn’t be caught dead in either of those dresses. So why bring them to us?”
“I would wear these dresses,” Sweets covered her mouth with her hands in disbelief. “I wouldn’t do anything to hurt Parade.”
“Miss Parade, from here on out, I’m taking over your wedding plans.”
“Excuse me?” Sweets said, with her hands on her hips. “Smokes trusted me to handle all of the affairs.”
“Honey, the only thing you gonna handle is your ass in a seat. I’m not about to stand by and let you ruin my girl’s wedding. I’ve spoken! You’re dismissed!”
Sweets got so pissed with me she ran out the dressing room slamming the door shut.
“You know I’ma hear about this shit when I get home right?” Miss Parade slid her clothes giggling the entire time. “Yeah well if he gets mad tell him to come see me.” “You serious?”
“Girl, I’m just playin’ that man’ll kill me dead, honey!”
“That’s what I thought.” She laughed, slipping on her shoes. “But let me get home before she calls him. I’ma talk to you later.” She grabbed her purse.
“Wait…you talk to Miss Daffany yet?” I asked, stopping her from leaving momentarily.
“No and I don’t want to.” Her face appeared crumbled up.
“It’s been six months, Miss Parade. When are yall gonna stop this shit?”
“I don’t care! She played me with that Jay shit. She knew I was tryin’ to get over him and she gonna turn around and have him meet me at IHOP! I’m sick of her!”
“I know. But, bitch you know you wanted to see that man anyway. I’m tired of him askin’ about you every time he sees me. And for real, I can tell in his eyes he’s in love with you.”
For a second I saw the gleam in her eyes, and then it went away.
“I have to get over him, Miss Wayne. He hurt me bad. You know that. Plus I’m getting’ married now. He’s too late.”
He sighed.
“The only reason I’m bringing any of this up is because I can’t find her. I went past her old apartment and somebody else lives there and her mother doesn’t know her head from her asshole so she can’t tell me nothin’. And I saw somebody driving her car. And when I asked them how they got it, they said she sold it to ‘em.”
I saw by the look in her eyes she was upset. It was obvious she still cared.
“It’s not my problem anymore and neither is she.”
“Miss Parade, are you changin’ on me, suga? I mean lately you’ve been so cold. Miss Daffany is family and I know you don’t mean that.”
“Don’t tell me what I mean. You heard her! She said we weren’t friends so why should I care about her well being?”
“Why are you so critical? I mean, you got what you wanted right? A husband! Shouldn’t you be more positive now? You changin’ for the worse!””
“I’m not changin’, Miss Wayne. I’m just tired of the bullshit that’s all. Now let me get home before this girl calls Smokes. I’ll call you later to tell you what happened. Love you.” She kissed my cheek.
“Love you too baby.” I responded as I watched her walk out the door.
The thing you don’t understand is this, money and a man changes everything. Especially if you’re not use to havin’ neither. Miss Parade has to work a lot of shit out on her own. I just hope she doesn’t lose herself in the process. Or her friends.

Where am I? I…I don’t feel too well. And this place doesn’t feel familiar to me. I just need to get high. That’s it. Once I’m high I won’t care where I am. I smell sweat, piss and something else foul all around me and want to throw up. Lately I’ve been queasy almost every other day. I figured it was my body adjusting to my new choice of high. Heroin. I made that big step after all.

The place I’m in is dark and when I try to move, I feel bodies all around me.
“You up, sexy?” some man called from behind me. I positioned my body in the direction of his voice.
He flipped on a lamp revealing my surroundings and the first thing I focused on was him. Who was he? He was chocolate and so thin, his bones protruded from his face. On the couch he sat overlooking dismay as if he was Satan and this was hell. Maybe it was.
“You gonna be okay, sweetheart,” he promised. “I’m gonna take care of you.”
His deep base voice rocked the sleeping dead as they came to wondering where their next high would come from. There was trash all over the floors and five to six other people lying up against the walls next to me. I was in a dope house.
“You got anything?” I asked, rubbing my head and then my arms. I remembered him vaguely. The only problem with heroin was that I sometimes suffered from temporary memory loss. I guess it’s the way my body dealt with the drug.
“Naw. Why don’t you go out there and shake that pretty thing and get some. We’ll leave these lazy bitches here and go somewhere else to hit.”
“I need somethin’ now,” I told him not able to whore around without it.
“You dirty, bastard!” a female yelled from the floor in the kitchen. “I found her and you tryna take her from me. She ain’t just workin’ for you she workin’ for us! If it won’t for me she’d still be sleepin’ behind the Popeye’s Chicken.”
I remember now. I met that girl when I was tryna find something to eat two weeks ago. I lost my apartment so I had nowhere else to go. Everything in the world I own is gone. I smoked up the four hundred dollars I made from selling the TV and everything else I had last week. I don’t even have enough money to call my friends. And when I do get some money, I probably won’t call anyway because nothin’ means more to me right now than gettin’ high.
“I don’t belong to nobody!” I told them trying to get up. When I finally made it up, I tried to move comfortably in the shoes I was wearing that were obviously too big for my feet. I felt hands touching my legs as if they were trying to pull me back down. Kicking them off, I moved toward the part of the floor no one was. “Now I’m gonna get some money to buy some more dope but if ya’ll want to hit, ya’ll gotta help. Hell, this ain’t no free world!”
“That’s right!” he agreed. “This ain’t no free world. And if you don’t bring back some of that money you earn, you’ll have to find some place else to live. Cause Carmen already told me your homeless. You need me just as much as I need you.”
Did he say live? I didn’t even know I lived here. I weighed my options quickly in my head and realized I didn’t have many. If I reached out to Miss Wayne, he would ask a bunch of questions about my new addiction. And I wouldn’t call that bitch Parade if my life depended on it.
I asked myself over and over why did I go back to Ty that night to cop heroin. I had 100 dollars that Jay gave me and could’ve spent it anywhere else. Instead I spent it with him. All I remember after smoking was feeling as if I was floating. It was as if nothing else mattered. It was everything he said it would be and more. I experienced orgasms that moved from my head to my toes and held on to me tighter than any man ever could. I was in love. With a drug.
“I’m with you,” Carmen said. “So what you waitin’ on?” she asked appearing from the shadows. Now that I came down from my high I understand why I trusted her. She reminded me of Sky. She had the same light skin, pretty eyes and soft curly hair. The only difference was that Sky wouldn’t be caught dead in a crack house or wearing the same clothes for two days in a row let alone a month.
“I’m startin’ to feel sick.” I told them rubbing my arms. “So whatever we do we have to do now.”
This drug took a lot of my energy. A lot out of me. It required that I catered to it every second of the day. The only time I was free was when I was smoking. So smoking was the only way to feel some relief.
“Me too so let’s go.” She opened the door.
“You, bitches betta make sure you remember where home is. Both of yall were homeless before I let you in.”
I know for a fact I’m not coming back here
. I thought. “You heard me?” he yelled.
“I heard you,” I responded not even knowing his name.
“Shut the hell up! We comin’ back,” she slammed the door behind us.
When we left, Carmen was right on my ass. Now that we were outside I could tell I was off of Minnesota Avenue in D.C. I was familiar with where I was so finding a trick should be easy. When I spotted a brick building I ran behind it to fix myself up. “What you doin?”
“Gettin’ myself together. Just cause we smoke dope don’t mean we got to look like it!”
“I can tell you ain’t been in the streets long.” She laughed, watching me take off my jeans and shoes. She was looking around to see if anybody was watching us.
“Why you say that?” I asked right before I sniffed my panties and threw them down on the ground. They stunk so bad they made me nauseous. Once they were off I put my jeans back on, and tied a knot in the back of my shirt. It was October and there was a slight nip outside but not too cold to bare.
“Cause these mothafuckas care about one thing and one thing only. Pussy. So all the getting neat shit you doin’ is a waste of time.” She continued eyeing my stomach. She was a hater and I knew it. “What you need to do is lay off that beer cause yo stomach damn near pokin’ out of your jeans.” She laughed, pointing her finger at me.
Yeah…this bitch definitely reminds me of Sky. She’s so negative she probably doesn’t realize she’s doing it.
I placed my hands on my hips and said, “Well since you got so much mouth, let’s see who can get the most money.” I told her as I took out my hair and neatly placed it in a ponytail. My mixed heritage allowed my hair to tame a little better.
“You on,” she smirked.
We strolled up and down East Capitol street like D.C.’s finest. Standing in front of the Shrimp Boat, and old restaurant, I knew it was just a matter of time before I made that bitch eat her words. She was on the other end of the boat tryin’ to do her thing too. See, she may have been a user longer than me, but I was a whore longer than her and I knew the streets well. I knew what men wanted without even asking. I just hoped smoking didn’t throw me off.
“You tryna have some fun, baby?” I asked a car with two boys who didn’t look much older than 17. They motioned to get my attention the moment I gave them eye contact. It was a late model Acura TL so I knew they had a little cash to feed my need.
“I don’t know, let me see your titties first,” the passenger with the Red Sox baseball cap said. His long eyelashes made him look innocent but I’m sure he was far from it.
“That’s gonna cost you more, baby.” I advised lickin’ my lips before puckering them seductively.
“Oh we got dough,” the driver with the corn rolls responded, flashing a knot so big it made my mouth water. There in the middle of the street I lifted my shirt so that he could see my breasts.
“You’re a dirty, bitch!” a woman yelled from another car.
I laughed at her. She calling me a bitch and got a kid with her. Whatever!
“Aight, meet us down that street behind that white house. In the backyard.” He pointed. “My man lives over there.”
“Cool can my friend come too?” I asked pointing at Carmen who was walking back and forth looking dumb. She was no match for me and I knew it. At least I could do was show her how to get cash quick.
They both glanced at her and said, “Oh hell yeah!”
“Cool, why can’t ya’ll just give us a ride right now and then we can do it in the car,” I responded anxiously. As badly as I was feeling, I couldn’t risk them going down the street and not coming back.
“Cause we don’t let whores in our car that’s why,” the driver said angrily.
I rubbed my arms and shook my head. “Okay, we on our way over there.”
They pulled off without further explanation.
When they left I told her everything and she was down for it too. The only thing that got on my nerves was that she kept asking me a bunch of questions.
“How much money they have?” she looked at me like a kid hopeful she’d get what she wanted on Christmas day.
“Enough.”
“How old were they?”
“Does it matter?”
“Do they know I’m coming?” she persisted.
What the fuck was wrong with this bitch? Money was money and all of the questions were irritating and unnecessary at best. So I ignored her and we walked toward the house.
We were at the place he said he’d be for fifteen minutes before they showed up.
“Dats them?” she asked when they arrived. She looked like it was a problem. “They look like kids.”
“Well dem kids got money so if you don’t want to do it, get the fuck from over here because you ain’t bout to fuck my shit up!”
“And let you win the bet?” she rolled her neck and folded her arms. “I’m standing right here.”
“Bitch, I already won the bet,” I advised her. “Who got they trick asses over here?” I paused. “Me!”
They jumped out of the car and moved toward us. Not only did they look real young, they looked like they were in middle school. Suddenly I was starting to feel some kind of way.
“How old are ya’ll?” I asked the one who was driving the car. Both of them looked fresh and I could tell they were drug dealers.
“Well let me see, I’m one hundred dollars, my man right here is one hundred fifty.”
“They sound old enough to me,” Carmen smiled, dropping to her knees on the grey dirt, no grass. She was in full dick sucking mode.
“Naw we want pussy.” The driver spoke.
She got up and looked at me.
“Fine wit me,” she continued looking around. “Dis ya’ll house? Cause we ain’t got no problem goin’ inside.”
“Naw…this our boy’s house. We gonna fuck ya’ll right out here.” The passenger said. I could tell they were lying about knowing anybody who lived here, but I needed a hit bad so arguing wasn’t an option.
“Where you want it?” I inquired looking around the run down backyard.
He pointed to a rusty ass green picnic table. The paint was peeling revealing the ugly cream color beneath it. I felt my sickness coming on and decided we needed to hurry up. Hopefully they had some dope on ‘em that way, we wouldn’t have to go far to get high.
“Bend over on the picnic table and spread ya’ll asses.” The driver said as the passenger laughed. We eyed the bench style table.
Looking at each other briefly, Carmen and I did as we were told. Once our clothes were at our knees, we placed our stomachs on the table, our knees on the seat and spread our asses. We wanted this to be over quickly. It was humiliating.
“Aight don’t look at us cause we don’t like nobody lookin’ at us when we fuckin’,” the passenger advised giggling the entire time. I heard the faint sound of a chain rattling and panting.
“Aight,” Carmen said looking at me strangely. “Did we bother askin’ how much money they given us?” she whispered to me as we waited for the ordeal to be over.
“You heard their names. We gonna get over two hundred dollars. That’s more than enough.”
I was trying not to put too much pressure on my stomach because for some reason it felt tight and hard.
“Damn, ya’ll got some pretty pussies,’ the driver said.
“Yeah…look at the shorty who looks Chinese,” he said talking about me. “Her pussy look like it’s smilin’ at me,” the passenger responded.
“You mind if we lick it first?” the driver asked.
“Whatever floats your boat just hurry up. We tryna get high.” Carmen advised.
“We got you. Spread your ass cheeks further apart.” Mine was spread so far it felt like it would split. I hated to think of who would pop up and see us. “Yeah that’s good.”
When I opened all the way, I felt a hard tongue on my pussy. It was rougher than any tongue I ever felt before. I wasn’t trippin’ because I wasn’t tryin’ to cum. I was tryin’ to get paid. The panting sound grew louder.
“Keep that pussy open,” one of them encouraged. We did.
“Aight! Just do what you gotta do so we can leave.”
“Get the other one too,” the other said. “Spread your pussy open red bone.” She did. “Yeah just like that.”
“What the fuck?” Carmen said with wide eyes. “Yo, I don’t think they licking our pussies.” She looked surprised and scared.
“What you mean?” I asked frowning thinking she was complaining again.
“I think it’s a dog or something.”
“What?” I asked.
I turned around and saw the head of a dog. I jumped up and almost threw up after seeing that shit. These little mothafuckas had a nerve to be filming us on a camera phone getting eaten out by a big ass German Sheppard. I tried to pull up my jeans but they were so tight it was taking too much time so I ran with them falling at my ankles. Carmen was right behind me but she had hers pants pulled up already. I had one thing and one thing only on my mind, getting that camera. The thing about it was, had they paid us, it probably would not have mattered.
“Give me that camera, bitch!” I screamed.
“I told you this was some bullshit!” Carmen called out adding to my fury.
I felt like a fool. I was running down the block with my ass out no panties. When I finally got my pants up I ran smack dab into a police car. I turned around to see where Carmen was and noticed she was gone. That dirty bitch must’ve seen them coming and didn’t warn me.
The officer jumped out of the car and instructed me to put my hands on top of it. “Put your fuckin’ hands on the car!” the black male officer screamed.
“What’s the charge?” I asked already knowing the
answer.
“Indecent exposure,” he advised. Moving in closer he really let me know how he felt when he said, “And for being a dirty fuckin’ whore who’s pregnant!”
And that’s how I found out I was carrying a baby. Shit! Now what?!!!